Abortion: Finding the Middle Ground

Abortion: Finding the Middle Ground

Please read the whole post before responding. It is my hope that we can have a constructive discussion and become united for change.

Even thinking of writing an article on abortion is nerve wrecking, doing it has my stomach in wicked knots. However, I feel inspired to do so and I have learned, especially as a mother, to always listen to that tiny little voice.

Let me tell you what inspired this post. Mr. BWF likes to stay up on current politics. He researches all candidates, topics, etc. Don’t worry this is not going to be a post on who to vote for. In Mr. BWF’s reading he came across this excerpt in a book titled The Revolution by Ron Paul (again not telling you who to vote for, just happens to be his story):

One of the most contentious issues in our public life over the past three and a half decades has been abortion. As a physician, and in particular as an obstetrician who has delivered over 4,000 babies, I have always had a special interest in the subject of abortion. When I studied medicine at Duke Medical School from 1957 to 1961, the subject was never raised. By the time of my medical residency at the University of Pittsburgh in the mid-1960’s, though, wholesale defiance of the laws against abortion was taking place in various parts of the country, including my own.

Residents were encouraged to visit various operation rooms in order to observe the procedures that were being done. One day I walked into an operating room without knowing what I was walking into, and the doctors were in the middle of performing a C-section. It was actually an abortion by hysterotomy. The woman was probably six months along in her pregnancy, and the child she was carrying weighted over two pounds. At the time doctors were not especially sophisticated, for lack of a better term, when it came to killing the baby prior to delivery, so they went ahead with delivery and put the baby in a bucket in the corner of the room. The baby tried to breathe, and tried to cry, and everyone in the room pretended the baby wasn’t there. I was deeply shaken by this experience, and it hit me at that moment just how important the life issue was.

I have heard the arguments in favor of abortion many times, and they have always disturbed me deeply. A popular academic argument for abortion demands that we think of the child in the womb as a “parasite” that the woman has the right to expel from her body. But the same argument justifies outright infanticide, since it applies just as well to an infant outside the womb; newborns require even more attention and care, and in that sense are even more “parasitic.”


Now, this article is not to bash one side or the other, but to offer information and start a thought process. I obviously lean pro-life, but please stay with me a little bit longer.

I have offered a question to those that are pro-choice and it NEVER gets answered. Let me explain. Anyone who follows BWF knows I am about choices. You may ask then, if you are for choices and women’s rights, then you must be pro-choice, right? Yes and No. It is a little more complicated than that as there are TWO human being’s choices involved. I am pro life AND pro choice…for the child. So, here is my unanswered question for those that are firmly pro-choice for the woman…

What about the choice for the child to live or die? Would you want that choice taken away from you?

I have seen the same sonographer for my last 4 children. She is very good at her job and mostly does ultrasounds for mothers considering abortion. I once asked her how many women choose not to abort once they have seen their baby via u/s. She said 99% change their mind!!! The most common thing she hears is, “Oh, that’s not a blob…that’s a baby.” Women are told their baby is not a human being. They are made to believe at the abortion clinics and by society that their little one is just a blob of cells and it’s no big deal. That it’s a ‘fetus’ in a ‘host’. There is a disconnect there until a mother sees her child and then she knows…that is no blob. That is her baby.

Many pro choice advocates ask, “What about when a woman is raped or what if it is medically necessary? That is why choice is important!” I agree. The issue is, just like with most things (plastic surgery, medically necessary circumcision, the needed interventions in birth), it is not saved for those heartbreaking or necessary times it is needed. It’s overused. It’s used as a form of birth control.


Worldwide: 42 million babies are aborted each year. That is on average 115,000 babies a day. (© Copyright 1996-2008, The Alan Guttmacher Institute. (www.agi-usa.org))

United States: 1.2 to 1.37 million a  year (1996/2008). Average of 3700 babies taken from the womb per day.


1% of all abortions are due to rape/incest. 6% occur because of medically necessary reasons (health of mother and/or child), and the remaining 93% of abortions are done for social reasons (child is not wanted or it is inconvenient).*

Like I previously stated, one sonographer who has done thousands of ultrasounds has said that 99% of the time, women change their mind and decide not to abort their baby once they have seen him/her. See, many women do not realize just how deep of a decision they are making. I am sure many do and don’t want to undermine that, but I am addressing the majority of people who do not. So take a look at the ultrasound images and tell me if that is a baby or a blob…

8 week old tiny baby…

ultrasound picture, abortion

10 week old baby…


12 weeks, close to end of first trimester…


13 weeks (almost 3 1/2 months)…nearing the end of the first trimester…

3D ultrasound

Ask a mother who has miscarried in her first trimester and she will tell you she lost a baby.

Many people may believe that abortions are only done early, but that is not the case. The laws vary state by state and in some states, later term or partial term abortions are done. So many families fight for the precious newborns to survive. Recently one BWF mother wrote about her premature baby surviving after being born at 23 weeks!

2nd trimester at 16 weeks and baby is a girl…

24 weeks, still 2nd trimester…

28 weeks (allowed to abort in 3rd trimester in some states)…

Is Pro-Choice…Pro-Abortion?

I have come to realize that *most* people who are pro-choice are not *for* abortion. They see the issues surrounding taking away choice (illegal abortions, what taking choice away will lead to, etc). I am pro-life and pro-choice for the baby, BUT I still do not think it should be illegal. That is right. I don’t think abortions should be outlawed. I think they are wrong and done way too often, but I can step back and see the long term negative consequences of abortion being illegal. This is the middle ground between pro-life and pro-choice that I think can happen…where the two sides can meet and do something good! So what do we do?

Becoming United

What can we do (on both sides of the debate) to become united? What can we focus on to help reduce abortions while not taking away choice?

May I propose we start discussing the following instead of arguing…

  • Education on prevention and birth control for women and men
  • Free ultrasounds for women considering abortion in all major cities
  • Support for women who become pregnant young and unmarried (account for most abortions)
  • Adoption being more affordable for babies who would have been aborted

One thing I am going to personally do is volunteer at the Teen Pregnancy Clinic in my town to give these mamas love and support through their pregnancies and births!

I will leave you with this woman’s story as it has held a special place in my heart since the first time I saw it. She was aborted, but survived and she gracefully talks about her thoughts on this.






212 thoughts on “Abortion: Finding the Middle Ground

  1. I read a comment that said basically “kids will be kids and they will have sex no matter what we say or do so just give them condoms and abortions.” This is 100% completely and totally NOT TRUE. That is equal to saying that parents have absolutely no influence over their children, and we might as well not bother raising them. I have a teen that doesn’t have sex. I know hundreds of other men and women that went through their teens without having sex.

    I am pro-life. Why? Because I don’t want it to ever be an option for someone to randomly decide to kill me and have it be permitted by law.

    How does someone that believe life begins at conception say that they are pro-choice? It’s okay to kill a baby sometimes? When is it ever a good thing to kill a baby?

  2. I agree.

    I also agree with the small mentin that the MALE needs to take more responsibility for birth control. As of now, it is ALL on a woman’s shoulders, primarily. We are expected to be fully responsible, when actually, it is a two-sided agreement of biology. I often wonder what the statistics/rates/debate would be like if men also had to carry the burden of “choice.” hmmm….

  3. I had an abortion. I was 6 weeks pregnant. I researched what a 6 week fetus looked like on the internet. I had an ultrasound and viewed the screen. I fully informed myself of what *exactly* was going to happen during the abortion procedure. I still chose to have the abortion. It was the lesser of two wrongs at the time.

    I was in the process of getting divorced. I was making poor choices with whom I shared my body with. I was the mother of two beautiful little boys who I would have given my own life for if it were necessary. I was living with my mother and all 3 of us were sharing one room. I was in school and barely working and definitely did not have the money to support another child. I did not have the emotional energy or strength, nor did I feel it was fair to my existing children to split my attention a 3rd way.

    There are 2 rebuttals to this story and they go like this:
    Why not adoption?
    You should have kept your legs closed in the first place.

    I should have not had unprotected sex in the first place. ABSOLUTELY CORRECT. If there is ANY decision I wish I could take back more in my life – that’d be the one. Unfortunately, I do not own a time machine. The poor decision had already been made and I had to choose the “most right” thing to do when I had already made a poor decision. I felt that the most right thing to do in that situation was to terminate the pregnancy, stop engaging in risky behaviors, and focus my love back on the children I had. This is what I did.

    Why not adoption? I was working and going to school and chasing two children under 4 years old. I felt that the stress on my body, the morning sickness, the weight gain, the fatigue would cause me to fail school, to get fired from my job and to be a bad parent. Also, pregnancy requires office visits. When was I to find the time to do that? School and work were not optional. Finally, maternity leave is a minimum of 4 weeks. 4 weeks off work and school simply was not possible at the time for financial reasons and also for the reason of completing school.

    So, read my story, call me a murderer if you will. I have no shame and I have no regrets (other than wishing I’d never had to make the choice to start with!) – I know in my heart that I absolutely made the best decision for myself and for my children and I am eternally grateful that safe choices for abortion exist in this country.

    1. Thank you so much. Exactly what I’m going through right now and was looking for support on blog I’ve gone to so many times just to find this ?

  4. I’m sad and sorry to say I’ve had two abortions. I am 29 now, and have no children (although ironically I desperately want them). I am a natural questioner, and yet for some reason I had never questioned my belief that women should be able to have an abortion if they want to – for any reason. I just assumed my view on abortion was the right and true one, and I never questioned it. But I recently started reading Ron Paul’s latest book (I am a huge fan), and the first chapter was Abortion. For the first time, I questioned my view. For the first time, I REALLY looked at the issue. And when I did, I realized that my view on abortion was the wrong and untrue one. If life must be protected, as it must be, how do we differentiate between the life of a two week old, eight week old, seven month old, or seven year old? This is an unanswerable question, and the very fact that it cannot be answered is the answer. Now I must find a way to deal with the two abortions I have had… I never did have to ‘deal’ with them before now.

    1. I’m so sorry for your loss. As a pro-lifer, I see the pain that abortion causes over and over again. I actually lost a friend to the damage caused by her past abortion. So what I say is said with love and compassion. I highly encourage you to check into a Rachel’s Vineyard Retreat. http://rachelsvineyard.org/ There are post-abortion healing retreats available nationwide for women and men suffering from a past abortion. You are most definitely NOT ALONE. What many people fail to see is that abortion doesn’t just kill a baby, it damages the health and heart of women, the hearts of men, and overall hurts society. Don’t try to deal alone, seek the help and loving support you deserve. Remember, you have lost two family members – it is NORMAL to grieve there loss. God bless you.

  5. Great article on a very difficult topic. That excerpt really hit a nerve for me, so awful! I tend to agree with you. I also believe that nothing is arbitrary, so when we talk of choice I always think about how it is always limited and we’re kind of fooling ourselves if we think we can really play God. I think babies, human beings, find a way to incarnate whether we like it or not and when considering abortion women should think big picture – ie. is this person inside me coming for a reason? Can I learn from this? What does this mean for my development as a fully rounded human being? Nothing is random, everything happens for a reason, and babies choose their parents.

  6. I agree to a certain extent. With the overflow of an overworked foster care system which has millions of children bouncing from “home” to “home” only to age out of the system (at a rate extremely higher than others if the child is a minority or disabled) and all the children suffering from abuse, neglect and abandonment, is it truly in the child’s best I interest to be born? In 2008, the Guttmacher Institute published a study showing that 61% of women who have abortions already have at least one child. In the same year, the National Abortion Federation found that 72% of their clients were already mothers; up by ten percent. And that’s before the recession was official. Seems after hsaving one that is.a super hard decision to make, but it’s one that has to be made in the interests of the unborn child, the mother AND the child(ren) already in existence. I am not at all for late terms abortions without a medical necessity, but I think these discussions that start witht the belief that just because an abortion in not wdue to rape or medical necessity, it is being used as the only form of birth control. Starting from that belief if what starts the problem. And while 99% of one doctor’s patient changed their mind upon seeing the child, we have no way of knowing what the life for that child would have been, if that mother would have grown to resent, abuse or abondon the child. If a person, well most, have reached the point of coming to the decision to abort, there are normally strong reasons. Those reasons don’t go away just because I see this as a baby. The few I know who’ve had one saw the life as a baby, and for that reason, giving their circumstancesn decided what they thought was in the best interests of that baby. And because the decision was a struggle, but right for all involved, they have no regrets. Again I ask: is. Keeping the baby truly in the best interest of the unborn child? Or is it people thinking fantastically on the utopian life they see the unborn child inheriting rather than accepting the harsh reality most of them will be condemned to (and will not survive)?

    1. Anisha, you are a genius. I’ve thought this so many times and wondered why no one brought it up? Suuure, beg parents not to have abortions, and then what happens if, like you said, they resent their child? I for one don’t know why they didn’t just give them up for adoption if they really didn’t want them but didn’t want to abort, but I’m not a mother, so I can’t say why they couldn’t give them up. So the parent starts resenting the child…neglecting it, abusing it…maybe not physically but emotionally. Look at Kacie Anthony and all those other horrible stories out there about the heart-wrenching despicable abuse some children have to endure at the hands of their parents. And that is better than being aborted when you will have no memory of it?

      I know a personal story about this too. Mother got pregnant, didn’t want the child, wanted to abort, but her older children (teenagers) wouldn’t let her do it because it was so wrong. She wanted to give the baby up for adoption but they, once again, wouldn’t let her. The child? Has been in foster care due to neglect, is quite scarily shaping up to be what may be a dangerous person…has deep emotional and behavioral issues and shows no regard for caring or loving for others…verbally and physically abusive to other students and teachers so much so he has been threatened with juvenile detention and placed in a special school (he is not even 10 yet). If this child grows up to murder one of your loved ones, do you think you would have been against his mother aborting him?

      Yes, children can grow up to be and do great things…..but it can also go the other way.

  7. I am also in the middle on this, determinedly pro-choice up to a point then very much pro life. A fetus starts to make movements that arise from its own brain and nervous system around 16 weeks and I think at this time I’d be most comfortable if the only abortions were for the mothers health or non-viability (I see NO point in bringing a baby to term who will only die horribly in the first minutes or days, that to me is terribly cruel) so I am for first trimester abortion only. We have a family member who survived an early delivery at 23 weeks and once life is viable outside the womb even with medical intervention I believe it has it’s own rights that need to be considered. I have friends who believe you should be able to abort (and kill the fetus) right up until the day you deliver because “I shouldn’t have to think about that child in the world adopted out” which obviously horrifies me.
    I have had an abortion and at the time it was the right thing for me – my world consisted only of thoughts wishing I wasn’t pregnant, unbelieving that I was pregnant, and thinking about how not to be pregnant (including throwing myself down stairs so I could avoid an abortion). I have not ever thought much about it until like a previous poster I had my own children and the extreme love I feel for them makes me wonder about and miss what might have been with that first pregnancy, but had I gone to term there I would not have the children I do now and their lives would not be as stable and secure almost certainly so I can’t regret my path to here.
    Abstinence education is a waste of time and money in my opinion. I think 90% of abortions are economic. Stop people feeling insecure in society and having to fight for work/housing/money and you stop the reason for most abortions. Stop women feeling that they have to be married, that social security is a stigma, that you can’t live on those amounts of money and you stop the reason for most abortions. Provide food, housing and medical care and after education free to pregnant girls who might prefer not to have an abortion and adopt their baby out. People don’t want to see abortion but don’t want to help fix the problems that cause it and make it all about OTHER peoples personal responsibility and not their own. My 2c.

    1. Conception marks the beginning of life, the beginning of a human being. All chromosomes and formations are present, sex, hair and eye color and even personality traits are determined. A fetus begins movement at seven weeks gestation, you have been terribly misinformed. A child feels the pain of an abortion at every stage. I am not seeking to make you feel horrible for your previous choice, I feel for you and there is help available. But life is precious at every stage, including first trimester. We can not pick and choose when legal to kill a child. Would a woman get away with murder for killing her child on the outside of her body? I think not. Why if a pregnant woman is killed will the person responsible get charged with double homicide. We need thorough education and we need it NOW!!!

  8. I also wanted to say that I believe life technically begins at conception (of course) but to imagine a soul or equivalent is possessed by a conception at this point is difficult. Anyone who has been pregnant knows well the fear of miscarriage stats which are around 30% ONCE A PREGNANCY HAS BEEN CONFIRMED and around 60% loss before the pregnancy is known due to implant, timing, genetic and other host issues. If God gives every conception a soul, 80% or more of those souls in heaven never had consciousness or walked the earth. Seems ludicrous doesn’t it? Does to me as well.

  9. Very well said. So sad. I hope obortion rates drop. With providing better knowledge of how babies are born and free ultrasound sounds. The baby you abort could be worth all the extra work in the end. I believe EVERY baby is a blessing from God. I could never say abortion in any situation should be legal that choice is not up to me. I had a baby when I thought I couldn’t. When people thought I shouldn’t. He is my best friend and I wouldn’t trade him for the world. He has cured me. You don’t know your future and you don’t know your child’s. It is worth it all for my child and if I had another it will all be worth it for them too. I would find away for my baby.

  10. Hi Mrs. BWF

    I’m completely 100% against abortion, including in the case of rape, because that is a still a beautiful baby created to live.

    However, the following story of one woman and her twins really got me questioning the legal part of it. Maybe you’re right, maybe it should be legal but better controlled so that death is not a matter of convenience.

    This woman and her husband wanted children desperately. They are Christian and pro-life. However, when it became clear that her babies were very sick and wouldn’t survive, and were risking their mother’s health, abortion unfortunately became a serious consideration.

    The most touching part of the story is that she asked the abortionist if she can hold her babies, and they said she could if they could deliver the aborted babies whole, which they did, which provided tremendously important closure for this mother who really wanted her babies to be alive.


    1. As a mother, I would choose the life of my child over my own anyday. What makes one’s life more important than anothers?! nothing!

      1. I am also a mother.
        I do not believe this mother chose her life over that of her children, only she did not want her children to suffer in-utero, earthside or otherwise.

  11. A child never asks to be concieved, so why, under any circumstance would we believe it fair to abort the innocent? It is in fact, a war against the child. At the earliest, women can find out they are pregnant by week four usually…by that time the child in her has a beating heart, functioning organs, spinal cord, shortly after has measureable brain waves among many other things. A fetus, a child has nerve endings meaning it can feel the pain of an abortion. There are known cases of fetus’ crying out even in first trimester abortion. And people argue it’s just tissue, it’s like cancer cells. We clearly need to educate ‘We The People’. The fact that abortion is legal makes no sense from a moral, spiritual, and political stand point. If it’s all about politics then let me ask this, how is it fair or lawful to raise a woman’s liberty above an unborn child’s right to life? Or what of this, I had a family member lose her child during the first trimester of her pregnancy due to physical violence. The person responsible was charged with involuntary manslaughter. Is it reasonable for a person to unknowingly terminate a pregnancy and get charged for murder yet a mother can knowingly do it to her very own child growing very rapidly in her? I see many flaws here. I agree abortion shouldn’t be illegal, it would go back to botched abortion attempts. We need serious education so that a woman will never seek the destruction of her own child as an option under any circumstance at any stage of pregnancy.

  12. The interesting thing is, I just read a Time Magazine interview with a female politician in Afghanistan….she was left on the front doorstep to die for 24 HOURS after her mother gave birth. Her mother said she did not want a girl to have to go through this horrible world….but realized, after listening to her newborn wailing that her will to live was strong. She took her baby girl back in the house (I can’t imagine leaving any of my babies for 24 hours! That would be excruciating…) and raised her with love and great care. Now she wants to help her country by voting for more women’s rights. Every baby wants to live. Amazing that doctors could ignore a baby struggling to survive. First, do no harm?

  13. Abortion is preferential to infanticide, which is practiced in most all primate cultures at certain times (under disease, famine or war, etc.) I will never judge another woman’s reproductive activities. Period. It just isn’t helpful. Ever.

  14. As someone who lost five pregnancies that I desperately wanted, I can tell you that those first trimester embryos were not babies. I wanted them to be, how I wanted them to be! But they weren’t. Sometimes people, in wanting to give my losses weight, would say “I’m sorry your baby died,” and it felt false. I know women who have lost babies, at 21 weeks, 23 weeks, 26 weeks, 40 weeks, 43 weeks. Those were babies, and those losses were something far beyond what I have endured. When I finally was able to carry to term, I thought of those women at each of those markers and could not imagine losing that baby I could feel moving inside me. I do not support termination after the first trimester unless it is a medical necessity or the baby is not likely to survive, however who makes that decision? How do you legislate that? Who are any of us to say to another woman you have to surrender your body for nine months, and then live your life taking care of a baby, a baby that may not live very long or need intense medical care to survive, or you should live your life with the pain of giving that baby up for adoption? Because I also know a woman in her 70s who is still grieving a child she gave up for adoption as a teenager. I have worked with incarcerated girls separated from their children, being raised by overtaxed grandparents. The cycle of poverty is intense as it is, why mandate that it be perpetuated by forcing women to have babies they cannot care for? Do I think abortion is an acceptable means of birth control? NO! I don’t think many women feel that way. I think we need more education, more access to birth control, proper sex education that isn’t just abstinence awareness or disaster prevention. I think there needs to be talk of goals, of the future, of access to higher education, of how we make meaning of our lives and respect ourselves. There needs to be more emphasis on raising families out of poverty and protecting children that are already earthside. I do not think banning abortion or even reducing the numbers will create a better life for the girls, women, and children in this world. I think that there can be an approach to abortion that does honor the spirit that has come, and I think that letting that spirit go before it fully incarnates into a body is preferable and offers more respect to that spirit then bringing an unwanted child into the world.

  15. I used to be staunchly pro choice. I almost always used birth control, never got pregnant when I did not. I, too, considered it a fetus. Disassociation, bought the idea that it was my body and my right. But then, in my mid 30s I tried to have a baby. And failed. Lost five babies in three pregnancies, and yes, they were first trimester, and yes, I lost a baby in my eyes. I would have given anything for a healthy newborn – perhaps one that in my college community was being aborted. Eventually I did go on to have two children, at age 37 and 40, (many abortions are done to women who are over the age of 40, who get surprised by a late-in-life baby). I support a crisis pregnancy center in town where women are given support (an ultrasound, the chance to earn baby gear and diapers for taking classes), and help to get through their pregnancies. If I had a message for a young woman who is about to get an abortion, I would say this: I spent forty five thousand dollars to conceive my two children (the carrying and birthing was over $100,000 for both, insurance picked up that part). I always expected I could have children; When we found out we might never, I would have joyfully, tearfully taken any healthy newborn and raised her/him as my own. And, yes, that baby that she’s carrying right this minute and considering aborting, I would stroke his downy head as he fell asleep, eyelashes closing on petal-pink cheeks. I would kiss that button nose a million times, blow raspberries on that chubby belly, and those tiny toes! Oh! the baby toes, I would hold them gently in my hands and marvel at the miracle. I don’t support making abortion illegal – there are some cases where the baby would be born to suffer a painful death in minutes or hours – but I think we as a society need to illuminate both infertility and adoption as well as birth control. Supporting both ends of these issues would significantly reduce most abortions. In the middle we can support mothers with financial, emotional and physical support to keep her baby. In the end no one can judge another; but maybe we can help her out. It is probably not well known but the waiting list for a healthy newborn baby can be up to four years or more and many ‘lose’ a baby when the mother changes her mind (her right, but devastating to the adoptive family). We could change that significantly. 1 in 12 couples has trouble conceiving a baby. That’s millions of babies a year who are wanted just in the US alone.

  16. I am in France though and if I am to the bone pro-choice it is because our laws are different from yours. You can’t get an abortion past 12 weeks and I don’t believe most women wait that long. When I talk to other citizens of my country about getting an abortion past this time they are all horrified.

    PLUS the whole adoption process is very hard in France for parents and for the child later as an adult. I guess it is made easy only for the mother.

    When my mother was pregnant with me people advised her to get an abortion which she did not. When I was born she wanted to give me away and someone persuaded her to keep me.
    I have often wished she had gotten this abortion and I wish she had not been persuaded to keep me. Have you ever thought that maybe it is better for some children not to be born? I am going to be 36 in a few weeks and I am making the best of my life, most people love me and I am lucky enough that they are the same people I love. I am not suicidal I am only doing a cold review on my life.
    Please don’t consider that when a child is born it is necessarily positive. When I child is born it is a just a new path that opens up. It is not because the specie is getting another chance to survive that we should rejoice because there is little for us to predict that this new life is going to be worth the pollution it is going to bring.
    In the video the woman thinks that she is being so original by using the name of Jesus-Christ. I have another point for her: with no pain there would have been no need for someone to suffer as he did.

    I am not trying to offend you or to darken anyone’s day by an answer that I know sounds very gloom. I just want to say that “the baby’s rights” don’t move me a bit on this subject.

    And just to make sure you don’t think I am being suicidal on your blog be sure that I am doing my best so the next 36 years won’t be as bad 😛

    I just think that we need to lift the subject up from the emotional sphere if we want to discuss it and be fare to the largest amount of people and possibilities.

    1. Dear Gwennaelle,

      I am so sorry you feel this way. My heart breaks for you that you feel it doesn’t matter one way or another that you were born. I believe that you were created for a purpose, on purpose. I will be praying for you girl, that you discover that you were created to know the depth of God’s love for you. Take care.

  17. This is a touchy subject. I am glad you brought it up for discussion, because it does need to be discussed, especially in our community. I agree with some of your points, however, I take issue with one point you made. I have noticed a tendency for abortion discussions to turn into late-term abortions discussions, which is a completely different topic IMO. I don’t think most people agree with late-term abortion, its comparing apples to oranges. Why tell that awful story about the 6 month old baby, when that happened decades ago, before the strict rules were put in place, and when that is NOT what abortion rights are about. MOST abortions are done within the first trimester, and no, its not only for the reasons you listed.

    I am LDS and just had a surgical abortion last week. I came here hoping to see a balanced discussion, but saw emotive, reactionary dogma instead. Pictures of ultrasounds? Horrifying stories? Sweeping generalizations? Random, made-up statistics? Its not about lazy, naive, uninformed women who “don’t understand” the meaning of life. Most women who have an abortion have already had children. They HAVE seen the ultrasounds before, they’ve been through pregnancy and birth…they get it, they know. And even then, those early ultrasounds are very deceiving. Like a poster mentioned above, those “cute, wriggling, kicking babies” at 10-12 weeks, are NOT brain conscious yet. Its involuntary movement. Their nerve centers are not connected yet, they are not conscious, they feel nothing, they are aware of nothing. I don’t think most women know and understand this. I didn’t until the doctor explained it to me.

    I feel like you are missing the point. I don’t think many, or even most, people get an abortion without realizing the seriousness of it. And its offensive and hurtful to frame abortion this way. There are many, many other rational, reasonable, RIGHT reasons women get abortions, and if there wasn’t so much dogma and stigma surrounding the whole thing, I feel like they would be done earlier and in safer conditions.

    After going through the process, I realize I had made many assumptions about the process that just weren’t true. Its hard to find the facts when both sides are shouting so loud. But I will tell you that this procedure is safe and respectful when done right. I was treated with dignity and extreme care the entire way. The nurses and doctor both listened, empathized, and helped me make a decision that was right for me. They didn’t push, they simply informed and made sure that I realized it was okay. For heavens sake, the doctor shed tears with me and held my hand. Our situation was very, very sad and my husband and I were heartbroken that it did not turn out to be a happy ending. We did not make this choice lightly. However, it was right for us and now I am more concerned with those getting an abortion when they need it, and not so focused on the ones who supposedly abuse it. Just like with most touchy subjects, like welfare, etc, I don’t believe that the majority abuse the system. I believe most people are good, thoughtful and careful.

    The emphasis should be on that, and not on scaring people out of doing something that could be the right decision for them. Because you are not giving truthful facts, you are using scare tactics. I see where you are trying to be balanced, and I do appreciate it (its more than most people will concede), but its being overshadowed by the above. With a little tweaking I think you could have a really good argument and post. I hope my insight helps. Good luck and thank you!

    1. I am so sorry you recently went through what you did. I truly am. I do think you are finding (more) offense because of your recent experience. I will not be tweaking anything mama. I shared the story I did b/c it STILL happens. 28 weeks is legal in some states and that is late term abortion. I don’t feel I need to concede more on anything. I posted this to open up discussion and with hope we can discuss how we can change the millions of unnecessary abortions. Take care of yourself. If I were you, I wouldn’t be reading abortion posts right now w/your most recent experience of one.

  18. Anon- I couldn’t agree with you more. I am currently pregnant with my 2nd child and have spent many years counseling, escorting, and doing other work in abortion clinics. I know so many stories and women just like yours – women who take this decision very seriously, who are smart and fully capable of figuring out what is best, only to face the harshest most judgmental opinions of other women once they do.
    I adore so much about BWF and have found it to be an inspiring resource for planning my births and celebrating my pregnancy. But it makes me feel like I need to leave this place when that same empowerment, encouragement, and support cannot be provided to women whose pregnancies bring different emotions and experiences. I really hoped too that this would be a great read, one filled with the importance of lifting each other up, providing support, and recognizing that all women deserve respect. I am so sad to see that was not at all expressed here.
    I wish you would spend time volunteering at a clinic too, getting to know the women who make this very difficult decision. I wish you would read first hand accounts of women who have had late term abortions and consider how extremely difficult a walk in their shoes might be. I am so tired of the judgment and blame we place on each other and I am so sad to see this here.

  19. This is what we as empowered women need to do for others
    1) not judge them for having sex or having an unplanned pregnancy, because life happens.
    2) not shame them into avoiding sex. All the talks about respecting and loving yourself and saving yourself for marriage still is a form of shaming.
    3) get rid of Abstinence-only sex education We need the future generations to know everything about sex. Not just abstaining. I “learned” about sex from porn and that’s a very poor substite for REAL education with facts, statistics, and answers. A lot of porn videos don’t use condoms, or try to downplay their usage. We don’t want to think our kids are going to have premarital sex, but they are curious and they will look to peers and porn for answers, and if you don’t educate them they will get the wrong ideas.

  20. As a pro-choicer I am going to answer the question asked. “What about the choice for the child to live or die? Would you want that choice taken away from you?” There are two parts to this question.

    Firstly, when it comes down to women/mothers and children/foetuses (whichever terminology you want to use it’s impossible to pick one without being biased), women come first. Always. You cannot force someone to remain pregnant just as you cannot force someone to become pregnant*. Now I realise most abortions are done for social reasons, and these can seem minor to some, but these can be so overwhelming for the woman that she sees abortion as the best alternative. No woman makes this decision lightly. I would never choose an abortion in my current situation, but I cannot speculate on the situations of other women even if they seem similar to my own, and if my circumstances were to change, I cannot say I’d never have one. Until you’ve walked in her shoes, you just cannot judge.

    Secondly, the part about having one’s choice removed. A foetus has no choice to be removed. A foetus does not choose to grow, nor to be born, nor to be aborted. And if we did take into account the choice of the foetus, and that was at odds with the choice of the woman, then as per my previous paragraph I would have to argue that the woman always wins out.

    While I am pro-choice, I don’t like abortions. But it’s a necessary last chance for many. So what is the solution? In the first instance, better contraceptive education for sure, which targets men as well as women, it takes two after all. In the second instance, the social safety nets in place so that women in less than optimal situations feel that they could either carry a child to term and have it adopted, or even raise it themselves without it being an utter disaster. I’m talking the opportunity to take enough time off work to recover from childbirth and develop good feeding, sleeping etc. without going bankrupt from not earning a wage and huge medical bills. How about workplaces with flexible policies, and in-house childcare for larger companies? If women thought they could handle an extra little one, many would not choose abortion.

    *I am not referring to late term abortions. No-one would choose a late term abortion if having an earlier one were an option. The only women I know who’ve had them were due to serious medical issues with the baby, which would have caused them to be still born or die shortly after birth. In that case it is more a case of shortening the woman’s physical suffering rather than aborting an unwanted baby.

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