Abortion: Finding the Middle Ground

by Birth Without Fear on October 4, 2011

Please read the whole post before responding. It is my hope that we can have a constructive discussion and become united for change.

Even thinking of writing an article on abortion is nerve wrecking, doing it has my stomach in wicked knots. However, I feel inspired to do so and I have learned, especially as a mother, to always listen to that tiny little voice.

Let me tell you what inspired this post. Mr. BWF likes to stay up on current politics. He researches all candidates, topics, etc. Don’t worry this is not going to be a post on who to vote for. In Mr. BWF’s reading he came across this excerpt in a book titled The Revolution by Ron Paul (again not telling you who to vote for, just happens to be his story):

One of the most contentious issues in our public life over the past three and a half decades has been abortion. As a physician, and in particular as an obstetrician who has delivered over 4,000 babies, I have always had a special interest in the subject of abortion. When I studied medicine at Duke Medical School from 1957 to 1961, the subject was never raised. By the time of my medical residency at the University of Pittsburgh in the mid-1960′s, though, wholesale defiance of the laws against abortion was taking place in various parts of the country, including my own.

Residents were encouraged to visit various operation rooms in order to observe the procedures that were being done. One day I walked into an operating room without knowing what I was walking into, and the doctors were in the middle of performing a C-section. It was actually an abortion by hysterotomy. The woman was probably six months along in her pregnancy, and the child she was carrying weighted over two pounds. At the time doctors were not especially sophisticated, for lack of a better term, when it came to killing the baby prior to delivery, so they went ahead with delivery and put the baby in a bucket in the corner of the room. The baby tried to breathe, and tried to cry, and everyone in the room pretended the baby wasn’t there. I was deeply shaken by this experience, and it hit me at that moment just how important the life issue was.

I have heard the arguments in favor of abortion many times, and they have always disturbed me deeply. A popular academic argument for abortion demands that we think of the child in the womb as a “parasite” that the woman has the right to expel from her body. But the same argument justifies outright infanticide, since it applies just as well to an infant outside the womb; newborns require even more attention and care, and in that sense are even more “parasitic.”

Wow!

Now, this article is not to bash one side or the other, but to offer information and start a thought process. I obviously lean pro-life, but please stay with me a little bit longer.

I have offered a question to those that are pro-choice and it NEVER gets answered. Let me explain. Anyone who follows BWF knows I am about choices. You may ask then, if you are for choices and women’s rights, then you must be pro-choice, right? Yes and No. It is a little more complicated than that as there are TWO human being’s choices involved. I am pro life AND pro choice…for the child. So, here is my unanswered question for those that are firmly pro-choice for the woman…

What about the choice for the child to live or die? Would you want that choice taken away from you?

I have seen the same sonographer for my last 4 children. She is very good at her job and mostly does ultrasounds for mothers considering abortion. I once asked her how many women choose not to abort once they have seen their baby via u/s. She said 99% change their mind!!! The most common thing she hears is, “Oh, that’s not a blob…that’s a baby.” Women are told their baby is not a human being. They are made to believe at the abortion clinics and by society that their little one is just a blob of cells and it’s no big deal. That it’s a ‘fetus’ in a ‘host’. There is a disconnect there until a mother sees her child and then she knows…that is no blob. That is her baby.

Many pro choice advocates ask, “What about when a woman is raped or what if it is medically necessary? That is why choice is important!” I agree. The issue is, just like with most things (plastic surgery, medically necessary circumcision, the needed interventions in birth), it is not saved for those heartbreaking or necessary times it is needed. It’s overused. It’s used as a form of birth control.

Truth

Worldwide: 42 million babies are aborted each year. That is on average 115,000 babies a day. (© Copyright 1996-2008, The Alan Guttmacher Institute. (www.agi-usa.org))

United States: 1.2 to 1.37 million a  year (1996/2008). Average of 3700 babies taken from the womb per day.

Why?

1% of all abortions are due to rape/incest. 6% occur because of medically necessary reasons (health of mother and/or child), and the remaining 93% of abortions are done for social reasons (child is not wanted or it is inconvenient).*

Like I previously stated, one sonographer who has done thousands of ultrasounds has said that 99% of the time, women change their mind and decide not to abort their baby once they have seen him/her. See, many women do not realize just how deep of a decision they are making. I am sure many do and don’t want to undermine that, but I am addressing the majority of people who do not. So take a look at the ultrasound images and tell me if that is a baby or a blob…

8 week old tiny baby…

ultrasound picture, abortion

10 week old baby…

abortion

12 weeks, close to end of first trimester…

abortion

13 weeks (almost 3 1/2 months)…nearing the end of the first trimester…

3D ultrasound

Ask a mother who has miscarried in her first trimester and she will tell you she lost a baby.

Many people may believe that abortions are only done early, but that is not the case. The laws vary state by state and in some states, later term or partial term abortions are done. So many families fight for the precious newborns to survive. Recently one BWF mother wrote about her premature baby surviving after being born at 23 weeks!

2nd trimester at 16 weeks and baby is a girl…

24 weeks, still 2nd trimester…

28 weeks (allowed to abort in 3rd trimester in some states)…

Is Pro-Choice…Pro-Abortion?

I have come to realize that *most* people who are pro-choice are not *for* abortion. They see the issues surrounding taking away choice (illegal abortions, what taking choice away will lead to, etc). I am pro-life and pro-choice for the baby, BUT I still do not think it should be illegal. That is right. I don’t think abortions should be outlawed. I think they are wrong and done way too often, but I can step back and see the long term negative consequences of abortion being illegal. This is the middle ground between pro-life and pro-choice that I think can happen…where the two sides can meet and do something good! So what do we do?

Becoming United

What can we do (on both sides of the debate) to become united? What can we focus on to help reduce abortions while not taking away choice?

May I propose we start discussing the following instead of arguing…

  • Education on prevention and birth control for women and men
  • Free ultrasounds for women considering abortion in all major cities
  • Support for women who become pregnant young and unmarried (account for most abortions)
  • Adoption being more affordable for babies who would have been aborted

One thing I am going to personally do is volunteer at the Teen Pregnancy Clinic in my town to give these mamas love and support through their pregnancies and births!

I will leave you with this woman’s story as it has held a special place in my heart since the first time I saw it. She was aborted, but survived and she gracefully talks about her thoughts on this.

YouTube Preview Image

Resources:

http://www.abort73.com/abortion_facts/us_abortion_statistics/

http://www.abortionno.org/Resources/fastfacts.html

http://www.baby2see.com/development/ultrasound_sonogram/first_trimester_scans.html

http://pregnancy.about.com/od/fetus/ig/First-Trimester-US-Gallery/

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{ 209 comments… read them below or add one }

seili October 4, 2011 at 3:21 pm

I agree with this post.

There needs to be compromises.

One more way to compromise: remove any possibility of pain for the fetus/baby.

I realize this seems to equal more killings to pro-life people and seems to validate life to the pro-choice people. But, the truth is, no one knows when the pain begins. So by not removing this potential, we are being barbaric and just being stubborn and trying to beat each other with semantics.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/10/magazine/10Fetal-t.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&adxnnl=1&adxnnlx=1317758689-ez3YbKeOwg3hI180o4zPng

But I have never understood the ‘it’s the woman’s body’ idea. If it’s only your body….you have two hearts! I understand that they are saying that the other body isn’t ‘a person’, but the whole saying just doesn’t make a lot of sense by itself.

And I am actually so glad I am not a man. If I was a man, I think I would have been even more careful not to produce a baby than I did when I was a single woman! A man has no say at all over what happens to the child.

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Jennifer B October 4, 2011 at 3:40 pm

I stand somewhere in the middle ground. I am pro-life and pro-choice. It saddens me to think that there are women out there that look at this baby inside of them as a “blob” and use this as a form or birth control. But not all women that have made this choice feel that way, in fact, I would be willing to guess the majority of them don’t. Sadly I was faced with this choice over a decade ago. I was young, stupid and dealing with depression. I was raised in the church and a very loving home, but I made a series of very destructive choice and ended up pregnant at 16. I saw my world crashing down around me and felt ending the life of my baby was the only choice I had to save my own life. I was scared and very much alone. It was and continues to be the hardest choice I have ever made in my life. Now, at 29, I am a mother to a beautiful one year old little boy. He is the light of my life and I wouldn’t change motherhood for anything in the world. Become a mother has changed my views on this, but I still don’t believe I would go back and change my choice. I survive my choice, but there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t regret getting pregnant in the first place.. that I don’t grieve the loss of that child. It’s one of the hardest places to be and I don’t believe anyone can say for sure how that would deal with that choice until there are faced head on with it. It’s just not possible. I am not afraid to share my story and hope that I can teach other young girls the value of birth control and to never believe “it can’t happen to me”.. This should never be a choice taken lightly, but those young women facing this are in desperate need of love and support no matter the outcome. Either way, they are going to have a long and difficult emotional journey ahead of them.

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Jennie October 4, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Mrs. BWF, a wonderful topic, one very near and dear to my heart as I am very much pro-life. I am also a woman of God who believes life begins at conception. PERIOD. I have to disagree with birth control education being a solution to abortion. That was the theory of Margaret Sanger, the founder of Planned Parenthood. I could go on and on about her roots and how she founded PP, but that’s what the discussion is about, so I won’t. The fact is, birth control and it’s availability to women and men has increased the number of abortions AROUND THE WORLD. You put the idea in a person’s head that they can sleep around and have sex and there will be no consequences because they’re using birth control. The fact is, there is no method that is 100%. Most women who have had abortions will tell you that they were on some form of birth control that failed. OR, they will tell you that they had access to birth control and just made the choice not to use it. AGAIN, abortion is a back-up form of birth control. In our society’s shift away from God, we’ve had this break down of morals. Everything now is about self-gratification and who cares who might get hurt in the process. I volunteer at a local crisis pregnancy center, I see this first hand weekly. The point about most women not knowing what’s growing inside of them, well, you’re correct to a point. Places like Planned Parenthood readily hide or misinform clients of the true development of a fetus. But I have met women and men who just don’t care. You can show them an u/s and it doesn’t matter. When you live in darkness, you cannot see the light until you choose to see it. It’s easier to “not care” and go about with their lives because they aren’t “ready” or whatever other excuses they come up with. Most of us who read this blog or follow the Facebook page are mothers. Most of us can probably remember what it’s like to be pregnant, all of the hormones and emotions. Now imagine someone, a parent, a boyfriend, a sibling telling you they don’t want or you can’t take care of it or you’ll be all alone, I’ll disown you…I’ve heard it all. You’re not exactly emotionally stable during pregnancy, especially at the beginning, even more so if it’s your first. You’re vulnerable; which brings me to another fact that most abortions are coerced by a parent, a boyfriend or close friend or relative. And yes, post-abortion trauma is REAL. Most of those women who are coerced into an abortion KNOW that it’s not a clump of cells. But they’re emotionally abused to and extent and made afraid. My point in all of this is that no amount of birth control education is going to fix that. We should be teaching our daughters about how very special they are, loving them and validating them as young women who don’t need men to make them special or feel loved. Too many young girls grow up without their fathers. Where do you think a young girl learns intimacy from? Who is supposed to love her unconditionally and make her know how loved she is? Her DADDY! Our society has let men off the hook of taking responsibility for their actions and our SONS pay the price too. No one is there to show them how to be real men and be RESPONSIBLE. It’s a vicious cycle. I pray to God daily to abolish abortion, because too many innocent lives are lost due to self-gratification. But at the same time, I do not condemn women who have had or are having abortions. They don’t need condemnation, they need love and support. They need prayer. I agree with your other suggestions. Making u/s available. Most crisis pregnancy centers offer this to women. But again, if you stay up on current events, you may have seen the left and pro-aborts trying to outlaw crisis pregnancy centers. Why? Because they’re not Pro-choice, they’re PRO-ABORTION. The only side that is truly Pro-Choice is the Pro-life side. If you come into my CPC, you’ll be educated on all of your options. We do not provide abortions, but that is an option. We educate, truthfully and factually, on all aspects of pregnancy, childbirth, adoption, parenthood and post-abortion counseling. If after all of that you still want an abortion, you are free to walk out and go to an abortion clinic. You will NOT get that same treatment/education from an abortion clinic.

The following is a link to an awesome 30 minute video that was just released last Tuesday. It’s very informative, I would recommend watching it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7y2KsU_dhwI&feature=share

God Bless!!
In Life,
Jennie

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Catie October 4, 2011 at 8:03 pm

You can give someone the tools to make wise decisions, but you can not force them to actually make wise decisions. Getting rid of sexual education/birth control education would harm far more than it would help.

Not giving young men and women the tools to make the choice to use birth control would lead to the same outcome. Better to educate them to always be prepared than have them go blindly into the world with no knowledge about keeping themselves safe.

(Because let’s face it, kids will be kids, and if they want to have sex, they’re going to. And condoms prevent more than just babies.)

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Jill Velicer October 4, 2011 at 9:42 pm

well said and I agree with you 100%, Jennie!

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Jenn October 5, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Thank you so much for posting this Jennie, that video is amazing! I am pro life. There is much to say but I believe people make far too many excuses to try to make taking a life excusable. We need to stand up for those with no voice, one day it could be us crying out, then who will speak for us?

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Amy October 7, 2011 at 3:21 am

Jeanie hunnin i just want to applaud you, what a well written calm and collected reply. I agree wholeheartedly with everything you said. God Bless you and the amazing work that you do.

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Shelley Current October 4, 2011 at 4:45 pm

I AM AN ABORTION SURVIVOR! Everyone defends the mother’s choices, but I will speak for the children. There seems to be no unity among those who defend abortion rights, because they simply cannot agree when LIFE begins. I was in existence from the time of conception until now. It is only by God’s protection at my most helpless state in life that I can sit at this computer today, but it is heartbreaking to read these comments. I was once that “fetus” that was not wanted. No matter what situation I was born into, I am alive & happy with an amazing husband who loves me & have 3 little blessings of my own. Why is the term “fetus” appropriate when the child is not wanted, but it’s ok to say “baby” if the pregnancy is accepted? I’m sorry, but you abort babies, not fetuses. Why is a mother (with no intention for an abortion) charged with endangering a child or criminal child abuse for using illegal drugs during pregnancy? Yet, harming or ending the pregnancy is ok under another term…abortion. These are double standards. I cannot agree with abortion for any circumstance, that would be like admitting that I should not have been born.

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Charlotte Waskow October 5, 2011 at 11:52 am

I’m so glad you were protected despite human’s with “god-complexes” trying to take your life! I completely agree with you on the double standards. It is amazing to me that it the “fetus and host” in terms of abortion but “baby and mother” in a wanted pregnancy. It’s people trying to distance themselves from the harsh reality that they are taking another’s life because they think they are more important.

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echo mila October 6, 2011 at 11:30 am

God bless you love. I am a 36 yr old mother of 7. And a grandmother of a beautiful ten week old grandson. Tho poor and struggling a mother at 17. I am 100% against abortion. Every baby has a purpose. I have raised and still raising my children whom I love with.my whole heart and soul. God bless u

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Telula December 2, 2011 at 2:08 pm

Fetus is Latin for “Little One”

When I first read that on a pro-life billboard I thought “wow! God is truly our maker and creator, and His image of us is magnificant!” It reminded me that we are all God’s children. It also reminds me of when Jesus called the “little ones” to Him. What a wonderful thought!

I am proud to be called a fetus if it means that I’m God’s child, created in His image.

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Heather@Mommypotamus October 4, 2011 at 4:52 pm

I applaud your courage in writing about this, Miss BWF! I am pro-life, but last year I hosted a guest-post from a pro-choice woman so that we may better understand each other. Not surprisingly, a HUGE debate blew up in the comments. There is one that is burned into my mind. It’s long, so I’ll just post an excerpt, but it’s worth thinking about:

“Allowing the rights of some members of society (rights that are not there because of a law) to be taken away to protect the rights of other members of society is not the answer. This only creates a society that doesn’t value rights, period. This created the society that allowed a laboring woman to be forced to have a c-section. You can’t have a society that values a woman’s right to homebirth if the society doesn’t value the rights of a woman to even be born. There is no foundation to build on. It is precisely because of our rights as women that we need to stand up for the rights of all people. If we care about our right to homebirth, not vaccinate, breastfeed, grow our own food, homeschool, etc. than we sure as hell better stand up for the rights of those who can’t even speak for themselves. We have to let go of fear and selfishness and protect the rights of all humans if we want to keep our own rights.

Half of all fetus’s aborted are women. What about their choice? What about their reproductive rights? At the time of being aborted those females have all of their reproductive organs. Where is their choice? ”

If you want to read Katie Guy’s full comment it can be found here: http://www.mommypotamus.com/a-pro-choice-perspective/

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Nancy October 4, 2011 at 5:37 pm

May I recommend a video?

http://www.180movie.com

Nancy

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Nancy October 4, 2011 at 5:42 pm

For the women who have had an abortion in the past-

There is healing…forgiveness, mercy, and Grace.

http://rachelsvineyard.org/

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Judi October 4, 2011 at 6:31 pm

Hello everyone this is a tough topic. I’m a “retired” homebirth midwife who now directs a CPC(crisis pregnancy center). I can agree with the fact that women who see thier baby in an ultrasound usually will carry to term, although the stat for my state is 97%. In one county of my state 50% of teen pregnancies end in abortion, another county 40%. Before I began my relationship with CPCs I thought that once a woman had an abortion she would Never have another. But that is not true. We offer post abortion support, we don’t refer for abortion not just because of the life of the baby but,because of the life of the mom. Most women do find inital relief after an abortion,but soon will be back for another pregnancy test “replacing” her aborted child. Reproductive loss is painful, ‘I tried everything to ignore the pain I felt following my abortion. I took drugs,drank excessivly and had many sexual partners” Babies are not the only ones hurt by abortion.

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Victoria Gearity October 4, 2011 at 7:36 pm

Abortions: Safe, Rare & Legal
For the health and safety of women in this country, we must not allow Rs to take over the Senate. Five R candidates believe that abortion should be illegal even in cases of rape and incest. I believe life begins at conception and that even a ball of cells has a soul. After years of searching my own soul, I conclude that abortions must be legal and paid for by health insurance. Here are some of the reasons why:
• My beliefs that life begins at conception and that souls exist at all, are simply that. My beliefs. Though shared by many people, they are not scientific facts. Embryos are not, and should not be, protected by the Constitution in the same way that people are after they are born.
• Thousands of girls are sexually abused by male family members each year. This abuse tends to be repeated and without condoms. For a politician to suggest, as Nevada Senatorial candidate Sharron Angle has, that a teen impregnated by a family member should “make lemonade” out of this situation is unconscionably cruel and irresponsible.
• I can imagine a woman about my age, married with three kids. She gets accidently pregnant—things happen. Financially her family is just barely making ends meet. Maybe one of her kids already has special needs. She learns that the baby she is carrying has a horrible condition that will lead him to spend his brief life in a hospital until he finally dies a painful death. What is the kindest choice in this situation?

Life is complicated. The goal should not be to criminalize abortion. The goal needs to be minimizing unwanted pregnancies and making adoption accessible and affordable. That means:
• Comprehensive sex-ed programs that are actually effective (see my 10/04/10 posting about what the Obama administration is doing to make this change).
• Healthcare coverage for everyone that includes easily accessible and affordable birth-control options.
• Sincere conversations in homes, churches, schools and society about sex, pregnancy and parenting. Everyone knows an abortion is different than any other medical procedure to remove something from your body. Talk and listen calmly and honestly about sex, what it means to be pregnant, and how easy it is for teens to become pregnant.

When there is an unplanned pregnancy that may be carried to term, our society needs to respond in the best interest of that baby by:
• Allowing every loving and able prospective parent regardless of race, sexuality, marital status, or income to adopt babies. It costs about $25,000 to adopt a baby and adoption is often limited only to straight married couples.
• Supporting programs that support pregnant teens. We need programs that keep pregnant teens in school, provide healthcare for mom and baby, provide a home if needed, provide job training and college loans, and provide quality affordable childcare.
• Providing programs that support families of children with special needs.

God didn’t give any of us the right take a life. True. But God also made life really, really complicated. And God gave us the power and responsibility to be thoughtful and make independent choices. I choose to support women’s health and safety. I choose to support a government that values healthcare for all. I choose to support families that struggle. I choose to provide children with honest information about their bodies and their health. I choose to listen to the beliefs of others. I pray that others will do the same.

What do you choose?

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Jill Velicer October 4, 2011 at 9:22 pm

“after searching my own soul” that alone is where you’ve been misleaded. You need to search the bible on what God says. When you do, you’ll see this is absolutely man’s thinking, not Gods.
Is it right for the child to pay for the sins of the father? Is it right for a woman to murder for emotional relief? How is it any worse to adopt that baby if she can’t care for him/her?
God gave us choices, yes, but he also wrote a love letter to us which says we should not kill.

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Elizabeth October 4, 2011 at 11:19 pm

That is SO disrespectful. Who are you to tell ANYONE where they should be searching for answers? Did you know that not everyone reads the Bible?

You like the Bible? Here’s a sample from Jeremiah:
“I will put my law within them and I will write it on their hearts;
And I will be their God, and they will be my people.
No longer will they teach one another, or say to each other, ‘Know the LORD,’

Here’s some from Corinthians:
“He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant–not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.”

If you’re a religious person, it seems blasphemous to tell people NOT to look into their souls.

Stop using a book to tell other people how to live. The letter KILLS. It is the SPIRIT that gives life. God dwells in all of us.

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Tomi October 5, 2011 at 1:16 am

Thank you Jill. I agree.

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Ashley November 30, 2011 at 9:19 pm

Well put, Victoria. I agree 100%.

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Catie October 4, 2011 at 7:39 pm

This is pretty much how I feel, too. I’m against abortion, I think it’s wrong and I don’t like how it seems to be the go-to thing if you find yourself with an unwanted pregnancy. But I’m also not naive enough to think that everyone will feel the same way, which is why I would never tell a woman what she could or couldn’t do with her own body.

Just because I don’t like it doesn’t mean that it’s the wrong thing for someone else to do.

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Carrie October 4, 2011 at 8:23 pm

I appreciate your attempts to understand both sides and find a middle ground, most people don’t attempt to do that at all. So I truly do appreciate the understanding and proposed solutions and I do agree with them. I am strongly pro choice… and I don’t think anyone who is pro choice is “for” abortions. I have worked with Planned Parenthood and other choice organizations and this idea that many pro lifers seem to have that the other side is full of wicked women going around trying to convince women to have abortions and lying to them about their babies being “blobs” is just absurd. I think that is made up to demonize rather than understand the other side. I am not “for” abortions. I am “for” the rights of a woman to educate herself and make her own decisions about sexual activity, birth control, abortion, pregnancy, place of birth and care provider and other important health issues. If a woman wants an abortion (or a homebirth, or an epidural, or an UC) I trust that she has educated herself and made decisions for reasons that are most likely none of my business. I do understand that people feel strongly about these issues and would never tell anyone that they should change their minds or their morals but I dislike when people spread misinformation, and unfortunately that is frequently the case with abortion.
With all that being said, though I am obviously not a Christian or pro life, I do agree that our entire current system isn’t working. I may disagree with the reasons behind it (I certainly don’t think the bible is the answer!) but whatever the reasons there are obviously too many pregnancies that result in either abortions or unwanted, neglected babies. I think our entire outlook on having children is crazy and wrong and we need to fix it. Working together toward some kind of a solution is a much better plan than fighting each other over ideology.

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Jennifer October 4, 2011 at 8:49 pm

I don’t even know how to start what I want to say. My mom had my brother, and then had an abortion and then had me. I have always wondered what it would be like if she hadn’t had the abortion or what if she had aborted me too. Since the abortion she has been in and out of mental institutions and has had diagnosis ranging from manic depression to bi-polar and schizophrenia/multiple personalities. The long term affects of her decision are obvious. My father had a daughter who was killed at 10 months by a baby sitter and then his second child, my oldest brother, was killed this past summer in a car accident. I am the only surviving child of my father’s and my mother still has my brother and I. I was raped when I was 17 right before starting my senior year in high school. I got pregnant from it and was told by many people around me that I had to have an abortion. And if for some reason I didn’t have an abortion I HAD to give the baby up. I graduated early from high school and then I had my daughter at 30w6d. I never once considered having an abortion as an option no matter what the circumstance. Adoption did cross my mind once or twice early on, but never again. My daughter is now 8 and I love her every bit as much as I do my other two children. I would not go back and change a thing. I feel she was meant to be and that God has a very special plan for her in life. I cannot speak for it being a life-threatening situation, but I can speak on the side of having been raped and I know it is hard, but I don’t think that is even a reason to have an abortion. I do not agree with abortion at all, but like I said, I haven’t been in a life-threatening situation to speak on that aspect. I believe that it is a baby from the moment of conception and that abortion is murder no matter if you are 6 weeks or 6 months. I don’t condem those who have had an abortion, but I feel that everyone needs to be better educated about everything. I didn’t make the choice to go out and have sex and get pregnant, but that doesn’t make it ok to kill the baby that was inside of me either. Life is too precious and is a gift from God. I know too many people who have tried for years to have a baby and can’t or who have miscarriage after miscarriage and would give anything to have a baby. I don’t have all the answers and I feel so sorry for the babies who are unwanted in this world and for all the orphans and such. I wish there was some way to stop the people who just go around having kids and have no responsibility for them, but again, I don’t have all the answers and I don’t know how to stop that. Yes, it is your body and your choice, but the body inside of you should have the choice too. People can’t just go around killing other people because they are an inconveinence in their lives so why is it okay to do this to a baby?

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Jill Velicer October 4, 2011 at 9:03 pm

I will be sharing this post. I am absolutely without a doubt pro-life. This is a GOD issue … NOT a women’s choice issue or a political issue. Abortion is an affront to God’s sovereignty as creator. At one point in my life I would’ve said, “I wouldn’t do it, but I don’t know.. haven’t really thought it I agree with abortion”. Once I allowed God to take control of my life, read the bible and give my life to Christ, I can 100% say, that God is REAL and abortion is absolutely WRONG.
Would it be better if we made murder legal because people will kill anyway?
Should we kill a baby for the sins of it’s father (rape)?
Rape, Burglery, Kidnapping, murder all illegal…. BUT killing a baby is okay? Legal?
It’s okay to kill the baby as long as it doesn’t feel pain first?? That makes NO sense at all.
We take people’s right to choose ALL the time – obeying traffic signs, illegal to murder people, paying taxes, on and on. So why is it suddenly okay for a woman to decide to kill the human being growing in her womb.
When women fight to keep their 23 week old baby alive, but well past that point we can kill them.
God forgive us for our awful awful ways. May he have mercy on us all.

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Cocobean November 30, 2011 at 6:17 pm

First of all that is your right to believe in God and to believe abortion is against God. BUT we live in The United States of America and we have freedom of religion. Religious beliefs are not enough to convince anyone of anything, it will just make this problem stand still. Not everyone is a Christian and not everyone believes that life begins at conception.

Also I feel that comparing abortion to obeying traffic signs, paying taxes is absolutely ridiculous. Please don’t trivialize such a huge and sensitive topic and the woman to has an abortion has feelings too and have yet to meet a woman who has had an abortion who came to the descision lightly. Trivializing the awful choice, for whatever reason that may be, these women have to make is not a very christian thing to do.
Romans 2:1
You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condeming yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.

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A G October 4, 2011 at 9:24 pm

im pro choice. i also have 2 kids, but have had 2 abortions as well. not my finest hour, but i would not have been able to take care babies at that time in my life. i have an interesting view on ” reincarnation”, if you will, i strongly believe that babies choose their parents. in other words if you have an abortion and then have a child, its the SAME baby. the same person. the abortion was just your way of telling that baby it wasnt time for him or her to come yet. like i said, i have 2 kids and 2 abortions, i dont feel in any way that i killed one of my babies, just told them to wait a while untill they could have a better siuation to come into. i hate to see a baby in ” the system” because thier parents were drug addicts and abortion was illegal in their state.for too many kids that is reality. BUT i also understand that babies can SAVE YOUR LIFE, by making you clean up your act, making you realize what life is about, at least for me, YOUR KIDS. i will always offer help and support to mamas that need help, to mamas that want to be mamas, even if they cant afford it, or whatever the situation may be. i love babies and encourage them when wanted. never forced uppon their parents.
i think the best thing to do is to stop unwanted pregnancy. education and birth control for all. lots and lots of birth control! parents need to be more involved in teaching thier teens and pre teens whats what. if theres not a pregnancy in the first place every one is better off.

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K B October 10, 2011 at 6:27 pm

I agree with you. I also think when a family member passes away someone in that family or close to the family “falls” pregnant. for example my step dads father passed away and 3months later my step brother announced his partner was pregnant.. his Daughter looks like her great grandfather.

I also had an abortion when i was 16. i was young, in my first year of exams at high school, financially unstable, emotionally unstable (i was raped 2days before Christmas 2006 on also on Christmas 2006 my step fathers mum was diagnosed with terminal leukemia).. my boyfriend at the time was abusive, I wanted to keep the baby but i was FORCED into an abortion by him and a family member to this day i regret it,I have depression bouts,

all i can hold onto is the fact I’m still young and can welcome that baby back into this world when the time is “right” with open arms and lots and lots of love to give, my best friend also had an abortion a month after me. in 2009 she joined her baby in Heaven where i know she is looking after her’s and my baby’s until it’s their turn on this earth. I’ve been told “with time it gets easier” yes it does but for some it gets harder. I’m pro life and pro choice. I have friends that are pregnant/have children. until i have my own i will ease my “broodyness””cluckyness” by babysitting them.

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Ashley November 30, 2011 at 9:27 pm

AG, I have a similar belief about reincarnation. I believe that souls choose their earthly parents & that if you abort a baby, you’re not killing the soul, only the flesh. The soul lives forever. Also, KB I can relate to what you said you about when someone dies someone in the family gets pregnant. I got pregnant with my first child one month after my mom died. One of my mom’s friends joked that my mom had been reincarnated in my unborn baby. Just recently, I had 2 different intuitive readers tell me the exact same thing, completely unprovoked.

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A G October 4, 2011 at 9:36 pm

i would also like to add that elective 2nd trimester abortion is a completely different story to me. like the baby in the bucket…( i can hardly write that without crying)some things i just cant justify in my own head, but i would never tell a woman that she did somthing wrong by that.

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A G October 4, 2011 at 9:59 pm

( mrs.bwf, i wrote somthing about 10 mins ago and forgot to click submit, then added to it wthout realizing i diddnt submit the first time! ima a dork, i know. so this is my orignial comment) i am pro choice. iv had 2 abortions but also have 2 awesome baby girls. i have an interesting view on abortion/reincarnation: i think souls/babies choose their mamas. if mama has an abortion then has a baby its the same soul, the same person that was aborted before. abortion would be the mamas way of telling the soul to wait. like i said, iv had 2 abortions and have 2 babies but i dont feel like i carried 4 souls, only 2. i just carried them each twice.
the way to reduce abortion is to reduce unwanted pregnancy. the way to reduce that is EDUCATION, and birth control,like crazy! it should be made more readily available to girls and boys. parents need to step up and start teaching BEFORE it becomes an issue. just like smoking and drinking, it should be talked about beforehand, before sex is all their teen can think about.
the story in the begining about the baby in the bucket honestly made me feel sick to my stomach.

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Mrs. BWF October 4, 2011 at 10:08 pm

I see you other 2 comments. Let me know if you want me to delete any! :)

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Belle Kellan October 4, 2011 at 10:37 pm

I’ll be back to comment again, in more detail, later. For now, I just wanted to say, Mrs. BWF, KUDOS to you for blogging about this!!! Since I’ve only just been able to read it late at night, I’ll save my in depth comment for tomorrow – have to get up early, ugh. Also love the video with Gianna – I read her book/story years ago as a teen.

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Elizabeth October 4, 2011 at 11:07 pm

I actually agree with this a lot, BWF… but where you are leaning pro life, I am leaning pro choice.

My whole problem with the pro-life debate is, IF it is okay in the case of rape to abort the fetus, why? Is it any less murder if a rape was involved? Or is it acceptable to “kill” a “baby” in this case? The baby still didn’t have a choice, still was innocent, but is “killed’ because we feel sympathy for the mother? So the mother trumps baby in this case? If we can sympathize with mom over baby in this case, what makes the case of rape so much more important than every other scenario? Just because rape is an instantly understandable concept in a single word. whereas a whole life situation behind other women is too complex to sanction in an instant?

We can’t even take care of the children on this planet right now. Some will never get out of group homes and foster care. Promoting the population boom by coaxing would-be aborters into carrying to term has a deep impact. Saving one baby’s life may seem of the ultimate importance to us, because in our soft humanity, we love babies and their innocence. Our maternity requires us to feel protective. When we step back and look at the big picture of who this affects– “unwanted” babies ending up in broken and abusive or resentful homes, crime increase, more population boom, more babies to be adopted while older children increasingly get ignored, all of these systems churning out more sociopaths, etc… It seems to me that abortion, as brutal as it is in our minds and hearts, may ACTUALLY be the lesser “evil”.

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Krystal February 11, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Thank you Elizabeth, this is the point I was going to make!

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sam October 4, 2011 at 11:32 pm

This post reminded me of a video I recently saw. It is called 180. Worth a watch. http://www.180movie.com/

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Pauli October 5, 2011 at 12:04 am

Great post.

I have one thought to add to all the other thought provoking ones. It would be great if everyone (and I do mean everyone) who wants abortion to be illegal would be willing to go through the training and become a foster parent. There are hundreds and hundreds of kids in the system in each county born to mothers on drugs, who are abused, who were raped, and who otherwise cannot take care of their kids because they either choose to, or because they can’t, and they need good homes. Those children really need you to step up. Some of these children live their whole young lives being used as prostitutes so their parents can get more drugs. One family in our area had 8 children, all taken by the county, and rightly so, and mom is pregnant with her 9th. All of those children are under 8 years old. Those are 8 children that your tax dollars are paying for because they are in foster care. These are not even close to the worst cases.

Please tell me you are willing to adopt a few drug addicted children, or take in a family of 6 children who have all been sexually assaulted by their father or mother. Please be willing to volunteer doing drug addiction counseling, please be willing to take teen moms in and teach them how to be a good parent. Please be willing to pay more in taxes to take care of these children when they come into the system. Do right by these children – who did not choose to be born.

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Ashley November 30, 2011 at 9:29 pm

I so agree!!

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Jennifer B October 5, 2011 at 12:46 am

No matter which side you are on, all of the energy needs to be placed on stopping the unplaned and unwanted pregnancies in the first place. Too many parents are relying on tv as babysitters and teachers in overcrowded classes rooms as life educators. I grew up in private school and sex education was not taught, instead we were taught to obtain. But the world has turned far away from morality and throws sex in our faces on a daily basis. So many of the teens I went to school with fell to temptation and were illprepared to deal with the reality of having sex. Many of them ended up pregnant and having either an abortion or a child at a very young age. I do not believe any of them took that choice lightly. Too many teens have the idea that “it will never happen to me”. I think we need to be having serious conversations with our kids about the cold hard facts and responsibilities of having sex, not only pregnancy but STDs as well. Morals needed to be put back into the family and kids need to feel comfortable with coming to us, as parents, to talk openly and without judgement about these hard issues.. Even if we don’t see eye to eye about their choices.

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Sarah H. October 5, 2011 at 1:10 am

Thanks for stepping out and following that little voice!

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Melanie October 5, 2011 at 2:13 am

I am pro-life and I absolutely disagree with what you are saying/thinking. I apologize if this offends you, but I will not apologize for my strong moral character. Abortion SHOULD BE illegal, except, like you said, in cases that involve rape, incest or danger to the mother/child. I also believe that a drug addict should be allowed to abort due to the fact that it is again, endangering the unborn child. As for those who are looking to correct a “mistake”, absolutely not. You had a choice; you CHOSE either to not use birth control, or you CHOSE to have sex while fully aware of the 1-2% possibility that your birth control could fail. I am not sure how I feel about the morning after pill, as it is just clearing your uterus before it fertilizes or just as it is in the process. But, after it has fertilized, after that 72-hour window of the MA-pill working effectively, the fetus has started well into it’s growing process and therefore has become a life form. Since women typically don’t learn they are pregnant for 2-4 weeks, an abortion at that stage is surely immoral. There are so many people waiting for a precious newborn to adopt, so why would any woman want to deny them such a blessing? Just because pregnancy is inconvenient for them? I get especially agitated at those women (or girls) that claim to be Christian, get pregnant, and then want an abortion to hide the sin from their family. How can you claim to be faithful to God when you are willing and able to destroy the very life that He created? How can you stand there and lie to your family when at the end of the day, God still knows?

I just cannot be pro-abortion. I am pro-choice for the choice of protecting yourself when it comes to sexual encounters, but once you’ve made the choice to do so and the choice to ignore the risks, you do not get to choose death for another human being. You are not God.

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Mrs. BWF October 5, 2011 at 9:21 am

You are adamant about being pro life and against abortion and that it should be illegal, but then talk about many reasons why you think abortion is OK. Also, no ideas on how to help reduce the number of abortions or what you are doing to help in that.

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Andrea October 5, 2011 at 7:02 am

Children conceived in rape are still people, and precious. Read this womans story. <3 https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Conceived-in-Rape-From-Worthless-to-Priceless-Rebecca-Kiesslings-story/34496841030
Thank you for this BWF. I get your point.

I am pro life all the way, no matter the circumstances.

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Nicole October 5, 2011 at 11:25 am

okay, so I have to admit I did not read a single comment left on this article. The article alone made me ball my eyes out and I wasnt sure if I could handle reading even a single comment.

I have to commend you on writing this article. People have very strong opinions on this subject and I’m sure you knew you would get some seriously negative comments. It was very brave of you to post this knowing what could happen.

That being said, I’ll put in my two cents. I am seriously pro-choice, in my opinion pro-life is merely a play on words so that you forget you are taking away yet another choice women have in their reproductive system, the movement should really be termed anti-choice. This does not mean I support abortion. In fact, I support education and accesability to birth control BEFORE abortion is necessary. If a woman cannot support, care for, and love a baby she should be able to prevent herself from becoming pregnant, but this is often not the case for the poorest americans who cannot afford birth control, but who CAN afford abortions because of public donations and public grants that pay for the procedure for women who cannot afford it themselves. This inaccesability to preventative health care is a fundamental flaw in our system. I truly believe that if we transferred our attentions to preventative care (including birth control and reproductive education) the abortion issue would become a much smaller battle to fight, so to speak…

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Tanya October 5, 2011 at 12:35 pm

See, I feel similar to how you feel about abortion, Mrs. BWF. But that doesn’t make me “in the middle”, it makes me pro-choice. 100%.

Just because I am pro-choice doesn’t mean I have to agree with every woman’s reasons for doing it. But, in order to take the choice away from ONE woman, you have to take it away from ALL. Otherwise, how would we ever know whose reasons were “right” and whose were “wrong”?

Women who simply didn’t want a baby could just say they were raped. What are you going to do? Give them a lie-detector test before they are allowed to go through with it?

And then whose morals do we look at? Who gets to decide that having an abortion because your brother is the father is okay, but having one because the father says he’s going to beat you to death if you don’t (and all the shelters are full) isn’t?

Personally, I take the responsibility of bringing a child into the world VERY seriously, and I’m sorry, but getting pregnant during a drunken night or because you forgot to take a pill just isn’t a good enough reason to have a child. Both of my pregnancies were accidental. They really shouldn’t have happened, But, bringing my children into the world was NO accident. It was something I thought long and hard about. I had to consider all my options, because for me, I became a mother the moment I learned of their existence. Sure, I wanted them and loved them. But it wasn’t about ME anymore. If not bringing them into the world would have been best for them, I wouldn’t have done it, as much as it would have killed me.

The “choose life” slogan to me is so ironic. You can only CHOOSE life if it IS a choice! I think that every child born has the right to know that they are on this earth because they were loved and wanted. And every child has the right to be properly taken care of.

I am not here because I was chosen to be here. I’m here because my natural mother found out she was pregnant too late to have an abortion. I have no regrets about that, but I also don’t believe that I’d have any regrets if I’d been aborted. To me, it’s no “miracle” that I’m here. I’m just here. I enjoy life and try to make the world a little bit of a better place, but I’m not so arrogant as to think that the world would have suffered any if I hadn’t been born. It just would have been different.

As far as the baby’s choice, they don’t have one. They don’t choose to be conceived, and they don’t choose to be born. Once you ARE born, it’s not exactly easy to choose not to be alive anymore. You can’t go back in time and choose to NOT be born. Believe me, there were certainly times that I would have definitely chosen that if I could have! There were times when I felt totally trapped here on earth. Because an unborn baby can NOT make that choice, it’s up to their mother to make that choice for them, to the best of their ability.

Now, I’m not so naive as to think that every woman who has an abortion does so with her baby’s best interests in mind. That’s simply not true, and it IS sad. But, I would wonder: if a woman is incapable of making a decision like that considering her child’s wellbeing, how good of a mother would she be?

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Tanya October 5, 2011 at 1:42 pm

I should also add that I completely agree that prevention of unplanned/unwanted pregnancies is truly the only way to prevent needless abortions. Couldn’t agree more with that!

Unfortunately, I find that a lot of pro-life propaganda villifies women who regret getting pregnant following a sexual encounter with someone other than her husband/life partner with whom she wants to have children. In turn, this villifies ANY woman who has sex without intending to get pregnant. I think it’s completely unrealistic to expect human beings to ONLY have sex when they are willing to have a baby as a result.

I think there needs to be more education about birth control, especially natural birth control (natural family planning), so that women can understand their bodies, and know at what times of the month they need to be extra careful. This understanding of the female reproductive cycle can also HELP women get pregnant!

We also need to look at how we are raising our children. WHY are so many people having meaningless sex? What can we do to change that? I firmly believe that it’s low self-esteem that leads many people to a promiscuous lifestyle. For me, it was an affirmation that I was worth something. For a short while, I could feel wanted. I think it’s that way for a lot of people, especially women.

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Nicole October 5, 2011 at 9:07 pm

I agree with most of what you say here except that I see nothing wrong with having many sexual partners even if you’re not serious. I think that too often we are taught to live by restricting and limiting rather than by expanding options. What’s so wrong with being proud of your body and proud of your sexuality, and expressing that? This is why I believe education on preventative care is so important. Women need to have the confidence in their method of birth control, a complete understanding of it, and the freedom to choose whatever form of birth control they wish. When women have this information and the right to choose for herself she is free to express her sexuality and to do so safely.

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Helen October 5, 2011 at 4:29 pm

I do not find a middle ground.
To me abortion is murder.
It is killing a life, because life starts at conception. I sympathize that yes, horrible things happen to girls/woman to get them pregnant (rape, I’ve been there. incest. etc), yes, we rely to heavily on our BC and yes, we “never think it would happen to me” but I do not find that a justifiable cause to kill a child. That “blob of cells” is a person.
In Psalms 139:13-14 it says “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;your works are wonderful,I know that full well. ”
Verse 16 “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”
That baby is not a mistake, it’s not a burden. It may be unwanted by the mother, but it is wanted by thousands of other wishing for a child!

I think if we really want the abortion rate to drop it needs to be something very drastic and very shocking. Our world today has us numbed to how real things are and what really goes on.
For me personally if I could change the law, I would have it mandatory for the person wanting the abortion to
1. Have an ultrasound of her baby.
then
2. Watch a video for each type of abortion method available and the end result of it. That way she could personally decide how she wanted to kill her baby. I know that would be very graphic and it is harsh, but if woman could actually SEE what they are having done to their baby, and what that baby looks like in the end, I have no doubt they would reconsider.

In addition to that I think that since they have sex-ed at schools they should have an in depth study of the repercussions of sex. Not only of abortion but of STD’s and your mental being/outlook of yourself, self-esteem issues, etc

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Tanya October 6, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Helen, I think you’re right that SOME women might change their mind. And even if they didn’t, it might prevent them from doing the exact same thing again. But, I know that I personally would never have an abortion without being absolutely SURE that it was the best thing for my family. Not ALL women who have abortions do so without having any idea what they are losing. It’s very sad, and not something I would wish on anybody. I’m so thankful that I didn’t end up there, but I absolutely, 100% would have done it if I’d had to, no matter how much it killed me.

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Dee October 5, 2011 at 5:39 pm

This video is definitely worth checking out while we are considering this subject: http://www.180movie.com/

I find that it really gives some context to this issue of abortion. I find people often do not think deeply enough when forming their belief system regarding abortion.

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Adi M October 6, 2011 at 9:13 am

Thank you! I often feel that I am in this middle ground as well. I could never abort a baby that is growing in my womb but I understand the consequences of taking away women’s rights. The video really touched my heart. My brother was a 26-weeker with CP – so that video had me bawling. Thank you for sharing it – and the point of view of “the baby”.

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Stacy Smith October 6, 2011 at 9:16 am

For those that want to keep abortion legal for rape cases, please check out this link…http://www.rebeccakiessling.com/index.html.

“I was adopted nearly from birth. At 18, I learned that I was conceived out of a brutal rape at knife-point by a serial rapist. Like most people, I’d never considered that abortion applied to my life, but once I received this information, all of a sudden I realized that, not only does it apply to my life, but it has to do with my very existence. It was as if I could hear the echoes of all those people who, with the most sympathetic of tones, would say, “Well, except in cases of rape. . . ,” or who would rather fervently exclaim in disgust: “Especially in cases of rape!!!” All these people are out there who don‘t even know me, but are standing in judgment of my life, so quick to dismiss it just because of how I was conceived. I felt like I was now going to have to justify my own existence, that I would have to prove myself to the world that I shouldn’t have been aborted and that I was worthy of living. I also remember feeling like garbage because of people who would say that my life was like garbage — that I was disposable.” – Rebecca Kiessling

Just remember that just because the a baby is conceived in rape doesn’t make it less human. Violence against a baby in the womb is not justification for violent rape against women. There is no peace in that. People are people, not matter how “worthy” someone may deem someone else. We all have worth in God’s eyes and SHOULD also in humanity. Love the mother AND love the baby.

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Joanna October 6, 2011 at 10:34 am

You know, I am pro-life myself, but I do think that abortion should be illegal. Why? Because there are choices. Mothers who end up pregnant in the overwhelming majority of cases do have a choice, lots of them actually. It’s just that their choices come before getting pregnant. Once you’ve made the choice to have sex and in some cases even without protection, your choice ends and the baby’s right to live begins. That’s the whole thing in this country, right? We have rights but those rights end where others’ begin.

And if third trimester abortions are not okay then when would it be okay? As we are increasingly able to support premature babies outside the womb, on exactly which day of pregnancy does the fetus transform from “blob/parasite” to “baby”?

Agree with the poster who doesn’t think sex education is the answer. In all but the most remote/isolated groups in this country people are aware of birth control options and have access to them. Perhaps abortion education is what’s needed. Perhaps if a person had seen sonograms as early as 8 weeks, witnessed an abortion or two him/herself and talked to women who have had abortions and are still suffering decades later from their decision their beliefs about abortion would be changed as would their sexual practices.

I agree with the idea of working toward the reduction of abortions by providing support for pregnant mothers who are considering it. But I also believe that the other side should be a legal one. IMO it’s a civil rights issue. We would not stand by and watch any other group being routinely killed in cold blood. How can we do that with our most vulnerable of citizens?

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Landrie October 6, 2011 at 11:27 am

I am pro choice, absolutely NOT pro-abortion. I think that the two sides definitely need to come together on this issue. Stop fighting about ideals and instead try to help the women who are facing this challenge in their own lives. Volunteering at the teen pregnancy clinic is an amazing idea!! I think you’re on to something here…. Thank you for this post. I always admire your bravery. You are an inspiration to so many and I hope you know that. Much love to you.

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Clementine Jones October 6, 2011 at 1:00 pm

I do have to disagree on one point. It is hard to talk about as well…
It is very sad that we live in a fallen world where people would actually rape another person…

But the thing I can’t get over is still that a rape has 2 victims if a pregnancy occurs. That baby did not decide to be created under such conditions. And Birth can be powerful and healing… Is there not a way counseling and support and adoption could be made available to the woman?

I can’t see how it is fair to the baby to be destroyed, when it is still a person. It is hard to talk about for sure…

I personally believe Government is out of control, and we don’t need more power given to them, but the whole thing surrounding abortion is lie after lie, and I do think it should be illegal.

As for saving the life of the mother, that is a different topic altogether… But for babies aborted who are ‘sick’ or ‘retarded’, that is just wrong. We again, can’t relinquish the choice… there is always that baby to think about. A baby born with special needs is no less special than one born ‘perfect’.

Those are my thoughts. I appreciate this post!

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Tanya October 6, 2011 at 4:29 pm

But the baby doesn’t KNOW it has been “destroyed”. My beliefs are that in the afterlife, for someone who has never done anything wrong, there is a blissful existence. There isn’t regret, or sadness, or a wish that they had been born. So, to me, there is NO suffering for the baby. A child who is brought into the world unwanted and unloved, however, suffers tremendously.

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Mrs. BWF October 6, 2011 at 4:32 pm

If what you say is true, which I actually think there is truth to what you did say, what about the mother though? If the baby is fine, where does leave her for her actions? I genuinely ask this.

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Tanya October 7, 2011 at 9:13 pm

I guess it depends on the mother. Some of them don’t care at all, others will carry the remorse with them their whole lives. I know that I, personally, would mourn the loss of a child if I ever had to have an abortion.

As far as her judgment, I think it depends on the reasons for the abortion. If she did it because she felt she had to, and did it out of consideration for her baby, and the rest of her family, then I don’t think there can be any negative judgment. If she did it because she didn’t care at all for the child, then maybe there is some judgment there. I don’t know. I’m not religious though (spiritual, but don’t follow any one religion).

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Dor October 6, 2011 at 1:06 pm
Mindy October 6, 2011 at 7:52 pm

I don’t know if I could personally have an abortion, but, I support a woman’s right to choose if the situation is appropriate for her child. It is, after all, HER and the father’s child, not society’s. Also, I read a fair amount about late term abortions while I was pregnant — morbid curiosity… From what I read, many (most?) of late abortions are because the baby cannot live, or will suffer greatly, and they feel it is the most humane option for a child they love so much. Those babies don’t look like the images above… They may have giant heads or grossly deformed bodies… It is tragic that women have to fight the stigma of “you aborted your baby” on top of dealing with the loss of a very wanted child.

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Belle Kellan October 8, 2011 at 8:33 pm

In the cases I believe Mrs. BWF is referring to (the irresponsible, abortion-as-birth-control cases), I have to say “terminating the pregnancy” is wrong. Then again, I am against abortion unless both mom & baby will die if the baby grows. As for a middle ground…I don’t know how I’d feel about that. Perhaps if people from all sides of this issue sat down to discuss the key points of each belief, calmly, sincerely seeking to understand, and with an open mind for the other, opposing side, MAYBE some kind of compromise could be reached. Instead of judging each other for being “pro life” or “pro choice” ask why…why do you believe as you do? Is there personal experience in your beliefs, or have you “always” thought this way? Then, bring to the table your ideas of right & wrong on this topic. Offer a different perspective. At the end of my comment, there’s a link that does offer a different perspective on this very heated issue.

My sister has had an abortion – something very few others know. I could not bring myself to help her get it in any way. I searched my heart, knowing Christ, and that’s something I could not do. I was there when she needed to talk – before and after. I don’t love her any less. I don’t judge her for her decision. Do I feel it was her choice, as many pro-choicers do? NO! She did it as a method of birth control. I highly disagree with what she did! That hasn’t made me stop loving her, nor has it changed the way I love her.

For the record, I’ve been at that decision, too. With my daughter, I very nearly considered abortion. I seriously considered adoption. In the end, I could do neither. You see, aborting her would have been using that as birth control, not to save my life. Was I ready for another kid? No. Did I want her? Not until I felt her in my womb. Can I afford her? No, but I’m trying to get on my feet, with the help of family. Thankfully, I’m in college. Adoption, I considered for a long time – most of my pregnancy. But once I saw her lips on the ultrasound (they’re the same shape as mine), I was inextricably bound with my baby. Giving her up just wasn’t an option after that.

I spread my legs. I conceived. I carried my baby to term, even though everything is against us making it. I was blessed with a wonderful 6 pound, 2 ounce little girl on June 2nd. As her mama, it’s my job to take care of her, nurture, feed, provide for, protect, and teach her until she moves out on her own. As far as I’m concerned, that job begins at conception.

To sum up: an unwanted baby has blessed my life, even through all the difficulties that surround our circumstances. She is well loved, cared for, dressed, clean, fed, warm, and entertained. I’ve been there, and I decided to have my baby. For me, the other option simply wasn’t. I considered it for an instant – my life would undoubtably be much less complicated without her! – but I couldn’t have lived with knowing I had killed a helpless baby in their most vulnerable state.

That is my story. What’s yours? Why do you believe as you do (really think about it – I want the core reasons)?

Here’s that link – everyone, please watch it!
http://www.180movie.com/

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purple moose October 24, 2011 at 10:25 pm

I’m behind on my blog reading. Sorry for the late reply.

Oct 4, 2011, was the 2nd anniversary of my miscarriage, 16wks 6 days, a boy.

I have no answers and cant talk intelligently this. Just heart ache.

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Mrs. BWF October 25, 2011 at 9:54 am

I am so sorry for your loss mama. (((hugs)))

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Raven November 1, 2011 at 3:30 pm

I think I stand somewhere in the middle. I don’t ever want a woman to go to a clinic and go “I want this blob taken out of me.” or something just as horrible. I believe in life from the moment of conception, but unfortunately I do believe in extenuating circumstances. When it endangers the life of the mother or the child I think that maybe, and it pains me to say this, abortion needs to be brought into the picture. There are some cases where the pregnancy could kill the mother. I know the argument “is the mother’s life more important than the child’s?” could be brought in..but for some children the thought of “my mom died for me” is really hard. I’ve seen it personally in a child I knew. His mother was diagnosed with cancer while pregnant, and instead of aborting him and having chemo, she had him. She died not long after having him. At 6 years old he had sever emotional issues because he knew his mommy died for him. There are also some cases the child doesn’t survive because the mother dies as well. That means two lives were lost. There is also the case of the fetus, even if it does survive in utero, not surviving out of the womb. They could die minutes after birth, days, or months afterwards. There is also the fact that 8 months in the baby could die and the mother would have to go through the pain of a still birth and seeing and holding her baby who’s not alive. I think over all, all sides have to be looked at.

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Danielle November 4, 2011 at 12:00 am

I think it’s pretty easy to Birth Without Fear when you meant to get pregnant and have the resources, financially and emotionally, to do so.

Do I think abortions should be used AS birth control? I do not, and I believe that sex education should be truthful and contraception given to avoid unplanned pregnancies.

What about someone who used several forms of birth control and still got pregnant? What if them being pregnant leads to them being beaten, humiliated, kicked out of their house??? Is THAT fair to the woman OR the baby? I do not think it is.

Yes, I am pro-choice to a point. I do not agree with late-term abortions which Ron Paul describes. If the fetus can survive on its own outside of the womb then at that point, just put it up for adoption.

I think instead of judging women who have made the charge decision to terminate a pregnancy, you should put yourself in their shoes and see what you’d do.

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Melissa Tyler November 30, 2011 at 7:02 pm

This, almost exactly… I can’t believe a site promoting choices in birth would say some of the things I just saw up there! :(

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Mrs. BWF November 30, 2011 at 8:06 pm

Do not judge me or ‘this site’ for the opinions and words of others.

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jennifer nichols November 30, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Many different points
1). Babies start feeling between 6 and 8 weeks. Arguing the point of aborting when babies dont feel anything…. When exactly is that?
2) abortion is murder. Plain and simple. A woman, 6 months pregnant is shot and killed… Its called 2 murder counts, not 1. There is no difference… They both have the same result… Termination.
3) abortion for a u/s diagnosis of a ill baby is wrong. I was reading a post just yesterday where 20 commenters (when i read it, probably more now) discussed knowing multiple people each who wete told there baby would have this or that or die, etc and they all had perfectly healthy babies.
4) rape is a very sad thing, but when a baby is conceived out of that why does the mother in turn get to become selfish for lack of a better word. Yes it was beyond a horrible thing. But we all have horrible things we go through… Most of us cant delete the reminders of our pain. If i was to get pregnant by a rape i would either raise the child or give it up for adoption. It deserve the right to choose, no matter how the baby came about.
5) we live in a unperfect world and until everyone becomes perfect there will be no way to resolve this.
6) i dont believe the problem is birth control or education, many people i know who had abortions were simply young and didnt want to become mothers and or felt forced into it. I believe it starts with parents, being involved in their childrens lives, not just partially, but completely. A parent always being home, kids never being left alone, parents loving their kids, but also being willing to lay down the law so to speak. Not looking at their child simply as a friend. It may be a pipe dream but until daughters have real relationships with their parents and especially their fathers, so they arent turning to others to meet their needs things won’t change.
7) planned parenthood is notorious for telling people they are indeed pregnant when they are not. Recently a video was released of many girls being underage and pregnant, and planned parenthood not reporting the cases to the police. Planned parenthood is a ugly organization out simply for money. They make gobs of money every year (just look at the statistics of abortions) and yet rely on our money to exist.
8) abortions should not be funded by the govt at all. If health ins companies want to carry them then so be it.
9) no one has mentioned the side effects of abortions, just physically, not even talking about mental or emotional trauma. Physical damage is done with each abortion. That alone makes abortion an unhealthy choice for a woman.

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Nicole November 30, 2011 at 6:20 pm

Heavy topic. Thanks for sharing your honest opinions. It is SO important to have people vocalize respectfully their educated opinions in the public forum. I believe life is precious – whether we want it or not. I know what is feels like though to have a baby in your tummy and think it was just wrong – even while being in a loving marital relationship. Life has not been easy from the day we found out about our daughter who is now 5, but we have made it. And, she is worth EVERY sacrifice. God’s greattest blessings have come in the fire. I am so glad I did not miss out on His best for me. My “ladycakes” is beautiful and brilliant. My husband and I are beyond lucky to have her – when we are with her, we really see heaven opening up and blessing pouring down.

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Cocobean November 30, 2011 at 6:26 pm

I read most of the comments but not everyone and apologize if this has already been said.

It took alot of courage to write this post! It’s great to have people open up this topic in a place without judgment.

BUT… I absolutly do not agree about people who are pro choice see the baby as being nothing and just a blob. I refuse to even say I am pro choice or pro life because I think it is just a way to put people’s beliefs into a box that fits so perfectly with a pretty bow on top. My feelings on this subject are not so black and white. I believe in our freedom of choice and sometimes these choices are easier than others. I am also very politically active in my community and keep up with PP. I have NEVER spoken with anyone who believes aborted babies didn’t matter. I know PP and other agencies who discuss other options other than just adoption DO NOT treat abortion this way. They recognize this is a very huge choice in a womans life. The story you put in from Ron Paul is in my opinion another way of using one example to demonize anyone who does abortions or who chooses to have one. Putting a baby in a bucket to drown does not happen anymore! That is absolutly appalling! It makes me ill to have even read this story. I’m not saying abortion is a pretty thing. This to me is just sensationalism.
All this being said, thank you for writing this!

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A mother December 1, 2011 at 1:40 am

It does happen. In hospitals. Babies are born alive that are not meant to and left in bed pans to die.

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Shannon November 30, 2011 at 6:51 pm

Your body, your choice. If I can’t be trusted with choice, why would you trust me with a baby? Motherhood should be 100% volunteer.

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Kristin November 30, 2011 at 7:09 pm

If abortion had been legal in 1968, I would not be here today. Thankfully, illegal abortions were not always successful and I survived. There really is no middle ground where abortion is concerned.

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Lindsay November 30, 2011 at 7:38 pm

I have always been right smack dab in the middle of the issue of abortion. On one hand, I love babies, and I obviously would never want to end any baby’s life. On the other hand, I’ve grown up in a very low income area surrounded by neighbors who most likely became mothers too young, and were some of the most horrible people I’ve met in my entire life. Don’t take offense to this statement, I am NOT saying that all young mothers are horrible, I am a young mother and I do not believe I am horrible. What I do mean by that statement is this: some people just are NOT meant to be parents and should never have children. These horrible mothers I am referring to have hardly ever interacted with their children, “raising” them in disgusting conditions, constantly yelling and miserable, and sone even doing drugs. A lot of these kids ended up being bullies, and maybe now that they are older, are like their parents (though I hope not). No child should ever have to grow up in the ways I’ve witnessed others growing up around me. It’s so freaking sad and pathetic. So if a young girl get pregnant and really does not want her baby, I personally will not stand in the way of her decision – because I could picture her becoming a terrible mother to that child. BUT – I still really do NOT like abortion. It’s a sad and terrible thing. I think the main thing that needs to be done here is SEX EDUCATION and birth control. Prevention.

I also want to add that I do NOT believe the whole “It’s the woman’s choice” argument. That’s bull. There’s a baby in there, it’s not YOUR body anymore.

I am 100% against late term abortions. All abortions are murder, but late term is just even more wrong to me. At that point, seek adoptive parents, don’t kill the baby.

As you can see, I’m very torn on this issue. I can see both sides, and for me, the ultimate question is: “Is this woman going to be able to be a good mother for her child, or will she turn into a deadbeat druggie who will abuse and neglect her child?” No child should have to grow up in such sad conditions. Sometimes I feel as though 100% prolifers never see this grey area, and it makes me angry that they are ignorant to the horrible conditions some children have to grow up in because their parents never really wanted them.

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liz p December 1, 2011 at 12:07 pm

for once i agree with you. good job on this post!

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Telula December 2, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Such a compelling video and an amazing woman of God! How can anyone still be pro-choice after watching this I don’t know.

EVERY baby is a miracle, it does not matter under what circumstances it was concieved or what health complications it might be born with, that baby is a Gift from God! If God did not want that life to live He would not have allowed it to have been concieved.

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Lupine December 3, 2011 at 3:25 pm

I’m quite dismayed at the very pro-life slant of your article, even though you state your article is about “finding the middle ground”. I am definitely pro-choice. I’m amazed that you don’t cover completely the other side of having children, including but not all: unwanted, abandoned children, children in foster care, and the statistics on how many abortions occur in what ethnic or economically disadvantaged groups. In the limited amount of research I’ve been able to do on pro-choice websites, I found that 12% of abortions are because of teenage pregnancy, 21% are because the parents cannot afford another child. In these economic times of joblessness and recession, how can you say that these reasons are not good ones? In addition, 88.4% of abortions are performed within the first 12 weeks, just when the embryo becomes a fetus, 62% are done within the first 8 weeks. At these stages, the fetus would not be able to breathe or have any brain-wave activity and will not know its death. BTW, “Fetus is a biological term in latin, meaning “offspring” or “bringing forth”, not “parasite”—I can’t believe that abortion clinics are giving our such mis-information!
I do feel that having an abortion after the first trimester is much more difficult for the mother and the baby she’s carrying, and it would be heart-rendering to have a baby die at that age. However, this is something that each parent must decide for themselves. Both mother and father, and not society should not be making these decisions. We should not judge those families who are suffering without jobs and not enough food or shelter for themselves, much less their babies. Many of their children will become neglected and abused. Our overburdened jails and correctional institutions are full of people who were mistreated as children. So then you ask, shouldn’t children be put up for adoption? Another statistic I found is that anti-abortion states spend far less money per child on adoption services, foster care, welfare, and the adoption of disabled children. Adoption in this country is a very difficult process, as witnessed by a friend of mine who lost her baby due to illness Her husband and herself have been repeatedly turned down because they are considered too old to adopt.
Finally I really can’t believe that people don’t realize the effect that over 6 billion people have on our planet. Global warming is real, as are depleting resources and land available for agriculture. Would you rather people die of famine, flood or drought as what is happening all over the world, or by abortion? I hope you see my point.
I realize this is a sensitive topic, and very real for parents that are facing an unwanted pregnancy. However, I don’t believe that we should be the ones making the decision for them. I also don’t believe that society should be paying for, and taking on the burden of unwanted children in our foster care or welfare system. We just won’t be able to afford that much longer. Planned parenthood put it best in one of their articles:
“In sum, no amount of controversy over abortion can
negate the evidence that American women, men,
children, and families have reaped great benefits to
their physical, mental, and social health from the
U.S. Supreme Court’s historic decision in Roe v.
Wade. Any erosion of a woman’s right and access to medically safe, legal abortion jeopardizes the health of women, their families, and the nation as a whole.”
You can visit the visit their website at:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

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Mrs. BWF December 3, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Well, I am very pro life, so for being so, I think the post was well written. There is no judgment, but facts and like I said in the post, I do not think it should be illegal. :)

Also, I believe it’s a consumption problem, not a population problem. I would say most children that are kept, after not being aborted are wanted. I suggest you research more, because your comment is full of misconceptions.

“In sum, no amount of controversy over abortion can
negate the evidence that American women, men,
children, and families have reaped great benefits to
their physical, mental, and social health from the
U.S. Supreme Court’s historic decision in Roe v.
Wade.

That is sad and why I will NEVER support planned parenthood.

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Lupine December 4, 2011 at 11:29 pm

I would like to say a bit more on this topic. I do believe that educating young women, especially teenagers, on the benefits of abstinence, and making birth control more available to all women of child-bearing age should be more of an emphasis in this country. The goal should be to prevent unwanted pregnancies, rather than having to make the difficult choice of whether or not to abort the pregnancy. Most pro-choicers are actually NOT for abortion as a first choice, but as the final, last resort choice when other options fail. And I agree with the other posts that abortion should not be used as birth control. This is why sex and reproductive education is such an important part of this issue, and if properly funded in all states, would greatly reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies and abortions both. I think both sides can agree with this.
Please check out these websites for discussion on both sides of this issue finding “common ground”:
http://www.sfcg.org/programmes/us/us_life.html
http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/human_nature/2010/11/abortion_common_ground_a_prochoice_agenda.html
http://blog.ansirh.org/2010/11/abortion-common-ground/

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