Criticism and Testimonials

by Birth Without Fear on October 8, 2011

I receive many comments on the FB page that make me realize many of the BWF followers do not realize the time, energy and love put into helping our fellow BWF mamas. Between checking and responding to hundreds of emails, blogging, posting (and responding to) your questions on FB, it’s a lot.

I love it.

What I don’t love is when others criticize to the point where they just don’t know what they are talking about. This might be for many reasons, misplaced anger, bitterness, fear of the unknown, past trauma, they don’t have an understanding of what I do and what BWF is about and many other things I am sure.

Most of the time I never speak up about how much criticism I receive, sometimes I do when it’s just been too much. See, I’ll stay up at night when the kids are in bed, responding to emails, posting questions and blogging. Then, I receive a comment (or many) from someone telling me what I should and shouldn’t do or why they don’t like me or how I removed their comment (only to realize it was there or they wrote it somewhere else).

It hurts…sometimes.

However, it has made me stronger. I have always had issues with caring too much what others think and through my BWF journey, I have been learning how to really let that go! I’m not perfect, sometimes things still get to me, but I’m getting better.

Mama Birth told me I should write a post like hers about some of the craziest or worst comments I’ve received. So, here they are. Why I still shake my head and wonder how people can be like this, I am able to let it go and even laugh at most of them.

This one I have received several times, not always in the same order…

“You are a fat and ugly baby killer. You have babies blood on your hands!”

Ouch.

“You are an irresponsible and selfish person.”

How does someone who has never met me or with all I do, think that?!

When my family was going through a hard time (thank goodness we are not now!)…

“You can’t even afford to take care of your kids. You are a bad mother.”

Since I’ve only been with one man, this next word shouldn’t be used anywhere near me…

“You are an attention whore.”

This is just the start of it, but I think you get the idea. I delete most hateful comments, these are what I remember off the top of my head.

I’m not done though. See, for every one of these comments I get, I receive about 100 positive ones. I am going to share some of my favorites with you so you can see why I do what I do and why I have learned to let go of the criticism, misplaced anger and hate! I’ve never shared the testimonials I receive anywhere. They are very special and dear to me. Here are a few…

“You encourage and empower women by being open, honest, and real even if it makes you vulnerable. reading your blog has helped me and showed me how I want to do things with my next pregnancy and birth!”

“You are real, raw & an inspirational. You’re someone “we” can relate to. If I understand your “mission”, your “purpose” for doing BWF- it’s to simply make as much information available as possible, so that “we” can make truly informed choices. No matter what those choices are, we can own them- they’re ours & it’s due in no small part to your time & efforts & I/we love you so very much for that. Your sacrifices are making a difference- maybe sometimes it doesn’t seem like they are- but they are. Bottom line is, & will ALWAYS be, to trust ourselves, to listen to our gut & if nothing else- you encourage us to do that every day, every post. THANK YOU!”

“Dear BWF, I would like to thank you for all the knowledge and help that you have given me and although I’m not due for another two months you have given me the confidence to stand up for myself. I now have a midwife who not only agrees with me but has made it possible for me to birth without intervention. I know it won’t be a homebirth as I have many health issues but it will be in a private family room with my own pool ect instead of being strapped to a bed and unable to labour in the way I wanted! So again I say thank you for helping me to find my voice.”

“I just wanted to say thank you for everything you have done for me. The support from you and the BWF community could not have come at a better time in my life.”

“I just wanted to say thank you for all you have done before I found your page I decided to have a UC. I knew I was gonna be on my own with only the support of the hubby and a good doula friend. BWF has allowed me to connect with other UC moms and even get support from women who have not or are not having UC. I cant even begin to tell you how much it means to me I am informed I know the risk but I also know the benefits. You have done so much for me and other women and I just wanted to tell you.”

“The open and honest sharing is a valuable to mamas and educators as well as doulas serving families. Thank you!”

“I love the fact that you have been through so many different types of births and styles of parenting. Through your page I finally felt like I found a place where I “belonged.” After my ‘failed’ homebirth attempt with my first child that ended in a c/s, I was not only devastated, but felt like I no longer fit in with the natural birth community, but I also didn’t belong with the mainstream birthers. ¬†Through this site I found acceptance and encouragement that led to an amazing homebirth VBAC! Thank you Mrs. BWF for being true to who you are and sharing yourself so openly!”

Isn’t the good so much better (and more abundant) than the bad? Thank you for reminding me why I do what I do. Love to all my BWF Mamas!

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

April Brown October 8, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Thank you for what you do. Because of you (and a friend who asked) I was able to find my pro-life midwife in San Diego. It was otherwise like looking for a needle in a haystack. Loved my pro-life OB, but since I was staying out of the hospital this time, you really helped. I am happily looking forward to birthing and getting to know in a few months this beautiful child growing within me. Thank you for your time!

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mik October 8, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Mrs. Bwf, i am honored to call you my friend, and through you and BWF i have made some of the best friends a young first time mom could pray to meet. Who else can say their.best friend is really a group of such wonderful like-ish minded women.who have btdt. I love you, FRIEND. <3

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Mrs. BWF October 8, 2011 at 11:05 pm

I freakin’ love you Mik!!!

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sarah October 8, 2011 at 11:38 pm

You rock and I hope you know it!

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Sky October 9, 2011 at 3:05 am

I’ve never commented before but have read everything i could find on your site & just wanted to say that i think you do a wonderful job! I am 28 weeks with my 5th child but it was only with my last pregnancy & birth that i actually started to educate myself & not just go along blindly with what doctors told me.I actually never thought i would get to experience birth again(this little man wasn’t planned:) ) but i’m grateful i get to do it again & be even more informed & unafraid about birthing my son.Your site has given me so much ,i love reading it & drawing inspiration from yourself & other mothers on here so try not to let the bad stuff hurt you too much because there are more of us that love what you do & gain so much from it.Thankyou! xxx

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Mrs. BWF October 9, 2011 at 10:33 pm

Hi Sky! I am so glad you are here and you commented. You are very welcome and thank you mama! :)

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The Skeptical Mother October 9, 2011 at 9:22 am

What a great blog post BWF!
In expressing my feelings and connecting with other women who have have had similar experiences, I am now no longer so strongly affected by those hateful words. I too was called an attention whore and if they actually knew me in real life, they would see what a ridiculous accusation that is.
There will always be those people that simply don’t understand and in their lack of understanding feel the need to destroy what is actually beautiful and positive and good.
But you are right that in simply letting go and even just laughing at the ridiculousness of some of those comments, we are making a choice not to let those words hurt us. :-)

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Claudia October 10, 2011 at 10:37 am

Hi I just wanted to say that I may not always agree with everything you write about but I love reading about the information and the discussions that come about from tackling difficult subjects about birth and can respect your opinions. Keep up the good work!

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