The Hole {A Poem about PPD}

by Mrs. BWF on December 15, 2012

Caitlyn shared this poem and picture about her stretch marks with BWF almost a year ago. It was received with love and appreciated by many. She now opens herself and writes this poem about post partum depression {PPD}. Many of you may be able to relate and feel that you are not alone.

The hole ppd

 

The Hole

 

There’s a hole that sits within my chest

I cannot quite explain

for it’s just there and I’m not sure

exactly when it came.

 

Somedays it’s black and hollow

or it’s small and hard and tight

and others it’s not there at all

replaced by joy and light

 

I want to love each moment

as I watch you grow each day

but somedays I can’t find energy

to sit with you and play

 

From the moment you lift your lashes

to the time you fall asleep

I have to count each breath I take

so I don’t fall and weep

 

Each task becomes a struggle

and soon I fall behind

which only makes the guilt I feel

more present in my mind

 

But still I want the world to see

as I walk around with grace

pretending life is perfect

with a smile upon my face

 

when inside I might be crumbling,

tears just behind my eyes

anxious that my face might fail,

revealing my disguise.

 

I don’t want to feel broken

and I don’t want them to think

that just because I have this hole

I’m sitting on the brink.

 

“Please everyone, I’ll be alright

in time I’m sure it’s true

but for right now I need to know

that I can trust in you

 

to remember that this little hole,

too small and dark to see

does not take away the fact

that I am still ME

 

Because even with the bad days

my life is filled with joys

I get to spend each of my days

loving my two sweet boys.”

 

You make all of this worth it

you’re the reason for the light

which brings with it the happy days

and gets me through the night

 

That moment when I hold you close

and smell your sweet, soft hair

when I know I’m all you want and need

and you know that I’ll be there

 

when all the hurting goes away

as I hold you to my chest

to savor your sweet peacefulness

and forget all the rest.

 

Caitlyn Blake
November 25, 2012

Photography by Bean to Baby.

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