The Hole {A Poem about PPD}

The Hole {A Poem about PPD}

Caitlyn shared this poem and picture about her stretch marks with BWF almost a year ago. It was received with love and appreciated by many. She now opens herself and writes this poem about post partum depression {PPD}. Many of you may be able to relate and feel that you are not alone.

The hole ppd

 

The Hole

 

There’s a hole that sits within my chest

I cannot quite explain

for it’s just there and I’m not sure

exactly when it came.

 

Somedays it’s black and hollow

or it’s small and hard and tight

and others it’s not there at all

replaced by joy and light

 

I want to love each moment

as I watch you grow each day

but somedays I can’t find energy

to sit with you and play

 

From the moment you lift your lashes

to the time you fall asleep

I have to count each breath I take

so I don’t fall and weep

 

Each task becomes a struggle

and soon I fall behind

which only makes the guilt I feel

more present in my mind

 

But still I want the world to see

as I walk around with grace

pretending life is perfect

with a smile upon my face

 

when inside I might be crumbling,

tears just behind my eyes

anxious that my face might fail,

revealing my disguise.

 

I don’t want to feel broken

and I don’t want them to think

that just because I have this hole

I’m sitting on the brink.

 

“Please everyone, I’ll be alright

in time I’m sure it’s true

but for right now I need to know

that I can trust in you

 

to remember that this little hole,

too small and dark to see

does not take away the fact

that I am still ME

 

Because even with the bad days

my life is filled with joys

I get to spend each of my days

loving my two sweet boys.”

 

You make all of this worth it

you’re the reason for the light

which brings with it the happy days

and gets me through the night

 

That moment when I hold you close

and smell your sweet, soft hair

when I know I’m all you want and need

and you know that I’ll be there

 

when all the hurting goes away

as I hold you to my chest

to savor your sweet peacefulness

and forget all the rest.

 

Caitlyn Blake
November 25, 2012

Photography by Bean to Baby.

11 thoughts on “The Hole {A Poem about PPD}

  1. This is so lovely. Yesterday, and it feels like often lately, I have been feeling more like this than I care to admit. I have the best daughter in the world whom I love so so much. Some days are just harder than others.

  2. Love this, so powerful. I have suffered from PPD as well which has inspired me to do extensive research on it while I’m in grad school including conducting a few studies and designing proposals to help bring PPD to light in the field of mental health and help women get through. Thanks for sharing this <3

  3. Thank you for having enough courage to share your beautiful poem. I’m battling with PPD myself, and it’s encouraging to find other women willing to talk about their stories. God bless you.

  4. Thank you for sharing this poem. I suffer with moderate to sometimes severe depression in daily life. I also suffered through 2 post-partum periods in silence, for fear that my sweet joys would be taken from me and placed out of my home. With my second child I also experienced psychosis, which is when I sought professional help. If I had known that feeling so depressed was totally normal and not something that would have me locked away from my baby I feel I would have spoken out sooner. There needs to be more education about post-partum emotional issues and needs, for any health care provider and for mom.

  5. Again you wrote a poem that I wish I found right away. When you wrote/posted this poem PPD was just starting to really shows it’s ugly head. I have asked for help, but don’t get any, and there are very limited resources in my small town.

  6. This poem is beautiful! I showed this to my husband so he could better understand what I was feeling. Your words are very powerful! Thank you for being brave enough to share this.

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