I started Birth Without Fear on Facebook in May of 2010 and the blog shortly after in October of 2010. It has been a wonderful journey over the last few years. Thousands of emails, many thanking BWF for helping them in their pregnancies and births. Giving them a renewed hope or opening their eyes to options they never knew they had. Finding support they could not get anywhere else and forming new friendships with amazing women who have similar goals. Celebrating ourselves as women, planning and experiencing empowering births, and recognizing that may be different for each woman! Yes, it has been a mighty fine journey so far. Healing, uniting, growing, supporting and lovely.
So what is in store for all of us for 2013? I sat here on Christmas Eve, presents under the tree, stockings stuffed, a warm house, healthy children and Christmas music playing in the background. I soaked in all of my blessings and thought about what I want to personally acomplish this upcoming year. What I was left dwelling on was what I wanted to accomplish as a mother.
See, I have this insanely deep desire to be a successful business woman. My mind tells me that is how success in a person is measured. It’s ingrained in me. I come from a family of successful women and so I constantly feel I am not living up to this expected measure of success because I chose to stay home and have babies instead of being a doctor or high powered business woman.
However, my heart tells me otherwise. It tells me that success comes from my own home. How I am as a woman, wife and mother. What kind of children I raise. That is true success. What’s hard about this? It’s not measurable. At least not while my children are fighting over the ladybug rainboots, making messes quicker than I can pick them up (even with a cleaning lady) and starting to ask hard questions such as, “Are you actually Santa?” and “Where do babies come from.” What?! Back it up…I’m not ready for this. But they are. How can I focus on being a successful mother when I don’t feel the worth of such?
That leads me to a newfound focus for 2013 and I’m going to tie it into BWF. We will still focus on pregnancy, birth, post partum and breastfeeding, but take you into motherhood (or fatherhood) as well. That is where we need the countinuous encouragement and support. Pregnancies and births come to an end. Even breastfeeding does (even if you do breastfeed until they start school)! Motherhood…well, that stays with us forever.
Some of us are better than others at understanding that this is the most important work we will ever do and we will need to lean on you at times. Success is not measured in blog hits or how much money we make. It is measured in how we raise our children, having a long and happy marriage, centering our life around our faith/morals/values, and what we contribute to family, friends, our communities and for me…my readers.
So, are you ready? Let’s embrace our bodies, our pregnancies and births, our differences and now motherhood. Let’s help each other get through these ‘bring you to tears’ type of days (toddlers are good at that), and also share the small moments that make us smile…for those build up into years of memories that will be cherished and one day we’ll wish we could get back!
Love & Inspiration,
~January
Recommended Reading
The Birth of Sicily Rose {Postpartum Hemorrhage, Vanishing Twin Syndrome}
Birth Without Fear Top 10 Most Popular Blog Posts of All Time
One Woman’s Successful Frank Breech Vaginal Hospital Birth
Birth Of Elsie {Homebirth Story With Siblings}
A Mother Will Overcome {I Am Strong}
Vaginal Hospital Birth of TRIPLETS
Questions You Have but are Too Afraid to Ask {Lesbian-Parent Edition}
The Harshē Podcast – Episode #76: Mothering Your Way
I Am Strong – MoMo Twins - I Am Strong – Because of Hudson
9 Comments
Jessica
I love it! I was just wishing this exact thing for BWF. How exciting! Thank you! 🙂
Brooke
This blog post brought tears to my eyes. Society keeps telling us we are only successful or have value with careers and lives outside the home. It is hard to ignore that. And this isn’t a debate between moms who work outside the home and those who don’t either. It’s about being valued for the choices we make. I know that I am where I am supposed to be right now. Thank you!
jenny Vater
I love this idea of yours. I have enjoyed your blog since I learned about you a couple months ago. I am sadly finished with birthing in my life, I will always love a good birth story any day! I started blogging almost 2 yrs ago and wrote this around Mother’s Day during my 1st yr of blogging. Mothers do have an important role in this world and we should be respected in all areas of that job. http://skiingmama.wordpress.com/2011/05/06/my-reflections-on-motherhood/
kelly r.
Thank you! I needed to read this! As a professional musician who has taken some time off now that I have two little ones, I was feeling lost, and like I was wasting my degrees or something. I know that’s silly, what’s important is what’s happening right now in my family, this is where I’m needed most. Looking forward to more encouraging posts like this.
Gretchen
Thank you! I am 12 weeks pregnant with my first. I was devastated when I realized I was pregnant. The guilt & shame associated with those feelings have overwhelmed my 1st trimester. As a student midwife & apprentice; with dreams of traveling to Bali to apprentice with Robin Lym and travel the world really, gaining experience and volunteering my time. I’ve compared myself to others thinking I’m supposed to be happy, but instead dwelling over postponing my career. I realize the discomfort of pregnancy and pain of childbirth are temporary; but being a parent lasts forever. I’m not scared of how this baby is going to come out, how our birth story unfolds. Instead I’m so very worried of being a capable & patient mother with her sh*t together. You learn as you go but everyone expresses how fast it all goes… Will I be able to keep up?
GlendaM
I couldn’t agree more! I love your site and look forward to see how it evolves.
Amanda L
I wanted to share a book about being a mother that has always warmed my heart- “I am a mother” by Jane Clayson Johnson. It helps calm the fear of “what if all I’m good at is changing diapers?” or “is this really important- wiping noses and kissing bruises??”
Enjoy!
Lauren - No more labor pain :-)
You are such an inspiration, thanks!
Lauren
Cyndi
My children are now 22, 20 and 15. I remembered with my first two, I had a tremendous amount of guilt, when I could not get the breastfeeding to work. I tried so hard, and went back and forth, tortured over the fact I started formula and bottle feeding. With my third, I had the opportunity to breastfeed, and even felt less stress having known a little more about making it work. I chose to bottle feed and felt some guilt, but nothing like I did with my first child. I also had postpartum depression, and wondered with the first child if I could ever make it through the first few months. Lack of sleep, continued crying, colic like symptoms. She was, what I would say, was a high maintenance baby. My second child was more calm and relaxed, probably because I was. So, that means my first child probably seemed much more difficult because of my newness and perception of my ability to care for her and my fear of scarring her for life by something I did or might do. My third child just came right out and adapted/adjusted immediately. I was so worried about doing something wrong, I wasn’t looking at the “what I did rights”. They grow up so fast, no one is a perfect parent, give yourself “screw-up” or “mess-ups” each and every day. So you know and tell yourself, yeah, this is another day in which I’ll get some things right and some things wrong. We’re all only human. But, I will not default back to my “perceived failures” today, as much as I will feel the soft comfortable hugs to myself for the rights or the good things. You deserve this because you are brilliant. Working or not working/staying home, you are a spectacular, loving, giving person. To your job, your family, your faith and friends. Let me hear you say it out loud, shout it if you can.. “I AM BRILLIANT!!!”