I Am Strong {Story of Preterm Birth & Loss}

by Mrs. BWF on March 1, 2013

I am strong.

I am strong because I moved at 5 months pregnant from Germany, back to the States, for my husband’s job. I am strong because after arriving to Colorado I was excited to finally have a home again and welcomed the sight of my air mattress on the floor. I am strong because when I woke up and saw my mucous plug at 23 weeks pregnant, I remained calm and we went to the hospital.

The nurses reassured me that women lose their plugs and that it doesn’t necessarily mean anything, but still they would monitor me. No contractions for 30 minutes, but upon an exam I was 3cm with a foot presenting. I was rushed to another hospital all the while trying to remain calm and I felt my first contraction.

Denial was no longer an option.

I am strong because when I got to the hospital and my husband and two year old walked into the room I smiled and told them it was going to be OK. The doctor walked in and said I was 7cm and if my daughter had a chance of survival (23w4d), I would need an emergency c-section. I agreed and suddenly I was alone in the room, frightened, and having contractions one on top of another.

I am strong because I stared into the eyes of a masked stranger and begged for help. I am strong because I gave birth to a beautiful little girl whose grace and strength are far beyond my ability. She fought for a week before the pain was too much and her little body couldn’t take it anymore. I am strong because I said ‘enough’ and let her body do what it needed…free from machines.

I held her for nine minutes as my heart simultaneously healed and shattered.

I am strong because I will always remember her in my arms and the smile that spread across her face as her soul passed from here to there. She would have been 8 years old on January 17th.

And I am strong for sharing this. {Michelle}

loss michelle

Gabrielle

For loss support, pleas visit stillbirthday.com.

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