{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }

Natasha Batsford March 7, 2013 at 9:45 am

I understand.

And what you are feeling is normal, and entirely justified. Don’t believe anyone who tells you that having a healthy baby is all that matters. They are wrong.

If you want to talk, my contact details are above.

Love
Tash
XX

Reply

Seana Greenwood March 7, 2013 at 10:15 am

Thank you for sharing your story! This past August, we were planning a home water birth with our first child…It took a sudden turn for the worst, I had a partial abruption before any labor started and I was rushed to the hospital, where i was put under completely….A lot of the things you said about how you felt I felt the exact same way. I felt robbed, cheated and I didn’t know how to work through those feelings…I still struggle somewhat with how things happend…OH and girl, I’m right there with ya when people would tell me “just be glad you are ok and the baby is here and healthy” well DUH! but what they don’t understand is that there are so many more emotions and things to work through than simply being thankful. Anyway thanks for your sharing your story. Feel free to e-mail me anytime if you want to talk.

Reply

Shelly March 7, 2013 at 10:19 am

I understand. I had two unwanted c-sections….I cried a lot after my babies were born…it’s hard….I know…but my girls love me and I don’t think we could be any closer than what we are…

Reply

Vicki March 7, 2013 at 10:27 am

I understand. And I am sorry. I was able to have a VBAC which helped some but the painful memories of my unwanted c-section still haunt me over 3 years later. You are not alone and you matter too.

Reply

Rose March 7, 2013 at 10:52 am

What happened to you was HORRIBLE!! I got tears in my ears reading this. I am so, so, sorry for what you went through. I would be devastated. Hugs.

Reply

Melissa March 7, 2013 at 11:09 am

I completely understand. People don’t like to hear this about my own C-section experience (very similar to Lindsay and Ruby’s story), but I compare it to being abducted by aliens and operated on. Yes, I had to give my consent, reluctantly. I hardly understood their language or their reasons, but I was the weak and vulnerable one. Yes I wanted to be healthy and my baby to be healthy and alive. But no one wants to be abducted by aliens and cut open, even if they do return you to Earth alive, with a beautiful new baby.

I understand. Completely.

Reply

Helen March 7, 2013 at 11:22 am

I understand. I do, I really do.

Just because you are all healthy, it should not invalidate how you feel about your birth. Good or bad, your birth experience matters.

I felt a lot like you after my first birth. It does ease. It wasn’t until I had a kickass VBAC nearly 2 years later that I was able to look back on my first birth without pain, but it did gradually get better up to that point.

Keep talking. It might help to know you’re not alone. xxxxxx

Reply

Kathryn March 7, 2013 at 11:32 am

I can understand how you feel. I had an emergency c-section, and even though she was born healthy, I still feel cheated. (((HUGS)))

Reply

Becca @ Bare Feet on the Dashboard March 7, 2013 at 11:40 am

I completely understand. My story is similar (the interventions against my birth plan, not the cervical scarring). It was awful. I don’t remember much about the first 2 weeks and my husband was so scared for me in surgery that he didn’t even care when they announced the sex of the our son. I’m trying for a VBAC with #2 in April. Hopefully it will go better.

Reply

Jen March 7, 2013 at 11:57 am

I understand. Went into labor at 41 + 6 after third round of induction acupuncture. I was a homebirth transfer. After 50+ hours of labor, I had a needed c-section. I can relate to ‘…using tweezers to pinch me, asking if I could feel it. I COULD. “Please don’t cut me open, I can feel it.” is what I told him.’ I said the same thing – I can still feel! I am pregnant with #2 and my doctor didn’t even bring up a repeat c-section – she knew I would want a natural VBAC.

Reply

Autumn March 7, 2013 at 11:57 am

I totally understand. You have this beautiful idea of what you want, you try and try have super high expectations of those you are working with. Then you have these unexpected events and you end up in the C-section suite, crying because the idea that you had about your birth has gone and you never wanted your baby taken from you after she was born. This happened with my first, and then with my second we thought we did EVERY thing right. But ended up in the section suite again, however this time our D.O. gave us a “gentle” section and I did get my baby as soon as she was lifted from me. And while this was SO much better than the first it still wasn’t the birth I wanted…Now I’m carrying our third and scared and afraid that even if I choose a section that I won’t get the gentle section I had last time because we’ve moved. We are strong though, we’ve over come much, and while our births were not what we’ve intended, we are strong enough to share them and let people know that our birth experience mattered…

Reply

Elizabeth March 7, 2013 at 12:05 pm

Thank you for sharing. My daughter was born November 25, 2010, and I had a very unplanned c-section. To this day I also feel gypped, guilty, angry. I’m not angry at anyone- my midwifes and Dr did the best they could to follow my birth plan- just a lot of unexpected rare complications. She was my first, and I had a hard time bonding and bfing due to the surgery, recovery, complications again and drugs. If there ever is a next time I will whole heartedly try for a VBAC.

Reply

Brandi March 7, 2013 at 12:18 pm

I understand. It takes a long time to grieve the loss of the brith you wanted.
Thats what it is, a grieving process. I Grieved for a year after my birth. Yes I had a wonderful healthy baby, but it didn’t happen how I wanted it to. Thank you for sharing your story!
~B

Reply

Emili March 7, 2013 at 12:21 pm

I understand all too well. I was in a very similar situation with my first…. those feelings are more than normal. YOU are a brave, strong woman!

Reply

Mama N March 7, 2013 at 1:24 pm

I feel you. I had scar tissue as well. I dilated to 9 but could not push past the scar tissue. I also had an OP baby who was acynclitic, pre-eclampsia and a small inlet. I felt very robbed after wards. I hated it when everyone told me at least you all are safe…The process of a C/S is so unnatural and you are just a patient to them. I just witnessed a client (I’m a doula now) be taken back for a C/S and I was appalled at how they treat you like they are not a human but a project. As a doula I had to speak very politely but GOD help them if my daughter is ever treated like that. I will be all over them!!!

Reply

Tabitha March 7, 2013 at 2:51 pm

I’ve had 3 c-sections. I was exactly the same way with my 1st- all natural, birth plan, the whole bit… and was upset too, after lots of “trying”, being wheeled into the OR and having to change my plan. However, I do not feel robbed or cheated with any of my 3 children. I’m not harboring anything. I have to say that I am truly thankful for my whomever came up with a cesarean because I think that me or my child would have died during birth- God forbid. Thanks to c-sections, I now have THREE children, All of whom are such an amazing addition to my family. Hey- they all came out with beautiful heads and my uterus or bladder are not hanging out of my Ve-jay-jay. It’s all a matter of perspective really. I am an stellar Mama (most days), and I have stellar children (most days!). They just happened to be cut open instead of pushed out. We really have so much to be grateful for to be able to hold a baby in our arms to call our own.

Reply

jenny March 16, 2013 at 1:17 am

Oh that’s nice. But, saying its “just” a matter of perspective is mean and pretty crass. Your perspective is that YOU are OK. The rest of these mommas are saying that they are not. Having a healthy child to hold doesn’t replace what was taken, lost, or stolen from those of us that do feel gypped. My babies perfectly round heads and my intact vagina do not make up for what was stolen from me in my unnecessarian and the subsequent “recommended” repeats. I was young and ignorant of my options to vbac, but please don’t diminish someone else’s loss, especially while they are still grieving like so many of us are, by implying they *should* just change their perspective.

Reply

jenny March 16, 2013 at 1:32 am

Also, no one mentioned feeling robbed or cheated with their children. Grieving a birth (labor/delivery) is not a way of saying we don’t love and appreciate our babies. They are two seperate parts to one intertwined story. Its entirely possible to not feel robbed or cheated with your children but to feel robbed and cheated in their births, at the same time. I’m sorry if this comes across as rude or like I’m jumping on you for something you said jokinglt. But your words hurt. When you laugh about head shapes and intact bidy parts its all the sane rhetoric I’ve heard for years about things I *shoukd* be thankful for, instead of people just letting me grieve what I DID lose. I’m tired of being told a healthy baby is all that matters, because its important yes, but other things matter too.

Reply

jenny March 16, 2013 at 1:34 am

Sorry about all those typos up there. Tiny phone + tears in my eyes late at night.

Reply

Alicia March 7, 2013 at 4:49 pm

I experienced very similar things in my first birth, and also prepped a ton including bradley and chiropractic. The Lord brought me *mostly* full circle in my grief in healing over the next 10 months, and then fully healed through my next pregnancy and subsequent VBAC at home. I just submitted it for posting, by the way. It took me a long time to realize none of it was my fault, and that for whatever reason God has, it was his plan for my son to be born by c/s. He carried us through with a successful (though very much unwanted) surgery, and my future outlook is if it has to happen again, so be it, I can come to terms with it. I hope you’ll be able to complete the journey of healing, facing the emotions and disappointment, and get some really good feedback about what happened. The cervical scarring seems compelling as one of the big factors. You might look up birth stories of subsequent VBAC success with leftover scarring. I am sure they’re out there. ;)

Reply

Simply Lou March 8, 2013 at 6:20 am

Oh, this story makes me cry too. You write so well, I can feel your grief. You are truly grieving for the birth you wanted. The one you practiced so hard for. Take however long you need. Thank you for sharing your story. I love this community and the information that is shared.

Reply

Megan Casey March 8, 2013 at 11:14 pm

I dont understand as far as a section goes, however I DO understand about being forced into a birthing situation you didnt want or expect. I am so happy your baby is healthy but so darn sad you and so many others my self included have been pushed, prodded, and forced into a birth we never imagined. I pray if you ever have another its a healing experience and you find peace with this birth. God bless!

Reply

Kristin M March 8, 2013 at 11:40 pm

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I am pregnant with my first and am planning an all natural hypnobirth. I feel it is especially important to hear stories of a planned natural birth that turned into something completely unplanned. By sharing these experiences, I feel it can help others prepare for what could happen and others cope with what did happen. Thank you.

Reply

Amie March 9, 2013 at 10:22 pm

I understand. My precious Ruby is 2.5. My birth story is startlingly similar to yours! I understand!

Reply

Alexandria March 9, 2013 at 11:47 pm

My son’s birth was quite similar. :( Induced with catheter, epidural, pitocin, csec. Train wreck, but hoping to vbac one day. :)

Reply

Des March 13, 2013 at 11:10 am

I understand. This story has made me actually change my mind about writing my birth story. I had my son just over a month ago and had decided that writing out my story would only make the pain more permanent. But after reading this I realize that I am just listening to those that say at least your healthy and feeling guilty for grieving my babies birth story when others don’t even get to have a birth story.

Reply

Tory March 15, 2013 at 2:53 pm

Thank you for sharing your experience. I’ll I could think while reading about what you went through in the operation room was “me too, that is how it felt to me”. My husband held our baby to his chest until they decided he might have an infection and took him to the NICU where he spent the nex t 3 days. No bonding moment for us, I didn’t get to hold my son until he was 17hrs old and I had minutes before thrown up on my gown en route to visit him (reaction to the pain the killers). I believe this is what drove my ppd for the 3 months after, that and the fact that milk never came in so I was unable to nurse. Now with a healthy 8-month old I am greatful but terrified to have a second child.

Reply

jenny March 16, 2013 at 1:41 am

Thank you for sharing this Lindsay. And for being willing to share the name of the Dr who treated you so poorly. Maybe someone will be able to learn from this and know ahead of time what to expect from him if they are in the area and have the choice to see him. I pray that you’ve had some peace given to you in the last two years and maybe found some healing as well. I’ve had four csec and am currently TTC. This next baby will be a vba4c. Your story has inspired me to recommit to this and to carefully choose my care providers. I’ve been in your shoes (different reasons for my first section though) and it hurts. I cried reading your story.

Reply

Tara March 17, 2013 at 1:37 pm

Hugs. I get it. I had a very traumatic cesarean experience with my first child. Find your local ican chapter. Their judgement free, whole hearted support is indescribable.

Reply

Morgaine March 17, 2013 at 10:54 pm

Im unsure about the various types of anesthesia they use for csections, so I figured Ill just ask: arebt you nupposd to feel it? I went in to my csection with the anesthesiologist doing the whole pinching bit, and he explained to me that yes, I could feel it, but did it hurt? And thats pretty much how the surgery went. I could feel them pushing and pulling my skin and pushing things to the side, but none of hurt. It was just very…creepy.

Reply

Summer March 18, 2013 at 2:16 pm

Like many of these other ladies, I too understand how you feel. When you said you waited your “entire life” for that moment, I totally related. We were so ready for a natural birth. I did so many different exercises, read articles, you name it- I was ready for it! When I found out my baby was breech at 35 weeks I was sobbing uncontrollably at my apt with my midwife. We just hoped he would turn on his own because we couldn’t have a version. He didn’t flip and I went into labor very quickly at 37 weeks. We got to the hospital a few hours after contractions started but I was already fully dilated and he was READY to come. So I had an emergency c-section…. no husband with me, no pictures, no getting to hear his first cry (I was unconscious) or see him right away. I think about it all the time and I’m always so sad. I feel guilty when I wish for more since he was healthy and so many things could have gone worse but it’s so hard not to! Anyway… I’m hoping for a vbac with the next one, maybe you’ll get that too… the birth you always dreamed about :) Thanks for sharing.

Reply

Wendy Wisniewski March 23, 2013 at 5:30 pm

I too understand, as this is ALMOST the same script for me! Bradley courses, supportive husband, Nurse-Midwife, 41 weeks and a day carried an almost 9lb baby. Only my problem was not scare tissue, it was a tail-bone in the way of delivering my baby. I had to ultimately listen to my instinct and call for the C-section… Not because I was in pain, but because I just knew… then the shame afterwards, the nurses rolling their eyes at me, the healthy baby comments…I am cursed to have c-sections…I am however happy that you shared your story as it reminds me that we are women and sisters in this. Thank you

Reply

Kay April 10, 2013 at 4:41 am

Thanks for sharing, I totally understand how you feel. My story was similar and I feel the pain of now bonding with baby and the moment flew by without your control.

Lots of hugs and support from me!

Reply

Nina February 9, 2014 at 4:16 pm

Thank you for sharing your tough experience. I am expecting my first next week and I believe reading positive AND negative stories about labor are so important. I cried reading your story, but please know your wisdom has helped me, an absolute stranger!

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: