I Am Strong {Twin-To-Twin Transfusion Syndrome}

by Birth Without Fear on April 18, 2013

[Trigger Warning: This post contains a story of loss]

I am strong because my husband and I conceived twins during my third pregnancy (our 2nd together).

I am strong because we found out at 20 weeks that it was twins. I had a gut feeling that it was twins all along. They had confirmed that they were identical twin boys.

I am strong because they told us to expect a call from the hospital.

I am strong because at 24w 3d, we learned that our boys had stage 3 twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome. I was in complete shock and didn’t know what to do. They gave me the first set of steroids and I screamed in pain as my heart shattered.

I am strong because the next day we drove two hours to a hospital to have a “pre-op” for the laser surgery to try and correct the TTTS. Things were looking to be in our favour.

I am strong because the next day (24w 5d), we drove back to the hospital for the surgery. My spirits were high.

I am strong because things took a turn for the worse. The doctor discovered that our boys umbilical cords were pretty much growing out of the same spot. They had not discovered this on all of the scans that were done. Our doctor, who specialized in TTTS cases, said that he has only ever in his career seen a case like this maybe once or twice.

My husband was strong, too. The doctor told us, while I was on the operating table, that we had to a) sever the smaller baby’s cord to save our recipient baby; or b) don’t do anything and lose both. While I screamed and had to be told that I had to lay still or else I would be restrained, my husband made the ultimate decision to have our ┬ásmaller boy’s cord severed. He and I had to decide within only a few minutes time. We could not go and think about this and come back.

We are strong because we got to watch our little boy on the monitor one last time.

We are also strong because 4 weeks later, my water broke and I was admitted to the hospital. I stayed there for 2 weeks on bed rest, baking our survivor (2 hrs away), while my husband held down our home and cared for our other two children.

We are strong because at 30w 5d, our surviving son was born. He weighed 3lbs 9oz. We also got to spend precious time with our little angel. Our survivor stayed in the nicu for one month. He will be 2 in July.

We are strong because even though we lost a son and went through hell, we tried for another baby. We discovered that we were expecting on our angel’s angelversary! As scary as it was to be pregnant after a loss, we welcomed our rainbow baby on Feb. 6, 2013. A girl.

[23w 5d (about a week before our loss) - I was measuring close to 40 weeks due to high volumes of fluid

twin belly picture[Our angel a week or so after he passed. To me, it looks as if he is smiling.]

ultrasound after loss [Our survivor shortly after he was born.]

premature baby surviving twin

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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

christine April 20, 2013 at 11:23 am

i can’t imagine having to go through this. my heart aches for you. i’m so sorry. and you are so strong.

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brenna April 20, 2013 at 11:24 am

You are amazing and strong. Thank you for sharing your story. You are so brave. Love and light, sister! <3

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charlotte April 20, 2013 at 11:47 am

After all you went thru you are still a strong amazing mother for the rest of your family… You are an inspiration to others… Thank you for sharing with us..

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JenA. April 20, 2013 at 11:59 am

This story brings tears, what a hard thing to go through but yes, you both are strong. My rainbow baby was born the same exact day my I lost my 2nd. Sending you love strong momma!

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wendy morlewski April 20, 2013 at 12:17 pm

So very sorry for your loss. I also had a loss due to twin to twin transfusion. I as put on bed rest for 12 weeks and had to take turbrutline (spelling is wrong) every four hours around the clock. I do know the pain of loosing a child this way and the heart ache and emotions that go along with the loss. Thank you for sharing your story!! <3. Sending much your way!!

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Shannon April 20, 2013 at 12:36 pm

What a miracle God has given you despite the loss of your other son. No one can judge your decision with only minutes to decide. May God continue to bless your family and always know your lil angel is with you even if its not here on earth. Take knowing you will see him again!

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Diana April 20, 2013 at 1:45 pm

Yes, you are strong. I have lost a baby myself, but I really can’t imagine how torturing it had to be for you to DECIDE upon the death of one of your babies. You have my full respect, and my admiration for your strength.

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YOUR MOM April 21, 2013 at 5:38 am

As I read your story, I can’t help but cry. All the pain, sadness and loss you both went through. My heart aches for both of you. I just want to wrap you in my arms, hold you tight and make all the pain go away. You both are very brave and I know it was one of the most hardest decisions you will ever had to have made. I just wish I could say the right words to make the pain go away. Life isn’t easy or fair at times. A piece of your heart was broke and replaced with another precious piece. I will always be a shoulder to cry on, arms to hug you, an ear to listen to and phone call away. I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER, ALWAYS AND FOREVER.
mom
xoxoxoxoxooxoxooxxoxooxoxo

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Tristan May 1, 2013 at 9:11 pm

So sorry for your loss but happy for your healthy babies. My son was also born on February 6 of this year :)

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Sarah May 4, 2013 at 10:23 pm

Your story moved me to tears. I can’t imagine having to face such a decision, and you are indeed strong and brave. Congratulations, mama, on all your babies. Those with you now the one waiting to meet you in heaven one day.

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