[Trigger Warning: This post contains a story of loss]
I am strong because my husband and I conceived twins during my third pregnancy (our 2nd together).
I am strong because we found out at 20 weeks that it was twins. I had a gut feeling that it was twins all along. They had confirmed that they were identical twin boys.
I am strong because they told us to expect a call from the hospital.
I am strong because at 24w 3d, we learned that our boys had stage 3 twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome. I was in complete shock and didn’t know what to do. They gave me the first set of steroids and I screamed in pain as my heart shattered.
I am strong because the next day we drove two hours to a hospital to have a “pre-op” for the laser surgery to try and correct the TTTS. Things were looking to be in our favour.
I am strong because the next day (24w 5d), we drove back to the hospital for the surgery. My spirits were high.
I am strong because things took a turn for the worse. The doctor discovered that our boys umbilical cords were pretty much growing out of the same spot. They had not discovered this on all of the scans that were done. Our doctor, who specialized in TTTS cases, said that he has only ever in his career seen a case like this maybe once or twice.
My husband was strong, too. The doctor told us, while I was on the operating table, that we had to a) sever the smaller baby’s cord to save our recipient baby; or b) don’t do anything and lose both. While I screamed and had to be told that I had to lay still or else I would be restrained, my husband made the ultimate decision to have our smaller boy’s cord severed. He and I had to decide within only a few minutes time. We could not go and think about this and come back.
We are strong because we got to watch our little boy on the monitor one last time.
We are also strong because 4 weeks later, my water broke and I was admitted to the hospital. I stayed there for 2 weeks on bed rest, baking our survivor (2 hrs away), while my husband held down our home and cared for our other two children.
We are strong because at 30w 5d, our surviving son was born. He weighed 3lbs 9oz. We also got to spend precious time with our little angel. Our survivor stayed in the nicu for one month. He will be 2 in July.
We are strong because even though we lost a son and went through hell, we tried for another baby. We discovered that we were expecting on our angel’s angelversary! As scary as it was to be pregnant after a loss, we welcomed our rainbow baby on Feb. 6, 2013. A girl.
[23w 5d (about a week before our loss) – I was measuring close to 40 weeks due to high volumes of fluid
[Our angel a week or so after he passed. To me, it looks as if he is smiling.]