I Am Strong {Lampra}

by Alisia on May 3, 2013

People say I’m strong because when I was 6 weeks pregnant I left an abusive marriage because I couldn’t take the mental, verbal, physical, sexual, emotional, and psychological abuse my husband had been doing to me and didn’t want my son to be raised in that environment. People say I’m strong because during my pregnancy I was homeless for a little awhile, had no money because my husband and his mother took all the money from our account and left me with $150 to live off of, struggle to provide food for myself, and struggle to pay rent when I did get an apartment.

People say I’m strong because I went to every midwife appointment by myself, went to birthing classes by myself, and parenting classes by myself. It was so embarrassing to be the only one without a partner and the stares that I received from strangers that I would cry a lot at night asking God did I make the right decision. People say I’m strong because when my car was taken by my ex when I was 8.5 months pregnant, I walked about 3 miles to school everyday in Georgia summer weather, took 3 buses to make my midwife appointments, and took the bus system to get around. People say I’m strong because I had an unplanned unassisted homebirth at my apartment. My labor progress so quickly (in labor for only 4 hours) and was majority painless that I birthed my son in the toilet thinking I had to make a bowel movement. In one push he came out in toilet of my townhouse apartment.

People say I’m strong because I been taking care of my son with no family, no support from my ex husband, without a car majority of the time, and very little support from church friends. Since my son was 3 weeks old, he has been going to school with me. People say I’m strong because I sought out help for healing from the abuse that my ex husband has done to me. I have been seeing a rape counselor for a year now, see another counselor for the abuse, and attend weekly domestic abuse support meetings. Last month, I was able to graduate with my son and earn my Doctor of Chiropractic degree from my school.

mother and son at graudation

My son is now 10 months old and I don’t believe I’m strong at all. Everything I did was for the love of my son. There was times I wanted to give up, but I knew I had to continue on to give my son a better life. Being a single parent isn’t easy and its extremely hard when going to play dates and mommy groups and being the only single parent while the other moms rave about their husbands and/or partners or my favorite on how hard it is to take care of their child for weekend while their partner was out of town. I question still did I make right decision and some days I believe yes and some days no because my dream has been ruined. Hopefully, if God willing, I will have my dream life like I want, but I don’t know if that will happen or not. I know one thing for certain that I am bless with a very handsome, happy, healthy little boy that loves his mommy and his mommy loves him to pieces.

I am strong {Lampra}

unplanned unassisted homebirth

Mommy And I Photography

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{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

Amanda May 3, 2013 at 2:08 pm

Absolutely gorgeous & amazing!

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Katie J May 3, 2013 at 2:10 pm

Fantastic story, I only hope that this mama will realize that without a doubt that she IS strong! I wish I could be her friend!

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Krissy May 3, 2013 at 2:26 pm

I think you are a warrior! I definitely think you and and will have your dream life! You are so strong to have sought healing for abuse…I understand how hard it is because its hard to learn to love ourselves when someone has treated us like we’re not worthy of love. Your son is so blessed. He has such a strong role model!!

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Natalie May 3, 2013 at 2:27 pm

I have read so many ” birth without fear” stories. This by far is my favorite. What an inspiring story of survival, sacrifice and love. What you did is nothing but miraculous. Your son is lucky to have you and he will know how to work hard and be self sufficient because of you! Congrats on your graduation! You should be so, so proud of yourself!

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MissKatherineA May 3, 2013 at 2:55 pm

By far my favorite story shared on BWF and I read and love them all! The lack of support and straight up oppression this woman has endured is shameful, her decision to choose life despite it is overwhelmingly inspiring. This is what a strong person looks like, those who say so are right!! Sending much love to this mother and her beautiful son.

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Anna May 3, 2013 at 3:07 pm

Thank you so much for sharing your story!! If I could, I would reach out to you and wrap you in my arms.

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Laura May 3, 2013 at 3:46 pm

You are an AMAZING mommy!! You are my hero!! Kudos to you for raising your son alone and still finishing school! I’d give you a big hug if I could :-)

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Valerie Diaz May 3, 2013 at 5:51 pm

What a STRONG and inspiring woman. Wow!

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Stefani Vechery May 3, 2013 at 7:49 pm

You are a strong woman! And you should be so proud of all you have accomplished for you and your son. Your son will certainly be proud of you when he’s old enough to understand. I’m sorry you don’t have more support in your life, but never give up because things will get better and miracles happen in the most unexpected ways. Good luck to you and your son(who is adorable, by the way)!

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Liz F May 3, 2013 at 9:22 pm

Being a father is more than just donating 50% of the genetic material. You DEFINITELY did the right thing! Stay strong, mama, and know that there are others out there just like you doing what is best for their children. xx

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Tc May 4, 2013 at 1:19 am

I notice you say, “people say I’m strong” a lot in your piece. Please rephrase, and tell yourself “I AM strong!” Each and every day, realize the gift of a better life — you gave this gift not only to yourself, but to your son. Please realize you have God as your “partner” in all of this, and He will lead your way, step by step. You never know what good is in store for you, and maybe will even take shape in the form of a new partner… One who will cherish who and what you have to give as an amazing, beautiful, strong woman! Thank you for your bravery in sharing with us. Continue marching forward, onward and upward, joyously celebrating your accomplishments each and every moment, with your head held high, and your heart filled with peace and love.

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liz May 4, 2013 at 1:36 am

Ahh look at what a stunning person you are, inside and out, and the beautiful son you have loved and nurtured. You are a tough cookie full of smartness, pride, passion and ofcourse beauty, id say Stronge is defiantly up their. You’ll get everything wonderful in life now and your precious son certainly looks like he’s enjoying the ride.
Love and Luck for the future (I would say strength but you’ve got plenty of that!)
xxxxxx
ps. the weekend comment still gets me every time ;-)

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Kaya May 4, 2013 at 7:40 pm

WOW! You are truly the embodiment of strength (both inner and outer)! Congratulations on everything you have accomplished! Your son is going to grow into a wonderful man with your strong guidance. :)

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Mama ME May 5, 2013 at 2:55 pm

BEAUTIFUL woman, MAMA, Being….

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Linda McCoy May 5, 2013 at 9:10 pm

You are Strong , You are exceptional , You are awesome , and You are beautiful ! It was a pleasure meeting you ! You shall have your hearts desire !! Love You Ms. Linda

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Holly May 8, 2013 at 11:44 am

You ARE strong! Love strengthens us like nothing else. Most women would have quite school and many would turn to drugs and/or damaging ways of making money, or even given up the will to live… but you kept working toward a better life. My husband recently graduated with his Chiropractic degree and that ALONE is a huge challenge. It took him almost 6 years of working himself to the bone at school and supporting me and our children. We hardly ever saw him. Our youngest child who is now 4 is only just beginning to get to know him (he graduated Apr 27th). So major kudos to you! You have done so much more than you give yourself credit for! Hard things are always most worth the effort : )

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Sam May 9, 2013 at 11:29 pm

Yes you are STRONG and YES your dreams will come true because you are a beautiful soul and beautiful mama and you deserve true happiness in your life. Your son is adorable and I am so glad you made the choices you did to leave a bad place, get an education, and raise a happy, beautiful child. I have been a single mom for 10 years and am about to get married to a wonderful man who makes a perfect dad to my son, whose biological dad is not involved. I know how hard it is sometimes, and how lonely it might feel, but hang in there mama! Your son is totally worth all the hard work you do to remain healthy and happy. God bless.

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Sienna Metatawabin May 16, 2013 at 6:41 pm

I have nothing but love for you and all that you have done. I was a single parent also and though my life has changed now and I am married, I know what its like to have believed in something or someone and to have to face reality about that person or situation. I remember lots of bus rides to work, school, daycares etc. and all of my friends having fun and going out (I was in my early 20s) and I was with my daughter just trying to work on healthy meals and keeping our life as happy as could be under the circumstances. Congratulations on your successful birth, your son and your degree! Keep up your healing- look into EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), its really amazing for healing trauma. xo

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Lynda M O May 19, 2013 at 12:40 pm

Congratulations and may the Universal Healing Power be strong in you and convince you that you and your son are amazing and belong to the world. What a wondrous woman you are !~!

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Laura M May 29, 2013 at 10:22 pm

What a beautiful strong woman you are, and what a handsome little man. he is so blessed to have a wonderful mama like you! :-)

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bella July 13, 2013 at 5:50 pm

What a courageous story, you are the best mother and father for youe child. You are real woman, your story is amazing!

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Sarah Morgan September 7, 2013 at 9:21 pm

Thank you so much for sharing your story. You are so powerful and inspiring, and so strong!

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