People say I’m strong because when I was 6 weeks pregnant I left an abusive marriage because I couldn’t take the mental, verbal, physical, sexual, emotional, and psychological abuse my husband had been doing to me and didn’t want my son to be raised in that environment. People say I’m strong because during my pregnancy I was homeless for a little awhile, had no money because my husband and his mother took all the money from our account and left me with $150 to live off of, struggle to provide food for myself, and struggle to pay rent when I did get an apartment.
People say I’m strong because I went to every midwife appointment by myself, went to birthing classes by myself, and parenting classes by myself. It was so embarrassing to be the only one without a partner and the stares that I received from strangers that I would cry a lot at night asking God did I make the right decision. People say I’m strong because when my car was taken by my ex when I was 8.5 months pregnant, I walked about 3 miles to school everyday in Georgia summer weather, took 3 buses to make my midwife appointments, and took the bus system to get around. People say I’m strong because I had an unplanned unassisted homebirth at my apartment. My labor progress so quickly (in labor for only 4 hours) and was majority painless that I birthed my son in the toilet thinking I had to make a bowel movement. In one push he came out in toilet of my townhouse apartment.
People say I’m strong because I been taking care of my son with no family, no support from my ex husband, without a car majority of the time, and very little support from church friends. Since my son was 3 weeks old, he has been going to school with me. People say I’m strong because I sought out help for healing from the abuse that my ex husband has done to me. I have been seeing a rape counselor for a year now, see another counselor for the abuse, and attend weekly domestic abuse support meetings. Last month, I was able to graduate with my son and earn my Doctor of Chiropractic degree from my school.
My son is now 10 months old and I don’t believe I’m strong at all. Everything I did was for the love of my son. There was times I wanted to give up, but I knew I had to continue on to give my son a better life. Being a single parent isn’t easy and its extremely hard when going to play dates and mommy groups and being the only single parent while the other moms rave about their husbands and/or partners or my favorite on how hard it is to take care of their child for weekend while their partner was out of town. I question still did I make right decision and some days I believe yes and some days no because my dream has been ruined. Hopefully, if God willing, I will have my dream life like I want, but I don’t know if that will happen or not. I know one thing for certain that I am bless with a very handsome, happy, healthy little boy that loves his mommy and his mommy loves him to pieces.