The Day I Became a Mom {The story of a Blended Family}

by mamabearbri on June 21, 2013

The day I became a mom is quite different than many other’s birth stories….

I had known that Rick had a son before I even began dating him. I knew that he pretty much took care of him full time with the help of his grandma, and that Ricky’s mom was in and out of the picture. I had also known what an amazing kid he was.

When Rick and I began dating, he asked if I was OK with waiting to meet his son. Of course I was. I understood. I was only 18, he was 27, I wanted to make sure this was going to last before we included anyone else – especially his child. He was being a good father by making sure I was going to stick around before he brought his child into the picture. This made me love him almost instantly. What woman wouldn’t swoon over the idea of a man being a great father?

The day I finally meet Ricky was on Super Bowl Sunday 2003; about a month after Rick and I decided to be exclusive. He was 7 years old. He had the best manners. He even called me “ma’am”. He also met my parents, brother and sister that day, too.

In preparation for our meeting, I went to Target and bought a big Tupperware container, bubbles, crayons, coloring books, some outside balls, and paints. I decorated the box with his name. When he came inside I showed him the box and let him know it was his and it was here for when he came to hang out at my house. He was so excited that I had thought of him!

Later on in the afternoon, he seemed a little bored watching football, so we went for a walk around the block. We brought the bubbles so we could blow them as we walked. We talked about random things at first. And then he said, “Can you promise not to fight with my dad in front of me? I hate when my parents fight. It makes me so nervous.” I almost started crying. How could a child so innocent and sweet even understand all that had happened in his life so far? I stopped blowing the bubbles, turned to look at him, and I promised him whole-heartedly that I would never fight with his dad in front of him. His response was, “great! I really like you.”  “I really like you, too, Ricky,” I said.

That was the day I became a mom.

Rick and I moved in together about a year and a half later. We were married in September of 2008. Ricky was our best man. It seemed fitting. He really was the best man, too. He has been a complete treasure to have in my life. Don’t get me wrong, there are times he can be a “normal” teenager, and do teenager stuff. But, for the most part, he is pretty amazing. I got lucky. I am blessed. He is an amazing son.

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{Ricky and I on my wedding day. He was our best man.}

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{Rick, Ricky and I on our wedding day.}

I call him my son, because that is what I feel he is. He is my son. I may not have carried him in my womb. I may not have birthed him. But he is mine. Having a child does not necessarily make you a parent; raising one does. I have raised him. I have gone to parent/teacher meetings. I have been up with him in the middle of the night while he was sick. I’ve wiped tears and kissed boo-boos. I’ve assisted in helping him navigate teenage-hood, and brought him to adulthood. I’ve watched him grow from a young boy into a handsome, respectful man.

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{Ricky’s Senior Picture}

Now, as I reflect on the last 10 years of our relationship, I am so incredibly proud of the man he has become. He graduated high school this June and turned 18. He will be going to college to earn a degree in early childhood education specializing in special education. He wants to be a special education teacher. He has such a kind, gentle, and caring spirit. He is the most AMAZING big brother to his siblings. He is so helpful and loving.

I couldn’t imagine my life without this boy. He is a part of me. He is so incredible. He is my first child.

I’ve learned so much from him. People may think that is strange. However, as I reflect, I realize he taught me how to love someone unconditionally. He taught me to love like a mother, to think like a mother, and to feel like a mother.

To ReRe: You have filled my heart with so much pride and joy. I have enjoyed watching you grow from a goofy kid to a very handsome young man and I am eager to see where the world will take you. As you embark on this new chapter in life, know that I am always here for you. I will always love you. You will always be my boy. You are the reason I am the mother I am today. I am so incredibly proud of you. I love you so very much.

All of my heart,

“Nana”

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{Ricky holding “P” after she was born}

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{Mother’s Day 2011, Ricky and P}

(photo credit to Jacey Autumn Photography https://www.facebook.com/jaceyautumnphotography?fref=ts )

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{Ricky, P and C}

(Photo credit to Tarah Van Grouw Photography https://www.facebook.com/VanGrouwPhotography?fref=ts )

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{Ricky and P snuggling on the couch}

Ricky1

{They call him De De because they cannot say Ricky. They love him so much!}

Misc May-June 2013 106-dup

Our most recent family photo

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{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Jolene June 21, 2013 at 11:08 am

So glad to read your story! I have a first born not born to me too whom I constantly am reminding that she’s my first love and absolute everything! Much love and light to you and your beautiful family!

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Kelsey June 21, 2013 at 11:08 am

This was beautiful and very thoughtful! <3 it made me tear up with joy at how much love there is!!

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Tami June 21, 2013 at 11:27 am

Thanks for sharing your beautiful story!!

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Midwife and Mum June 21, 2013 at 11:38 am

I love this post. I am a midwife who is passionate about supporting women through their birth journey, and yet I have never been able to make that journey myself. Instead I took a different journey – I am a Mum to my beautiful girl by choice, through adoption. The day I first saw her photo I was smitten, and then the amazing day came, and we met – as she reached out to hold my hand I became a mother. 6 years on, and I am just like any other Mum, riding the rollercoaster of parenthood!

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Kinzie June 21, 2013 at 12:01 pm

I love this one! :)

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BethanyH June 21, 2013 at 12:08 pm

Beautiful! I hope I can find a step-dad for my boys as wonderful as you are someday!

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Mary June 21, 2013 at 12:09 pm

What a beautiful story! Brought tears to my eyes. You are blessed to have such a lovely family.

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Bethanie June 21, 2013 at 12:13 pm

This post brought tears to my eyes. My first child was also one that wasn’t birthed from me. She was 4 when her daddy and I met, and though she does spend days with her biological mom, I’m the mom who takes her shopping, helps with homework, attends school functions, and talks to her about life. We have a lot of struggles in being a blended family, but I truly love her as much as my biological daughter. I worry about her more than I do my bio daughter. I was worried during my pregnancy that my relationship with my oldest would be affected by the birth of my bio daughter, as well as how she would react to having another child in the house, but our relationship has strengthened and, if anything, I love her more than I did before. She’s also a fabulous big sister. I dread the days when she goes to her bio’s house because her little sister misses her so much, and our whole household dynamic is off whenever she’s gone. I also found it ironic that you and your husband are 9 years apart in age. My DH and I met when I was 24 and he was 33. I think the age difference (and the fact that he was a bachelor/single dad for so many years before we started dating) has been a bigger issue in our relationship than the blended family has been!

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Erin June 21, 2013 at 12:17 pm

Thanks so much for this story! Ricky looks like you could be his biological mother. It’s so awesome that you helped heal your husband and son’s broken family. You are such an example of love.

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Rita June 21, 2013 at 12:22 pm

That is a beautiful story! and you are so right, raising a kid makes you a mother. One of my aunts, when she married her husband, my uncle’s ex-wife out of jealousy dropped their three kids (two girls and a boy they were toddlers then) outside my aunt’s doorstep, they were all dirty and ratty and she just left them there. Since that day my Aunt has not only raised them but loved them as her own and thanks to her and my uncle and all that they did for them they are incredible men and women :)

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Nancy June 21, 2013 at 12:45 pm

I usually don’t comment on this sight but just have to this once. What a great story. As a Grandmother with an inherited Grandson your words could not be more true. We have to go beyond the norm if we want harmony, happiness and the feel of being a part of a blended family for these babies we are granted through the Grace of God, what a wonderful privilege in our life. I commend you for doing an excellent job and just know you will be rewarded ten-fold.

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Jamie Peel June 21, 2013 at 1:35 pm

What a great, inspiring story! God bless you and your wonderful family!

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Bethe June 21, 2013 at 10:23 pm

Your story brought tears to my eyes. You are all lucky to have each other. What a beautiful family!

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Caitrin June 22, 2013 at 4:30 am

Thank you for sharing your story! I’m just at the beginning of a blended relationship, my fiancée is 11.5 years older than me with 2 kids (4 and 3) and I’ve already been more in the life of the 3 year old than his biological mother has. I consider them my kids and the one I have on the way just another addition to our family. Nice to know there are others out there dealing with the same issues!

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Reedu June 22, 2013 at 6:28 am

I loved this story but perhaps what struck me so much was how wise and composed you were at such a young age. Whoever raised you should be proud, too.

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Alex June 22, 2013 at 8:29 am

This is such a beautiful story, and beautifully written! Thank you for sharing!

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Rachel June 22, 2013 at 10:34 am

This story makes the hormonal pregnant lady cry. :’-)

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Sandee June 22, 2013 at 4:16 pm

This is a fantastic story! My husband and I were friends before our oldest was born, and started dating when he was about 6 months old. They used to bring me lunches at college, and we’d sit in the grass and have picnics….the day I became a Mom was one of those days- he was running around eating applesauce, and stopped abruptly to give me a big, applesauce-y kiss. My husband and I got full custody when he was 4, and he’s been with us ever since. We didn’t have anymore kids till last year, when he was 14, and it really hurt my heart when people who have known us all along ask, “So what’s it like to be a Mom?” Umm…I’ve been a mom a long time, but it sure is different having two! is usually my answer.

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Dianne Martin June 22, 2013 at 4:19 pm

Thank you for posting this beautiful and inspirational story. I have shared this on my FB page for other stepmoms to read. You have a beautiful family and have found the keys to stepfamily harmony.

Blessings

Dianne Martin, BSW, RSW
Certified Stepfamily Counsellor

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