I Am Strong {Cesarean Birth and Attempted VBAC}

by Mama Bice on August 6, 2013

I am strong because I went into my first birth with no plan and ended up laboring and pushing naturally…

I am strong because my baby was posterior and I had horrible back labor…

I am strong because I pushed for three hours and she when she wouldn’t descend I ended up in the OR with my first cesarean…

Emma

I am blessed because I delivered a 6 lbs 12 oz baby girl named Emma…

I am strong because she wouldn’t wake up to latch and got jaundice…

I am strong because I pumped colostrum and feed it to her using an SNS system…

Emma

I am strong because she literally ripped the skin off of my nipples when she would latch, but she wouldn’t suck unless she got instant gratification (the SNS system)…

I am strong because she finally latched and started sucking with a nipple shield that lasted for 13 weeks…

I am strong because I was determined to nurse this little one and it didn’t matter what it took…

I am strong because I weaned her from the shield on my own over a couple of weeks and she was able to finally nurse without any speed bumps at 3 months…

I am blessed because I went on to nurse her for 14 months…

I am strong because I wanted a VBAC so bad with my second and all of the preparation for it was part of my recovery from the first section…

I am strong because I stood up to my OB and told him that I was going to VBAC no matter what he thought and I was going to do it naturally, even when he repeatedly said, “When you get your epidural…”

I am strong because my waters partially broke and when I went to the hospital they couldn’t determine that it had, but I knew it had…

I am strong because the doctor on call sent me for an ultrasound and my water level was low (hence the partial rupture 8 hours prior) and she tried to scare me by saying my baby was posterior again and ending up with a cesarean after a trial of labor would be very risky and that my pelvis was narrow…

I am strong because I refused pitocin when they broke the rest of my waters to get my contractions started…

I am blessed because the doctor that came on when I was finally admitted, after 8 hours in triage, was on my side, she said “We will do whatever you are comfortable doing today.”  She was my angel that day…

I am strong because I labored with back labor naturally for 6 hours and tried every attempt to rotate my baby and she wouldn’t flip…

I am blessed because I had a team of 4 strong women and my strong husband helping me that day…

I am strong because I pushed naturally for 3 hours and she wouldn’t budge past a +2 station…

I am strong because I went ahead at that point and got an epidural to rest for two hours and then I pushed for another hour only to see her head start to budge and then go back after every contraction…

I am blessed because my new OB was there helping me push the whole time with the epidural, because I didn’t know how…

I am strong because my last attempt at a successful VBAC was allowing the use of the vacuum…

I am strong because it didn’t help and I ended up back in the OR for a CBAC…

Haddie

I am strong because I asked to have my baby placed on my chest in the OR only to be shot down that it wasn’t allowed by the head of the OR (my doc said it was okay, but it wasn’t her choice)…

I am strong because I told them that nothing would change unless people like me demanded things…

I am blessed because I delivered another 6 lbs 12 oz (same weight as her sister) baby girl named Haddie…

I am strong because I did everything in my power to have a VBAC and I accepted that it failed…

I am blessed because Haddie latched immediately in the recovery room and hasn’t stopped nursing since…

Haddie Nursing

I am strong because when I was wheeled into my hospital room from the recovery room to see Emma meet her sister for the first time, I hemorrhaged and saw my life flash before me…

Emma and Haddie

I am blessed that I am still here to be the mommy of these sweet girls…

I am strong because I missed everyone meeting my sweet Haddie for the first time…

I am strong because even though I am mourning another loss, I don’t let it consume me…

I am strong because I am seeking assistance to work through this grief…

I am strong because I won’t accept that my body has to deliver my babies through surgery; I am already researching a VBA2C…

I am strong because I am going back to school this fall to get my IBCLC certification and then eventually a doula certification, to help women that have gone through the same thing I have or to help prevent it…

I am blessed to have Birth Without Fear to share my story…

Share/Bookmark

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Svea Boyda-Vikander August 7, 2013 at 1:38 am

This is beautiful.

Reply

Lindsay August 7, 2013 at 5:27 pm

You are so strong. I have tears in my eyes after reading this. Your 1st daughters birth reminds me so much of my daughters birth. (My 1st child also) I am 6.5 mo pregnant with my 2nd baby and doing everything in my power to vbac. You inspire me. <3

Reply

Liz August 7, 2013 at 5:36 pm

Beautiful story–I got chills! Also: LOVE that perfect latch! Gorgeous pictures :)

Reply

Genevieve August 7, 2013 at 6:04 pm

You are strong and you are blessed.

Reply

Mandy August 7, 2013 at 6:45 pm

This is practically my same story!! My first was a c/s because of “Failure to progress” (I’m convinced it was from pitocin being turned up too high causing my cervix to swell), and my 2nd c/s after 16 hours of natural labor because we found out she was presenting brow first. My 2nd doctor was very supportive. I’m sad I didn’t achieve my VBAC too. :( But I’m glad we both have our sweet babies and hopefully we’ll both have a VBA2C one day!!

Reply

laura arnold August 7, 2013 at 6:53 pm

Good job Holly!

Reply

Gabrielle Volkmer August 7, 2013 at 7:16 pm

What a beautiful, touching story! It brought tears to my eyes reading it.

Reply

Christa August 7, 2013 at 7:24 pm

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It brought tears and helped me process my own thoughts of my natural labor, 3 hours of pushing, attempted suctioning and eventual c sec with a healthy girl who nursed beautifully. It was almost one year ago. We are strong:)

Reply

Jennifer August 7, 2013 at 8:51 pm

You are strong. 7 days ago I battled an OP position and ultimately submitted to my first C-section. But I refuse to let remorse or regret cloud this high of love and joy that now fills my life. Your motherhood is not defined by how you give life but that you did. I can tell by the tone of your story you are a fierce, loving momma who does the best for her girls each and every day!

Reply

Amanda August 8, 2013 at 5:40 pm

I got chills while reading this! What a TOUCHING story, and you are very inspiring!

Reply

Audrey Egan August 9, 2013 at 1:46 am

Thank you for sharing! Your story is very similar to mine. Sometimes it is nice to hear that we are not alone in our struggles to birth as we would like to. Sending you lots of love and strength and positive energy for your next pregnancy and birth :)!

Reply

Andre September 17, 2013 at 9:18 am

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your birth story with such confidence. My story mirrors yours almost exactly. I struggle with it daily and find, through my struggle, motivation and determination for a VBA2C with my next baby. Hearing a story like yours helps me understand and truly believe that through us and our journeys we WILL make a difference for future mommas like us. We can and will do it!

Reply

Lisa September 19, 2013 at 2:10 pm

This was so like my first labour, I am now 15wks pregnant with my second & want to vbac with all my heart, I will take strength from you & try to accept that it may not work, & to try to find the strength to accept it if doesn’t work again. Thank you for sharing your inspiring story x x your girls are beautiful & are so lucky to have a mama like you. X x

Reply

Brittany October 22, 2013 at 1:08 am

Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. I had a Vbac attempt 7 weeks ago, after my first birth was over 2 days long in labor, ended with a c section. I have been having a hard time accepting that I did not get the Vbac birth I had hoped for, and your story makes me feel like I’m not alone. Thank you for that. One day I hope to vba2c as well. Xo

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: