Self Love Movement is Not an Excuse…

by Mrs. BWF on March 14, 2014

People are talking more and more about self love, self acceptance, and body positivity. And it’s awesome. It truly is. The world will be better for it. There are, however, people who are anti-self love. Yes, you read that right. There are people who get upset with people loving themselves. Let me give you an example. This lovely person took the time in her day to private message me this…

“Seriously you have a bad attitude it’s really sad how rude and hateful you get with people. Life is about making the best of it meaning making yourself happy which no one wants a big belly hanging over their vagina no that wouldn’t make anyone happy don’t make people feel bad for wanting to change their weight because they’re not happy with how big they’re. the older we get the harder it gets to lose weight plus with our hormones we tend to find it hard to lose weight and gain more and no it’s not healthy to he skinny either but the point here is you seriously need to take a chill pill the truth can he hard to handle but we all want to feel beautiful and you can’t dare say being fat feels beautiful side IT DOES NOT it’s the hard honest truth you need to accept it everytime I see you put stuff up about self shaming all I’m thinking is how much you actually hate being big but you’re too lazy to change it so you try to make yourself feel better about the situation. I’m fat and I’m working on it I won’t let myself go but you need to support women on trying to get healthy!! I heard you talk at a bwf conference and you sounded like you were out of breath I’m sure lots of weight doesn’t help with that. Please help women want to get healthy not just deal with what they have been left with which is being overweight anything is possible and things worth getting are never easy!”

I have a few things to say about this and to all of those who get their knickers in a twist over self love.

•Are there not more important things in life to get worked up over? If people learning to love themselves is an issue for you, open your eyes. There are bigger issues you could positively direct your attention to.

•People miss the point: loving oneself does not mean not working towards change. Reread until it makes sense.

•Do not judge unless you walk in someone’s shoes. For fucks sake. Does this person know my story? Take the time to get to know someone and what they’ve been through. We all have a story to tell. Support and love go much further than hate. Oh and guess what….that support and love help with change.

•For example, the being out of breath had nothing to do with my weight. I was literally bone deep exhausted doing four events in one month, running three businesses, traveling and taking care of five children. Yes, I could barely breathe. Maybe instead of sitting there criticizing me, you could have seen how I was and given me a hug while you watched me do that for hundreds of other women.

•Self love is not solely about weight. When we are insecure we make everything about us and our insecurities…which she did. Which I used to do. There are healthy, thin and fit people who do not love themselves. This is what I’ve come to realize and when I promote self love, it’s not ‘fat acceptance’….it’s people acceptance. None of us are perfect, however, we can work towards change, but we can be nice to ourselves in the process.

•The comment is full of hate, assumptions and dripping with self doubt and hate from the person that wrote it. My first reaction was wanting to tell her to fuck off. Yes, I said it. This unicorn is far from always graceful. I reflect a lot of hate that comes my way. I get more ridicule and hate from people since starting Birth Without Fear than I knew imaginable. I have learned to let most of it roll off and work through things that I take more personal. This cut deep, not because it’s full of truth as she says, but because she wrote it to try and take something in my life and hurt me with it. I came to the conclusion that I am so very sad for her. Not only does she miss the point of loving oneself, but when you don’t love yourself…you can’t love others. I hope she finds peace and in a place she can do this. In the meantime I blocked her ass so she can’t send her self hate my way.

This kind of thing ends up fueling my passion to a whole other level. I will continue to promote and defend self love. I will continue to help women to love themselves and support them in doing that so that they can make changes they wish to make. Isn’t that a brilliant idea? I think so.

{January, the sexy fat unicorn}

self love


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