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A Story of Loss, Determination, and Hope

A Story of Loss, Determination, and Hope

I wanted to share my birth story with you mostly because I’m completely inspired by everything you do and now I feel more prepared than ever to have have my second baby once I get pregnant. {Rebecca Cox}

I got pregnant at 20 with my first baby, I found out while my husband was on a mini deployment (he’s in the US Navy), so instead of sending him an email I decided to wait unit he got home so I could tell him with a scavenger hunt. We were both so thrilled. Almost a month later, 3 days after his birthday, I started having some light spotting. He thought nothing of it, but later that evening I finally got up the courage to take a trip to the emergency room. After several hours of tests and waiting they told me I had a “threatened miscarriage”.

Two days later, I lost the baby. I had never been so devastated. The doctors told me I didn’t have to wait until my hormone levels went down. I wasn’t ready to “try” again but we did the whole “if it happens it happens if it doesn’t it doesn’t”. The doctors also told me if I hadn’t started my period within 28-30 days to take a pregnancy test,  and if it was positive then it was probably residual and that I would have to have D&C done. The thought of a D&C broke my heart even more.

30 days later I still hadn’t started my period. My heart sank the moment that little test said positive. Why would this happen to me?  I wanted to try to heal,  and that didn’t help anything.

After several days of blood work I found out that I was in fact pregnant again. I got pregnant within a few days of having a miscarriage. Shocked is the only word I can use to describe it. After I got out of my first trimester I became more excited and actually got attached to the unborn baby inside my womb.  I then started to make a birth plan, I wanted simple things such as to be able to walk after my water broke, no catheter, no epidural, things that I thought were pretty reasonable considering I was going to be laboring, not them.

Awhile after, I was diagnosed with preeclampsia, gestational diabetes, and they told me the baby had low fluid levels so they might have to take her at 30 weeks, I was around 23 weeks pregnant at this time. After fighting with my doctors I finally got them to not take her, no medication for any issue (I don’t believe in medication).

My husband deployed when I was 3 weeks away from my due date going on a 7 month deployment. 2 days after he left I found out the baby was breech. They didn’t give me an option to do anything besides a c-section. Devastated. I was going to have major abdominal  surgery without my husband and there was nothing I could do about it. Being the type of person I am, I reluctantly agreed as long as they would wait until my water broke. They didn’t at first, but luckily the morning I was supposed to go in, my doctor canceled due to too many emergency surgeries. My water broke 2 days later and I had a healthy beautiful baby girl weighing in at 5lbs 13oz.

My recovery was not bad at all. It was physically easier than what I thought it was going to be. Looking back now, I should have stood up for myself, and “demanded” what I wanted for myself and my unborn daughter. 7 months later my husband returned home and we have never been happier. I am strong because I now carry the knowledge to stand up for myself.

Thank you Birth Without Fear, for giving me the knowledge and strength to have my baby my way when the time comes.

Where I’m At…Virtue

Where I’m At…Virtue

In backing off Facebook, I am giving more time to myself, my family and yes…my spirituality and faith. If you have followed me any length of time, you know that I am accepting of all and never push religion. However, in being honest about where I am at in life away from Facebook, here it is.

Today, among other things, I am preparing a talk for church tomorrow. My talk is based on VIRTUE. More specifically the last sentence of the 13th Article of Faith in my church. It goes:

“We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men, indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul. We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to e able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.”

Definitely not what the world is teaching us. I feel humble to be able to study and give a talk on this topic. I’m sure I have just as much, if not more, to learn from this than anyone who will be hearing the words I prepare.

These lessons and morals are important not just to us, but to teach our beautiful daughters and sons. To hope, to love, to do good…and to seek these things out.

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