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Tag: postpartum

Say It: “I Am Magical As F***.”

Say It: “I Am Magical As F***.”

Life can be hard, disappointing, frustrating, depressing, and scary too. But the moments of utter joy like when you hold your child for the first time, moments of intense love like a lovers embrace, and moments of childlike wonder and awe like meeting beautiful, strong, intelligent elephants make this life worth living for.

This mama and her adopted sister were rescued from Thailand and they co-care for mums 7 year old girl and one year old baby boy (seen in photo).

The similarities between human and animal is more similar than we like to believe.

I sat there soaking up the kisses I received from auntie elephant and moments watching baby boy nurse from his mothers breast while sister waited on them before exiting the space.

Yep, magical as fuck.

And so are you. Say it: “I am magical. I am magical as fuck.” And keep saying it until you remember and know this truth. You, my friend, are beautiful, magical, and powerful. You always have been.

I’m totally planning an elephant tattoo now.

Much love,
January

The “…Without Fear” Webinar Series

The “…Without Fear” Webinar Series

Since 2010, Birth Without Fear® has been the platform for January Harshe to champion her message of options, support, and respect for pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. Over 1,000,000 followers on social media and over 9,000,000 visitors to the Birth Without Fear® Blog are proof of that.

Because of the popularity and demand for more information on a personal level, January held the inaugural Birth Without Fear® Conference in 2013. Since then, January has held close to 100 Birth Without Fear® themed events in North America.

January has run the gamut of birth experiences: planned Cesarean, emergency Cesarean, hospital VBA2C, two home birth VBA2Cs, and one last planned Cesarean. It was her many birth experiences that served as a foundation to the creation of Birth Without Fear® and advocacy for OPTIONS SUPPORT RESPECT. She has been very vocal about her battle with postpartum depression and the isolation it brings to new mothers. She has struggled with self care, self love, and body image as well. But January has also overcome those battles and struggles, discovering and developing techniques to help birthing mamas ease into postpartum and motherhood without feeling they are alone in the world.

Despite January’s willingness to travel all over and share about her experiences and techniques with other moms and dads live and in person, many more people simply can’t attend a Birth Without Fear® event due to scheduling conflicts or travel costs. Being a mother of six herself, January has decided to make Birth Without Fear® events accessible to anyone and everyone no matter their location.

The Birth Without Fear® Webinar will cover the options women have available to them during pregnancy and birth, the support available to them, and the rights they have as birthing people in a hospital, a birthing center, or at home. January will use examples from her own experiences to illustrate how a birth without fear can be achieved, all with her own unique sense of style and humor that have become commonplace at all Birth Without Fear® events. REGISTER HERE

The Postpartum Without Fear Webinar will pick up where the Birth Without Fear® Webinar leaves off. Too often, women go from being the center of attention during pregnancy to being left behind in the shuffle when the baby arrives. Motherhood can feel like a lonely place, and in many cases it is. But it doesn’t have to be. January will share her struggles as a new mom (six times) with anxiety, postpartum depression, as well as her methods for preparing for life beyond childbirth. The lack of postpartum information available in our society is minimal at best. This webinar will do its part to change the discussion we are having and the stigmas surrounding postpartum and parenthood. REGISTER HERE

The Self Love & Care Without Fear Webinar will teach women how to take themselves off the bottom of their lists and put themselves at the top. Without mom guilt. Too often, mothers are worried about everyone else and their needs fall by the wayside. As a result feeling touched out, burned out, and resentful become an all to common thing, and motherhood can feel like a daily struggle. January will show how taking care of one’s self as a woman is the most selfless thing she can do as a partner and mother. She won’t show women how to get their bodies back, but January will teach women how to love themselves in the moment and how that will carry over into every other aspect of life. REGISTER HERE

The cost for each “…Without Fear” webinar is only $49.* Space is limited to 100 attendees per webinar.

If you want to reserve your spot for the Entire “…Without Fear” Webinar Series, you can do so at the discounted price of $129. REGISTER HERE.

You deserve to feel supported. You deserve solidarity. You deserve happiness. It doesn’t matter if you attend one webinar or all three, January Harshe will show you exactly how to achieve all of the above.

*All ticket sales are final. No refunds. If you cannot attend the webinar you registered for, you may transfer your reservation to a future webinar.

**Webinar times are all Central Standard Time (CST). 

***Login info will be emailed no later than 1 week prior to each “…Without Fear” Webinar. 

The Harshe Podcast – Episode #20: Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby

The Harshe Podcast – Episode #20: Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby

January and Brandon talk about sex! January talks about the importance of communication and explains all the things a new mom struggles with that prevents sex from happening and Brandon gives the male point of view on how to cope with the agonizing sexual drought. Also, Brandon tries to figure out January’s favorite position but she’s too pissed about the lone baby sock no one is picking up in the corner of the hall!

Subscribe to the Harshe Podcast on iTunes!

Subscribe to the Harshe Podcast on Google Play!

Subscribe to the Harshe Podcast on Stitcher!

Click here to download Episode #20: Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby!

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How to Do You, Boo with January Harshe” has opened up registration for Dallas, Detroit, and Minneapolis on BWFConference.com. If you struggle with body image, self love, self care, too little time, or too little money, you are not alone. Join January for an afternoon of information, instruction, and inspiration that has taken her many years to learn, implement, and successfully apply to her own life. 

To receive a $100 discount code on one of these special events, simply DM January on Instagram at @januaryharshe to get it. These events are only open to the first 20 people and they will fill up fast. Reserve your seat today!

Never Underestimate the Power of YOURSELF!

Never Underestimate the Power of YOURSELF!

These will never get old. Because women feeling supported and empowered should be the damn norm, no matter how we birth. 🌟 “Never Underestimate the POWER of a Woman. Never underestimate the power of YOURSELF. Sometimes it means digging deep, but I can tell you…you come out the other side feeling on top of the whole entire world. 💙 It felt SO dang good to celebrate birthing Trey and I really cannot wait to tell you guys the full story! Let’s just say it’s a good one: the OB had to deliver him with her fleece on, barely had time to catch him, and it is official that the only way I give birth is standing up. 🙃💙 • I’m also over the moon to raise TWO little gentlemen, because if there is one thing this mama can teach them…it’s that women are every bit as strong and capable as ANY man. They will give women the respect that we DESERVE, that is my #goals.” 🙌🏽 @ameskiefer #birthwithoutfear #optionssupportrespect

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My Three-Year Postpartum

My Three-Year Postpartum

By Billie Criswell

I was overjoyed when I became pregnant at 28 years old, and gave birth just before my 29th birthday. My pregnancy was planned, and was fairly uneventful. Because I had struggled with anxiety throughout my 20s, I prepared for postpartum, which in hindsight, sounds funny because who can really prepare for postpartum? But I did what I thought was my due diligence…I attended regular therapy sessions. I prepared my one-line birth plan: no interventions. I lined up my placenta encapsulation. I hired my doula. I had a plan for accepting help from my “Grandma dream team,” compromised of my mom and my mother-in-law, who supplied us with food and help for two full weeks.

I had an unmedicated, vaginal birth in the hospital. It was pretty routine except for a couple of things. Unbeknownst to me, a doctor or midwife in the rotating practice wrote in my chart that my baby was breech (she was not) and there was confusion about me getting a c-section. The second thing happened while I was pushing. Out of nowhere, the midwife who was attending asked the nurses to bring a mirror. I asked them not to. She nodded and insisted, “bring in the mirror.” Seeing myself giving birth in a mirror felt very violating. It was distracting, and disturbing as though I was having an out of body experience and being forced to watch something that I found traumatizing.

But all of that behind me, I left the hospital and came home. I was exhausted after having been awake for 36 hours straight, but I was well cared for by everyone around me. In those first days, I felt disconnected from everything. Trying to catch up on sleep, learning to breastfeed, and adjust to caring for an infant is pretty haze-inducing. I took the placenta pills. When people asked me how I felt, I responded with “good.”

I got to know my baby, who loved me above all people and never wanted to be put down. EVER. We adapted. We co-slept. We had a sling, and an Ergo baby carrier. Little did I know that I would literally be carrying my child around for the next 10 months (she is the most attached child I have ever, ever met.)

After two and a half weeks, it was time for my husband to go back to work, time for my mother and mother-in-law to go back to cooking for their own families. And that morning, as I kissed my husband goodbye, I was feeling a bit excited to be alone with my baby for the first time. She was asleep, and I took a breath, sat down, ready to admire her until she woke up. And that was when it happened… I felt a hot wave rush over me, and I thought I was going to pass out. The room was spinning. I panicked. I grabbed the baby and got into bed, thinking I was surely about to die. I was experiencing what would be the first of several months of panic attacks.

I was terrified to be alone with my baby, afraid that I would drop her, or that I would faint while carrying her and kill her. I was afraid that the walls were closing in. I was afraid of everything, all of the time. I had these horrible visions of bad things that could happen to her. She would be sitting in her bouncer, and I would be cutting carrots and suddenly be horrified that I could cut off her finger, even though she was ten feet away. I felt crazy.

I knew that something was really wrong in my mind, and so when she was a few months old, I told my primary care doctor about how I was feeling. She flippantly looked at me and said “Well stop breastfeeding, you’ll feel better. And by the way, if you have any more kids, this will only get worse for you.” I went home and cried for five days straight. I didn’t want to give up breastfeeding…it was the one thing I was doing with success. So I dug in my heels, and decided that I would continue breastfeeding, consequences be damned.

I attended regular therapy sessions. My therapist knew that I was struggling, but I don’t think that even she knew the extent of the pain I was in mentally. I think the anxiety had become so bad that I didn’t know how to properly express how bad it was. I coped by always scheduling a visit with a friend or family member while my husband was at work or school (he was finishing his degree at the time.) And crying when I was alone, wondering if I was a bad mother, whether I would ever feel normal again, and hiding some of the darkest moments away.

When my daughter was six months old that everything really came to a head when I had this strange pain in my groin and a rash on my back. I had become so stressed and riddled with anxiety that I had gotten shingles. It was probably the best thing that happened to me postpartum. On doctor’s orders, I had to lay down, rest, and keep myself from being too stressed. This was when I finally began laying down with my daughter for naps. I began resting, and knowing that I had those two hours each day to lay down, helped tremendously. It also gave me an unspoken permission to actually ask for help from those around me.

The fog slowly began to lift. Then, around the 8 or 9 month mark when I was arbitrarily surfing Facebook, I came across an article about postpartum depression and anxiety. It talked about how people who had been sexually abused or assaulted were more likely to feel violated by childbirth and had higher instances of postpartum depression and anxiety. I had no idea.

Suddenly everything clicked. In all the preparations I made, in all those OB/GYN appointments I had, not one person ever asked me if I had been the victim of sexual abuse or assault—not even my therapist knew to ask. Even though I had the birth I “wanted,” I still felt so traumatized and I finally understood why. In those moments of realization, it was as though I could finally come out the other side. A huge burden lifted off me, as if all at once.

Since then, I’ve still had my ups and downs… breastfeeding was a huge culprit as well in the hormonal cocktail that spikes my anxiety. I breastfed my daughter until she was 3 1/2, and when I weaned her, the anxiety was once again palpable. Now, having weaned her, I feel like my postpartum period has FINALLY, at long last, come to a close. It’s been an often dark place for me, but understanding where the sense of trauma comes from really helps.

I have been lucky. I reached out, and I had a number of people who came to my aid. My family, and a few close friends really hung in there with me and, on numerous occasions, dropped everything to come and literally sit beside me as I struggled. My husband has been a major support for me in both my mental health and my extended breastfeeding. The journey has been hard, and full of love.

Coming through this period of my life has changed me. It’s made me more able to acknowledge when I need help, and it’s made me more thankful for my moments with my daughter where I feel like myself. Postpartum anxiety robbed me of a precious time with my newborn. Guilt is motherfucker and she doesn’t go easy. But just like the initial trauma of sexual abuse, the birth trauma wasn’t my fault, and the postpartum anxiety wasn’t my fault.

The Harshe Podcast – Episode #16: Our 6 Postpartum Experiences

The Harshe Podcast – Episode #16: Our 6 Postpartum Experiences

This week, January and Brandon discuss postpartum after all six births! They discuss postpartum depression, severe back spasms, bottle feeding, awkwardness in the bedroom, and Brandon’s immunity to cute babies. Also, January has a hilarious slip of the tongue that makes this episode explicit, so cover your children’s ears during the last 20 minutes!

Subscribe to the Harshe Podcast on iTunes!

Subscribe to the Harshe Podcast on Google Play!

Subscribe to the Harshe Podcast on Stitcher!

Click here to download Episode #16: Our 6 Postpartum Experiences!

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If you want to listen to our first four birth stories, check them out on the Birth Hour Podcast. Birth Story #5 can be listened to HERE and Birth Story #6 can be listened to HERE!

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Join January at a Find Your Village event near you! Tickets are still available to Atlanta, Tuscaloosa, Kansas City, and San Diego! Register at BWFconference.com! 

The Harshe Podcast – Episode #11: Self Care: Because Martyrs Are Annoying!

The Harshe Podcast – Episode #11: Self Care: Because Martyrs Are Annoying!

January and Brandon are talking self care this week! January is her usual rad self on this episode, true to form on this much-needed topic the way she is at Find Your Village events around the nation. And in case you were wondering, Brandon doesn’t just sit around and look pretty this episode…he talks about the totally unrelated subject of watching Metallica for the first time at the ’92 Grammys!

Subscribe to the Harshe Podcast on iTunes!

Subscribe to the Harshe Podcast on Google Play!

Subscribe to the Harshe Podcast on Stitcher!

Click here to download Episode #11: Self Care: Because Martyrs Are Annoying!

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Get a limited edition, custom, hand-made unicorn holiday ornament at Self Love Generation right now! January and Brandon have a feeling this ornament will be the first in a yearly tradition of holiday ornaments at Self Love Generation! Also, Birth Without Fear coffee mugs and sports bras are nearly sold out, so get one, or both, today!

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Join January in 2017 at a Find Your Village event near you! January will be in St. Louis, MO and Indianapolis, IN next weekend, October 7 and 8, and Raleigh, NC on October 14. Only a few tickets remain for each, so get yours ASAP. This is the last year January will be holding Find Your Village events so don’t miss out!

My Story Isn’t the Typical One: Overcoming Postpartum Depression & Anxiety

My Story Isn’t the Typical One: Overcoming Postpartum Depression & Anxiety

I had a very quick birth. My second baby was almost born on the interstate in the middle of the night. I was on the phone with my OB screaming that her head was almost out. As soon as I got into a room and managed to make a phone call to my birth photographer, she was out and screaming. All 9 pounds and 2 ounces of her. I had a little one at home who was getting ready to celebrate her second birthday (the following day). It was my first night away from her. Everything went picture perfect and I was allowed to head home the following afternoon.

I wanted to celebrate my first born turning two so we went to a quick dinner and returned home ready to start our new lives as parents of two.

This is when my life turned into a living hell. I walked in the house and sat down on the couch admiring my two babies, when all the sudden a rush of something came through my feet and up to my head and back again. I immedietly knew something was wrong and told my husband to dial 911. I started to get dizzy and was breathing heavily. The rush of something was still running through me. I was on the verge of passing out. I thought I was dying. The ambulance took me to the hospital with my husband and newborn in tow. They weren’t allowed back into my room as they were forced to wait in the lobby. She hadn’t nursed in hours. I told him to call me as soon as she cried to eat and I would figure something out. The ER was so busy that day and I was getting weaker and weaker. Unable to move or speak. I got the call…she was screaming to nurse. I asked for a pump. After two hours of waiting, a pump was delivered and I pumped. Nothing.

Scared and feeling hopeless, I discharged myself before seeing a doctor so I could feed my newborn. I went home without answers. Just tired and weak.

Days go by and I get weaker and weaker. The rush that ran through me that night continued to come at random times of the day. I would stop breathing. Scared. I didn’t know what was happening to me. Then the insomnia started. Nightmares came if I closed my eyes. Horrible nightmares. I would wake up screaming for help. I continued to get weaker until I was bed ridden. Several weeks went by and eventually I stopped eating. My day and night consisted of me being spoon fed to survive and staring at the ceiling. Cringing at the sounds of my toddler or baby crying. Gasping for help but not knowing where to find it. My husband would hold my baby to my breast and nurse while I laid and cried, scared and awaiting the next wave of panic.

Finally, a neighbor decided to take me into my OB because she knew whatever was happening wasn’t normal. They mentioned possible post partum anxiety and depression but their words were just mumbled up hums in my head. I heard them but I wasn’t listening. I was too far gone. I was scared to leave my house, scared to eat, scared to ride in a car. I had extreme urges to run and hide or extreme urges that I was definitely dying.

Several months go by, my husband takes a medical leave of absense. I finally was talked in to seeing a psychiatrist. I remember laying on the floor of the waiting room with my head against the air conditioning unit just sobbing and taking one breath at a time while the air blew into my face. I was terrified of anything and everything. Any sound or light made me cringe. Traveling. Eating. Hearing my baby cry. Hearing my toddler talk. All noises made me cringe. I was immediately prescribed Zoloft and a continous dose of Ativan. I then became a walking mommy zombie who just rolled through the motions of life. I was so dizzy and sedated from the medicine that all I could do was sleep. I only ate enough to make milk. Everything else inside of me seemed to rot away. I was absolutely helpless.

Eventually it was discovered that my thyroid was completely not functioning and I was suffering from severe anxiety and the depression came along beside it all. I continued seeing my pyschiatrist and was given permission to taper off my medicine as my baby turned 14 months old. Life at that point was still not easy. I still experienced the rushes in my body which were later described to me as panic attacks (something I never knew about). I was also afraid to be alone and never left the house. I had panic attacks almost every where I went.

I am now four years post partum and I can proudly say that the only medicine I take is one little anxiety pill in the evening. I still have panic attacks but they only happen during periods of stress or travel. Our Disney World trip in 2016 was not fun. I experienced way too many attacks than I had hoped for during that trip. I can mostly control them and ward off any extreme thoughts.

Coming from a woman who never experienced anxiety or depression in her entire life to being bed ridden and unable to feed myself was extremely unsettling for my husband, family, and friends.

My story isn’t the typical one. It has a lot of odd circumstances. I never knew what was happening to me until after it was all over and I began to make the connections. It could have been from my thryoid not functioning, I am just not sure. I was not educated on the matter at all. I also didn’t have much support. Postpartum anxiety can manifest in several ways. So can depression. I still loved and adored my baby, but my body and my mind were fighting against me.

I should have known to seek help faster and my family should have known where to find the help. I believe those were my two main issues. No one knew exactly what was happening to me because we just didn’t know. We didn’t even know postpartum issues exist. I was totally fine with my first baby. If I had only known what was happening to me was called a “panic attack” maybe I could have gotten better before it got out of hand. Before the depression set in. Before I went months and months feeling desperate and alone. Maybe if the ER doctor that night could have gotten to me he would have noticed the signs and I would have gotten help.

I am saddened today because I don’t even remember my baby’s first year. I have barely any pictures of her during that time. It can be different for you. You are not alone. Be brave and seek help now. Below is a picture of me and my babies today. I am 90% better. I will never be the same.

Story and photograph submitted by Amber W. 

Maternal Assisted Cesarean, Oxytocin, & 12 Year Old Catches Her Sibling

Maternal Assisted Cesarean, Oxytocin, & 12 Year Old Catches Her Sibling

In case you missed our Birth Without Fear Instagram this past week…

Happy Sunday Friends! ✨Caption this. ✨ 📷:@embracingeveryday #birthwithoutfear #vbacwithoutfear

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