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Faith and Healing: A ‘Post Dates’ Home Birth After a Cesarean

Faith and Healing: A ‘Post Dates’ Home Birth After a Cesarean

(Editor’s note: this birth experience was originally posted on August 23, 2011.)

To gain a little insight of why I had a C-section with my first born, I have it written down as a “vent” on my blog. It basically started out as one intervention cascading into a ball of interventions that led me to a transfer from a “Birth Center” birth to the hospital that ended in a non-emergency C-section for being stuck at 5cm for hours and hours. I did a lot of processing and mourned the birth and post par tum bond of my beautiful baby girl, Alana.

I did my research, got in touch with my local ICAN Chapter and soaked up as much info as I could. I also found a lovely CPM who takes VBAC’s as I knew the best chance of a successful VBAC would to be at home with the least intervention and the most support. I did all my own prenatal’s, skipped the ultrasound, listened and trusted my body to grow my baby and prepare for birth. I was on top of my nutrition and got monthly adjustments from my chiropractor and even got a wonderful massage at the end of my pregnancy.

My VBAC Baby Born at Home
Wow! Where do I begin? Ethan’s birth has so many emotions attached to it. So many hopes and dreams came true the night he was born, on Wednesday, May 19th, 2010. It’s hard for me to even write what I really want to write here. Whatever I write, it comes from a deep place in my soul.

First, I just have to give praise and honor to our Heavenly Father…for knowing the desires of my heart, for loving me through some hard challenges in my life and for allowing them to grow me. Our Creator is so good. While Ethan’s birth was hard work for me, I have no regrets. I guess I could say I “wish” things had gone differently, but really I’m grateful for how it was. This is his story.

I woke up Friday the 14th (9 days after my due date) still very pregnant and no end in sight. Then around 10am I went to the bathroom to find “bloody show”. It renewed my faith in my body that things were progressing and that I would be having this baby. I was really hoping that I would be holding my baby within 24 hours, but no. Bloody show came and went and Istill had my all day, every day braxton hicks that would always go away when I went to bed. There was no way I was willing to do anything to speed things along. I knew that in order to have the best possible chance at a VBAC, I would have to allow things to unfold completely unhindered. While it was hard and uncomfortable being so big, I was so at peace with where my body was at and what it needed to do. I continued to have bloody show all through the weekend.

Monday the 17th, I felt different. Lots more bloody show and my contractions were slightly stronger. So I did some massive “nesting” and Alana was my sidekick. It was truly a wonderful day spent with my daughter for the last time just the two of us. We made a pot roast in the crock pot, went to Trader Joe’s for some shopping, cleaned the house top to bottom and made cookies! It was such a beautiful, peaceful day. A day that I will remember forever. Matt was in and out of the house throughout the day working and it allowed Alana and I some time alone together.

Monday night, as we got ready for bed at 11:30pm, I noticed that my braxton hicks were still coming despite how late it was. Usually they had died down by now. So of course I wondered. Went to bed and as I lay there, I couldn’t sleep. Contractions were still coming. I got up to find my phone so that I could start timing them. They were coming every 3-6min. Very short though.

After an hour of this, I decided to get up to pee and I woke up Matt telling him I couldn’t sleep, that I may be in labor. I went pee and had a huge gob of bloody mucus, so I knew that this was the real deal. I told Matt I was going to shower and asked him to pump up the pool. Actually, I think I demanded him to.

I felt really calm, but part of me wanted things ready in case things went quick (wishful thinking). Took a shower and tried to check myself, but everything just felt like mush. I couldn’t tell or maybe I just couldn’t reach my cervix. Matt and I then made the bed up with a shower curtain and a sheet over it while the tub filled. I went downstairs and made some raspberry leaf and nettle tea and grabbed a water and set up my birth snacks on my dresser next to the tub. I told Matt I was happy to labor alone if he wanted to sleep downstairs on the couch. So he grabbed his pillow and a blanket and headed downstairs. To help pass time, I blow dried my hair and did my makeup in between contractions.

I did some hip swaying to give room and even did some squats during the contractions. I made sure to empty my bladder every hour. I was drinking and eating to sustain energy. At 6:30 am, I text my girlfriend, Jessica, to give her the heads up that I had been in labor since 12 am. She was my birth photographer and has an almost 2 year old and knew she was up getting ready for work, so I wanted to give her time to plan for the birth and would keep her posted.

At around 7am Matt’s alarm went off, so I went downstairs to tell him he probably shouldn’t go to work. Matt then asked if I had called the midwife to give her a heads up. That kind of annoyed me because I felt like it was too early yet. Then Alana woke up and pretty much my contractions died at that point. Matt took Alana downstairs and told me to sleep for awhile. I was really distraught because I felt like things were progressing and then the moment Matt and Alana woke, it distracted me and labor had stopped. Ugh!

So I took some Rescue Remedy to help me calm down and I layed down and slept for a couple hours. Then I woke up and took a shower to freshen up. Matt and I had an “upset” so we worked that out (I was still mad over the comment her made about calling the midwife). Nothing like getting irritated at each other when you want to be laboring. Then we ate and decided to go for a walk around 3:30 pm. While walking, I timed my contractions and there were coming every 5 min. I had to stop and lean over something for every contraction or hang on to Matt, whatever I could grab first. I’m sure I was a sight to the passing drivers.

Contractions continued to come after walking and eating dinner. I called Jessica, my mom and sisters and let them know to head on over around 8pm. Even though I had planned to labor alone for the majority of labor, I was so ready for some support. They all showed up and my sister Callie announced that she was making brownies. Grrr. I really wanted some and I never got any. I called my midwife sometime after 8 pm to give her the heads up. She listened to me while I went through a couple contractions and said they are about 3 minutes apart, but only lasting 30 sec. She was currently at another birth and I agreed to keep her posted.

I labored all through the night. Everyone found places to sleep and in the early hours, I want to say around 2am, things were  intense. I think I was pretty tired and my contractions were getting painful. I was in the birth tub for quite a while at this point, but I had been in and out and changing positions every hour. I called the midwife around 3:30 am and was ready for her to come. She and her assistant headed over. I remember about this time feeling intense energy and it was quite overwhelming. I was getting very vocal and loud.

When my midwife came in, she prayed over me and told me where to release the energy in an effective way by vocalizing in a low/deep tone. What a difference that made. I really wanted to scream the pain away, but with the direction from my midwife I was able to welcome the pain and release the intense energy in an effective way. That is what gets me through the rest of my labor.

I ended up moving to my bed to lay down and rest. Contractions spaced out to allow me to doze and get some sleep. I held on to my mom’s hand and squeezed for every contraction. After an hour or so, I was up and ready to get back to business. I labored all over my room and in the tub. Mom made me some breakfast-eggs and hash browns. I layed down again and was able to get a good sleep. I decided to not vocalize and just relax during my contractions. That was hard, but I needed the sleep.

Around 9am, I got up and decided I was ready for a check. I NEEDED to know at this point what progress had been made. My midwife said that I was about 7cm. Yay! To me, that was a good thing. I had only progressed to 6 cm with Alana, so I was happy to be past that hurdle. It was just what I needed to hear to keep me going. My midwife needed to head out for a little while and so did my mom, sisters and Jessica. It allowed me to focus on getting busy with labor.

My mom and sister Kimberly came back around 1 pm and started timing my contractions. I was in the tub, on my knees, hanging over the side and contractions started getting closer, longer and more intense. I held on to my mom for every contraction. My almost 4 year old daughter pretty much stayed in my room. She was amazing. I rubbed my knees raw from staying in this position for so long. There was lots of pressure in my bottom and at the peak of my contractions, I wanted to push. It was so intense, its all I could do. We called the midwife and she was on her way.

About this time, it started to storm outside. It was really cool. I walked the hall, did some laboring on the toilet and would hang from mom’s neck. Midwife got there and I asked her to check me and she said I still have a rim of cervix (9cm) and that I would need to relax through contractions to melt it. “Yeah right!” is what I thought. She said another option was she could hold the cervix while I push the baby past it. I told her I would try “relaxing” to melt the cervix.

Well, an hour later, I hit my wall. I started having thoughts of going to the hospital. I just couldn’t go on. I was exhausted and there needed to be progress. So I yelled down the stairs to my midwife that I would like her to hold it back. She came upstairs and got prepped. She warned me that it would hurt. I didn’t care. What could hurt worse than those contractions? I got propped up in my bed with Callie and Jessica holding each of my legs, while my midwife massaged cervix in between contractions and held it up while I pushed during contractions. It was so hard finding the right place to push. Thank goodness I even had the urge to push. I pushed 4 times per contraction and pushed hard and at one point the assistant told me to hold my breath while pushing. I tried it once and I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath in time for the next push so decided that wouldn’t work and I needed to blow air out while pushing.

During this time, I was fed yogurt and drinking Recharge and Emegen-C to keep me fueled. I think I even apologized for any toots I couldn’t hold in. LOL. Finally, the cervix was gone and his head was low enough that I was able to get into a different position.

I head straight for the toilet.  It’s amazing how intense the urge to push is. Our bodies our amazing in that it just takes over and you don’t have a choice. While sitting on the toilet, I was hugging the assistant and my mom and reaching for my midwife’s hand. I think I was reaching for help, for someone to just take the intensity away. For whatever reason, it made sense at the time. I really used some muscles in my body as I was hugging on them hard. I remember saying out loud “I can’t” and the assistant saying back to me, “but you are”. That was powerful and gave me the push to keep going (not like I had a choice, but I was able to rationalize it in my head to keep going).

Some of this is really hazy and I don’t remember much detail, but at this point I was sooo hot and sweaty. I asked for cool rags so the ladies started putting cold rags on me. Then I got in the tub in a reclining position and was still cooking so they brought in a fan and aimed it right at me. I pushed and pushed, then got onto my knees to hang over the side of the tub. I had Callie put counter pressure on my lower back and that was AMAZING relief. I could feel the head come down low during pushing and then suck back up in between contractions.

Midwives suggested moving into different pushing positions since its like trying to cork screw the baby out. So I said I wanted out of the water, but when it came time to move, I didn’t want to. The ladies said “lets go” and so I finally just did it. I really didn’t want to move in fear another contraction came while moving. I squatted on the floor at the foot of my bed and wrapped my arms over my mom and sister’s necks for support. There was a mirror on the floor so that I could see the progress. That was cool and kept me going! Then I decided I wanted to push in a reclining position on my bed. I really wanted to see the progress and my legs were tired so it was time to move.

Propped in reclining position and hanging on to my mom for dear life, I pushed and pushed. There is no pain like the ring of fire. I seriously dislike those ladies who’s babies come flying out and don’t feel the ring of fire. It’s so intense. I watched in the mirror the whole time and reached down and touched his head. It was incredible! I’m so thankful it was slow so that I could process the whole experience. I didn’t want to miss a moment. I just wanted to soak the experience in…the experience that I had longed for and what I missed with my daughter’s c-section. So even though it was painful, God knew that it needed to happen slowly. It was needed for my healing. I will never forget, I was the first one to touch my baby. I was in the moment and feeling totally connected to my unborn baby.

VBAC HBAC

My midwife suggested I grunt, to not push him out too fast and I did that to get his head out. Part of me just wanted to push hard and to get it done and over with. But I chose to ignore that thought since I really didn’t want to tear. Once his head was out (sweet relief!!), I reached down and started touching his face. I got a good minute of touching him and it was surreal. Then my last contraction came and out he came with some maneuvering by the midwives since there was a loose cord around his neck and wrapped around his body and then I reached down and pulled him up to my chest.

HBAC VBAC

He was born on Wednesday, May 19th, at 8:01pm. My sister Callie then saw his parts and announced “its a boy!” and we all squealed in delight! His apgars were 8 and 9 and he squawked when he was born and then it took him another 45 seconds or so to get out a good cry.

The “love cocktail” is real and I got to experience it with my beautiful son. I was instantly in love with him and I smelled, touched and kissed him within minutes of him being born. My daughter got to experience and watch the whole thing. She was right at my side within a minute of baby’s birth, talking and touching him. He knew who is sister was. When she talked, he looked for her and it was soothing to him. She has been so loving with him and I know that her being there for the birth, instantly bonded them. My husband had to walk out of the room because of the intensity, but I know that his heart was full and that he was happy with the outcome. And that he was a BOY!

HBAC VBAC

VBAC HBAC

HBAC VBAC

I had two small tears, one on each labia. I took the stitches in hopes of a quicker recovery. Baby boy weighed in at 9 lbs 10 oz (major shock), 22in long and a 14.5in head! Big, happy and healthy boy milked his time in mama. He came at exactly 42 weeks with no pressure from anyone to have him before then. He chose his birthday! And it took us a little over a week to choose his name, Ethan Matthew Wright. He is simply amazing!

I am forever grateful for my “hands off” midwife who became “hands on” when I needed a little bit of help at the end to get that pesky lip of cervix to move and for her patience and trust in my ability to birth my baby!!!

I also have a picture video here.

Birth experience and photographs submitted by Melissa. 

Hypnobirthing Through Horrible Back Labor: A VBAC Story

Hypnobirthing Through Horrible Back Labor: A VBAC Story

I have been laboring for an entire day. Lying in the bathtub completely relaxed listening to peaceful music and meditating. I hear the door open quietly. I open one eye and take a peek. My oldest son Cash is sneaking in. I close my eye and get back to THE work of relaxation. Feeling a surge coming, I know it will bring the severe pain of back labor. I try to welcome it and remind myself that each of these surges is welcoming my baby into my arms. It doesn’t work. I clench onto the edge of the tub and breathe my agony down to my belly and as I breathe out I suddenly feel a small hand touch my arm and softly glides down to my belly. Then I hear Cash’s voice say softly in my ear “You are strong. You can do this. You are a goddess and the bestest mommy.” He’s repeating affirmations he read on my birth flags to me. I smile and take in this beautiful moment. This is definitely a core memory for us both.

Back labor… I can’t welcome you. Back labor turned this birth into something I was not prepared to face. Two weeks postpartum and I still cringe thinking about the torment. The peacefulness I wanted with this birth was stolen. I have to remind myself that Mayuq’s birth story is still beautiful.

Wednesday night, I begin to show definite signs of labor. I was 13 days late at this point and excited to see my body and baby were making progress. We made some arrangements for the next day thinking it will happen that night. I play my affirmation tapes all night while I sleep alone in my bedroom. The next morning comes and I feel surges every now and then while the kids were in school. I feel the surges pretty hard on my back and this is nothing I’ve experienced before. We knew the baby was head down but looking to the left of me. We tried a few techniques for flipping him into a better position, unfortunately nothing was working. So, I keep affirming to myself; “my baby moves to the perfect position for birth” and went back to work on my meditation.

After school was out we feed the boys and tell them baby will be here soon and take them to our cousin Robyn’s to sleep over. I just had a feeling it would be Friday morning. The surges were so strong but still so far apart and inconsistent. My husband and I were alone that night. Along with the surges comes intense back pain. I spend the whole night trying to sleep in between surges. The back pain was exhausting. The surges were still 15-20 minutes apart and I was able to rest despite the pain.

In the morning we have a stress test and asked if they could check my progress. I’m expecting to be at least four centimeters. The baby looks great and was still in the same position but I was only dilated two and a half centimeters. I think to myself, how strange. The back pain, and the strength of the surges had me convinced I had to be making more progress than this. The midwife sent us home and said she would probably see us tonight.

We grabbed the boys and took them home. My husband sent me to birth in the bathtub while they hung out until we were able to take the boys to another friend’s house. I had to keep changing surroundings to cope with the back pain. I moved from the bedroom listening to hypnobirthing music playing, to the shower with hot water on my back. I switched to laying in the warm tub with essential oils soaking me trying to distract myself from the pain somehow.

Surges are 10-15 minutes apart still. Enough time to cope with the pain and rest as much as I could. When it came time for my husband to drop the boys off with Yuki, he leaves me alone with a heating pad strapped to my back. It helped a bit.

I lay on my bed focusing on breathing my love to this baby. I remind myself of the powerful words that my girlfriends wrote at my blessingway. Thinking of how my good friend Shana brought me to my place with my husband a month ago through yoga and meditation. I knew that this birth wasn’t going the way I expected. It was a struggle to bring myself to a place of peace. I feel the next surge approaching. I squeeze my hands on the bed and breathed in deeply. In my mind my birthing flags are connecting and spinning above me. When I breathe out they fall, spinning around my body.

The shooting pain takes over and I breathe telling myself I have less than a minute of this and I will get to relax again. I breathe out and tell myself; I am prepared to calmly meet whatever turns my birthing takes. This was going to be the affirmation to help me get through this. This is going to be my second VBAC. I hear my door open. It was Joy, my best friend. She lies quietly next to me on my bed. “Hi Joy,” I whisper.

I am glad for this visit. It helps me re-fuel. To be able to express the challenge I am facing to a good friend. She hangs around a bit after my husband gets home. We all share a pineapple that I requested. I was craving it for some odd reason. We make plans for her to meet us at the hospital when we decide to go. I know I still have a lot of work to do before heading to the hospital; we tentatively plan for 9 pm as the next checkpoint. The plan is to get there right at the end. I don’t want to labor in a hospital.

9 pm comes. The surges are closer together; the back pain was even more intense. I cry to go to the hospital but based on the distance between surges my husband suggests the shower again. I tremble in the shower. I can barely stand. I scream for him to be close. I tell him I can’t do this, the back pain is too much. I’ve never experienced anything like this. I lay back down on the bed, by now dreading every surge because I know that each one will bring this back pain. My husband disappears to the computer to search how to help. Every time a surge comes he shows up trying different things to help me cope. Nothing helped. One time he presses a spot on my lower back that redirects the pain elsewhere. This I can cope with, finally some relief. He can’t find the spot after that. Every spot he touches makes it worse. It was unbearable; I beg to go to the hospital. I see he is already packing.

The drive is only ten minutes. Every surge I have had in the car makes it exponentially worse because of the way I’m sitting. He promises only one, maybe two surges to deal with in the car. It was a least four. They were so awful that I cry out his name grabbing at everything in sight. It feels like my back is going to break. When we arrive at the hospital, everyone thought I was about to have this baby at the front desk. My water breaks right there.

I get admitted straight into a labor room. It’s the room I wanted. It has a huge bath and shower and lots of space. It doesn’t matter to me anymore. I’m leaking amniotic fluid.

“Sacha, are you pushing?” the nurse asks me. It feels like I’m pushing, but not of my own volition. I couldn’t help myself. She checks me and says I’m at five centimeters. I lose it. “Fuck! Are you fucking kidding me?!!!”

My husband is telling me it’s great. The midwife says I’ve already done most of the work. I am panicking. How am I going to survive this birth? I feel like this at five how will I cope at ten? I can’t even imagine what the pain might be like then, or how long this is going to last.

I feel like I’m about to pass out. I’m on my hands and knees and I can barely stay up. More amniotic fluid. “Do you have anything for the back pain? Just the back pain?” I ask. She tells me my options are nitrous or an epidural. I do not want an epidural, the last one I had I couldn’t feel my entire bottom half. This is the path to a C-section. I repeat my affirmation as the back pain hits. It feels like my back is breaking. I am prepared to calmly meet whatever turns my birthing takes. They give me the nitrous mask and I put it on and breathe deeply through it for about a minute. Nothing. I throw it back at them, “This shit is stupid! It’s not helping my back. Please, my back I can’t fight this!” My husband tries to give me my earplugs to listen to my hypnobirthing music. I get mad and throw them; my back hurts so much I don’t care about anything.

“I want the epidural. I’m going to have to do this,” I say as assertively as I can. I know this is my husband’s cue to talk me out of this. He knows his job. I’ve said this every time but I don’t mean it. I don’t want an epidural; I want the pain to stop. This back labor is so much more intense than anything I have ever experienced. I really do mean it this time. I am at the point where I can’t relax in between surges; I just pant in exhaustion and anxiously await the next painful episode. I make the decision and I am OK with it. I make peace with my decision.

“Warren… I will PUSH this baby out! I can still do hypnobirthing with an epidural.” I reassure my husband. The surge hits my back again and I am unable to continue my speech to him. I know he is supporting me the way he is supposed to. He is still trying to talk me out of it and I scream with agony and cry and he just stops and says “I’m sorry babe. I am so sorry you are feeling this back pain. But, you can do this. You are almost done.” He is right. I am almost done. I am now at 8 cm. I went from a 5-8 very quickly. In the moment, all I want is this pain to stop.

The surge is gone and I know they are getting the epidural ready somewhere at my insistence, and despite my husband’s objections. A different nurse pops out of nowhere and overhears me scream of back agony. She mentions they have sterile water injections and says we should try them. Warren chimes in and says something like “oh, you guys have that option? I was just reading about that.” I try to listen but the surge hits me and I can’t think straight. I want to hear them; I want to learn more about it so I can make a decision but I can’t I am trying so hard not to pass out. Apparently, Warren was suggesting we try it. The anesthesiologist tells him in her experience it doesn’t work that well and continues preparing the epidural.

I ended up getting the epidural the last hour of my birth. Warren holds me up while they stab me repeatedly looking for a gap in my spine. My history with back pain in general is extensive. The hardest part during this process was to stay still through the pain. It feels like my back is breaking into pieces. I stay still while Warren holds me. I remember crying, trembling and screaming through the back pain wishing it was just a normal contraction. I can hear the nurses telling me that I am doing great holding still. I thank my hypnobirthing to be able to do this. This takes much longer due to the anesthesiologist not able to find the right spot. She finally finds it and when the numb feeling hits my back I am relieved but feeling cloudy.

I was pleased that I actually could move my legs and body and still feel the pressure of surges. This makes me feel extremely confident with this decision. I know I can push my new baby into this world with no problem. I turned to look at Warren. He looks concerned and distressed. I know he is thinking this is going to end up like Cash’s birth. He is thinking that I’ll be too numb to push this baby out. So, I look at him and say his name to snap him back to my reality. “Warren! I WILL push this baby out! I can do this. I can still use my hypnobirthing!” Hypnobirthing is not only about achieving natural birth. It’s about believing in yourself and surrounding yourself with empowerment and accepting your birth, wherever it turns. And I did just that.

Twenty minutes later I felt the urge to push. They checked me and I was fully dilated and ready to meet my baby. It only took me 23 minutes of pushing to bring him into this world. My husband kissing me telling me I was doing amazing and the midwife and nurses coaching me so well and so supportive at this point. Honestly, it felt weird pushing without the feeling of surges. I wished to feel them but knew it wouldn’t feel like that with the back labor pain. So, I reminded myself that I am still strong and I smile and say out loud, “I can’t wait to hold him! I am so happy he is finally coming to me!” I reached down to feel his head crowning and I smiled and pushed again and then he was in my arms screaming his baby lungs out. When they tell me what time he is born I am in shock that it’s now Saturday. Two and half days have really gone by? What a warrior my body is.

Mayuq Raul
Born at 2:23am Saturday 11/12/2016
8.8 pounds 22 inches
15 days past the “due date” (just like Rowan)
Another fun one, Cash was born on a Thursday, Rowan on a Friday and Mayuq on a Saturday

It’s been a few months now since Mayuq was born. I find myself with very mixed emotions. Back labor was something fierce. I was planning on writing how awful it was and how the reader should understand why I needed to have the epidural the last hour of my birth. I was trying to justify why my birth didn’t go the way I wanted it to.

Instead I just want to say this. WOW… Women are strong. We birth our children in so many different ways. And we should be proud no matter the outcome. When I had Cash as a C-section, I didn’t feel strong. I felt defeated. Rowan’s birth healed me to help me look at Cash’s birth as a voice to be reconnected with. Fighting for my VBAC and able to have him naturally and gentle was an amazing experience. This last birth I have fought with my emotions on how to think about it.

Talking to some friends that have gone through back labor has made me feel better about my experience. One friend said to me “Doesn’t it make you feel even stronger?” Yes, it does. It also makes me cry or think about what I could have done differently. But, that’s not fair to me. So, I choose to think of the amazing parts of my birth and pregnancy such as these: My oldest supporting me in my bath, my best friend’s visit to share a pineapple, my husband telling me he was sorry for my back pain, using affirmations and meditation to help me birth for so long, my beautiful visions of mountains, my good friend’s candle lighting when I started to birth, my blessingway ceremony, touching my son’s head when he was crowning, having him instantly on my chest and having a second successful vaginal birth after cesarean. And with that I have mastered my peace.

My birthing experience has come to an end. What an amazing journey motherhood is. Although, my personal birthing is done I hope to enjoy others in the future. Possibly pursue my dreams of being in the birthing world such as get my certificate so I can hold hypnobirthing classes. I think my experiences can be helpful to others and I just cannot imagine my life without helping other women achieve their birthing wishes. Thank you for reading Mayuq’s story with an open heart.

Here are some links about back labor and what it is and how to spin your baby back into a better birthing position. My baby was posterior, which is why I think I had the worst results of back labor, a very long pre-labor and some tear:

Also, sterile water injections are for the moms that experience back labor. It might save your natural birth labor if that is your goal. It works very well with cases of pain level at a 8-10 and have an hour left of labor. I would have been the perfect candidate for that option.

When I asked the midwife “what do you have for back labor!?” she never mentioned it. The nurse that was in the room for 3 minutes did. And at that point, it was too late for me to make a clear decision. Getting consent for something like an epidural when you are in intense pain is an interesting topic, especially in light of a birth plan I wrote when I was clear headed. I also think that having a doula at this birth would have been very helpful this time around. Warren had a hard time juggling my needs and fighting for my birthing wishes during transition at the hospital. It also would have been very helpful to have a woman’s touch that knows what she is doing due to training and experience.

My favorite affirmations I used:

I am prepared to calmly meet whatever turn my birthing might take
I birth with Ease
Breathing in I am Strong, Breathing out I let go
I allow my body to fully relax
Every surge brings my baby closer to me
I look forward to the day of my birthing, the day I meet my baby
My baby moves to the perfect position for birth
I breathe my love down to my baby
I am a strong woman
I am so happy that my baby is finally coming to me
My mind is clear; I focus on the miracle that is happening within me
My baby and body work together in harmony
I look forward to holding my little baby in my arms
I am calm and at peace
My body knows what to do
I tune into my body and out
My baby is safe and comfortable
I am safe and comfortable
I am loved
What a beautiful day… The day I meet my baby.

Story and photographs submitted by Sacha Jones. 

Cesarean Birth Trauma and then VBAC {2 Stories}

Cesarean Birth Trauma and then VBAC {2 Stories}

My first birth C-section and disrespect.

I never doubted my body’s ability to give birth. I guess that is why I didn’t think I needed to research my birth options. My mother gave birth vaginally, her mother, my other grandmother had 10 children vaginally, all the way back to my great great grandmother who had six sets of twins vaginally on a Cherokee reservation. My first pregnancy was stressful but I had a great doctor who assured me all would be ok.

Unfortunately, circumstances beyond our control, we had to a move 5 hours away at 32 weeks. That’s where any “birth plan” I had went out the window.  The only doctor I found who would see me obviously had no faith in me. I honestly believe when I walked in the door he saw a very petite woman and thought C-SECTION! The day before my 40 week appointment I had an ultrasound done and everything looked great.

However at my appointment the next day my doctor started scaring me by saying my placenta was depleting and becoming less safe for my baby and I needed to be induced the next day. My cervix was still hard and I wasn’t dilated. I asked if we could wait at least a week and was made to feel like I had just asked the stupidest question on earth “but your placenta is DEPLETING!” I reluctantly agreed after he assured me that if the cervadil didn’t soften me enough we’d wait or try another round.

I went to the hospital that night and they started the cervadil.

6 am the next morning the Doctor came in to check me and said that I was “a little softer, but only dilated to a one”. He then proceeded to BREAK MY WATER. Pitocin was started at some point I can’t quite remember if that happened before or right after my water was broken. The next few hours were hell. The doctor had the largest hands I’ve ever seen on any human and he HURT me so bad every time he came in to “check me” I asked tearfully several times to let the nurses do it. After several hours of the pitocin being increased and increased I asked for some pain meds and eventually an epidural.

When I requested these I was again made to feel stupid and incompetent as my doctor asked “why did you wait? You just wanted to know what pain feels like?” The epidural was terrible. I couldn’t move from the chest down and started having panic attacks. I was also almost given phenergan twice, which I am severely allergic to. I am so lucky my husband was so vigilant and asked what they were giving me every time they came in to give me anything.

Almost twelve hours in my doctor came in and started pushing for a c-section. I said I didn’t want one and that’s when he pulled out all the stops telling me “your baby will go into distress”, “fine don’t do one now but I’ll just be back in an hour or so rushing you in for an emergency c-section” and the real kicker “I have been doing this a long time and I know when a woman isn’t meant to give birth, you’re just too small”.

Feeling beat down and like my body was betraying me I agreed. Strapped down and feeling broken I welcomed my beautiful daughter into the world. They brought her over to see me for a brief second and my husband was able to hold her and go with her to the nursery. Laying there being stitched up I cried. Not the beautiful happy cry it should have been. I felt terrible. My child was beautiful but I didn’t get to hold her and bond. I was not happy like I should be I was angry. I felt like a failure.

In the recovery room it only got worse. My nurse said something along the lines of, “I hope you didn’t want a big family” I asked what she meant and she said “well they will only allow you to have one or two more c-sections”.  I told her I would attempt a VBAC next time and she said, “not in this city you won’t”. Again I felt like a failure.

When I finally got to hold my baby several hours later I felt horrible because although she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen I didn’t feel any bond. She immediately wanted to breastfeed and was a total champ at it although my milk wasn’t completely in. Thankfully the bond came quickly over the next week and I thank breastfeeding and plenty of skin to skin time for that.

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My beautiful birth center VBAC and hospital stay

Within months of my first daughter’s birth I started doing my research on VBACs and birth choices. I knew what happened to me was wrong, but I wasn’t prepared for how common it was. I was told to check out “The Business of Being Born” and was shocked! How could the state of birth be so awful in OUR country? It was then that I decided my next birth would be with a midwife.

When we found out we were expecting our second baby we started the search for a midwife. One of my husband’s co-worker’s wife had recently had a VBAC with a midwife named, Joi, and only had wonderful things to say about her. When we met with Joi, I instantly knew she was the one for us. She shared our faith, spoke confidently, and put any fears we had at ease. I told her my birth story and she was as mad as I was and even got teary eyed with me. Immediately I had a sense of comfort and a new found confidence in myself.

Over the next few months I had my share of doubters and was even called selfish for wanting a better birth experience. I had to come to realize that those who were negative and rude, just didn’t know what I knew and so I started trying to educate others on the risks and benefits of each birth option. My confidence grew over these few months as well. I was more educated than ever and had wonderful support.

Thanks to a wonderful friend I was even able to attend the Birth Without Fear conference where I was encouraged and my spirit was strengthened. My team at the birth center was amazing as well. Joi and her backup midwife were wonderful as well as the student midwife Meghan who was the person I felt most comfortable texting with random questions.  I had no doubt that my team was there for me and believed in me.

We had everything planned out so well. My husband was going to get a bonus at just the right time to help us pay off the midwife, my best friend who does photography was going to come and photograph the birth, and my mom was going to be there to watch my daughter. However in the last few weeks of my pregnancy everything seemed to fall apart. Three weeks before my due date (and six weeks before Christmas) my husband not only didn’t get his bonus, but also had to take a 30% salary cut. My best friend wouldn’t be able to make it and my mother had to go out of town. I was very upset and stressed out, but Joi held my hand and assured me that it was in God’s hands and that whoever was meant to be at my birth would be there.

At 40 weeks 6 days I started having regular contractions. They would start out ten minutes apart and get closer to 3-5 minutes apart, but then they would stop for several hours. This went on for two days before I asked Joi if I could come in and be checked. I went in Thursday afternoon December 12th and I was dilated to a 3 and about 80% effaced. After my first birth experience I was so overcome with emotion when I found out how beautifully my body had progressed on it’s own.

I felt confident in my body, but I asked to have my membranes stripped at this point. It was an “intervention” I felt confident in having as it was my choice on my terms. My husband and I must’ve walked five miles that afternoon stopping every five minutes to breath through a contraction. The contractions continued to get closer together and stronger. Around 9:30 I called Meghan and told her that I thought this was it and was ready to come in. We agreed to meet at the birth center in an hour.

When we got to the birth center I was checked, and I was somewhere between a 4 and 5 and still 80% effaced. I had the option of going home to labor a little longer but decided to stay and get in the tub for a little while. My contractions were strong and I did low moans through them. As I labored it was just my husband Ryan and I.

I couldn’t have asked for a better support than my husband was. I didn’t want to be touched or coddled I just wanted him to hold my hand through the contractions. It was such an intimate experience and I was glad that it was just us, no cameras, no nurses, just us. About 1:30am I was checked again this time I was 5cm and 90% effaced. I decided to get in the bed and try to rest some. Joi told me to try just breathing through the contractions and not moaning. My husband got in the bed with me and held my hand with each wave.

After a while of being in the bed I could feel a change during the contractions.  The only way I can describe it is it felt like my water was trying to break. I kept saying to myself “these contractions are not stronger than me because they ARE me.” I decided to get on the birthing ball for a little while. The contractions were more intense now and I had lots of pressure on my lower back. Joi came in and showed Ryan how to apply counter pressure. I kept thinking this hurts but not too bad, but it’s going to get worse.

About 30 minutes after I got on the birth ball Joi came in to check me again. She looked at me after a minute and said, “sweetie I think you’re complete.”  I thought she meant completely effaced and my thought was “ok big deal,” but then I looked at Meghan’s face and she was smiling and excited. I looked at her puzzled and said, “wait, completely what?”  “Completely DILATED,” she said excited. I realized that sensation I was feeling during contractions was the urge to push. With the next strong contraction I started pushing.

A few pushes in I moved from the bed to a birthing stool which made pushing so much easier and more productive. Having both Joi and Meghan there pushing me and encouraging me was amazing. My husband sat behind me and gave me strength by just holding me. My water finally broke but there wasn’t the huge gush of fluid I had expected. Shortly after my water broke, Joi told me to reach down and feel my baby’s head. It suddenly became so real, I’m DOING this. I am pushing a baby out! I felt a rush of strength and with the next two pushes my baby was born at 4:38 am, Friday December 13, and immediately placed on my chest.

All the pain and anger from my oldest daughter’s birth was forgotten and healed in an instant. I couldn’t believe how smoothly it went, I never had a moment where I felt it was too much or I couldn’t do it.  I was on cloud nine. I did it! At some point I looked up and said something to the effect of, “suck on that, Dr. O.” I can’t describe how amazing I felt in those moments after she was born. I proved to my doubters, and more importantly to myself, that I could do it. Joi cried tears of joy with me and Ryan. She thanked ME for letting her be a part of my birth. That amazed me. What a difference in care. What a blessing.

Unfortunately a few days later I got very ill. I went to the ER with 103.5 temperature, and when I got there my heart rate was 150. We eventually found out I had a rare blood infection group a strep. There was no way of knowing how or when I got it and I was told I most likely was a carrier of it on my skin and it entered through an open wound during delivery. I could write a book on my terrifying hospital stay, but what is important is my husband and I were informed.

We asked questions. We made the doctors take their time to explain things and refused unnecessary procedures. They tried to tell us to send my baby home, but when pressed for why we should they couldn’t give us an answer so she stayed. They tried to tell me I should never give birth outside the hospital again, but when asked if they could have prevented this or caught it earlier they said no. They tried to tell me I put myself at a “great risk” for uterine rupture by having a VBAC, but backed down when I threw actual statistics their way. I stood up for myself and I believe I showed my strength.

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VBAC: What ACOG Really Says {Birth Without Fear}

VBAC: What ACOG Really Says {Birth Without Fear}

VBAC – Vaginal Birth After Cesarean.

The term and action is wrought with political and emotional meaning in the birth world. Can  you have a VBAC? Does your doctor or hospital “allow” a VBAC? Under what conditions can you have a VBAC? Should it be called a TOLAC (trial of labor after cesarean)? What sort of prior birth history is preferred? Once I have one successful VBAC, will I still have to jump through hoops in subsequent pregnancies?

All these questions and more come up when we start to discuss the mine field that is VBAC in today’s world. But I wanted to know what ACOG really says. I am not talking about the public statements – which you can read HERE. I want to know what ACOG is saying to the doctors, what they put out in their practice guidelines.

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The document I found is HERE. I encourage you to not only look at the document for yourself, but to also follow the many links I have scattered throughout this article.

At the opening of the document, ACOG has this to say:

Trial of labor after previous cesarean delivery (TOLAC)* provides women who desire a vaginal delivery with the possibility of achieving that goal––a vaginal birth after cesarean delivery (VBAC). In addition to fulfilling a patient’s preference for vaginal delivery, at an individual level VBAC is associated with decreased maternal morbidity and a decreased risk of complications in future pregnancies. At a population level, VBAC also is associated with a decrease in the overall cesarean delivery rate (1, 2). Although TOLAC is appropriate for many women with a history of a cesarean delivery, several factors increase the likelihood of a failed trial of labor, which compared with VBAC, is associated with increased maternal and perinatal morbidity (3–5). Assessment of individual risks and the likelihood of VBAC is, therefore, important in determining who are appropriate candidates for TOLAC. The purpose of this document is to review the risks and benefits of TOLAC in various clinical situations and provide practical guidelines for managing and counseling patients who will give birth after a previous cesarean delivery.

Lets start with noticing that ACOG automatically terms all VBACs as TOLACs first. If you complete the trial with a vaginal birth, then it is a VBAC. The issue with this sort of wording (and thought process) is that it sets women up with doubt and it sets the doctor on the defense against the failure of the trial. I will use the term interchangeably only because the document that I am citing uses the term so often. But moving past this unfortunate wording we do see that they know VBACs are beneficial. They state that VBACs lower the maternal morbidity rate and risk of complications in future pregnancies and that as a whole they lower the cesarean rate. They do also point out that there are certain factors that make a TOLAC less likely to succeed, and that when they do “fail” you are more likely to have morbidity (which makes sense, as a major surgery is considered a morbidity to begin with).

In the “Background” section at the start of the Practice Bulletin we see several points that seem to be denied in the general obstetric community. First they state that the cesarean rate has increased rapidly since the 1970s, from 5% to more than 31% in 2007. They blame this increase on the introduction of electronic fetal monitoring, and the decrease in breech births and forceps births. I put emphasis on the EFM use, since we are often told that it is needed for a safe birth, even though research proves that it does not lower fetal morbidity or mortality. Again and again, research also shows that it increases the chances of a cesarean, which in turn increases the risks to mother and baby. Yet, ACOG still insists on the use of EFM as standard care.

They also state in this section that after the 1970’s VBACs gained popularity. By the mid 1990’s the rates of VBAC (28.3%) were such that it was actually reversing the cesarean rates. However, this increase in VBACs seemed to come with an increase in uterine rupture – though the literature does not state what sort of uterine scars were common (since certain types are known to have more risk, such as classical), whether induction was used, or what type of rupture occurred (most ruptures are not catastrophic but are instead considered a “dehiscence”). Due to this increase in ruptures, the case for VBACs was again set back to “once a cesarean, always a cesarean” in many practices. They finish this section by stating that it is known that liability is a large part of why VBAC is not offered to many women who are actually good candidates.

Now we get into the nitty-gritty of what they say about VBAC. I am going to take questions and statements from the document to break this down. All noted pages are from the Practice Bulletin unless otherwise stated or linked.

  • What are the risks and benefits associated with TOLAC? (p2)
    • Neither an Elective Repeat Cesarean (ERC) or a TOLAC are without risks.
    • Most maternal morbidity that occurs during TOLAC is related to a failed attempt when a cesarean becomes necessary.
    • VBAC is associated with fewer complications than an ERC.
    • Thus, the risk of a VBAC really comes down to whether it is achieved. If it is a “failed” TOLAC it has more risk than an ERC, but if it succeeds, it has lower risk than a ERC.
    • The main risk of TOLAC/VBAC is a uterine rupture. However, as stated in the background, some studies do not give background information about what type of ruptures are occurring nor on what type of prior incision or induction methods.
    • They include a chart of maternal risk in this section and it is interesting to note that maternal death risk can be almost double (0.2%-0.4%) with a ERC compared to a TOLAC after one prior cesarean (0.2%), and that TOLAC with more than one prior cesarean had no death risk within those studies. It is also noted that a ERC also comes with the risk of uterine rupture (0.4%-0.5%).
    • It is noted that for families wanting several children a successful VBAC takes away the risks of multiple surgeries which includes hysterectomy, bowel or bladder injury, transfusion, infection, and abnormal placentation such as previa and accreta.
    • They include a chart of neonatal risk factors when comparing ERC to TOLAC. It should be noted that there is no significant increase in neonatal death or neonatal admission (NICU admission). We see a much higher rate of respiratory distress (1%-5% vs. 0.1%-1.8%), transient tachypnea (too much fluid in the lungs which causes breathing issues) (6.2% vs. 3.5%) and hyperbillirubinemia (jaundice) (5.8% vs. 2.2%) in babies who go through an ERC.
  • What is the vaginal delivery rate of women who have a TOLAC? (p3)
    • Most studies show a 60-80% success rate.
    • Studies show a decrease in success if the same circumstances happen again, such as stalled labor, which lead to the first cesarean  (however, I will note that the definition of “stalled labor” is more likely the issue than anything else).
    • The chances of success are increased if the mother has spontaneous labor with no augmentation.
    • One VERY interesting note is that being “non-white ethnicity” lowers your chances of success. This speaks to the huge disparity in maternity care in ethnic groups in this country. Simply taking one look at the maternal mortality rate in non-whites gives a clear and horrible picture of this undercurrent in our maternity care system.
  • Who is a candidate for VBAC? (p4)
    • The best candidate is one in whom the risks and benefits balance out in a way acceptable to the client and care provider, this may be different for each woman and there is no specific “formula” to come to this answer.
    • Decisions about the first VBAC should be considered with future pregnancies in mind. This is due to each subsequent cesarean increasing the risk for future pregnancies, and the inability in some areas to find care providers to attend a VBAC after multiple cesareans.
    • For most women with one prior cesarean and a low transverse incision VBAC is a good option and they should be counseled and offered a TOLAC. Women with other incisions (T-incision or classical) or with prior ruptures and surgeries of other sorts to the uterus should be evaluated more.
    • Individual factors should be considered in all cases (i.e. – no hard and fast decisions to ruling mothers out of VBAC), and in the case of women presenting in labor, VBAC should be strongly considered as spontaneous labor increases the success rate of a TOLAC.
    • More than One Prior Cesarean:
      • Studies addressing TOLAC in women with more than one prior cesarean find rupture rates ranging from o.9% to 3.7% – again, without specifying the type of prior incision or level of rupture. They also have not consistently compared these findings directly to women with only one prior cesarean.
      • One large study in particular found no significant increase in rupture between VBAC and VBAMC (vaginal birth after multiple cesarean) – o.7% vs. 0.9%. A second large study only found a slight increase – 0.9% vs. 1.8%. They also found no significant increase in morbidity.
      • The chances of success are similar to that of a VBAC after only one cesarean.
    • Macrosomia (Big Baby):
      • Some studies show a decreased chance of success with a baby larger than 4,000g, and posibily higher rupture rates. However, these studies are based on actual birth weights, and not the estimates given before birth. This is significant given the inability to accurately predict birth weight before the birth.
      • Suspected macrosomia alone should not rule out TOLAC.
    • Gestation of more than 40 weeks, according to the largest study done which looked at this factor, does not increase risk. There is evidence that after 40 weeks chances of success decrease but we must consider that induction of some sort may be common at that point (given current practice trends) and that lowers the chance of VBAC in general. Gestation of more than 40 weeks should not rule out TOLAC.
    • Previous Low Vertical Incision:
      • Studies show similar rates of success compared to low transverse incisions (the most common).
      • Studies do not show increased risk of rupture or morbidity for mother or baby.
      • Studies are limited, but a low vertical incision should not rule out VBAC given the current information.
    • “Unknown” previous uterine incision should not rule out VBAC. The two large studies done at large tertiary hospitals show that there is no increase in rupture rates or morbidity, and success rates are similar. Unless there is a high clinical suspicion of a complicated previous uterine incision TOLAC should not be ruled out.
    • Twins Gestation:
      • In all studies available it is shown that in women with a previous low transverse incision there is no increase in risk to VBAC a twin gestation.
      • Success rates are similar to those of singleton mothers. Twin gestation should not rule out TOLAC.
  • How does management of labor differ in a VBAC? (p5)
    • Induction of labor for maternal or fetal factors remains an option for TOLAC. However, the increased risk of rupture that comes with any induction and the decrease in success rates should be discussed.
    • One large study of over 20,000 women found that rupture rates increased slightly with induction. Spontaneous labor had a 0.52% rupture rate, non-prostaglandins induction with a 0.77% rate, and with prostaglandins a rate of 2.24%. However, again the types of rupture were not specified and the context of the inductions are not known (unfavorable cervix, need for multiple induction methods, etc).
    • Another study of over 33,000 women found a slight increase in rupture (o.4% for spontaneous labor, 0.9% for augmented labor, 1.1% for oxytocin alone, and 1.4% with the use of prostaglandins). An analysis of this same study noted an increase in rupture rates when the highest levels of pitocin were reached, however no upper level of dosing has been decided for VBACs.
    • Studies done on the risks of misoprostol (cytotec) show an increase risk of rupture and should not be used for TOLAC. (Actually, it increases risk of rupture in ANY mother so it should not be used for induction, period.)
    • Due to the small absolute risk found in several studies, ACOG notes that use of pitocin for labor augmentation is not ruled out for VBAC.
    • Mechanical cervical ripening (such as the foley bulb) are also considered acceptable for labor augmentation/induction in VBAC.
    • ECV (External Cephalic Version), such as to turn a breech baby, are not contraindicated in a woman who wishes to VBAC.
    • Epidural/Analgesia use is not contraindicated and studies show it does not effect success rates. However, epidural use in general is shown to increase the chances of cesarean in all mothers. (to view that study, right click and select “copy link location” and input into google)
    • Electronic Fetal Monitoring is suggested since the main sign of uterine rupture is abnormal fetal heart rate (up to 70% of cases). It is noted that internal monitoring does not help in diagnosing ruptures.
  • How should future pregnancies be managed after uterine ruptures? (p7)
    • If the rupture is in the lower segment of the uterus, the chance of another rupture is 6%. In the upper sections of the uterus it is around 32%.
    • ACOG suggests an elective cesarean for births after a rupture.
  • How should women be counseled about TOLAC/VBAC?
    • Each woman will weight the risks and benefits differently. Therefore, the options should be discussed at length and documented.
    • Counseling should always consider the future plans for more children and discuss the risks of multiple uterine surgeries. Women should also consider that family plans can change or there may be unexpected pregnancies.
    • After counseling the ultimate decision should be made by the client. Global mandates (aka – hospital wide) should not be made as they do not consider the individual factors and wishes of each client.
  • What resources should be available at a facility where a woman will VBAC?
    • The previous suggestion of ACOG was that VBAC should only be offered in facilities with “immediate” access to surgical facilities and staff. However, this severely limits the locations where women could VBAC.
    • ACOG now suggests that care providers and clients consider the facilities available, their individual risk factors, and the availability of other locations where more resources are available.
    • Health care providers and insurance companies should do all they can to facilitate women in achieving VBAC through transfer of care or co-management of care.
    • If there is no way to transfer care, a woman’s autonomy should be respected. If a woman wishes to VBAC in a hospital without immediate access to surgical facilities steps should be taken early in care to develop a plan of action in case of rupture.
    • It should be noted that coercion into a repeat cesarean is not appropriate. A policy of not allowing TOLAC at a facility should not be used to deny care or force a woman into a repeat cesarean. If appropriate, transfer of care should be arranged to a facility and care provider who is better able to support TOLAC.

Now I would like to take a moment to talk about the notion of only “allowing” VBACs in facilities with immediate access to surgical teams and facilities. Lets compare the risk of rupture, 0.7% in most studies, which is not always catastrophic, to the risk of other obstetric emergencies. Cord prolapse, a very dangerous situation in which the cord proceeds the baby down the birth canal and gets pinched, occurs in about 0.28% of births. This situation requires immediate access to a cesarean in most cases. Placental abruption, another very serious complication, occurs in about 0.7% of pregnancies. This also requires immediate access to cesarean in almost all cases. Notice that the risk of abruption and the risk of rupture are the same. The rate of shoulder dystocia, which is considered an emergency that may necessitate a cesarean (or an instrumental birth) is around 1.29% though some studies report it at higher rates in the current birth climate.

Now looking at the rates of these complications, which are on par with the risk level of rupture, we have to wonder why ALL hospitals offering birth services are not required to have immediate access to a cesarean. After all, placental abruption happens with the same frequency and can happen in any pregnancy and ACOG does not seem to be concerned that EVERY pregnant mother does not have access to immediate surgical care. At the end of the day, the risk/benefit analysis needs to be decided by the mother and what she feels comfortable with since the rate of rupture is comparable to the risks of any pregnancy and birth.

The point of this article is not to suggest any particular course of action for every mother. This is about giving you the facts to make your own decision. This is about looking at what ACOG really says about VBAC/TOLAC and not just what your doctor tells you they suggest. Arm yourself with information and consider your own personal factors and Birth Without Fear, no matter how you choose to birth.

Loving My Body {One Scar at a Time}

Loving My Body {One Scar at a Time}

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My fourth baby, an attempted VBA2C, left  me with my final scar of childbirth. After 3 premature deliveries, progesterone shots allowed me to carry to 38 weeks 6 days. Labour began on its own and after a stalled labour, forehead presentation and Bandels Ring I delivered by a calm and quiet c-section, the final chapter in my family’s growth.

I didn’t fail having a VBA2C, I tried and that’s all that I can ask for. Two emergency c-sections and one successful VBAC with premature babies were stressful. This babe was big enough to come home with us and we are breastfeeding exclusively 7 weeks in. That in my eyes is success.

Loving my body, one scar at a time. Your blog gave me hope and confidence… and for that I thank you!

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New Hospital VBAC Story

New Hospital VBAC Story

Hospital VBAC, from Kellie

It was a pretty intense and fast ride for my daughter’s arrival! At least, it felt that way to me at the time. I woke up around 8am to a tiny bit of blood on a Tuesday morning, and contractions started right away, but were very irregular at 5-15 minutes apart. I called my mom to come over so I could shower and get ready for the hospital while she kept my son, who had just turned two the day before, occupied. I was too nervous to take him in the shower with me, as the contractions were already feeling a bit intense. After several hours, contractions were still very irregular, but getting more difficult to walk/talk through. I sent my mom home, ate a little lunch, and got my son down for a nap around 1:00pm. I could barely get him into his crib as I had a pretty intense contraction right as I was laying him down! I was waiting for my husband to leave work at 1:30pm, but the contractions were getting quite intense by then, and had started getting closer to 10 minutes apart (a bit more regular). I called and made an appointment to come in to the hospital at 4:00pm to be checked out. However, by 2:00pm the contractions started coming about every 5-7 minutes, and they were getting much more intense very quickly. My husband got home at 2:00pm and we loaded the car and headed out. I could no longer talk through most of the contractions, so we decided to take me to the hospital before taking my son to his grandparents’ house (the original plan was to drop him off on the way!).

My husband actually had to convince me that he and my son were coming in with me. I was already a bit out of it, so I told him to just drop me off at the door and come back after he dropped our son off! Hah! I made it all the way to the elevator before another contraction hit, and I distinctly remember being very aware and concerned for another woman in the elevator with us… I didn’t want to scare her, I guess! The three of us went right into a room in the women’s clinic area for me to be monitored. I tried so hard not to vocalize too much through the contractions, but I definitely had to go into my own little world through each one. If I had known better, I would have insisted on heading straight to L&D. I was OBVIOUSLY in labor! My son kept asking what was going on (not worried, but curious). He kept saying, “Mommy doing? Mommy sleeping?” By the time I was checked, which I think was about 3:45pm (it felt like FOREVER), I was already at 7cm and 90% effaced, with a bulging bag of waters!

I had also decided that things were happening way too quickly for me and it was freaking me out, so I was considering an epidural. I had a lot of fear from my previous birth, which ended in a c-section due to “failure to progress” (I was stuck in transition for about 3 hours at 8cm), after 13 hours of labor, the last few hours of which I really felt like I was losing my mind (entirely unmedicated). This time, we barely made it to L&D before my contractions were too much and I was already hollering through them. My labor pattern is a bit different than the “norm,” I guess, in that my contractions never really got closer than 5-7 minutes apart, but they double. I get one huge one immediately followed by a smaller one (this was the same as with my son, too, I think). I was finding it nearly impossible to relax, even between contractions, and we were still waiting for my husbands’ parents to come pick up my son (so he was still in the room with us). I really wanted a natural birth, but mostly, I think I wanted this birth to be as different from my first experience as possible. I felt like the epidural would relax me enough that I could get rid of the anxiety and focus on enjoying this birth. While I was waiting for the anesthesiologist, my husbands’ parents arrived to get my son, and I was able to give him a hug and kiss goodbye (even with a smile!) in between contractions, which I was soooo grateful for!

When I got checked before getting the epidural, I was already at 9cm! I cried tears of joy because I knew that meant I had progressed further than my labor with my son, which was excellent news! I felt less qualms about getting the epidural then, since things were moving along so quickly (I had gone from 7cm-9cm in less than an hour), so I knew the epidural wouldn’t be in all that long. The epidural went in easily, and my pain was almost entirely gone soon after, although I could still feel discomfort with every contraction (which was exactly how I wanted it). It felt soooo good to relax!

hospital vbac labour

Since my contractions were still 5-7 minutes apart, my midwife decided to break my bag of waters to try to get them closer together. It worked, if only for a short while! When I was checked again within the hour, my midwife said, “Oh, I see baby!” I was already complete! Yay! We let my daughter “labor down” for about half an hour, and by 6:00pm or so I started pushing.

I pushed for close to an hour, and my sweet baby L was born at 6:58pm. I would have probably only pushed for half an hour, but there was a bit of a tight band of cervix causing her to not come out even though she was crowning like she should be flying out of there. I was a bit bummed that I had to get a small cut, but it did most likely prevent me from tearing much worse. My midwife felt terrible about having to cut an episiotomy, too, but in the end it wasn’t a big deal. I still tore a bit when she came out, mostly because she also had her little hands near her face! It was initially thought that I had a bad 3rd degree tear, but upon further inspection, it turns out it was more like a “generous” 2nd degree tear. So at least it looked worse than it was! And I’ll take that any day over abdominal surgery! I’m not exactly sure when “active” labor started, but if I had to put a time on it, I would say probably 1:00, when the contractions started to get more regular and intense. So that would mean only about 6 hours of labor! If you want to count all of my labor, it would still be less than 11 hours. Awesome!

mother and baby vbac

newborn vbac

It was such an amazingly different experience than my labor and delivery with my son. It helped immensely that I started labor in the morning after a restful sleep, rather than in the middle of the night. And it went so quickly that I really still felt pretty good afterward! Pushing was difficult, but it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. And my baby was immediately placed on my belly (she had a pretty short cord) so I could see her and touch her and talk to her. It was amazing. I held her the whole time I was being stitched up, and for awhile afterward. I was a total baby hog, and I loved it! I did not take a moment of being able to be the first one to love on my baby for granted. We were all a little surprised when we finally weighed her and she came in at 8 lbs 1 oz! I vaginally birthed a baby 5 ounces bigger than my c-section baby! Woohoo! Her apgar scores were 8 & 9, and she was healthy as can be. It took her a little while to get interested in nursing (she was more interested in sleeping), but within 36 hours she was latching on like a pro!

breastfeeding after vbac

It felt great to be able to walk around easily on my own within a couple hours of delivery. I was a little sore, but nothing like after my c-section. The empowerment I felt as a mother and woman after my successful VBAC cannot even be explained in words. Now I am a little over halfway through my pregnancy with #3, and I am so hopeful and excited about this birth! I know I can do a natural birth this time (provided no issues arise, of course), and the fear is gone!

I Did It! {HBAC}

I Did It! {HBAC}

“A week ago I was able to have an awesome HBAC with my new daughter! Reading all of the wonderfully supportive comments on my first birth story that you published was almost like a virtual blessingway that close to the end of my pregnancy. My birth experience this time was all that I wanted it to be. I wish that all women could have a great supportive birth team around them like I was blessed with.” – Allie

On Friday May 4th, at 42 weeks and one day pregnant I woke up still feeling like I had another week to go. I spent the day babysitting and then we had dinner at my parent’s house that evening. We got home around 8 in the evening and I started the bedtime routine with our nearly 3 year old son, Jake.

Right at 9pm my husband, Paul, was tucking Jake and I into our bed, and just as he shut off the light and closed the door I felt a pop and instantly knew that my water had broken. I yelled for Paul to bring towels and I made a dash for the bathroom. I called our midwife to let her know what was going on but told her that I felt like it would be a while since I was having no other signs of action. I would just call her back when I needed her. I also called my mom and doula and gave them the same heads up.

Jake was wound up from me yelling and jumping up from bed so quickly that I decided to give him a little while to settle back down while I started laundry and picked up his toys that were all over the house. When I went to lay back down with him I was really uncomfortable. I decided that Daddy was going to have to do bedtime, so I got up to get him and before I got to the bedroom door the first contraction hit. It was not some nice, easy, warm up contraction either, it was POWERFUL and had some real pressure behind it, and I had to sink down to my knees to get through it.

My first thought was that I was just being dramatic and that I was scared from my first traumatic birth experience, and it probably only felt so strong because I wasn’t relaxing into it. So I stayed there on the floor of my bedroom to wait for the next one. I was going to be sure to relax and just let it wash over me and surely it wouldn’t be as bad as the first one. But 2 minutes later I got another and it was every bit as strong as the first. And the next 6 were all the same and all about 2 minutes apart. I decided that it was time to call the birth team back and ask them to come.

My doula had suggested that I get in the shower because that might help me relax and might even slow the contractions down a bit and I thought that sounded like a great idea. So I got into the shower while Paul was putting Jake to bed.

The heat felt nice but I couldn’t stand up through the contractions I had to just sit in the tub and let the water spray on me. I was still very uncomfortable and I had to hold myself up with my arms or I felt unsteady and out of control. Paul peeked in on me and I just started screaming there was so much going on with my body and I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. I started to doubt myself and thought “Holy Cow, there is no way I can handle this for hours and hours.” I heard my phone ringing but couldn’t move my arms get it so I told him to grab it. It was our midwife calling to check in. Paul put her on speaker phone and after hearing me screaming, she just told me in her “midwife voice” that this baby was coming faster than we thought it would and that it was ok. She told Paul to get some towels and blankets close to me. She asked me if I could feel the head and I checked and said I wasn’t sure (now I know that yes, I was absolutely feeling the head starting to come down). I just closed my eyes and let her voice guide me through the sensations that were happening and listened to her constant encouragements. Right about then my mom showed up and was quickly by my side. I asked our midwife how far away she was and she told me not to worry about that and just to stay in the moment and to just take a deep breath and blow everything away. I felt so much better then, not so alone and I was able to stop screaming and bring my sounds down to the low tones that I knew were better. I was able to stop fighting what my body was trying to do now and just let the process happen.

I asked our midwife if I could get into the birth tub and thankfully and she said yes. Sinking down into the deep warm water felt really nice. She asked me again if I could feel the head and I said I thought so but part of me was still in denial a little. How could this all be happening so fast?!?

Then there was a knock at the door and our doula/birth assistant walked in and I immediately asked her if she knew what a head felt like and if she could check for me. She said yes and grabbed a glove and told us that the head was only a fingertip in. I couldn’t believe it, I hadn’t even really TRIED to push yet and my body had worked my little one down that far already on its own! It still seemed so incredible to me that this was moving at such a rapid pace. I had a couple more contractions and reached down to feel a little head starting to come out. I told Paul to get the camera – I knew I would be sad later if we didn’t end up with any photos. My mom was still sitting next to me and I kept asking her for my water in between contractions because my throat felt raw from the crazy sounds that were coming out of it.

I heard the midwife – still on speaker phone – say she was here and Paul moved to let her in. I was so glad to see her; I had never even considered the possibility of needing to be prepared for an unassisted birth. She quickly came over and checked baby’s heart beat, which was just perfect, and then she started to set up the rest of the room.

Reaching down and feeling the progress of your baby’s head as it becomes more and more visible is something really amazing. My doula kept remind me to let my shoulders relax and she had me try a couple of different positions. I was really feeling a lot of pressure in the back of my hips during contractions and I didn’t like that at all. They calmly told me that once baby’s head got past that area that I wouldn’t feel that sensation any more so I pushed a couple of times and sure enough they were right, my hips stopped hurting. But then my legs started to go numb, which I also didn’t care for, but at least I knew it would be over sooner than later.

I really wanted it to be sooner… so I pushed with my contractions and a few minutes later I felt SWEET RELIEF and heard my midwife say that the head was out! My doula asked if I wanted to feel baby’s entire head and I said no because I felt like I really needed my arms to hold myself up. With the next contraction and a little push our baby came out of my belly and into the world at 12:13a.m. I looked down and saw little arms and legs moving around in the water and then the midwife handed baby up to me. Words can’t even describe how amazing it was to hold my brand new, still covered in birth fluids, baby on my chest!

hbac

Paul asked what I had given us and I checked to find that we had a baby girl! I just got to hold her and rub her back and watch her change colors. No one took her away from me, no one tried to make a pin cushion out of her or roughly suction her nose and throat, and it was so peaceful.

I asked my mom to go get Jake. I knew he had really wanted to watch the birth but he actually slept through the whole thing in the next room! He was so sleepy he wasn’t really interested in her right then, he just wanted to go back to sleep. Shortly after that I birthed the placenta and handed baby off to her daddy after he cut her cord so I could get out of the birth tub.

They helped me out of the tub and checked me over while feeding me strawberries. Once they got me squared away they put baby and I into a nice warm herbal bath. Paul came in and the three of us had some alone time. We chose a name for our sweet little girl, Amelia. We had not even begun to talk about middle names so that part would have to wait a few days.

herbal bath after hbac

While in the bath Amelia nursed for the first time and it came just as easily for her as it had for her older brother.

We soaked for a while and then it was time to get out and do her newborn check. Miss Amelia was 8 pounds 15 oz and 21.5 inches long. I needed a few stitches and oddly was more afraid of that than I was of giving birth, but my wonderful midwife and doula team talked me all the way through that process too.

It has been one week since her arrival and I am still riding the high of giving birth naturally, at home, the way I always wanted to. It is incredible what a difference giving birth in a loving, supported environment makes!!! I can’t even come up with words to thank my birth team; they knew exactly what to say to help me through every step of the way and that made all the difference.

I feel like this labor took off exactly where my son’s birth started to go awry. Almost like this was me getting a second chance to finish something that I started 3 years ago. This was a second chance that I so badly needed, even though I have done a lot of healing since Jake’s birth, I feel like I got a piece of myself back that I had been missing for a long time. I feel whole, and powerful and proud of myself. I love myself again, and I haven’t really felt that way since my first birth. More importantly I feel like I can be the mom that I want to be to my babies because there is nothing holding me back anymore!

The Healing Birth of Jackson {Natural Hospital VBAC}

The Healing Birth of Jackson {Natural Hospital VBAC}

The birth of our third baby has been so healing, in ways that words cannot fully describe. The heartache and pain of our losses, of our preemie experience and of the surgery that brought our premie into the world has been with me daily. Since delivering our third baby, those pains and the distress they brought have gone. This birth has been such a blessing, and I am amazed and overjoyed at what my body has accomplished. It is such a natural act, yet that is too often taken from us during our experiences of labour and birth. Delivering our son was the most empowering and awesome experience, more than I could have asked for. God has given us such a gift!

I am looking at our precious baby boy and all I can do is smile. The birth was perfect, absolutely amazing and unlike anything I could have imagined! To know just how beautiful this birth was, you have to know about my previous pregnancies and births.

Our daughter Caitlin Rose was delivered 5:09am 30th March 2009. The pregnancy was tough, I needed progesterone injections the whole way to maintain the pregnancy, I had hyperemesis gravidarum and I felt movement super early. We had not planned to have a baby, so it was a great adjustment for us after only 3 months of being together! (And me being told I was infertile…ha!) I had antenatal depression sparked by the shots, and an irritable uterus causing daily painful contractions. There were episodes of bleeding and mucous plug loss, and the whole pregnancy was rather less than enjoyable. I felt overwhelmed at being pregnant and the prospect of being a mum. But that changed the instant I held her in my arms!

The labour was 2 days, she was a posterior baby. Thankfully I laboured mainly at home (well, at the beach, then hosting dinner for my sister-in-laws at home) as I wasn’t convinced I was really in labour. My husband had to demand that I get into the car to drive me to hospital as I wanted to stay home longer. We allowed a student midwife that I had met previously to come to the hospital for the birth, and we had a midwife taking care of us. That was great! We did wind up with a lot of people in the room as our baby girl became distressed and she was stuck for a long time. The staff were being prepped to take me to theatre, thankfully with some hands on assistance (manual dilatation) my student midwife and midwife delivered her.

I had been labouring to my comfort, in the shower, hands and knees, swaying, squatting, however I felt I needed. And we had planned to deliver her in a good position. Unfortunately I was not in a favourable position for the delivery, but we avoided the caesarean so it was a small price to pay. Only 6 hours after arriving and she was in my arms. And she melted my heart! I finally felt right about being a mum, it was such a breathtaking moment for me to have her handed to me. Despite emergency surgery a week following her birth (due to retained placenta) I thought I had experienced a wonderful natural delivery. She was birthed without drugs, and it was a spontaneous vaginal delivery at 37 weeks.

We then conceived a baby shortly after her birth, but the pregnancy was lost. We conceived fraternal twins when our daughter was 5 months old. Sadly we also lost one of the twins, and had a lot of complications during the pregnancy. On top of the daily injections, there was severe hemorrhaging from subchorionic hematomas, PPROM at 18+5 (when we were assured we would lose our surviving baby, thank the Lord that He kept our son safe!) infection and placental abruption. Our boy Jacob Kenneth was delivered via emergency classical (vertical) caesarean at 6:10am on March 2nd 2010. He was just 25 weeks + 2 days. I was in hospital on bed rest from 23+6 until his delivery, as 24 weeks is considered viable here. There was just 3cm of fluid surrounding our son, and as he was breech, we opted for the caesarean. The labour was horrible thanks to hospital staff, and also being strapped to monitors, catheter in place and unable to move with IV lines. When I knew I would be delivering him I called my husband. (I knew as the contractions were quite surprisingly as painful as those of my first labour. The pressure was centred on the cervix but the intensity was the same). As he slept next to me, the doctors on call loudly discussed my situation and the fact that I had refused narcotics to stop the labour. I had already been informed that such drugs would not prevent birth when the mother was already labouring, but could prevent a labour from beginning. I knew I was in labour, so I declined. They insisted that I would cause an unnecessary caesarean and potentially the death of our baby by refusing the drugs. It was very distressing. Another doctor examined me soon after and I was rushed for the caesarean, as I was indeed in labour at 6cm dilated. Because our baby had not flipped, we knew the chance for survival was slightly higher with the caesarean. The surgery was awful, I felt a lot of pain throughout and we did not know if we would be welcoming a live baby or not. He was delivered, we were told he was a boy, then I was left alone as my husband went with our son (and was promptly asked to leave NICU, so our baby and myself were both alone. Hubby didn’t know his rights as a parent to stay with our son at that time). A further 15 weeks and a lot of preemie issues elapsed before I was able to finally take our son home.

So I had now experienced two very different labours and deliveries, and was quite convinced I did not want surgery again. What I did not realize is how different spontaneous vaginal labours could be. When we found out I was pregnant again, I began researching vaginal deliveries after classical caesareans. Months of studying went into this, and many discussions with medical staff. I found Jessica Tiderman’s site Special Scars which prompted us into further research. Between Jessica and another special scar mum, Katie Perez, I was given a lot of support and encouragement. My husband and I decided to try for a vaginal delivery, and conferred with our obstetrician to make this as safe as possible. Our obstetrician was fantastic, he took on our care against hospital policy, and had us sign a waiver after explaining the risks and benefits of a vaginal delivery in our situation. He was always respectful and encouraging while stating his concerns and helping us to create a birth plan. A great change from the experiences we had until he took us on! So we now had a birth plan in place for a vaginal delivery following classical caesarean. We also hired a beautiful doula, who we were hopeful would guide us through this birth.

At 1am on September 26th 2011 I was up walking around the house with contractions. They had been there for over a month, the same pain as my previous labours and could be timed 1-2 minutes apart, lasting 2 minutes. The joys of an irritable uterus! Our baby was beyond engaged and had been for a long time and I was getting around an hour sleep per night. And then my water broke. I had a quick panic when I thought I had peed myself, and then realized my waters had ruptured. So I called my Mum and asked her to come over to watch the kids. We knew they would be fine waking up to my Mum without us being there. Then I woke my husband to let him know it was time to head in. I would have laboured longer at home, but we had decided to head in early in the labour to have the cannula placed in case of complications. We called our doula to let her know we would be heading into hospital as my contractions were steady.

At 3am we left the house and arrived at about 3:30am. A midwife took us through to the maternal and fetal assessment unit. I had to laugh when she insisted that a vaginal exam (which we declined) was necessary for her to let me know if I were in labour or not. I let her know that I would be birthing that day. She asked us about continual fetal monitoring, which we also declined, and a male staff member came in to insert the cannula. He was unable to get it in between the wrist and elbow, so the midwife sent us through to the labour suite where we would try again. I had dropped into a hands and knees position by now to deal with the contractions, and our doula set up the ground for me to be more comfortable. I had to get up and onto the bed to let the man attempt the cannula insertion again, so the bed was set up reclining and I was on my knees leaning against the bedhead.

The contractions were lasting only 45-60 seconds, but they were coming on top of each other. There was a great deal of pressure, which I had only experienced with our other babies when they were descending. This was so different, very intense and more painful, but it much more natural and therefore comforting than my other labours. I extended my arm between each one and gave permission for him to insert the cannula wherever he could find a good vein, as he looked rather panicked about not being able to get it in! The midwife we were assigned bandaged it for me and bloods were taken. The midwife then asked to check the baby with a Doppler, and I agreed.

On the next contraction, I needed to make my way to the shower to cope with the pain. I was surprised at just how painful I was feeling them, it felt like the end of my first labour in comparison and I looked to my doula and told her I wasn’t sure that I could actually get through it this time. I wasn’t stressed, or losing control, just quite aware of how painful they already were and I thought I would need some form of pain relief to get through the rest of the labour. She smiled and said I would do just fine.

Our doula continued with her encouragement and gentle reminders to relax my pelvis and breathe into my belly. Once we were in the shower I was able to focus on the contractions knowing our doula was between the medical staff and my husband and I. That was so important to us, it felt like our birth space was protected by a woman we trusted and felt comfortable with. Very soon I thought I felt the need to empty my bowels, so I asked everyone to leave. The midwife went to get a doppler and my doula asked if I were sure I needed the loo, or if the baby was coming. Both my husband and I thought we had many hours of labour to go, but she insisted I keep my hand close just in case. And she was right! Once my bowels were empty, I realized it was indeed our baby, I made my way back to the shower immediately after the contraction.

I called my husband into the bathroom and knelt down, one hand waiting for our baby, one hand on the floor supporting my weight. The force of the contractions was unbelievable, I finally know what the ejection reflex is! With our other babies, I could not control the pushing, but I could choose to bear down with them or not. This time, I had no control at all over the force. I was aware of how quickly the baby was descending yet I could not lessen the pushing. It was amazing! I delivered the head, which was rather blue just as my daughter’s had been, and I watched our baby turn slightly. It had taken a few pushes to get the head out, but one more forceful contraction and while still guiding the head I delivered the body with my other hand. I was able to bring our baby straight up onto my chest, and discovered that we had another son!

Our doula had notified our midwife of the imminent birth, and two midwives arrived after I had delivered him. One of them was a bit too quick to cut the cord (we had hoped for the benefits of delayed cord clamping) as our son was not yet breathing, despite being attached to the placenta and without any compromise. He cried within seconds of being pulled away from me and was promptly handed back. It was such a beautiful delivery, bringing my own baby up to my chest while my husband was by my side. This was the first birth he had actually witnessed, although he was present for all of them. That was just amazing and still brings tears to my eyes that he was able to watch his wife deliver his baby. It was so lovely to have our doula present also, she gave us both a lot of confidence and I believe having her present allowed my body to relax fully and experience a labour the way it is meant to be. What a wonderful difference to my previous labours!

VBAC

Our son Jackson Lucas was born at 5:08am, September 26th 2011. I was 39+4 weeks into the pregnancy, far further than anyone had expected us to make. We have been abundantly blessed with this birth. The Lord Jesus had such mercy to give us this perfect birth, which has been so healing for me. From a pregnancy that began with the specialists not wanting to prescribe progesterone as they believed I was miscarrying, to make it not just to viability, but to term, was such a relief and a fantastic thing to experience. There had been complications with the pregnancy again, and I was very sick too, but I cannot find a single thing that I would choose to change about the labour. It is surely how I was meant to birth. I needed surgery following the delivery due to retained products that were vascular, resulting in major hemorrhaging (one blood clot alone was 500mL!). I lost 1600mL by the time I was done in theatre. There was talk of a blood transfusion, and iron infusions. But thankfully the Lord saw us through without either as we had chosen to decline them unless I had another large loss. God blessed us greatly with the surgery, as we had our obstetrician take over my care and perform the surgery. My husband had requested him when I became upset at needing surgery, and I am so thankful! Our obstetrician did a wonderful job, and the theatre team were just lovely with me. They had me laughing, and the anesthetist even played music for me on his phone.

vaginal birth after cesearean

When I came out of surgery, I was met with our now qualified midwife who was our student midwife with my first birth. She is a beautiful young woman and it was an absolute pleasure to find her as my nurse. She was also on call the following morning, so she was there to book us out of hospital. It was great to see her and let her see our other children again. Given that the surgery was necessary, I could not have asked for better than to have both our obstetrician and our (ex student) midwife caring for me. And I was able to leave the morning following the birth. It was awesome to walk out of the hospital with my husband and all three of our children. And with my health. My scar was very thin, we saw this on the ultrasound that was performed to confirm the retained products. And my endometrium was presenting unusually. We know we are not willing to have any more children now, as we believe the risks are too high after discussion with our obstetrician. Which makes it so much more meaningful that I was able to experience such a perfect birth. I had asked the Lord for a positive birthing experience for my husband and I. There could have been nothing better than the experience He gave us! No unwanted interventions, no fetal monitoring, no invasive vaginal exams, no managed third stage, and the joy of discovering we had another son for ourselves. Just a birth, completely natural and unassisted. Despite the surgery, and initially needing to express breastmilk again (I had to pump exclusively for both our other children due to tongue tie and prematurity) until our son’s tongue tie was snipped, I am still so thrilled with the delivery. It was painful, it was intense, and it was perfect. There is not a moment of the whole labour I would change. It felt so natural, and to deliver our son into my arms the way I was able to was so beautiful, I wish that every woman could have this kind of experience in childbirth. I am sitting here with my son right now, our other children are in our room sleeping, and the way I feel is amazing. I have no signs of postnatal depression, which I developed very quickly after delivering our other babies. Our son feeds well now and actually sleeps well too, which is a first for us. A nice first! I love wearing him in the sling and sleeping next to him (as we all sleep in our room). He loves it too. I finally understand the term ‘babymoon’ now. I was very scared becoming a mum to our daughter, and the NICU experience was extremely challenging with our son. To have another baby at term, healthy, and thriving is just lovely. And the birth, I will never forget how amazing that felt. The Lord certainly blessed us with His great mercy and kindness!

natural hospital birth

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