A Letter To Our Child {An IVF Journey 2006 To 2013}

“We shared our trying to conceive journey through Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI) at City IVF and love the team. And after 6 cycles, 5 stims, and a 10 week scare, our dream came true. We had spotting to full on bleeds and this little girl hung on tight to her Mum for which I will be forever grateful! I hope my history/story/journey gives someone the hope the need it really makes me believe magic does happen and miracles are real.” – Linda, of Family Capers

This is our journey little one, one we are sharing together  – you, mummy and daddy – as we help you make your way into this world. We love you and know that you will make it to us in time. This is a journey that just us can share.

[As an embryo – you were the strong one]

So where did it all start my darling?

Well we knew quite early that you would be conceived by IVF for a number of reasons.

For me I always knew that assisted conception maybe on the card for me after ovarian cysts and emergency surgery at 19. Then I met the love of my life my darling husband your father and the fate was sealed for us as he had a vasectomy much earlier in life for his own reasons.

So in 2005 with our dreams of the white picket fence and family Daddy and I were married and committed ourselves to the IVF journey.

This is when my research started I read everything I could find on the web started talking to GP’s about our journey. The hardest part is that we had to wait 12 months until our Private Health insurance would cover us for our IVF procedures. So we planned our wedding were happily married and moved to Qld to start our new life as a family.

Our first step in this IVF journey for you was in 2006 and I was hopeful and maybe I was naive. I went through every day of injections and planning with excitement and fear that you our baby was on its way. For me it had been a long wait for the 12 months to pass and I was excited and happy to meet you.

My first appointment is a bit of a haze I remember them telling me I was young and that falling pregnant should not be a problem for me so again up when the excitement this should be easy one try for me and our baby will be here I will be pregnant for our first wedding anniversary! Off I skipped to the chemist with my script for the pill (we were doing a down reg cycle) and looked forward to the day I could take pill number 1.

The day came and I started my pill excited to take them and happy I started to buy baby books to assist in my journey my thirst for knowledge on pregnancy was to others a little unnerving I suppose. I read and wrote to myself excited about the journey the you and I was about to take. Then Syernal day came this is the drug I like to call the morning sickiness stimulator, for me the side effects were nauesa and headaches. But this was all worth it as my baby is on its way.

Injections were next and that was when I felt your energy in the embryos growing inside me swollen and tender my tummy became round and cute as if I was a few months pregnant and we were on our way to egg pick up.

The egg pick up came and we got 12 healthy eggs which became 6 embryos and I could feel your energy as they transferred 1 embryo back. Time passed and we waited the two weeks but you were not going to be rushed…

Our ICSI and Pregnancy Journey, 2006-2009:
July 06 – First Fertility Specialist (FS) Visit
Sept 06- First Estrogen Replacement Therapy (ERT) and embryo transfer (ET)… big fat negative (BFN) – 5 embies to frozen
Nov 06 – Cancelled frozen embryo transfer (FET) – none survived the thaw (heartache and not knowing why)
Jan 07 – FS put me back on the pill bleed for 6 weeks due for ET in March but decided to change FS
Mar 07 – Visit with Dr Das he and his team are excellent
April 07 – Full ERT and ET – 1 embie and transferred
July 07 – Feng Shui specialist prepped house for baby started alternative hunt for symbols and rituals
Aug 07 – Planning visit moved to 12th September
Sept 07 – 12th September planning visit for October Cycle and Baby
Oct 07 – Early miscarriage at 5 weeks (disappointing, but 1 step closer)
March 08 – Laparoscopy: endometriosis found and gone, now we have answers
April/May – BFN Stim Cycle – No Embies Left
June – Started the Pill for July cycle
July – Operation Make Dear Husband a Daddy Success!!!! Big Fat Positive!!
12th September 08 – Baby Tigger gave us a major scare!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But just a major clot.
16th September – meeting with FS and bubs was there! Yay!!!!
17th November – 20 Week Scan… we are expecting a Girl
15th Jan – 1 Hour GTT is 8.1… 2 hour test here we come
17th Jan – Midwife visit and she is moving very well, just likes a weird position!!!
19th Jan 09 – GTT is neg
9th Feb – Booked C/S for the 31st March
31st March 2009 – Miss Charlotte Arrives!

And now … 2013 … When you know enough is enough …

A few weeks ago Hubby and I decided that we were not jumping on the IVF wagon again. After 3 years of hoping to TTC again I was in a position I was not expecting, I had more reasons to say enough is enough rather than to try again.

I have an amazing girl who I love to share all my spare time with, and 2 businesses that are growing at a rapid rate. I am full. I knew I was content, and enough was enough.

I did however grieve the loss of hope and of my TTC journey and dreams. And I can say I am still getting over it, but a lot stronger, wiser and healthier for the decision to be happy with my family of 3.

Unwatermarked photo by Kate Deagan of Studio K8