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An Intense Entrance

An Intense Entrance

Around 10:30pm April 24th, 4 days before my due date, I was getting off the phone with my mother. The conversation was a lot of “I’m going to go over due” & “Nothings happening this baby will never come out”. I had been sitting at 4cm & 80% effaced with a bulging bag of waters for weeks, but I knew that didn’t really tell us anything. At my last appointment I had my membranes stripped, this was 3 days ago & they had told me if it didn’t work in 24 hours it hadn’t worked. 2 days before I had walked the 8 miles with my fiance to my aunts house hoping to coax the baby out, & at 38 weeks I had started inserting an evening primrose oil capsule to try & soften my cervix.

After hanging up with my mom I went to the bathroom & when I stood to pull up my shorts “POP!” my water broke all over my aunts bathroom floor. I was thinking I had wet myself at first, but the loud pop & the amount of fluid on the floor, I soon realized what it was. I poked my head out the door & told my aunt I needed a towel & explained what had happened. She didn’t believe me until she came to the door, then she ran to get a towel & called for my fiance who was downstairs playing madden with my cousin. He came laughing up the stairs thinking we were kidding. When he realized it was actually go time he became a panicked mess. I had to call my mom back & tell her I was a liar.

38 weeks pregnant

We drove across town to labor at our apartment for a while before heading into the birthing center, I called the doula on the way but she was attending a birth about 45 minutes away & they had just finished up. She was now heading our direction. I had imagined my water would break although my Certified Nurse Midwife (CNM), friends, family, & nurses all told me it would never happen, & in my imagination I was a complete wreck & Tucker was calm. In reality it was the opposite. I should have been driving us. We made it to the apartment & he starts frantically stripping our bed & throwing our sheets into the washer. I asked him what in the world he was doing “Well the bed needs to be clean if the baby will be sleeping with us”. Honey, we didn’t buy a $300 pack n play/bassinet combo for nothing (okay well maybe it ended up that we did cosleep & never really have used that thing, for now it’s good cloth diaper storage). He was too cute. I labored in the shower & on the toilet for a while at our apartment but after about an hour I felt we couldn’t wait any longer & we headed in.

At the birthing center we got checked in & I can’t believe they expected me to talk & sign things when I was trying to HAVE A BABY! You’d think they’d understand. We got to our room & the nurse checked us on the monitors real quick. Looking good. She asked if I wanted an epidural & I said that I wanted to try to do it all naturally to that she responded “Oh I’ve never seen a natural birth before”. Awesome. My doula showed up almost as soon as we had made it to our room. My aunt & cousins wife showed up soon after. We all took a quick walk down to the nursery but the contractions were too close together & too intense to do it again so we went back to the room.

I labored on the toilet some more & then in the jet showers for a while with Tucker providing counter pressure for my back labor. My aunt & cousins wife went & waited down the hall. I hit transition getting out of the shower & told Tuck I wanted the epidural, that I needed something for the pain. I don’t recall what he said exactly, something along the lines of if I really felt that’s what I wanted it was fine, but when we came out of the bathroom the thought of pain medication had slipped my mind. I never asked for it again. My doula asked the nurse for a birthing ball which I loved. I rocked in Tuckers arms on the ball, passing out between contractions (something I thought only would happen with drugs so I was scared something was going wrong with me), leaning forward onto the bed during them, Tuck continued to give counter pressure that the doula showed him.

The CNM came in & determined it was about time to push. I was told to climb up into the bed, she checked for dilation & determined I had a slight lip which the CNM proceeded to stretch out to complete dilation. They checked me with monitors again, still great.

Pushing started, about 10 minutes & she was crowning. During the pushing I wanted to squat but I couldn’t vocalize what I wanted & I was unable to sit up and get in that position either. They coached me to push & I did so involuntarily, my body was just doing it, but I was crying & shaking my head no to Tucker, I wanted to move! On my back being forced to hold my legs behind the knees and pull them up, I moaned & grunted deeply. My doula offered for me to touch the head & I said “I just want it out!”, that’s the ring of fire right there. After her head came out she got stuck sideways at the shoulders (she had been posterior, the reason for the back labor). I was told to stop pushing but it’s nearly impossible, she came out with a couple more contractions anyways & I tore a little bit front & back. The CNM announced it was a girl & she was placed on my belly. She didn’t cry immediately so after a few moments of silence that seemed to stretch forever they patted her on the butt & she started in. Loud & healthy set of lungs. Tucker cut the cord & I pulled her up against my bare chest & she latched on.

annie's first photo

The nurse stabbed me with a shot of Pitocin not telling me what it was until afterwards. It was unnecessary as my daughter was latched & the placenta came out right away. The CNM stitched up my 2 tears. They checked apghars, weighed her & bathed her, she loved her bath & went from screaming to sleeping right away.

Our beautiful baby girl Annelyse Jean was 7 pounds 4.6 ounces 18.5 inches long and entered this world after less than 4 hours of natural back labor at 2:14A.M, 04/25/09.

Fast HypnoBabies Birth {Drug-Free, Pain-Free}

Fast HypnoBabies Birth {Drug-Free, Pain-Free}

“When I was pregnant with Siriana, I was like most of American society and saying, “I’m getting an epidural! I don’t want to feel anything!”.

There’s this girl, Chelsey, that was 4 months ahead of me in her pregnancy and was planning an all natural childbirth; I loved reading her blog. It was so inspirational to me. The day finally came and she had her baby. Her birth story was beautiful and it sounded so amazing. I would cry every time I read it. I wanted to experience something like that, but I didn’t know if I was prepared enough. When my water broke with Siriana, I said I would see how long I could make it without an epidural. My contractions started 3 hours after my water broke. They were manageable at first, but being in a hospital, I was stuck to a bed, hooked up to IV’s, and laying on my back, so they could do all this monitoring.

It started to become too much for me to handle. No matter how many times I said no to the epidural, I kept getting pressured into getting it or some kind of other pain relief. The nurse caught me at a vulnerable moment and said, “Quit trying to be a hero and just get the epidural!”. I totally caved and through tears said, “Fine. Give it to me.” Siriana’s heart rate started dropping after a couple of hours. Once it came time to push, my whole left side was complete mush! Michael had to hold my leg up for me. After 10 minutes of not really knowing if I was pushing right or not, the doctor scared me into letting her vacuum suction Siriana out. Despite the unnecesary interventions, my baby girl is here, she’s beautiful, and she’s healthy. It was one of the best days of my life! But I knew that when I gave birth again, things would be different.

Fast forward to being pregnant with baby #2. I was at home and my best friend, Nancy come over. We came across a documentary on Netflix called “The Business of Being Born” and we decided to watch it just to see what it was. WOW! So happy I watched it! My whole vision of the way that birth should be completely transformed. I realized just how cheated I was while in labor and birth with Siriana. I went back and read Chelsey’s birth story about her son, Elliot, and I decided right then and there that I was going to birth this child all natural and out of the typical hospital set up.” – Kashema

Last night (3/19), I told Michael, “When the time finally comes, I feel like I’m going to give birth to Jaxson early in the morning.” Little did I know, Jax agreed with me!

I had been having false labor for a week and I was so over it! I had a woe is me moment (again!) and cried while asking God to bring my baby to me, IF he was healthy and ready to come out. I laid in bed earlier than I usually do (around 8:30pm) and cuddled with Siriana until we both fell asleep. I think my body was trying to tell me something and I’m glad I listened. Sure enough, I woke up to some consistent contractions at 2AM this morning (3/20).

They were very strong and back to back almost instantly. I was in denial for a little while, so I didn’t bother Michael. He woke up on his own though because he heard me moaning into the pillow through each contraction. He asked what was up and I said, “I think I’m really in labor this time.” The contractions were 45 seconds to a minute long and coming every 2 to 3 minutes. Sometimes shorter durations. I quickly started to remember what contractions with Siriana felt like and I laughed at myself for thinking I was in labor a week before. After 45 minutes, I was certain that THIS was it. I decided to call the birth center and Michael got up to get our stuff ready. I told the operator that I was pretty sure I was in labor and she said the on call midwife would call me back. I called my mom and told her to be on stand-by because my best friend, Nancy (who lives only 5 minutes from me) was SUPPOSED to come get Siriana, but she didn’t answer her phone (go figure). After about 5 minutes, Jasmine called me. I had to put the phone down while a breathed through a long contraction. Once it was over, she told us to come in as soon as we could because it sounded like I was already in active labor.

I called my mom back and told her she had to get to our place ASAP because this baby was coming fast! Another contraction hit after I got off the phone and I had Michael to get behind me and squeeze my hips together. He humped my butt and it made me laugh while I was in the middle of a hard contraction. That man, LOL! I appreciated the good laugh. After 20 or 25 minutes, my mom arrived at our place. Siriana woke up from all the noise, so I took her out of her crib. I held my baby girl during a few contractions while swaying my hips and it actually took my mind off of the intensity that was starting to build up. She was hugging me and rubbing my back. So sweet. I love that girl! I walked her to my mom’s car, told her I love her, kissed her bye-bye and told her I’d see her later that day. I went back inside and grabbed my iPod, so I could listen to my HypnoBabies scripts on the way there.

The car ride wasn’t too bad. Only took 10 minutes to get there. About 2 minutes before we pulled up though, I wanted OUT! It was 4AM at this point. We had to go through the emergency entrance since it was after hours. The front desk lady immediately pointed to the emergency room door, until she looked down and saw my belly. She said, “OH! Birth center or labor and delivery floor?” I quickly answered, “Birth Center.” I was beyond answering any other questions at this point and my headphone was in one ear, so she spoke to Michael. He ran outside to park the car. I stood there for a few minutes with my head down on the counter, moaning, swaying my hips, and saying “peeeeeeace.” Michael ran through the door with all of our stuff and we made our way to the elevators. It felt like enternity waiting for those elevator doors to open!

We were greeted by the midwife (Jasmine) once we got to the 4th floor. She started to ask me a question, but stopped as soon as another contraction hit. Once again, Michael squeezed my hips together and I leaned into our midwife while saying, “peeeeeeace.” It was SO nice and quiet. I was the only woman in labor. After the contraction was over, Jasmine showed us to our birthing suite. I absolutely loved how calm and peaceful the atmosphere was. Everyone spoke in really low voices. Our room was perfect; very big and beautiful bed, huge amount of space to roam around, relaxing, and the lights were dim. The nurse (Stephanie) checked me and I was dilated to 6cm already! Saweeeet!

I asked if I could use the tub to labor in it, so they started to fill it up. I sat on the birth ball during a few contractions while we waited… ehhhh I didn’t care for that position, so I stood in a squating position and leaned into the side of the bed. I yanked my headphones out of my ears because there was no way I could pay attention to what was being said in the HypnoBabies scripts anymore. I had on a comfy dress that I really like and Stephanie knew it was going to be ruined soon, so she said, ” You should prooobably take that dress off.”, so I took it off and walked around with just my bra on. I told Stephanie, “Uhhhh, I need to go to the bathroom..” But, she told me, “No, it’s just pressure from the baby’s head.” (She was right) But, I still thought differently, so I went in the bathroom, sat on the toilet, and that was seriously heaven! Just sitting there relieved so much pressure during each contraction. Michael and Stephanie were both in the bathroom with me because I DID NOT want to move from that comfortable spot. I didn’t want Michael to leave my side, but at the same time, I didn’t want him in the bathroom because I was still convinced that I had to go to the bathroom. He kept laughing at me. I eventually got to an ‘I don’t care’ frame of mind because if it was going to happen, it was going to happen, and Michael was going to be in there with me. Stephanie left us alone and we just talked and laughed in between a few contractions while I sat my happy self on that heavenly toilet.

All of a sudden, the urge to push completely took over my body. Pushing felt so good and pushing through contractions while sitting on that toilet was a-maz-ing! (I always read that some women loved the pushing phase and other hated it. I loved it!) I told Michael to, “Tell Stephanie I’m pushing! I can’t help it!” Before he could turn to leave, she stuck her head in the bathroom and said, “I’m here. I heard you grunting.”

Michael was standing behind the toilet. I wrapped my hands around the back of his neck for support and hovered over the toilet while my body pushed down. I still didn’t want to move back to the bed, so Stephanie came in the bathroom, sat on the floor, and flashed a light up my hoo-ha whenever my body would push during a contraction. The baby was descending more with every contraction. She stood up and said, “Yeaaa, you’re not going to make it into the tub. I’m going to go get Jasmine.” My doula, Marissa showed up but everything was happening so fast, that she didn’t have much to do. I came out of the bathroom and made my way back to the bed. It was 5:08AM at this point. I had one leg up to get on the bed, but had to stop and squat down while holding on to the top of the bed post. I could feel him moving lower and lower. I didn’t want anything on my skin now, so I snatched my bra off and tossed it on the chair. I felt completely free. I finally made it onto the bed and leaned into a mountain of pillows while pushing down and moaning through the contractions. All of a sudden, my water bag broke and amniotic fluid gushed down my legs. Michael got on the bed from the other side. I leaned back in between his legs and started pushing more. I moved where ever I felt my body telling me to go.

Jasmine wanted to check me to make sure I was completely 10cm dilated. I laid down and she checked me really quick. In her sweet voice, she told me, “There’s only a little lip of cervix left around the baby’s head. Could you TRY not to push during the next contractions?” The thought of trying not to push made me want to cry. I said, “You’re crazy. There’s NO WAY that’s going to happen!” She laughed and said, “It’s ok, there’s only a little bit of cervix left, so you can keep pushing.” Well good, because I couldn’t stop my body from pushing even if I tried! I was trying to get up and lean into the mountain of pillows, but I only made it to Michael’s lap before I was in another hard contraction and pushing again.

Michael was so wonderful to me! He kept kissing my forehead and telling me how much he loves me and how amazing I was doing. He kept reminding me that it was only pressure (HypnoBabies script), not pain. Here’s where it got really exciting and SUPER intense! The baby’s head was starting to make its way out. I was on my side, laying on Michael’s lap while moaning so loud (apparently, I wasn’t as loud as I thought I was in my head. They said they’re used to women screaming.). I lifted my left leg up and started to “Ahhhhhhhh” the baby out. I wasn’t in pain at all, but the pressure of feeling him go lower and lower was so freaking nuuuuuuuuuts! (Thank you, hypnobabies! Pain free!).

Once Jaxson’s head was starting to crown, Jasmine looked me in my eyes and said, “Ok, Kashema. You’re going to want to push really hard, but you need to find your center and let your body slowly ease his head out, so you don’t tear.” It took everything in me to not want to push with all of my strength and just get him out, but I listened, found my center, and went completely limp as if I was sleeping. I would have a contraction, my body would push, and I could feel his head come out more. Once the contraction was over, I would hold his head there with my muscles, until the next contraction (that was intense!) and then slowly push it out a little bit more. Jasmine said, “Put your hand down there and feel his head!” (Sweet, sweet Jesus, it’s almost out!) I loved all the excitement I could feel in the room and as I reached down, I said, “Oh my God, Am I about to hold my baby?!” I didn’t feel the ‘ring of fire’, but I felt my vag streeeeeetch and then there was some super intense pressure. I seriously thought my butt was going to explode. Then his head popped out. Oooooh my GOODNESS, it felt SO good! I thought his whole body came out! The rest of his body was a piece of cake. They had me turn around though so my midwife could move his hand from being by his face. She told me I only had one more big push!

He slid out, I turned back around and leaned back in between Michael’s legs and they laid Jaxson on my chest (5:49AM)! NO STITCHES NEEDED! Hooray! I burst into tears and just kept saying, “I did it! I did it! Hi baby!”.


They waited for his cord to stop pulsing, so they could clamp it. Michael cut the cord. I pushed out the placenta. They cleaned us up. Jaxson nursed (like a champ!) and laid on my chest for an hour before they took him to get measurements.



The emotions you feel after you push a baby out with no drugs, is overwhelming (in a great way) and so amazing! You instantly forget about any “pain” you felt prior to that and you’re stuck in this euphoric moment. I didn’t want it to end.


I went into this birthing process, super confident and knowing God was on my side, and that there was no way this wasn’t going to happen naturally. I never had that moment of feeling like I was dying or wanting to beg for epidural. I don’t even remember when I hit transition. I was VERY vocal. Crazy primal sounds were just coming out of me (it helped me relax my body and to not tense up), and it probably sounded like I was in an immense amount of pain, but I wasn’t. Thank you, God! And once again, thank you HypnoBabies! Jasmine, Stephanie, my doula, and Michael kept telling me how beautiful our son’s birth was and how amazing I did. It was truly amazing. I did make it over the biggest wall I’ve ever had to climb and I would totally do it all over again. Ahhhhhhhhh, Jaxson Grey is HERE! Our family is complete now.


Estimated Due Date: March 31, 2013 | Born: March 20, 2013
Weight: 7lbs. 7oz | Height: 19 1/2 in
3 hours and 49 minutes from start to finish!


“When They Say Everyone’s Different, They Aren’t Kidding!” {My Birth Experience}

“When They Say Everyone’s Different, They Aren’t Kidding!” {My Birth Experience}

Giving birth was the single most amazing thing I have ever done. I read all the books and went to the classes but there was nothing that could have prepared me for my labor. I guess when they say everyone’s different, they aren’t kidding. Thinking back, I should’ve just skipped the classes altogether! – Jiska

So here is how it went…

I’m not sure if I went into labor because I had gotten upset with someone earlier that night, or if it was the bok choy salad with all the vinegarette (vinegar is said to be a natural remedy that induces labor) or that it was just time to have my baby. Dave and I went to bed pretty late, but I was a bit restless, so I was browsing Facebook and had just put the phone down and gone to sleep when I awoke again 20 min later at 1:05am not feeling well. I felt 2 contractions back to back and thought it was just braxton hicks so I went to the living room so I wouldn’t wake Dave.

Right away I started getting horrible pains in my back every few minutes, and then they would subside and I felt fine. I had about 5-7 of them after the initial 2 before I decided to time them. I started timing at 1:39am on Dec 6. In class I had learned that contractions start at the top of your uterus and then roll down like a wave and the uterus would get real hard but that wasn’t the case. These started in my back and would roll forward. It was painful like a bad upset stomach, and my uterus would tighten but not completely. Honestly, I thought the baby was sitting on my sciatic and was causing the pain. I didn’t really think that I was actually in labor.

I timed them for about an hour and a half before I woke Dave up. Each contraction lasted about 20-30 seconds and started in a semi pattern of a few minutes apart. I’d have one at 1:39,then 1:41,1:44,1:49,1:52,1:55,1:58,2:01,2:04,2:08,2:12… so really I never had early labor I just jumped right in with the few minutes apart. I tried texting Dave from the front room with “I’m having contractions”, but he didn’t hear it. I knew I only had about 2-3 min before the next contraction so I quickly went to the bedroom and woke him up. I still wasn’t sure if this was the real thing or not and felt a little guilty for waking him up! He got up and helped me time my contractions. He kept trying to get me to try laying down and relaxing and get me comfortable but more and more it became apparent that would not be happening! All the techniques and positions that they taught us in class went out the window. I’d had my birthing ball ready and everything. Things quickly got worse and more intense and I was having nothing but horrible back pain so we decided to head to my mom’s. We got there around 4am.

From the beginning we had planned to stay at home for as long as possible before heading to the hospital, and I wanted to go to my mom’s house to labor in the tub since we didn’t have one (they say that you can take up to a few hours off your labor by laboring in the water due to the buoyancy). We had registered, taken the classes, and took the birth center tours at both the Walnut Creek and Vallejo Kaiser because our plan was to give birth at Vallejo but have Walnut Creek as our back up in case we couldn’t make it that far. My doctor was in Vallejo and we wanted her to deliver our baby if she was on call, and they had better visiting rules, and more people could be present.

Once we got to my mom’s I got in her tub. I had pictured laboring in the tub and relaxing so many times and it sounded so great but when it actually came to it, it was a horrible idea!! I lasted for about 10 min and about 4 contractions before I gave that up. The water wasn’t hot enough, I wasn’t able to lay down because of the intense pain in my back during contractions so I was sitting up and wasn’t really submerged so it was cold and uncomfortable. Again, sounded great but a bad idea!

I decided right then that I wanted to go to the hospital. I was nervous because this wasn’t how I’d pictured labor and I still wasn’t having much pain in the front where the baby was so I wanted to go and see what was going on.

My mom, Dave and I got in the car and drove to Vallejo. By this time I could no longer relax in between contractions, they were too intense. I started getting hot and cold and sitting in the car was the hardest thing ever. I kept opening and closing the window for air and felt like I was going to puke. I was in so much pain, it felt like someone was taking a knife to my back. The drive seemed to take forever and I kept thinking maybe we should just go to Walnut Creek but I toughed it out and just tried to go with the pain instead of fighting it. Dave was taking his time, driving slow because he thought we had plenty of time, and we didn’t want to get to the hospital too early and be told to go back home. At one point I wanted to yell at him to pull over and let me out because I couldn’t take sitting anymore!

When we got to the hospital the pain was unbearable and every minute to 2 minutes apart. He pulled up out front and got me into a wheelchair. The car had all the doors open and the ignition running and he asked what he should do with the car. I told him to leave it there in the middle of Vallejo! I obviously wasn’t thinking clearly! A nurse was walking by and offered to start pushing me up while Dave parked the car.

When we got to the labor and delivery ward they asked us a few questions before taking me to the room with all the beds to do an exam to see if you will be admitted or not. My mom was sent to the waiting room in the meantime.When I got checked I was 4cm so they admitted me at a little before 6am. I was so out of it that I wasn’t sure what that meant. It was hard for me to believe I was dilated and that it was happening. I was positive they were going to say “sorry, false labor, not dilated, go home!

The nurse started asking me all kinds of dumb questions that seemed so irrelevant to me. She would also ask me questions during my contractions rather than waiting until it had passed. Eventually I stopped listening to her and stopped giving answers. She kept asking me if I wanted something for the pain and I had told her a few times I didn’t and that I had a birth plan she should look at. Dave tried telling her as well but she went on to tell him that I had to be told that there were options available (my birth plan said not to offer meds but to have them available if I asked for them). She asked again and when I said no she rolled her eyes. It was the one nurse that I wasn’t very fond of. I had so many emotions running through my head and everything was happening so fast. The pain was excruciating and I got really scared. I think that was what was hardest for Dave throughout the entire labor, was seeing me scared.

When they said they were admitting me and going to transfer me to the delivery room I said I needed to go to the bathroom. They said to wait until I got transferred and I knew I couldn’t so I got up and went anyway. I think my entire butt was hanging out at this point but I couldn’t have cared less. I got to the bathroom,sat down and puked EVERYWHERE!! It was that moment that I completely regretted eating bok choy salad for dinner. I puked all over my legs, my feet, the ground, the wall, probably even the ceiling. I just sat there looking and didn’t care, all I was worried about was the next contraction that would soon hit. In the meantime Dave was on his hands and knees sopping up my puke and cleaning me off. He was the best, most supportive husband anyone could’ve asked for. I mean, who else would get down and clean up my puke from the hospital floor?! It was then when we realized I had the “bloody show”. He cleaned me up, wrapped a blanket around me, got me to the wheelchair, and we went to the delivery room.

When we got to the delivery room they asked if my water had broken and I said I didn’t know because of the bloody show and they tested and determined it had just broken a few minutes prior, around 6:30am. Right away the contractions became even more intense, I no longer had time in between contractions, they were one right after another and unbearable. I kept telling Dave I couldn’t do it anymore and that I wanted the back pain to stop. I really wanted something like a local anesthetic to take the edge off the back pain. I think I could’ve gone hours more if the back labor would subside. Dave knew what I wanted though, and I would have regretted it since I wanted so badly to give birth naturally so he just stayed by my side and helped me through it. He kept trying to force me to drink fluids because they said I was getting dehydrated and I had said I didn’t want any IV’s. By this point I felt sick and couldn’t make myself drink. My mom was brought back in and she was so surprised at how fast things were going, we all were. We tried calling my sister but couldn’t get a hold of her. The plan was to have my sister and Dave’s mom, along with Dave and my mom present for the birth. I also wanted to have the mirror set up so I could see what happened, I wanted to video tape the birth, have pics taken during, and none of that happened!

They started an IV of antibiotics because I had tested positive for Strep B which is a intestinal bacteria present in about 30% of women but can be very harmful to the baby. They asked me if I was feeling the urge to push and I said I was although I felt unsure saying it since they had just checked me at 4cm. The nurse checked me and said I was 10cm, and fully dilated, and effaced, and ready to push. I was in shock!! I went from 4 to 10 cm in about 20 minutes! By this point I was beside myself with pain and had my eyes closed for the most part, I have no idea how many people were in the room, although I’m told there were quite a few.

The doctor came and at my next contraction told me to bear down and push. I thought I was going to die. After that first one I decided I didn’t want to do it anymore and tried to close my legs and fight the next contraction. That was the worst idea I’d ever had. The contractions get so much more intense when you fight them rather than going with them and relaxing your muscles. I pushed for about 2o minutes when the doctor said that she could see the head. She asked if I wanted to feel and I reached down and instantly pulled back. It surprised me at how gooey it was and freaked me out a bit. When she said she could see the head I immediately asked her if she could just “please just pull him out!” Obviously she couldn’t and with the next push I learned what people are always calling “the ring of fire”. Oh my god, that was the craziest, most painful feeling … EVER. It felt like my vagina was on fire. The doctor told me to stop pushing and wait for the next contraction. I thought she was insane, and it was the longest minute in the world to wait for the next one to hit. I laid there with his head and shoulders out and waited. With the next push he slipped out.

It was surreal and such an amazing and accomplishing feeling. I can’t even really put it into words. Jaylen Robert Loza was born at 6:43 am on Dec 6,2011 a little under 6 hours from when my labor began. Three days before my Dec 9 due date and on the day of my scheduled office visit with my doctor. He weighed 7lbs 8oz and was 20.8 inches long. In that moment I became a mom, best moment of my life to hear that first cry, and boy was it a cry!


I was so overwhelmed that I didn’t actually see Dave cut the cord which I really wanted to, but when they asked if I wanted to hold him before they cleaned him I thought it was a pretty silly question, of course!!! Right away he was quiet and I was really scared to hold him, he was so little and new. Looking into his tiny face and realizing that I had just given birth to my own child was completely surreal. I loved him from the instant I saw him and I would do anything for that little boy.

I was shaking uncontrollably after delivery, I guess from the plummet of hormones and the adrenaline. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t stop. I thought I was convulsing, but I guess it’s normal. I felt a little cold as well.

A few minutes after I gave birth they gave me Pitocin which I never knew they gave you to speed up the delivery of the placenta. I delivered my placenta soon after which really just felt weird, not necessarily too painful. After that, a nurse started massaging my stomach which was really tender and sore, to shrink the uterus back down and prevent you from bleeding out. My stomach looked very strange, like a deflated balloon, and it felt funny to the touch as well!  The doctor came and said I had second degree tears and gave me an injection to numb me so she could stitch me up. First stitches I’ve ever had and they were in a place so sensitive!! I was still shaking so bad and I thought I was going to crush her head while she was stitching me back up!

As I was holding Jaylen he decided to break me in as a new mom and I got sticky meconium (1st poop) down my side and pee down the other. How sweet!! That stuff is so disgusting by the way… it’s like tar. Once things got settled I tried to breastfeed. He took to it right away, and knew exactly what he was doing, very instinctual. It was incredible. I must admit breast feeding is so much harder than I ever thought it would be. I figured you stick the nipple in his mouth and you’re good to go but it hurts when you don’t latch right. It definitely takes practice and is a learning experience!



Seeing Dave hold his son for the first time was AMAZING!!! It’s the kind of moment that makes your heart melt. I would not have been able to get through this experience without him. I couldn’t have asked for a more supportive, and attentive husband. He kept my head straight, kept me focused and told me what I needed to hear when I didn’t think I could take anymore. He had faith in me. I’m a very lucky girl to have a man like him.

I’m also so glad that I had my mom there throughout this whole process because if there’s ever a time in my life that I needed my mom, this was definitely it!! Seeing her hold Jaylen for the first time was something I’ll never forget. She is the best Oma EVER!!

After about an hour the nurse came back and had Dave give him his first bath and diaper. He did it like a pro! He watched how the nurse handled him and next thing you know he was doing it himself. He is a natural when it comes to being a dad. To tell you the truth he did all the diapers for the first few days because I was scared to!

Surprisingly, I had so much energy that day. I was exhausted, but there was no way I could sleep, not to mention I’d had my first cup of real coffee in over a year! I stayed up all day. That night was tough. I was exhausted and Jaylen cried much of the night, and when he was asleep I was constantly checking on him. Every noise scared me. Dave and I curled up together on the hospital bed which wasn’t the most comfortable thing ever, but the nurses and the whole hospital stay was great. I was actually surprised at how helpful everyone was and they gave us all the privacy we wanted. We were scheduled to stay for 2 full days but my doctor came and checked me the next morning so she asked if we wanted to go home and discharged me. Before we left they even brought us a “celebration dinner” with glasses and sparkling cider. It was perfect.

I was pretty upset that my sister, Chantal, and Dave’s mom, Sue weren’t able to make it as planned. Everything just happened so fast that there just wasn’t time for anything. It wasn’t a “typical” birth that’s for sure. I also wish that we’d had a chance to grab the camera and take those first shots, and pics of him being born, but I’ll just have to settle for all the pics we took later on and all the ones I’ll be taking for the years to come!

So this was my birth experience. I can’t wait to do it all again one day! All my dreams have come true. I have the baby I’ve always wanted and we now have our very own family.

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