Ask any pregnant woman if people have made unnecessary comments, given unsolicited advice or just been plain rude and I guarantee you will get a loud YES!
After asking this question on the Birth Without Fear Facebook page, I came up with a top 10 list. This is to help all of you think twice before you speak. Remember, birth is beautiful and so is the pregnant mama. Treat her with kindness and respect. If you can’t do that, just remember, we are allowed to be hormonal. Don’t mess with us!!!
Here we go!
10. After mom has her baby, “You look like you have another one in there.”
9. “You ready to pop yet?” No, but I might pop you!
8. “You are crazy/brave. Just wait. You’ll want the epidural.”
7. “When are they going to induce? When are you due? They are going to let you go that far?” People, babies need to birth when they are ready! Leave them alone already!
6. Implying mom is too big or too small with comments like “Wow, you are really giving up your body, huh?” or “You don’t even look pregnant.”
5. Mentioning anything to do with population control, because you are proving we might as well begin with you.
4. Anything about babies dying. Really?!? Way to be positive.
3. “Don’t you know how THAT happens?” or “Have you ever heard of birth control?” Idiots.
2. “You guys are like rabbits.” Jealous much?
1. And the number one thing to never say to a pregnant mama is “Are you sure there aren’t twins in there?” Automatic fail!
Recommended Reading
Blessed With Another Pregnancy
22 Favorite Birth Quotes and Affirmations
The Birth of River Jeremiah: The Homebirth of a First Time Mama
Your Body, Your Birth, Your Baby
2 Videos of Twins and Triplets Born Naturally!
The Freebirth of Poppy
The Birth of Sicily Rose {Postpartum Hemorrhage, Vanishing Twin Syndrome}
A Mother Will Overcome {I Am Strong}
15 Myths of Childbirth: Uncovering the Truth- What is a Birth Without Fear?
160 Comments
LBriska Robertson
I am pregnant with our 6th and we homeschool and are a very busy family obviously. I just love it when all people think about is the fact that you are pregnant, like nothing else in the world matters during that time. When anyone talks to me now, the only thing they focus on is the fact that I am pregnant. I have other kids that are involved in so many different things and there is so much more that I like to share about with everyone, all the time. Also, if I am having to run a lot one day in particular, which is quite often, some are like, you shouldn’t be doing all that running with you being pregnant, like I am disabled or something. This among many other irritating things people say and do. 🙂
Erin
I’m right there with Viv on being told not to do things. I had customers telling me that I shouldn’t pick something up (usually a purse that weighed less than a pound) because I was pregnant and then offer to get it despite the rules we had about customers using the hooks to get things down themselves.
Eventually I’d get so frustrated that when people told me not to roll(!) a suitcase because it was heavy, I’d tell them that I frequently carried around my 2-year-old and he weighed more than a full nested set of luggage (which is usually around 30lbs).
Emily
We were talking with our neighbor about our planned homebirth, and she asks, “Can the midwife to a c-section at home??” Uuuuuhhh…..no. Seriously??? Seriously? We go to the hospital that’s half a mile away for that. Then she says all excited, “You’ll have to tell me when you’re in labor so I can come over and watch!” Uuuuuuuhhh….no.
My *favorite* comment was from my cousin on a pic I posted of me at 40 wks (w/ my 4th), “Wow, it looks like you’ve got a baby AND a meatloaf in there!” LOLOL….. I totally had a giant belly and was damn proud of it! For some reason that just makes me laugh! I needed it. That baby was 3 wks late (and 11lbs!) and we got LOTS of comments. You just have to tune it out, learn the smile and nod, and give people LOTS OF GRACE! Not easy!! OH! And when said baby was born someone said the “Wow, you guys must not have a tv” comment and I thought he was being sarcastic about the stupid stuff people say, so it took me a minute to realize HE WAS REALLY SAYING IT!!! Uh, gulp…smile, nod, change subject. Wow. Rude!
Lindsey
Wow, why not turn the birth into a block party? Lol
And if you’d rather watch TV, I think you’re doing it wrong;)
Carmel
I had to have an ultrasound the day before my boy was born because they were worried about cord prolapse (along with everything else). The results came out and estimated my baby to be 11lbs. As if that didn’t freak me out enough the lady behind the counter proceeded on a rant about having a c-section or epidural and taking all the drugs I could get. Really wanted to hit her but had to sit patiently waiting for my prints.
I also used to get people ask if I knew what I was having and when I excitedly replied “yes a boy!” they would say “oh, you ruined it.” Wish I had the strength to yell “then why did you ask if you don’t approve!!”
Bailey
I had the opposite problem, Carmel! We didn’t find out, and people constantly gave us grief because it “makes it soooo hard to shop for baby gifts.” There’s just no pleasing people. 😛
K.C.
What I hated were the nightmare stories: not only of the birthing process, but of taking care of an infant in general. Now, I DID have a very difficult birth with my first, which ended up with a c-section (my second they just scheduled a c right off the bat…and yes, there WERE good reasons). I only bring it up when asked. The thing is, while I hated it done to me, for some reason I get REALLY defensive when it’s done to others! I had a friend who had to go through fertility therapy & such, and after going through all that, getting nightmare stories of horrible births…GRRRRRRR!!!
Another nit: people are so quick to talk about colic, sleepless nights, dirty diapers, etc., but not one single, solitary person bothered to tell me how much FUN a baby was! THAT is what I openly share with other expectant moms.
Tamika
the worst comment i ever got was when i had just had my bubs and i had an iv line in as i was dehydrated badly i went for a walk outside to get some fresh air and some lady said to me “looks like your about to have your baby” nope sorry lady shes out already hahaha.
Trin
At around 6 months, someone informed me I must be due any day. When I told her I had 3 more months, she followed me around the store I was in and insisted I absolutely had to go to the doctor and make them do an ultrasound because clearly I was about to have that baby any minute. Then she said it must be twins. This went on for 15 minutes, while the poor small business owner kept desperately trying to get her away from me. I had a good laugh over her crazy.
Christina
Im 5’2 and 5 months pregnant with twins. Just this past Saturday the store clerk asked how far along I was. After I told her, her response was ” Oh WOW! your tummy is so big!” I told her that there are 2 in my stomach and she says “oohh that explains it, but you look cute”. Minus the fact that she was about 23 and a tall skinny rail, I wanted to punch her. My husband thought it was the funniest thing ever because he saw the fury in my eyes LoL
bee
Re: tummy rubbers… I’m sort if all about having my tummy rubbed by people I know. I’ve never had a complete stranger try. But I *really* love messing with people in general so whenever someone goes for my belly I remind them how much my breasts have changed too and offer them up for a rub. Its awesome I think because it illustrates how absurd random belly touching is 🙂 (also, no one had taken me up on the titty rub, not event husband, unfortunately :p)
rachel
i was planning a home water birth and EVERY PERSON i told gave me some horror story about what would of happened if they wernt at the hospital. even after my daughter was born (21/2 hours of labour,2 pushes, and she was so perfect everyone was calling her a c-section baby.) they are holding her and still saying “oh i wish she would of gone to the hospital” with such a concerned look on there face. like come on ! shes perfect! im fine! everything was a total ideal birth!!
z
#4 – my OB of 17 years made “your baby could die…” comments 4 times in one appointment… That’s when I made the decision (at 22 weeks) to switch OB. Best decision EVER!!!
Katie
Yes!! I am 39 weeks, and I’ve hard a lot of these! ?.
The four I’ve heard more times then I can count.
1: Are you sure there’s only one in there? You seem too big for only one.. I’m short, 5’1, and I don’t have a torso. So where does that leave the belly to go? You got it, out front and the sides!!
2: You really shouldn’t lifting that. Thats way too heavy for you!! Or my husband getting an earful from his mother, every…time.we’re together lol. She freaks out that I still switch my laundry, that I don’t make my hubby do it, or bringing in any of the light weight groceries. Lol I have been very encouraged by my mid wife to stay as active as I can without pushing myself..
3: Strangers or ex coworkers see me, and the first thing out their mouth. ” Aw what are you having?!” I tell them we decided to be surprised, and their face expressions change! ” Oh I couldn’t do that, I’m too impatient I would have to find out. Or, I get the very impressed looks by older women, and they just smile sweetly at me.
4: We decided to do a home birth, both our families are so greatly supportive! But some of our close friends are baffled. We’ve gotten some snooty comments, some supportive ones, and then you get the ones who aren’t really sure if I’m crazy or not lol.
I started having sighs at 38 weeks that my body was trying to go into labor. Now I get several daily texts from different family members, ” Is there any news” ” baby on its way yet?” Lol I’m a very sarcastic person, so I usually have to bite my tongue and not say something harsh ?.
Stefani
ANYTHING to do with baby’s gender and genders of present kids.
I love my 3 boys. I’m expecting a girl, but would have preferred not to buy new clothes and a shotgun. Do not chase me down in the store to confirm “That’s the girl in there, right?” No, it’s a kicky pumpkin. My family gender ratios are no one’s business but the Census. Eff off.
Anna
Hmm. This topic always confuses me. I am in my third pregnancy. Everytime I come across articles like this i have a hard time understanding how some of this comments are even rude or “inconsiderate” at all. “When are they going to induce?” “When is the baby due?” Are you kidding me? How is this offensive? Of someone asked me that, I would gladly reply. I just asked my pregnant, overdue friend if what day they had planned for being induced since she mentioned about them wanting to maybe induce her. Was I trying to “offend” her? Absolutely not. It was for informational purposes because I care about her and want to be informed. Comments about being “too small” — i am a very petite person and find myself to be very small. If someone told me i look small for my size compared to them or bigger than they looked, i have no problens with that. I actually find that interesting that every womans body is uniques and grows at different rates and when it comes to pregnancy, women can seriously range from one size to another being the same amount of weeks! I think it’s cool and amazing and if i mention to you that you looked smaller than me or bigger than me at that syage of pregnancy, I am not “implying” anything rude about you in any way or i wouldn’t feel that way vice versa. Indeed, some of these listed on here *are* inconsiderate and understandably so. Granted, if someone has the intention to be snotty or hateful to you while making any of these comments above then i can completely agree that ANY of can be understood as rude. And women like that should keep their opinions to themselves. In my experience, comments that usually offended me during pregnancy are ones where people pushed their personal opinions about parenting on me that i didn’t believe in or tried to question my parenting/lifestyle decisions as inferior or “wrong” in their eyes. Those are ones that undoubtedly annoyed me. But as for having a nice two-way conversation? I mean us women understand each other when it comes to childbirth, desire to stay informed with our loved ones and we love to talk about such a beautiful topic! We genuinely care about their well-being and mutually share the excitement during such a wonderful time! (I am excluding rude women and those who genuinely don’t care) I don’t understand why so many pregnant women get offended at just about any question or comment. Lots of articles like these make me feel like I might as well say nothing to a pregnant woman at all for fear of saying something that may offend her. Why can’t we all just celebrate this joyful time together and set aside these hard feelings for a moment?
Jen
100% agree. The. Vast majority of these comments are just small talk, conversation. If you are getting all huffy about stuff like this, you are taking yourself waaaay too seriously.
Anna
Sorry, lots of typos! Didn’t edit over before I submitted ?
Sue
I have heard all of that! The healthiest thing is to let it go, don’t take it seriously, etc. Most of the time becoming pregnant is a choice. I know it comes with emotions, big belly, smart ass remarks, discomfort, trepidation so just roll with the remarks; see the humor in it. If you cannot laugh at yourself why put yourself in this interest inducing situation? I found it sort of fun to hear all the crazy comments.
Stephani
I did a epidural, at the hospital, and had plenty of people tell me I wouldn’t bond with my baby as well, and I shouldn’t do it. Guess what? The bonding was amazing, and you do what makes you most comfortable.