So not to sound paranoid, but I’m pretty sure babies are following me. Wait, let me back up.
It seems that it has been just long enough since I had my last baby that I have forgotten how uncomfortable I was at 40 weeks pregnant (more like from weeks 21-40…) and how much I really, really love sleeping. No, really.
Damn Mother Nature is trying to tell me that I want to have a third baby. I have tried to put the idea out of my head because, honestly, two kids sound pretty good!
When we finally go on vacations it will be a nice, even number of people. If there are only two children then my husband and I will never be outnumbered!
We won’t have that awkward experience of having to make one person (let’s be honest, it would be Dad) sit by themselves on the roller coasters, or having to purchase a larger vehicle so that we can fit all of our kids in it. No, I mean without having to hear the “He’s touching ME!” “She touched ME first!!”
And I don’t even want to think about having to drag all of them with me to the grocery store. Aat least with just two I can stick one in the seat and one in the cart and both are accounted for!
Back to the stalker babies. At first I thought it was like when you are more aware of something, you start to notice it more often. Like when we bought our new-to-us car (a 2006! Yay!) and I suddenly started seeing silver Chryslers everywhere, so I had to run out to buy a bumper sticker just so I would know which one was mine.
I know it sounds crazy, but I’m serious: BABIES ARE FOLLOWING ME!
Everywhere I go babies are staring me down like they KNOW I’ve got the fever. It’s nuts.
I thought it was simply because of where I was seeing them, such as the grocery store. I mean, they SELL baby items there, of course you’re going to see babies at the store! (Mental note: start writing out explicit shopping lists and talk husband into doing the grocery shopping. With both kids.)
Or at the gymnasium where my son goes for tumbling class. Well, I mean, what else is that other mom to do but bring her darling, extremely alert and interactive baby with her while her other child tumbles and her baby hones in on my brain?!
But no, it’s not just me. They’re everywhere. And what’s even worse: they know.
They stare me down and throw on their toothless charm. Sooooooo uncool, babies. Actually it’s really cool because it’s making me feel super warm and fuzzy all over, but GAHHHH!
I have some serious conspiracy theories on this. I think they even know when I’m ovulating.
It doesn’t help that I have girlfriends that will post excruciatingly adorable videos of babies on my Facebook wall… such as this one:
I even have examples. Like when my oldest was throwing a fit at the grocery store and my gaze drifted over to this tiny, happy baby just drawing me in… so even though I have this tantrumming (new word I just made up) three-year-old being belligerent in front of me, I’m standing there like a goober waving and cooing at this five month old… what the hell is wrong with me?
Or when I went to my oldest son’s preschool orientation (I honestly wasn’t prepared for all the hullabaloo that comes with kids starting school… I think my instruction manual got lost in the mail… both times…) where from five rows up a baby targeted me and made eyes with me throughout the entire presentation, trying to trick me with it’s delighted, yet quiet, squeaks of contentment.
You can’t fool me, baby, I told it with my eyes, any minute now you’re going to get fed up with this boring talking and sitting business and have a good freak out and snap me back into reality. But the baby didn’t freak out. Not once. This lasted an hour. That baby had game.
Maybe it’s because my oldest is starting his first year of preschool and says things like, “Can I have some privacy?” and “I can’t talk right now, Mommy. I’m reading.”
Perhaps it’s because my baby (okay, 14 month old…) looked like a soap opera style newborn when he came out. (He was born at 10.9 lbs and weighing in at 31lbs now) All of a sudden he’s a toddler who can run and speak. Not just “first words” but actual words of protest and sass.
It could be because I am still dreaming about that cute little girl that I can dress up whenever I want or color coordinate to my heart’s content, and apparently my husband can only produce boys. We’re two for two and I have already seen from a few families how many boys you can end up with from vain attempts to have just one little girl.
Let it be known, Babies of the World (or at very least Northwest Ohio), that I am totally. onto. you. You can send your little, adorable troops out in droves, bombard me during my errands with your tiny giggles and precious hand claps. Without giving away too much of my defensive strategies, it might dismay you to know that I take birth control… when I remember to take it and it isn’t a weekend. (Why are things so much more difficult to remember on Saturday and Sunday?)
Or that I don’t even NEED to have sex (on a regular basis) to be happy. Shhh… they’re babies… they don’t know about my small, vibrating secret weapon!
I admit it, you’re precious, you make me go all woozy on the inside when I see you and my brain stops functioning at the proper levels.
I forget about all the crying, the sleep deprivation, the lack of showers or proper meals and all I can think about is how amazing you must smell.
How I just want to sit in a chair and hold you while you sleep.
Hold on, hold on, I’m losing track of what I’m saying here.
This isn’t over yet, babies. I’m not saying I’ve won, but you haven’t defeated me yet! I’ve yet to catch a shower on a regular basis.
Maybe once I forget how badly I stink after a few days of marinating you’ll have better luck. (Try back in about six months.)
Until then, I’ll see your sweet, little face at the store.
*Mama Queenly is a wife to her best friend of 15 years and SAHM to two young boys in Midwest, USA. Her passions include, but are not limited to: writing, cooking, baking, and all kinds of music (both recorded and live). Having had both an induced, med free vaginal birth in a hospital and a birth center transfer turn emergency cesarean, she has very strong interests in pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding. She shares the belief that knowledge is our best defense when fighting for our basic rights and feels that she has much to share with other women about her own experiences. “If you have knowledge, let others light their candles at it.
Oh my goodness. It must be all of Northern Ohio, because I live in NE Ohio and they find me all over the place too!
Love it! I have been feeling baby fever, too and my husband thinks I am crazy since we have a 16 yr old(but he is big and doesn’t count), a 2 1/2 yr old girl, and a 13 month little boy. I want one more…maybe…I think…hmm…
My advise. Don’t just have 1 more, have 2 more, then you’re back to your even numbers. No one’s alone on the roller coaster and your oldest can be in charge of the youngest. Problem: solved.
I was raised in a house FULL of children and babies. I have 6 younger brothers and 1 younger sister. From the time I was 12 until I left for college, my mom was popping out babies every year and a half. I KNOW all the annoying things about babies. Growing up in that babified atmosphere held off my fever for the first 8 years of my marriage. Now, uhg, now. It’s crazy how much I want a baby. CA-razy! It’s mostly all I think about. My husband, not so much…
That made me laugh out loud because it is SO true! Great humour!
I can totally relate to this. I have always wanted to space my kids out (3-5 years in between). I have an 11 month old now, and I’m already thinking that maybe I can do this again. I’m ready to be pregnant and going through the birth… not so sure about actually having that extra one around… I’m not that baby crazy… yet.
Oh, Mama Queenly, you’ve TOTALLY captured this uprising of that babies! I see it every day in my non-working life, but then I am a birth and post-partum doula too (which I LOVE), so they are EVERYWHERE for me! 🙂
My husband and I have his four-year-old that lives with us, but I have not been pregnant yet, so I just have to keep telling myself *NOT YET!* It’s getting harder and harder, every single day. 🙂
OMG, that video of the twins is AWESOME and hilarious, so happy-making. Thank you. And good luck with the stalkers.
I read this and thought of myself – all those things about having a family of 5 went through my mind too 🙂 I’m now expecting my 3rd LOL.
I am 40 years old and have a 2 month old and I keep finding myself wishing there was one more baby in our plans…
This is how I ended up with #4. A 4th boy I might add… Darn babies wouldn’t leave me alone. Amazing how we can forget the pregnany m/s, heartburn, uber painful labor,then sleepless nights and want to do the whole thing over again.
baby fever…it’s baby season!…I know soooo many pregnant women right now…either they are pregnant, were pregnant, or planning on being pregnant soon…something about this year 2012….I’m preggo and almost due with my 3rd child..yay! I always wanted 3 kids..that’s it..just 3, my magic number…but suddenly now I keep thinking, maybe I’ll have 4 after this one….those babies have put something in the water and they’re hypnotizing us with their cuteness!
Now you know how I feel. But I also am looking forward to both of my children going to college and us still being able to retire sometime before we die, too. And I also remember how bad I am with the laundry and how babies actually add 2 or 3 more “normal sized” people’s worth of laundry to the mix. I think about how it’s nice to sleep through the night for the most part now, with only a weekly or bi-weekly “Mommy?” in the middle of the night. And I love how, through the school year, I can sit and have a whooooole cup of coffee’s worth of quiet to me, myself, and I. 🙂
I love dem behbehs, tho. Boy oh boy do I sure love dem babbys 😉