I can not even remember the first time I had contact with Heidi from stillbirthday.com, but I know that she has forever changed a part of me. In running Birth Without Fear we obviously deal with pregnancy and birth. With that comes loss. When I first began BWF (and I was pregnant), I didn’t know how to handle that. I hurt every time I read a loss story or one of our moms went through a miscarriage and stillbirth, but I didn’t know how to share loss within Birth Without Fear.
I began to see and learn that women who experience loss and try to share their stories were being shunned in a horrible way in the online community world. Not to mention, in their daily lives. The things that are said to loss moms are usually not ideal and they feel they can not find support or grieve or heal.
Then came stillbirthday.com and Heidi Faith. There are other wonderful loss support resources out there, but it was through Heidi that I learned how to becoming inclusive and include loss moms within Birth Without Fear Community and in a way where everyone felt safe. It took time, but it is doable. Being sensitive to our pregnant mamas while validating and sharing the journey of our loss moms is so special. Not to mention the incredible amount of resources stillbirthday.com offers. Things I would never think of.
And guess what? More moms experience loss than you would think. It is heartbreaking. What do you say, what do you not say, how do you validate a mom’s loss without internalizing it? For me, Heidi has been instrumental in helping me learn how to do this. Her heart is truly incredible. She serves God and through Him, serves women. Women who don’t have a voice, are shunned, alone, scared, and hurting.
Recently I’ve had two close friends experience loss. One was 18 weeks pregnant with her beautiful son. The other a close friend and very recently lost her baby. I can not begin to describe the support Heidi brought to my friend(s), but also me. The friend of the loss mom. To know how to support a mother when going through the hardest thing she has ever been through…well, I couldn’t have done it without Heidi.
Through Heidi’s, and now all the support people with stillbirthday.com’s support, I have learned how to listen to my soul, my heart and humbly support loss moms. It’s not me. I don’t know what I’m doing. It’s through the Lord and through the support of Heidi. I have learned to grieve, support and heal with the constant of this amazing person. I can confidently share stillbirthday.com with loss mothers and know they will be so loved and taken care of. That…is priceless.
Here’s the thing. I am a loss mom. I don’t talk about it. I avoid it. Suppress it. My husband knew it, but I didn’t want to…know.
It is through Heidi’s gentle words at the right moments that I am able to admit it to myself. That when I was bleeding and clotting so heavy…and hurting so deeply on the bathroom floor… that it was not a 3 month post partum period I wanted it to be. That I lost a sweet baby who now waits for me in Heaven. Through the support that I have found with her, I have learned that there is part of my soul who relates, empathizes and understands. We are all connected more than we realize.
If you have experienced a loss, if you know a woman who has or is, please give them the gift of this amazing resource. I plan on participating in their next Birth and Bereavement Doula training that begins in August. If your heart leads you in that direction also, you can learn more here.