Birthday Celebration of a VBAC

So here goes. Brew some tea and get a snack because I’m giving you the long version!

All week, I had been going on walks and doing pelvic rocks in the shower while Conrad took his naps, I’d been resting a lot more and had been feeling more tired and irritable. I was having braxton hicks contractions all week but nothing major. I was anticipating going well past my due date. At this point though, I was 39 weeks. Saturday came and I was extremely irritable. Everything that Conrad did annoyed me. I just wanted to be in bed and be alone, so Dustin took Conrad to the park and the store so I could rest. When they got home, I was still feeling really tired and fatigued. I called my parents in tears and they came and took Conrad to their house. My Dad had made a comment that I was about to have this baby very soon, and I disagreed. I just wasn’t feeling like myself, I thought. Little did I know, He was so right. I was an emotional wreck. All I could do was clean and cry, for no apparent reason at all. I was folding baby clothes and was upset that the baby’s room wasn’t put together yet and Dustin sat down on the floor to talk to me and try to sort out why I was such a wreck. It was actually really great that we talked because we hadn’t realized just how distant we had both been. We ended up talking, crying and praying for about 2 hours and it was just what we needed as a couple to get on the right page before we welcomed our baby into the world. We were lacking that compassion for one another and that tenderness in our marriage. We were both stressed, excited, anxious, ready, and hadn’t realized that we had become so distant or hard hearted towards each other.

Dustin suggested that we go on a long drive and listen to music. I washed my face and put on a comfy dress and he made me some decaf coffee to sip while we drove. It was already getting late and about time to pick up Conrad, so we took the scenic route and drove to my parents house. We listened to an old Radiohead CD in the car. We turned up the music as loud as it would go and held hands. It was exactly what I needed. Just the two of us, in the car, listening to music we love and enjoying the last sweet moments together before we became 4.

We ate my Dad’s chicken enchiladas while Conrad played with my grandma and mom and enjoyed my parents company until about 9. We headed home, put the little man in bed and went to bed as usual. I was having little braxton hicks contractions here and there but nothing to get excited about. I woke up at 11:30 and ran to the bathroom throwing up. The food didn’t make Dustin sick at all, but it seemed to make me sick, which was weird (now I realize that my body was just getting ready for labor, and that’s why i threw up). I went back to bed and woke up at about 4:30 with stronger contractions that I had to lean over my bed to work through. I asked Dustin to time them. They were about 6-8 mins apart. I couldn’t go back to sleep. I kept telling myself that this was false labor and not to get obsessed over the contractions. Surly I wasn’t in labor, I was only 39 weeks! I told Dustin that if this was “false labor” this was a cruel joke because it was pretty intense.

By 5:00am, I decided that I wanted to go on a walk and be outside so I called my mother in law and she came over in her pj’s to wait for Conrad to wake up and then take him to her house for the day. We got into the car and planned to pick up the video camera at my friend Sofia’s house before our walk. I had two contractions in the car that rocked my world. I had to turn around in the car and hold onto the head rest, they were so intense. Sofia gave me the camera, was so excited for me she was almost in tears, gave me a hug and we headed to the park for a walk. While we were driving, it started pouring out and the windshield wipers were so annoying I told Dustin to TURN THEM OFF!!!! as i was going through another contraction. It really was the most amazing, rainy, cloudy day. It was perfect out.

I told him to take me to the store instead of a walk. I wanted to buy yogurt, cookie dough and candles. We ran through the rain and hurried into Albertson’s. The rain made us both super happy and we both felt like kids. If this was labor, we were excited to be enjoying rain. (We had specifically prayed for rain when we went into labor) Luckily, we were the only people in Albertson’s because as we walked through the store, I had two contractions that stopped me dead in my tracks that I needed to moan through in order to survive. At this point, I’m still wondering if this is false labor…..

When we got back home I wanted to vacuum. I would vacuum the living room rug and when I felt a contraction coming, I’d drop to my knees and call Dustin over to rub my lower back. I’d moan through it and breathe deep and slow until it passed, get back up and continue cleaning something else. At one point, as I was putting dishes away, I dropped to the ground on all fours with my head against the stove as he rubbed my back. During a contraction in the living room, I remember Dustin saying, “I know this is hard honey, but really try to praise God for each contraction knowing that it is bring our baby closer to being here with us. You’re doing great!” Something suddenly bubbled up inside of me and I had the urge to worship god, so I began praying and praising Him. As I prayed and cried, I could hear Dustin whimpering and crying behind me as he rubbed my back. I had never felt such a strong desire to praise god in my life. It was such an incredibly overwhelming feeling of gratitude and love. I couldn’t come up with enough words to describe how incredible my god was. In my mind, Dustin wasn’t even in the room, it was just me and Jesus. That moment was one of the sweetest times of my birth.

Dustin realizes that this might be the “real” thing so he called the birth tub company to come set up our tub. He also called our midwifes assistant, Marcie to get her opinion on whether we were in real labor or not. She heard me moaning through a contraction in the back ground and said she was on her way. She arrived shortly after and it was a relief to see her. I wasn’t able any longer to move or get up after a contraction. Now they were starting to get more intense. The three of us ended up in my bathroom in the dark, laboring over the birthing ball for the next few hours in silence. It felt best to be on all fours. Marcie would massage my shoulder blades to remind me to relax as Dustin rubbed peppermint lotion on my feet, back and calves during each rush. Marcie kept reminding me to breathe slow and deep, to moan deep and not raise my voice. All of my contractions were in my back.

I stayed on my hands and knees laboring for a few hours. I remember thinking to myself, “This is exactly why woman get epidurals. This shit is no joke!” (I probably said, “Oh shit!” a good twenty times during labor. Everything said or done in labor is forgiven, my midwife reminded me.) Laboring was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. I had to remind myself of the woman who birthed naturally, my girlfriends who helped me along on this journey. I told myself, “Janelle did it, Morgan did it, Mae did it, Laura did it…. YOU CAN DO IT TOO. You WILL do it!” Being in labor and in that pain is very isolating because no one in the room feels what you’re feeling. But remembering the ladies who had done it too really helped me persevere through it.

Time passed and I wasn’t aware of anything but trying to get through each rush. I needed silence and darkness. Dustin got up and called Carrington to come over. He also called Bobbie to come take a few pictures. When Carrington arrived, she anointed my head with oil and prayed over me for a long while. She held my hand and kept telling me I was doing a beautiful job. I remember tears falling on my birthing ball as I breathed through rushes and she prayed and stroked my hair. I was still on all fours in our bedroom with the curtains closed. The room was quiet and peaceful. Shortly after Carrington arrived, Dotty arrived. (One of my favorite memories of Dotty at my birth was when the midwife told me to make my lips loose like a horse when I moaned and Dotty kept making jokes about how excited Conrad would be if I gave birth to a little mini horse…. I laughed so hard I about cried. We kept saying I was giving birth to a baby centaur….) It felt good to have a big belly laugh between contractions. Her job was mostly just being there to pray and encourage me. She was a great part of my birth team.

The tub was almost ready and I was excited to get into it. I needed some relief. As soon as I stepped into the tub and sat down into the warm water, I began to cry because it felt so amazing and instantly took the pain away.

I labored in the tub moaning through contractions for about an hour with Carrington at my side feeding me spoonfuls of honey, giving me sips of cold water every few minutes and wiping my neck and forehead with ice cold rags that she kept dipping into an ice bucket that was on the floor in front of me. I asked Dustin to get into the tub with me at this point. I told Carrington that this was the hardest thing I’ve ever done and she said, “Well honey, that’s why it’s called labor. But this pain is beautiful Chelsea. God created our bodies to endure this labor for a reason. You’re going to look back at this and realize all of the little things he was busy teaching you through your birth…. I promise, you will be addicted to this pain when it’s all over.” She kept whispering over and over affirmations about who god is and who I am and how capable I am. She’d say, “After this is all over, there will be nothing you can’t accomplish.” And, “This is going to change you in ways you never imagined it could.” She was my birth guardian. I couldn’t have done it without her. While in the tub, because my mouth was so sugary from the apple juice and honey, I requested to brush my teeth which made me feel so much better. I think I was in transition for about 3 hours or so.

(Dustin’s cry face is the best.)

We are so in love with our baby girl. She is doing so well. I am SO thankful that the Lord gave me back what was stolen from me when I birthed my first baby. He redeemed my birth experience back to me and I can’t take credit for being “strong.” He was totally my strength. He kept my mind focused and not wondering off thinking about the “what if’s.” He sustained me through each hour and allowed me to birth her just as he promised He would.

Every single thing I prayed for during my pregnancy was given to me. I prayed that she would turn and not be breech and she turned. I prayed that I wouldn’t be “border line” diabetic with this pregnancy and I was totally healthy (I credit the Bradley diet). I never got pre-eclampsia when VBAC mom’s have a 45% higher chance of getting it, and if you get it, you have no choice but to have a repeat cesarean. I tested negative for step B when last time I had it. She didn’t get stuck coming out, she wasn’t in danger, she was perfectly safe and I got to birth her at home without FEAR. Her birth was by far the best experience I’ve ever had. The best day of my life, as cheesy as that sounds.

When everyone left, I told Dustin that I felt like God was shaking his head at me, smiling, saying, “You silly little girl, Chelsea. You thought I wouldn’t give you the desires of your heart….I gave you MORE than you ever imagined I would. How dare you doubt me, or doubt my love for you!” That was a humbling moment for me. She is sleeping well and nursing like a champ. We couldn’t be happier.

*Photography by Roberta Rae Photography.