10 Stupid Things You Never Want to Say to a Pregnant Mama

by Birth Without Fear on November 1, 2010

Why I oughta, Pregnant woman, birth

Ask any pregnant woman if people have made unnecessary comments, given unsolicited advice or just been plain rude and I guarantee you will get a loud YES!

After asking this question on the Birth Without Fear Facebook page, I came up with a top 10 list. This is to help all of you think twice before you speak. Remember, birth is beautiful and so is the pregnant mama. Treat her with kindness and respect. If you can’t do that, just remember, we are allowed to be hormonal. Don’t mess with us!!!

Here we go!

10. After mom has her baby, “You look like you have another one in there.”

9. “You ready to pop yet?” No, but I might pop you!

8. “You are crazy/brave. Just wait. You’ll want the epidural.”

7. “When are they going to induce? When are you due? They are going to let you go that far?” ¬†People, babies need to birth when they are ready! Leave them alone already!

6. Implying mom is too big or too small with comments like “Wow, you are really giving up your body, huh?” or “You don’t even look pregnant.”

5. Mentioning anything to do with population control, because you are proving we might as well begin with you.

4. Anything about babies dying. Really?!? Way to be positive.

3. “Don’t you know how THAT happens?” or “Have you ever heard of birth control?” Idiots.

2. “You guys are like rabbits.” Jealous much?

1. And the number one thing to never say to a pregnant mama is “Are you sure there aren’t twins in there?” Automatic fail!

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{ 151 comments… read them below or add one }

Kiz November 1, 2010 at 9:20 am

I think i had almost all of those during the course of my 5 pregnancies and in the early babyhood. also add in “dont you have a TV” or “your fond of a treat” those squick me out, as if its any of their business what i do in my private time. your right though they probably are jelous, ;) ;)

Kiz

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Lynda November 11, 2010 at 2:23 am

I think I’ve had all of those during THIS pregnancy. I’ve also had, “You’re done having babies after this one, right?” I hate that remark. How many children I have is between God, me, and my husband. It’s none of anyone else’s business. Shut up.

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Brittany March 1, 2011 at 12:27 pm

AMEN! We were blessed with #3 8 days ago. And people were SO negative about us getting pregnant in the first place. comments like “you have a boy and a girl. why are you having more?” umm maybe b/c God wants us to! Keep in mind we just had number 3 at 25yrs old. But we’re already excited for #4! Hopefully we’ll get a few years in between, but who knows what God has planned!

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Samantha November 1, 2010 at 10:50 am

#1 for me right now – “When are you gonna pop?!” I just got that from my brother yesterday. I told him that if he asked me again, i was gonna pop him! lol (He’s 14 btw)

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carissa November 1, 2010 at 12:57 pm

omg!!! ‘are you sure there aren’t twins in there????’ i hate that. i have had them all i think and #10… my dad, last week after giving birth, he thinks he is hilarious.

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Dianne November 1, 2010 at 2:44 pm

#8 made me giggle. When I was expecting my third, a woman asked which hospital I’d be using. I said I was having Baby at home and she laughed and condescendingly told me I would change my mind when I found out “how hard it is.” When I responded that my first two homebirths were fabulous and I was sorry that she thought birth was hard, she said another of my favorites that you didn’t list: “But you’re so young!”

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Carol November 1, 2010 at 2:54 pm

I hated the comments about how small I was. Way to make a mom worry. I don’t know why a woman’s size is off limits and then as soon as they are pregnant its a free for all.

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Lynda November 11, 2010 at 2:26 am

I know… it also goes that way for touching! You would NEVER dream of walking up to a total stranger in Wal-Mart and rubbing their belly, would you? But for some reason, I guess pregnant women don’t deserve a personal bubble like everyone else. It’s like, once you start showing, your belly is public property, and ANYONE can touch it! Not MY belly, thank you very much! LOL

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Elizabeth December 16, 2010 at 5:00 pm

I’m 31.5 weeks into my first pregnancy and its twins. I was heavier to begin with and now everyone says “oh, you don’t look big enough to have twins”. I did freak out, but they’re actually measuring a little big, they’re just smooshed in there.

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Crystal November 1, 2010 at 4:09 pm

My parish priest told me that all the time when I was pregnant with my first, “Are you sure its not twins?” I found it cute and funny from him but he’s such a kind man, I know he’d be absolutely shocked if I took offense but if anyone else I wanted to punch them. I only gained 35 lbs and I’m very slight so it does look pretty big sometimes plus I love my belly bump and wear fitted maternity so I guess its partly my fault. lol.

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Michelle November 1, 2010 at 6:22 pm

I heard number 3 when we announced our pregnancy. Family was treating us like two 15 year old kids. We are in our 30′s!

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Natalia November 1, 2010 at 6:25 pm

I agree with Carol. People would never think to just say whatever they thought to a woman (who wasn’t pregnant) no matter what her size was. But a pregnant woman gets blasted, gloves off. It’s not right. Just tell every pregnant woman she is beautiful- because she is!

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Loretta November 1, 2010 at 6:26 pm

The only thing worse than people asking those questions is when you actually have a response…..
Don’t you use birth control?
-Why, yes, this baby was conceived with an IUD in, thanks!
Wow, you look like you have twins!
-Well, I DID have twins, I lost one………
(and even better, these were both the same pregnancy!)

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Janis November 4, 2010 at 9:37 am

Love it-they might as well be asking about your sex life! l had so many people ask when l was pregnant with #3 if it was ‘planned’!

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Crystal Alan August 8, 2012 at 2:54 am

That’s exactly what I think when people ask if it was “planned.” It’s like, what exactly are you asking? Did I get pregnant on the pill? Did I have unprotected sex? Did I take my temperature and schedule my sex life? I know it’s a modern concept to “plan” or “try to get pregnant”, but people just don’t think before they ask that question. All of my pregnancies were more in the “I stopped trying not to” category, so I never know what to do with that question.

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Kimra November 1, 2010 at 6:46 pm

my youngest brother in law said number 10 to me about 2 weeks after i had my son. i told him, “that’s not a very nice thing to say to someone who had a baby” he asked “why not?” i answered “cuz it means i still look fat” he said “oh, i see” and walked away. he was only 9 years old. i still don’t think he got it. haha

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Caren Lee November 1, 2010 at 8:39 pm

Or if you are over 40, the Aren’t you too old?” or Isn’t that high-risk, don’t you have to be in the hospital on bedrest or something? (as if I was a feeble old woman with a walker). Or even worse, acting like you are a teenager and don’t know what you are doing – um, I’m over 40! I am definitely old enough to make my own decisions, lol.

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Kim December 16, 2010 at 3:48 pm

I have a feeling I’m gonna be hearing a lot of this one, along with the twin one soon (as I am a twin myself) and am 36yrs old. I look like I’m in my early 20′s to boot. lol

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Lindsey Whitney November 1, 2010 at 8:56 pm

The twins one is the worst. Seriously folks? Ugh!

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Sally November 1, 2010 at 10:10 pm

Don’t be offended and just be thankful you are having a baby. One of the hardest things to hear is when you’ve been trying to get pregnant for many months and someone says, “so when are you going to have a little one?”

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Lesley December 16, 2010 at 12:47 pm

I tried for years to get pregnant. it hurt when the running joke always was “so Lesley when is it your turn?” um… hello… already been trying for x years! way to make me feel special. I’m pregnant now, and even though i wanted this SO bad, it’s still hard to shove off the nasty, or rude comments about my pregnancy!

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Tristen May 24, 2011 at 7:33 pm

Congratulations Lesley!

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Mama Eva November 2, 2010 at 3:02 am

I almost don’t say anything to a pregnant woman I don’t know personally because they scare me! I have two daughters (5 and 1) and I know how sensitive I was when preggo! I usually just give them a warm smile and stay my distance ;)

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Amber November 2, 2010 at 9:55 am

I had a grandfather who would say “Well, just be careful not to gain too much.” or “It’s okay as long as you loose it all within the first three months after having her.” I don’t think people realize how things like that stick in your head. When I still had 10 pounds to go 3 months post partum I felt like a failure. UGH!

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Jennifer @ Quiverfull Family November 2, 2010 at 12:03 pm

Heee, we are expecting our fourth home/waterbirth in early December.

My ‘favorite’ was when a young friend of mine (17 or so) saw me in the grocery store when baby #3 was around 6 months old.

“Oh! You are pregnant again!!” (Sweet girl, she was truly excited for me.)

“Umm, no, that’s just baby fat!”

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Mom of Seven November 2, 2010 at 12:09 pm

Oh I could add a few to that list…including “You aren’t going to do this again are you?” and “if he were my husband I’d cut it off!” Seriously people!! Mind your own business!

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Lara November 2, 2010 at 1:45 pm

Funny how stuff that is absolutely not okay to say normally suddenly becomes okay when you’re pregnant. I love the ‘you’re so big,’ from people who are twice my size and not pregnant. I wanna ask them if they’re having twins. I got the epidural comment as well. And I didn’t need it or want it. Thanks for this, it’s so true.

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Heather November 2, 2010 at 3:09 pm

9, 8, 7, 6 and 4. Those were the ones that I got. And I can’t tell you how much they pissed me off. I am STILL angry about them and it’s been four years and I’m usually very bad at holding onto anger/holding a grudge. They were just THAT hurtful/offensive. People just don’t think!

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Kendra November 2, 2010 at 3:28 pm

Aside from nearly all of these, a customer asked me, “Are you pregnant!?” “Yes.” “How old are you?” “25.” “Are you married?” “Yes.” Sure, I may look 17, but RUDE and none of her business! After the customer left, my co-worker told me I should have responded this way to the “married” question: “No. Why, do you have any available sons?” I only wish I were that quick on my feet!

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Kim December 16, 2010 at 3:52 pm

To the first question (Are you pregnant?), I simply would’ve said, “No..why? Do I look it or something? ” , just to see the lady squirm her way out of it. bwaaah haaa haa haa!

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Keri January 15, 2011 at 11:47 pm

I was 20 when I had my first and worked as a cashier at a store called The Dollar Tree. I eventually started answering “no” or if they said something about me being pregnant – “I’m not pregnant. Of fourse it was obvious and I’d tell them soon after, but I really hoped it made them feel able about being so dumb.

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Melissa November 2, 2010 at 5:14 pm

Loved this!

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Jenny November 2, 2010 at 5:20 pm

9, 7 and 6 drove me crazy. I would add “why don’t you just have a caesarian?” Duh, because I have a perfectly healthy pregnancy and don’t want to have major surgery if I don’t have to.

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Jennifer @ Quiverfull Family November 2, 2010 at 6:10 pm

Today I got a long stare at my belly from my SIL who hasn’t seen me in a couple of months followed by, “WOW, you sure are pregnant!” and not in a very nice tone of voice. ;)

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Ashley Blaylock November 2, 2010 at 11:46 pm

i cant stand hearing
“dont you know how that happens”
and
“youre so young”
and
“my dont you have your hands full”

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Mother of 4...for now November 3, 2010 at 10:30 am

My hot button is when my overweight friends and relatives try to stab at me with “Oh, my gosh, you are getting so fat!”…Really?! I guess they are just trying to make themselves feel better, but if they knew that my full-term weight was at or less than their “normal” weight, I think they’d back off a bit. Moral of the story: don’t call any woman fat…EVER! (especially if she is pregnant)

Oh, and yes, we do know what “causes that” and we enjoy it very much! And I’d appreciate it if no one ever said to me again when we announce we are expecting a new member of our family ” Now you’re done for a while this time, right?”

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Sonya-Justice November 3, 2010 at 11:15 am

I actually liked being asked if I was sure there weren’t twins in there! It reinforced my confirmation bias (and hope) that I might be having twins. I didn’t, but…there’s always next time :)

As for #10…that is horrible! I can’t believe someone would say that to a new mom!!

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Christina November 3, 2010 at 2:33 pm

I hated #1 and #6. I gained A LOT of weight during my pregnancy, but I was never unhealthy, high-risk, pre-ecalamptic, on bed rest, etc…

I also couldn’t stand how my belly became public domain-perfect strangers would reach over and rub my belly! Um, HELLO! I would tell them that this would be totally weird if I wasn’t pregnant!

I hated, “Are you married?” When I answered “No,” it was always followed with, “Do you plan on getting married?” Just what we need, another shotgun wedding, followed by a tumultuous marriage, followed by years of indifference, followed by a messy divorce and even messier custody battle…no thanks.

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Kim December 16, 2010 at 3:58 pm

People would just reach out and touch your belly? HOLY CRAP!
I’m not so far along yet to where I think they might be tempted but if I see anyone reaching for my belly that isn’t hubby, I’m breakin an arm. Where do people get off thinkin they can just touch a perfect stranger like that, just bc they are pregnant?

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Katie November 3, 2010 at 2:34 pm

This is great! Women should re-post so those insensitive people will see it and keep their mouths shut haha!

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Hillary November 4, 2010 at 12:10 am

I never minded a hand from a friend or family member, but the strangers on the street who felt entitled to feel my preggo tummy really bugged me. Here’s a response to the random people who feel entitled to come up and put their hands on your belly: “Excuse me, but that’s my uterus you’re touching.” Worked every time.

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atara November 4, 2010 at 1:27 am

I’ve had two different women come up to me and tell me I must be crazy! We’re pregnant with our third, #1 is 3 1/2 #2 is 22 months right now (i’m due 2 weeks before her 2nd birthday). The worst was a woman who told me I was crazy then told my husband he was a stud. REALLY? I’m crazy but he’s a stud??!!

I also had a teacher at the school I work at say “WOW! How did that happen?” “ummmmm…. the usual way :)” was my honest response.

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Janis November 4, 2010 at 9:32 am

How about when your baby is a few months old and someone asks when you’re due?!

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Mummy of 5 November 5, 2010 at 4:06 pm

As a mumma of 5 beauties, I’m sick of people telling me, that I’ve had to of had enough by now..My babies are aged between 6 1/2 and 16 months.. Yes people I do own a TV, but baby making is so much fun..and I’m not wasting any electricity watching TV, that’s a bonus for me..lol

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Melissa November 6, 2010 at 4:52 pm

My favorite these day is “Oh you’re so brave” when someone learns of my plans to home birth. It kind of makes me crazy. My standard response is “No, I’m not brave. I am just doing what I know is the best thing for me and my baby.” and truly why would anyone make any birth choice but for that reason.

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Rikki April 21, 2011 at 9:12 am

I hate that one as well. Bravery implies that you are afraid and going through with it anyway. I will be brave if a hospital transfer is required. Home birth is what feels good, right and safe to me.

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Jennifer November 11, 2010 at 9:04 am

LOVE 2, 3 and 5! SO true.

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Jennifer November 11, 2010 at 9:13 am

With a 5, a 3 and a 2 year old, I get “MY, don’t YOU have your hands full!” – almost every time I go out with all three. I’ve learned to reply “I would rather have my hands full than empty.” Not that most people would know, but we had 2 miscarriages, and I now suffer from PCOS, and conceiving a baby, let alone carrying a baby to term is no sure thing for us. (Which proves even more that our gut conviction not to use birth control was a good one. Had we “waited”… who knows?) We don’t take our fertility for granted.

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brande November 24, 2010 at 11:59 am

i get that ALL the time….totally agree with you :)

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steph November 13, 2010 at 3:55 am

I had 6 and 4 and people touching me all the time! Drove me mad!!! And another one, as there’s a 7 year age gap between my daughter and my son: “is it from the same father?” Euh yes??? and “Well you shouldn’t have waited so long in between!” well if you’d had 2 miscarriages and one of the D&C almost kill you I bet you’d waited a bit to recover! How can people be so insensitive??? Why is it OK to make all this comments to pregnant women when all they deserve is support and kindness! I developed a bit of a sharp tongue after a while! lol

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brande November 24, 2010 at 11:58 am

last time when i was about 2 days PP (i had a c-section, so extra swelling too) my 4 year old said “i thought when you had the baby your belly was going to go away?”. it was cute coming from HER :)

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Brittany J December 16, 2010 at 12:20 pm

My husband’s grandfather made a comment at Thanksgiving very similar to #3 and I looked at him and laughed and said “It doesn’t mean we are going to stop.”

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Pam December 21, 2010 at 6:05 am

Upon telling my news to one of my “friends,” her response was less than genuine. After the fake “I’m so happy for you” comment, other comments followed that were unbelievable. “Nobody wants to hear that you’re pregnant. You’re barely even showing. You’re over 40. Nobody wants to hear that. It’s not fair.” This happened last weekend & I am right on target for my 6th month pregnancy, thank you very much. Thank goodness she’s been the only one to say such horrible things. I couldn’t believe my ears. We were at a holiday party, so I just smiled & walked away. Focus on the positive people in your lives & ignore those who can’t be happy for you. Blessings!

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velle January 16, 2011 at 12:48 am

I had read a book that had warned about that kind of response. Some people do have a hard time feeling genuine delight for others, especially if they
a) don’t really feel maternal but feel resentful that they “have to” because they’re women
b) have been trying for ages, while you’ve merely smiled at your man and found yourself knocked up in two minutes.
The thing is, us pregnant women can also be equally annoying and thoughtless to non-preggers. And I know I’m starting to get tunnel vision with all my joy, so I’m watching that I don’t get all baby-baby-baby, too.

It swings both ways.

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Mary Bennefield December 25, 2010 at 7:06 am

Yep ….. I heard most of those when I was pregnant.

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Helen Mosher January 1, 2011 at 9:20 pm

I never want to hear “How are you feeling?” from anyone other than my husband, and then only when I’m sick, again.

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Mary Bennefield January 1, 2011 at 10:05 pm

My daughter was about 4 years old when I was 5 months along. The home we lived in had only 1 bathroom whch meant that anytime I tried to escape for a quick shower was precisely the time that she just had to go to the bathroom!! Anyway, the shower had frosted glass so all you could see was a silhouette which my daughter had noticed had changed somewhat because all of a sudden she said, “Mama!! You’ve gotten SOOO BIG!!” to which I replied “Yes sweetheart! Remember, we’re going to have a baby.” – there was a pause and then she said, “I know…. but, what happened to your butt?!” ….. Outta the mouthes of babes!

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Mrs. BWF January 1, 2011 at 10:21 pm

HAHAHAHAHAHA! That is awesome. I’ve gotten those comments too.

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Kate January 1, 2011 at 11:05 pm

that was good, but i enjoyed the comments best!!! the one i got the most was, “are you SURE it isn’t twins??” and when i said yes, they had the nerve to ask, “how are you sure? did you have an ultrasound?” and they still didn’t believe me when i told them that our midwife would have picked up two heartbeats, etc. but i loved replying to the query, “so which hospital are you going to deliver at?” with, “oh we’re having this baby at home like we did the first time.” “OH?” and a big sidelong glance. “yes, it was WONDERFUL!!!” teehee. planting the seed! i made sure to go in a week after my chubby 9 1/2 pounder was born to show her off. “and you had her at HOME???” “and she was my easiest one,” i replied.

my little 2 1/2 year old made me feel good one day soon after the baby was born, “mom, i like your belly! it’s beautiful!” :)

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Rachel January 17, 2011 at 10:25 am

“Was it planned?” As if to say “Or were you irresponsible?”

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Lindsay.com February 3, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Oh geez! People can be really inconsiderate :(
I hate when people say “now you need a girl.” Well, actually, we’d like to have 2 boys in a row. Is that so crazy that I don’t just want a pair and be done with having babies? We will absolutely love whatever this baby is. Doesn’t matter.

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Noemi M March 1, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Well also i hate when people come to me said “Are you pregnant again?” as it was my 2nd pregnant. Is that an negative or positive. Even am 1st pregnancy and some ask me are you planning have another one? i was like hmm this is my first pregnant .. tht things i hate when people ask tht.. Why dont they just said “congratulation!”

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Lisa Harvey March 1, 2011 at 12:50 pm

I got all the time, “You dont know what true exhaustion is until you have a baby” Ok being my first of course I dont know what its like but I am about to experience it and I will adapt! And guess what Ive adapted, yeah I am exhausted but it goes with the territory.

Also another one this really got under my skin, “Why couldnt you have waited till you got married” What in the hell does getting married have to do with having babies!!!! This was from my grandmother whom cried when I told her I was pregnant not because she was happy but because she was very very very dissapointed in me blah blah blah! They made me feel so bad about being pregnant out of wedlock that I almost lost my baby due to stress, my grandmother didnt talk to me for 2 months. Nice when ur 20 weeks!

Anyhoo thats my rant over. People need to stop over thinking having babies, its something us females of every species have been doing sucessfully for thousands of years. They all fight over my daughter now!!!!

I cant wait to have my next one!!! Enjoy it because it goes by so quick.

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Amanda March 1, 2011 at 1:23 pm

I wasn’t pregnant, but when my second daughter was a newborn we were at a party and mentioned that my children are 15 months apart and someone said “Well, you didn’t waste time did you?”

Come to think of it, I think people said that while I was pregnant too (with my second) seeing as how my older daughter was still such a baby.

Also, we didn’t find out the sex of either of our daughters until they were born and people never stopped asking us if we found out what they were, even if we told them previously that we didn’t want to know.

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Keely Brand April 21, 2011 at 12:13 am

I love how my overweight Aunt came marking in THE DAY AFTER I had my son and announced in front of my entire family, see I told you it wasn’t the baby that weighed that much. That belly came from Taco bell and oreos, see? (oh yeah, while my son was in the NICU and we didnt know if he was going to make it or not, which is why my entire family was there, in case he didnt. Yeah, still dont forgive her for that one, and I might not ever.

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Adrienne April 21, 2011 at 1:05 am

I have had the comment “are you sure there aren’t twins in there” I actually take as a compliment as I birth big healthy and beautiful babies! It’s all how the comments are taken and if the person giving them is being rude or making an honest harmless comment :)

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