10 Stupid Things You Never Want to Say to a Pregnant Mama

10 Stupid Things You Never Want to Say to a Pregnant Mama

Why I oughta, Pregnant woman, birth

Ask any pregnant woman if people have made unnecessary comments, given unsolicited advice or just been plain rude and I guarantee you will get a loud YES!

After asking this question on the Birth Without Fear Facebook page, I came up with a top 10 list. This is to help all of you think twice before you speak. Remember, birth is beautiful and so is the pregnant mama. Treat her with kindness and respect. If you can’t do that, just remember, we are allowed to be hormonal. Don’t mess with us!!!

Here we go!

10. After mom has her baby, “You look like you have another one in there.”

9. “You ready to pop yet?” No, but I might pop you!

8. “You are crazy/brave. Just wait. You’ll want the epidural.”

7. “When are they going to induce? When are you due? They are going to let you go that far?” ย People, babies need to birth when they are ready! Leave them alone already!

6. Implying mom is too big or too small with comments like “Wow, you are really giving up your body, huh?” or “You don’t even look pregnant.”

5. Mentioningย anything to do with population control, because you are proving we might as well begin with you.

4. Anything about babies dying. Really?!? Way to be positive.

3. “Don’t you know how THAT happens?” or “Have you ever heard of birth control?” Idiots.

2.You guys are like rabbits.” Jealous much?

1. And the number one thing to never say to a pregnant mama is “Are you sure there aren’t twins in there?” Automatic fail!

160 thoughts on “10 Stupid Things You Never Want to Say to a Pregnant Mama

  1. Having gotten the twins comment with both previous pregnancies (I am short, ok, I have no torso! The belly has nowhere to go but out!), my husband & I decided that obviously #3 won’t arrive until someone says that to me, so now I’m just waiting for the tactlessness so that I can go into labor… ๐Ÿ˜‰

      1. by the way, I don’t know Natalie, can’t see her, I am absolutely sure she’s the most beautiful woman on the planet and has as beautiful a baby who will arrive as soon as s/he is ready…

  2. When I was pregnant with my twins I was told by one woman “you should smoke pot, it makes for calmer babies” ICK

    1. Seriously?! Wow. I’d be so tempted to look her right in the eye and tell her I work for social services and watch her freak out.

  3. I never had a stranger try to touch my belly, but once I had the baby (in oct) I would have him in our ergo and complete strangers would try to undress me so they could see the baby……

    I got alot of the “You dont LOOK pregnant” and then later on “OMG Your HUGE, is that NORMAL?!” Uh yeah I’m 6’2″ tall and 39 weeks its freaking normal.

  4. @ Marlene Oh My Gosh!!! My eyes bugged out of my head when I read your’s!! Did someone say that to you or to a friend of your’s? The “worst” I got was, at 32 weeks, a well-meaning (male) cashier said, “So, due any day, huh?” I said, “Nope, got 8-10 more weeks for this one.” The funny thing is I gained about half the amount of weight for #2 as I did for #1-I was noticeably smaller the second time around! Oh well, whatever…

  5. “You’re having a (insert gender)!”- if you are anyone other than the OB/midwife/ultrasound tech. My mother-in-law is absolutely insistant that we’re having a boy. Not hopeful, not guessing- INSISTANT that we will have a boy. We don’t even know yet! Two days ago, my sister asked her what she’d do if it was a girl, and my MIL said, “Send it back!” It took every ounce of my strength not to smack her.

    1. I feel you on that one! I have so many people tell me it’s a girl! I keep saying well it’s a 50/50 chance so…I didn’t care if we had a boy or girl before but I swear I want a boy now just to spite everyone else!

    2. Good luck on that one. MIL interesting. Milstone perhaps? You have given me a more charitable perspective on my MIL and her advice while I was labouring. ‘Suck on her breasts son, that’ll get her moving’. Then expected it would work with her supervision. mmmm.

    3. I’ve had my 20 week US and my neighbor still tells me I’m having a boy. It pisses me off because she wont shut up about it. It seems like its always when she is drinking that its worse. She repeats it non stop. I want to punch her in the face and be like you want to say it again while I’m standing over her.

    4. My husband’s cousin looked me up and down and said, matter-of-factly, “You ARE having a girl. I have a “gift” of knowing what women are having.” 3.5 months later, HE was born. ๐Ÿ™‚ Almost everyone thought I was having a girl and got that into our heads. It was a bit of a shock when he was born, but I (usually) love having 2 boys! Would like a girl for a #3, but another boy will be o.k. too, when we get to that point.

    5. I know exactly how that is! My MIL did the same thing. She swore every one of our girls were boys. She’d tell me she’d met them in her dreams and that they were wonderful little boys who couldn’t wait to arrive! She would tell people who asked what we were having that it was a boy. EVERY TIME. She even went as far as to buy boy themed clothing and accessories, even though we insisted everything be gender neutral as we weren’t finding out the sex before any of them were born. LOL!

      1. Lol I understand everything y’all are saying! My MIL told me that her family doesn’t produce girls when I was hopeful that one of my twins would be a girl…….. I had two boys and of course she likes to remind me that she was right…….. round two, we will try for a girl and maybe hold out on telling the gender ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. My mother in law rubbed my belly and would say “Hi baby John” (which is my husband, his father, and his grandfathers name). We didn’t find out the sex and hadn’t picked a name yet. I swear I willed her to be a girl to spite MIL : )

  7. I am 31 weeks and I have a small torso so it looks like I’m very out of the front. Yesterday I pick my man up from a boys night and one of his a hole friends says “hey you look so fat right now” I was ready to slap him in the face for that he says later it was meant to be a joke, um do I care if it’s a joke or not? This is also the same friend that wants me to make him the godfather of my baby. Yeah right! Either way I won’t let it get to me since it was only last week a car full of boys whistled out their window at me! Granted they did drive up from behind and didn’t see my belly until after the turned the corner.

  8. I’ve gotten the “you don’t even look pregnant” comment a lot, but the worst comment I ever got was when I was pregnant with my third. I had my two older daughters with me and an older woman in a store asked what the one in my belly was. I said it was another girl and she told me that me and my husband weren’t “doing it” in the right position.

    As if #1) we’re doing something wrong if we don’t produce a boy, and #2) its even remotely appropriate for strangers to comment on the sexual positions between me and my husband.

  9. OMG I get the twins thing everyday! Someone said to me “my god you’re huge! Are you SURE you’re not having twins? Are you bigger than most?” the other day a lady that was too heavy to walk for herself came by on a scooter and stopped, looked at me and said “well you’re about ready to pop aren’t you?” my husband whipered to me that was a perfect opportunity to say “yeah and so are you”. I’ve also gotten a smirk and laugh with the epidural/no drugs thing, even from people who have never had a kid or guys!

  10. 1) While in early labour with twins a midwife said to me “Don’t expect a natural birth. Of the 15 sets of twins I have been lead practitioner for 14 were by caesarian.” Interesting framing and could have changed my mindset. Our twin boys were born drugfree and me stitchfree with lots of support and love.
    2) Funniest comment (but not funny at the time) was, “When’s baby due?” I pointed to our first born, three month old daughter who I was pushing in the buggy at the time, and thought “are you for real lady???” Bahaha!

  11. I’m not sure how I stumbled onto your website, but it sure is hilarious. I thought I’d like to share a couple that I’d gotten while I was pregnant with my twin daughters 43 years ago: “your doctor miscalculated your due date.” “you look like a barrel on a couple of sticks.” (from my mom no less) and then of course the INNUMERABLE times we were asked: “Are they twins??” We had fun coming up with different answers–most of which are unprintable…

  12. I am pregnant with my 5th. I get, “Don’t you own a t.v?”, “Is this last!”, “Haven’t you worked out how that happens yet?” and my favourite, “Starting your own netball team are you?” (4 girls, 1boy).

    I also hate it when complete strangers start rubbing my belly, one day at 27 weeks I was out shopping and was in a very bad mood had people coming up and rubbing ‘MY’ tummy and then asking when I was due, so by the end of my shopping I’d had enough and this rude woman came up, pushed her way infront of me to grab something from the shelf and then noticed by bump, turned me and started rubbing it with both hands, 5-10 secs later asks “when are you due?” To which I replied “I’m not pregnant, thank you very much.” The woman almost started crying and ran away apologizing, I did feel horrible but it might teach her not to be so rude.

    1. I so did this, to a lot of people! I was at a froyo place the first time i did it, the man behind the counter was like that is so healthy for your baby. And i was like what baby!!????!!!??? He was so scared, i had to say i was kidding!

    2. People always said those things to me too! I have 5 girls and my youngest was born 9 months ago. Whenever I go anywhere with them people are like “you have your own basketball team” or “do you just keep trying for a boy??” I wish I could punch them in the mouth! I hate when your pregnant and other women try to tell you how labor will be or act like they know everything. People were always like “oh…your gonna have natural childbirth? Just wait….you’ll get the epidural.” And I would say, um I’ve already done it 4 times, I think I can handle it!

  13. I’ve had SO many people say things about twins that I’m now telling everyone they get an automatic poke in the eye if they mention multiples. I’m 17 weeks, with my second, and apparently I’m ‘huge’. I’m a tiny person, with little abdominal muscle tone what do they expect?! I’m started to be just really tmi with anyone that talks about my size now, ‘ oh yeah, my major abdominal surgery I had last Feb. really moved things around in there a bunch. When I’m gassy you can feel it in my back, wanna feel it?’ Hee:)

  14. I keep having folks ask me what I *want*. First they ask whether I think it’s a boy or girl (since we aren’t finding out) and then they ask what I WANT, always with this knowing look like OF COURSE I have a preference. I always cheerfully say, “A healthy baby!” But seriously, what a ridiculous question. I DON’T have a preference, and the insinuation that I do is offensive, and the idea of PREFERRING one gender over the other when I have absolutely no control over it anyway is repugnant to me.

    Of course, then there’s the comments from family who think we shouldn’t have THIS one, much less MORE. There was a point where we were thinking I might be having twins, and my MIL went on a TIRADE about how we can’t afford twins. blah blah blah. I wanted to say, “Well you can pick which one to give up for adoption then.” People just need to keep their opinions to themselves!

      1. I can never understand that one. We didn’t find out and I really, truly didn’t care. I wondered if my daughter would be happiest with a sister, but she said she wanted a brother (they’re half siblings and I don’t think she wanted anyone else to be the ‘more special’ daughter, plus I had a stillborn son before her). So I said “Cool, I hope you get what you want but we’ll love it anyway huh?”. We had a boy and she loves him to bits. Seriously don’t see what is so important about the sex.

    1. Oh yes…the what do you “want” question. I currently have 4 boys…soooo “obviously” I really really want a girl right??? Ugh please people stop! And no one would accept my answer of a healthy baby. Of course we find out and YES indeed we are having a GIRL this time. Now the comments are well you NEEDED a girl. Really I NEED one? Why? Why does it matter? I get the “to balance you out”. Um..4 boys and 1 girl? What scales are you measuring on? Or everyone wished me twin girls since I have a set of twin boys. Whatever happened to just being happy at a new life created? Not matter sex, size or how many?

      1. When I was pregnant with my daughter – a pregnancy that was a rollercoaster of emotion because my first, a son, was stillborn – a customer, mother of 2-3 boys, said *in front of her sons* “You’re so LUCKY to be having a girl! I just got BOYS! I really wanted a daughter!”. Poor kids…I wanted to throw up, or smack her. I looked at her sons and said “Well, boys are lovely, I was going to have a son but I lost him, and I’d have loved another little boy. I’ll consider myself lucky if this one makes it”.

  15. The twins comments are especially painful to those of us carrying a surviving twin. One particularly bad day I came back with – well actually yes there ARE two in there, but only one is alive.

    1. Oh Krista I’m so sorry for your loss ๐Ÿ™ how terribly inconsiderate & ignorant of people. Hopefully your response teaches them to consider the circumstances before they make ANY kind of comment!!

  16. I think just about anything people say to a pregnant woman is inappropriate because all of a sudden that’s all you are–a pregnant woman–and that’s all they can think of. If it’s something that would be inappropriate to say to anyone who isn’t expecting, it’s inappropriate to someone who is.

    My absolute favorite was constantly being asked how I was feeling and what helps morning sickness all pregnancy-long despite waiting until 4 1/2 months to announce the pregnancy and telling everyone, “No, I am not and never was nauseated.”

    Oh, and a variation of #8: I can’t wait to see if you are strong enough to go without the epidural. (with the implication that I wouldn’t.) And, I would have if I didn’t allow them to do an internal monitor or if I had a clue I was already transitioning.

  17. Haha LOVE this!! i can relate to #4 very well, our baby was breech & i was thrown the ‘dead baby’ card sooo many times when inquiring a vaginal birth. One obstetrician actually said to me “You want a natural birth? So wanting a dead baby then are you?” I can’t remember exactly what i said as i was seeing red but i think it was something along the lines of “OH YES PLEASE!!!! What an absolutely ridiculous thing to say!” At the time i was furious but now I can laugh about it & know that i will have a lot more of a witty response if we ever get that comment again from a so-called professional! (or anyone for that matter!)

  18. While riding in an elevator at 22 weeks a girls says ” wow, you look like your about to pop!” When i told her i was a little over halfway there you would have thought i slapped her with my belly. Then i told her i had a baby at home she rolled her head back saying, ” oh my gosh you are so brave good luck with that!” I left feeling ginormous! People people! Unless your telling mama how beautiful she is and what a blessing children are then be quiet!!!

  19. My two youngest are not quite 12 months apart – smallest was born exactly 1 week before not quite so small turned one. So we got lots of “omg, don’t you know what causes that?”. Add in being a homebirther, and well people either think you deserve some Courage Award (uhh?) or are going to explode in a shower of amniotic fluid all over them. I must have given off some great “fuck you” vibes though, cause I didn’t get anyone rubbing my belly with the two smalls. By the time I was 41 weeks with my eldest, though, I was prepared to wave a sign that said “put your hands on my belly and you’ll find my foot up your arse” ๐Ÿ˜‰

  20. You;re so huge! and you’re so tiny! – in the same day…

    My hubby is not a native speaker of English and suddenly one day he said “you look like Humpty Egg”.

    Gee thanks.

  21. oye, the comments are the worst! I got “How many are in there? You look like you are having a horse!” Like…seriously!? What is wrong with people!!

  22. My coworker occasionally says to me, “Gee you’re getting fat eh?” I respond “Brian, it’s a baby!” Tactless old man… Next time (I know there will be a next time!) I’m not holding my tongue, and blaming the hormones. “Brian, you know daughter can hear you call her Mama fat, right? Way to make a woman feel like s***.” If I’m in a really bad mood, I might touch his bulging belly and say, “Oh, and when are YOU due?”

  23. Well shoot, I got the are you sure there aren’t twins in there at 38 weeks… After assuring the older couple that I was not having twins, I gave birth one week later to identical twin girls… I have to disagree. It’s a valid question… Sometimes.

  24. I had someone say to me when I was 6 months along with twins, “Any day now honey, hang in there.” ๐Ÿ™‚ People are soo stupid sometimes!

  25. I don’t know, all these arguments seem lame to me. Pregnancy is such a wonderful thing and yes, women are emotional and touchy, but everything everyone has said makes me think that people just shouldn’t talk to a woman who looks pregnant. They shouldn’t even look their direction in hopes to not offend them with their facial expression! Oh, brother says Charlie brown…

    1. Yeah, I kind of agree. I think that alot of times strangers can come across insensitive but I don’t think that anyone (maybe crazy MIL’s LOL) intentionally tries to offended a pregnant woman. It is my experiance that when I found myself offended by comments, it was because I was having a bad day or a sensitive moment. Alot of times people are trying to make conversation but maybe uncomfortable. IDK. ๐Ÿ™‚

  26. With my first, I got the “You don’t look pregnant!” all the way up until my 8th month. (I’m 105 pounds pre-baby). Several people insinuated I wasn’t eating enough and my baby was “starving.” One lady even said, “You must have a pygmy baby in there.” I can’t tell you how much I cried, worrying that something was wrong with me or my baby.

    She was a very healthy 8#, 22″ and I was back in my pre-preggo jeans by 12 weeks. Take that!

  27. When I was pregnant with my twins another pregnant woman asked me (after I said that I was pregnant with twins) if they were Siamese. Really? My thought was and you’re breeding too, I fear for the human race. Who asks if a twins mom is having conjoined twins and a total stranger at that?!?

  28. The condescending “you’ll want the epidural” one drives me crazy!

    I’ve also had several people ask “Was it planned?” which I find incredibly inappropriate, especially from complete strangers!

  29. I found myself over explaining everything when people made stupid comments (im a midwife). “oh your very small” “well actually my symphis pubis to fundal height measurment is actually only 1 cm out for estimated gestational age so actually im measuring average although the rectus abdominus muscles in a first time mother sometimes conceal the growing uterus.” that soon shut them up!! I had an answer for EVERYTHING!

  30. Our baby was stillborn last year, and I never really lost my stomach. About once a week someone would say something about when my baby was due. On a good day I would simply say I was not pregnant. On a bad day I would tell them that my baby just died. The looks of horror and embarrassment made me hope they would think twice before commenting on another woman’s stomach size. Seriously? Who walks up to every woman who has a bit of a stomach and assumes she’s expecting? People need to learn to be more tactful. If I didn’t tell you I’m pregnant, please don’t assume that I am!

  31. Today is my due date, but the little man is still cozy in my belly! My biggest pet peeve has been all the people, almost all of them females who have had children before, asking “when do you think he’ll be here??” I’m sorry to disappoint you guys, but he’s gonna come out when he’s good and ready! I love how they think I have control over when he comes out! It’s also great when people who have never had children tell you how painful it’s going to be, “especially since you’re doing it naturally!” Ohhhh how I just love unsolicited advice!

    1. Someone asked me if they could have my placenta so they could put it in their hair… HAH!

      I politely declined. Pretty funny, though.

  32. I measured about 4 to 5 weeks ahead of schedule. At first we thought it was twins but nope – just a really big baby ๐Ÿ™‚ I hated the twin comments, especially since it had taken us so long to get pregnant (7 years) and we were kinda hoping we were having twins but only one egg fertilized. The other annoying one was – “wow, what finally worked?” My husband eventually started replying, “We tried a different position.” ๐Ÿ™‚ Loved the look on some of the faces. And when it was obvious I was pregnant, “Wow, you’re huge, are you pregnant?” My response, “Nope – just gas and I’m gonna name it after you.”

  33. I have a 22 month old daughter and am now 33 weeks along with my son… My favorite comment so far has been, “oh, so now you’ll have one of each, are you done now?” Umm, no, I plan to have as many as God wants me to have! Oh, and I had a c-section with my first so everyone automatically assumes that I’ll have another and looks at me like I’m crazy when I tell them my plans for a homebirth!

  34. I know a lot of people make rotten comments (and have gotten many of them) but I do think we need to remember that most people are well-meaning and are just excited for us and trying to celebrate with us. They may be insensitive, but I personally felt supported when people would acknowledge my pregnancies – like they realized I was in a very different time of life from most people.

    Anyway, that’s just my $.02. ๐Ÿ™‚

  35. I have a boy and a girl and so many people make comments about how I’ve got one of each so I must be done now, as if the gender of my children determines the size of my family.

  36. My grandmother asked me with my first, at about 7 months, if I had thought about having a C-section because “the babies come out so much prettier.” Nice, Grandma……

  37. I hate the unwanted belly rubs. From friends and family it’s usually safe to assume i’m perfectly fine with the rubs. But when purchasing groceries at costco- and I don’t know you. Don’t touch me!

  38. I don’t mind comments like this as much as I mind the fact that everyone treats me like I’m not capable of functioning like a normal human, anymore!

    I CONSTANTLY have people telling me I need to sit down.. or that I shouldn’t be doing whatever I happen to be doing at the time (Recently: dancing..ish.. at a local show; why is dancing so horrible?) Always asking me if I’m tired and not letting me carry even a 2 pound box..or a bag of groceries! @#%$^%^$

    SERIOUSLY, I’m fine!
    My pregnancy has been the easiest thing ever and my baby and I are in perfect health…I just don’t get it.

  39. My mom’s neighbor almost made me jump the fence after her when she said that I would be begging for drugs when I went into labor. She also told me I was crazy for wanting a homebirth. I got my homebirth after 30 hours of labor and 7 hours after my pubic bone separated and I still didn’t have (or want) any drugs! I did end up having surgery to put my pubic bone back together and I needed pain meds after that. I also got the twins thing quite often and everyone (even me) thought I was having a boy. We weren’t finding out and we did end up having a boy!

  40. I’ve gotten the “you’ll be begging for the epidural by the end” one, which is ridiculous (esp considering the source) and many people rubbing my belly. I am a touchy-feely person and don’t mind people I know touching me….but complete strangers?? Come on! Personal space mean anything to you??

    But my absolute FAVORITE positive comment that I get is from my husband. He says, “that baby belly looks good on you!” It’s taken us 14 years to have this baby, so I guess he likes the look of it so far!

  41. I almost lost it when my friend, who has never had a baby, said “oh, you’ll want an epidural for sure!”
    I get super frustrated by people trying to give me medical advice. Like, I’m in line at Starbucks and people tell me that caffeine is bad for my baby. How do they know what I’m going to order? maybe I just want a muffin. and do they know how much caffeine pregnant ladies are allowed to have?
    on the flip side, if I order de-caf there are always a few women who tell me “lighten up, I had 4 cups a coffee a day throughout my pregnancy and my kids turned out fine!”
    how about we just respect each others choices?
    I do like when people I look pretty or glowing. even though I probably don’t, I appreciate it:)

  42. An elderly lady came up to me at church after I had to her how far along I was. She said “I was just thinking, you’re too big to be 3 months along.” I was like…really??? I’ve always been overweight, and people have asked me when my baby was due before I was even pregnant. I just looked her square in the eye and said “that’s cuz I’m overweight.” she then asked if I was having twins, which I assured her I wasn’t. It’s like, c’mon people!! Think before you speak!!!

  43. Pregnant with my fifth, I’ve gotten most of these comments over the years, but some of the most memorable were 1) when a man joked from the checkout line as I walked by, “Haha, he was poking fun & she took him seriously!” 2) “Wow, ha!, are you having a LITTER?” Or 3) most recently my MIL said “I don’t know why you’d mess up a good thing” because we currently have 2 boys & 2 girls, and clearly a 5th child will just mess all that up… ugh!

    1. My mom went through that with her MIL. They had 3 and my grandma decided that was enough. She said “We’ve got eenie, meenie and minie and we don’t want no mo”. When they had another one, my dad asked her “which one do you want us to put back?”

  44. I have 14 mo old twins and I’m due with our 3rd in December so I always get your going to have your hands full its going to be so hard how are you going to do it it aggravates me to no end and all the judgmental looks I also look way younger than I am I’m 27 but look 20. Its always older women wo say that who still have teenagers in the house so I always tell them well when I’m your age I’ll be able to travel and enjoy life :p I also get are you sure its not twins again, and I bet you wont do that again :/

  45. The worst one I had was probably from my own mother. I called to tell her we were having a girl, and she asked if I was disappointed. I already have 2 girls. There was never any indication from me that I wanted a boy. I wanted to reach through the phone and smack her!

  46. The most frustrating this pregnancy has been a new co-workers respsone to my pregnancy…
    “oh lovely, is this your first?”
    Me, smiling: “no, I have a 4yo daughter”
    “Oh, so you know how it happens now hey?”
    Me: “Um, yeah, well, we were trying for a while by ourselves, but we’re a bit low on sperm, seeing as we’re a same-sex couple, so we ended up paying a couple of thousand to a fertility clinic. I’m pretty sure that’s how it happened anyway, unless my partner made some sperm!”

    She looked like the wanted to fall into a hole in the floor. My theory – if you want to start a conversation about the way to make a baby, be prepared for an awkward and embarrassing way-too-much-information repsonse.

  47. I hear the one about the epidural ALL the time! As soin as someone finds out that I’m going natural they’re like, ” oh I said that too, but when it came time I went with one. You will too!” I just wanna punch people when they say it! OR… If my husband or sister see me drink a soda, they’re all like “if the baby comes out with sonethibg wrong it is YOUR fault!” Because everyone knows that a soda once in a while causes your baby to be mentally disabled *rolls eyes*.

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