This started as a FB update and just took off, so I put it into a blog post.
Going to share a raw moment with you. Last night I was looking for a picture and you know how that goes…you end up sitting for an hour or two looking through old pictures, even after you’ve found the one you needed. My children were all 3-5 years younger than they are now. The phrase ‘it goes so fast’ has never had more meaning. Also, with the age of social media we are blessed to connect and get support. That also means sharing and supporting hardships and heart break. I pondered on all this last night and today.
Hubby came home and played with the children while I made dinner…happily. I thought on the last 2 years of PPD, sometimes so dark and deep. Suffering silently, then openly. Doing what I could each day so my babies did not suffer, but only I did. They were loved, taken care of, kissed, cuddled. But the connection to my brain, my memories…well, it’s a blur. As I cooked spaghetti and hamburgers (hey, we have a picky crowd!), I thought on how grateful I am the PPD is lifting and floating away from my soul, my life…and how after the last 24 hours it has no place in my life anymore. Nope, it doesn’t.
I sat down at a large dinner table with my husband and 5 children and talked to them about The Progressive Parent family’s loss. For 20 minutes I taught them about how in this world, our problems are valid, but there is also perspective. They listened on with tears and understanding in their eyes.
I told them how much I cared about them. I told my oldest I adore her love for animals and reading and to please always share that with me. My son, I told to keep talking to me about Ninjago…every single detail, because I care and want to know. (I plan on sitting down and watching that dang show with him.) I told my 5 year old I loved playing tic-tac-toe with her today and can’t wait to play and cook with her tomorrow. I told my 3 year old she is the best cuddler and I love watching movies with her. I kissed my almost 2 year old.
I then told them how much I love their father. That we are not perfect. We argue, but we say sorry and forgive one another. How hard we are working to show them how much we love each other. I told them there is no one else in this world that has loved and supported me like their father has. They need to know that.
I asked my whole family if we could focus on what we have this week. Instead of fighting who sits where at the dinner table, can my oldest realize how much her younger sisters admire her, because in almost every picture of them together, you can see the admiration in the youngers’ eyes for their big sister. Instead of complaining over sharing chips, can my oldest son just share with his siblings and be grateful he can.
It was a raw and beautiful moment for my family.
We then finished dinner while talking about how silly 3rd graders are for wanting to ‘date’. Ugh, this world! At least my kids agree it’s ridiculous.
After dinner, we sat around the table with hot chocolate and laughed, mostly at how awesome and funny Mini is. He was cracking us up with his macho face and thumbs up.
Teeth brushed, everyone in the family room, read scriptures and we all got on our knees and prayed as a family. I write this with tears in my eyes because no amount of PPD, money problems, fighting with friends, or other issues have the right to take away precious moments from me, with my children.
My point is moms and dads, when we are frustrated or tired, take inventory and then ask yourself, ‘What memories am I making for my child TODAY‘? What will I wish I would have done if I did not have this time with them anymore? If it was taken away with no notice? Would I listen to them more? Care about what they care about more? Color with them more? Not care about the noise and messes? AND DO THAT NOW while you can. While we can. We love our babies. Life can be hard. Perspective.