I was in emotional turmoil today. After texting with my sister who has no children (yet) about how hard her life is, I started thinking about all I would do if I was single or had no children. I mean, seriously, I could sleep in, work out, go back to school, go to the coffee shop and read for hours on end, accomplish all the non mommy things I’ve always wanted to. Dangit, poor ol’ me.
I need more balance at least, right?! The world (social media, TV, movies, friends, family, strangers, etc) tells me I need to do everything and I need recognition damnit for all I am and do! I will humbly admit that this is actually a daily struggle for me.
The mother and the business woman in me are always at battle, fighting for a chance to win over the other. I feel that being a mother is so important and there are too many distractions to pull me away from my children. The other part of me feels I need these outlets. I need to use my talents in other ways as well.
I will admit, it’s my downfall. It’s how Satan brings me down to an awful place of misery. There is much more support and claim to be a business woman than to be a mother in our world. An epiphany hit! Motherhood vs. The World.
Then, I snapped out of it and realized that my search for finding ‘balance’ as a mother is not only frustrating, but impossible. This is MOTHERHOOD. There is no such thing as balance. Finding the joy in small things and finding happiness in our situations is doable. Balance? Pffft. More like sacrifice.
I decided (and hope I will remember) that I will no longer go insane ‘trying to find’ myself, or do all things in moderation or find this elusive balance. That only leads to a lot of frustration and resentment. Instead I will find ways to enjoy my days the way my life is.
Yes, I will always strive to accomplish things, but today is all we have…all we are guaranteed. Yesterday is over and tomorrow may or may not come. We can’t live in tomorrow. So do things that make you happy TODAY. Find joy in THIS day. Will it be balanced? Ha! Probably not and that is freakin’ OK!
I won’t let the world win and take over the joy I can have in being a mother to five amazing children I have been blessed to raise. The world can’t give me that. Motherhood wins.
Reminds me of what Susun Weed said about balance: “Women’s bodies are about cycles and fluctuations. That’s healthy. Women’s bodies are never perfectly balanced – that’s an old idea, based on an ideal of the young male body, that has nothing to do with our bodies. Our bodies are always changing. So when someone says you need to ‘balance’, think twice.” (paraphrased).
Do you know how many times I have heard, “If I didn’t have kids I’d______.”? The truth of the matter is that we always want what we don’t have, even if it is only for a day or for a vacation. I am not a mother. That wasn’t exactly a conscious choice, but one that I have had to live with, and at middle age, would only change with the miraculous happening. I have always wanted a family, but I’m alone. So, what is there to do but be the most fantastic person having the most fantastic life possible so that my nieces and nephews will have many memories and stories of me long after I’m gone. <3
This is awesome! So so true, and I wish more women could experience this truth.