Infertility, Twins, and Family {I Am Strong}

I am strong because I went through 4 years of infertility, the last 2 of those years were filled with fertility treatments.

I am strong because on one of my first fertility treatments I saw the much anticipated faint pink line. I am strong because on the same day that I saw and photographed this line I lost my hope for that baby but kept fighting.

I am strong because on my last fertility treatment (IVF) I had 15 minutes to make a choice on the size of my potential family.

I am strong because my bravery to choose to have two embryos put back paid off and I became pregnant with twins.

I am strong because at our 20 week anomaly scan it was thought that our baby girl had a problem with her heart. I am strong because we had to wait a week to find out that she didn’t.

I am strong because at 32 weeks and 2 days pregnant I had a bleed which resulted in a two night stay in hospital so I could have steroid injections as it was thought they wouldn’t stay in much longer.

I am strong because at 33 weeks and 2 days my waters went and I began contracting.

I am strong because I contracted for 31 hours before I was ready to push.

I am strong because I pushed for 3 hours 16 minutes before my son arrived. He weighed 4lbs 5oz. I am strong because I didn’t hear him cry or see him or cuddle him. I am strong because when I was able to kiss his head as he was taken to scbu I didn’t breakdown at the sight of my son with a breathing tube in.

I am strong because I lay for an hour with midwives holding my daughter in position from the outside so she didn’t turn from head down to breech. I am strong because after the hour I was rushed to theatre to have a c-section. I had been talked out of having a section at the start of my labour as I was afraid of giving birth to one baby and then having a section for the second. I am strong because I was given one last try to push my daughter out before they preformed the c section and I was able to get her moving. I am strong because 2 hours and 6 minutes after my son was born my daughter was born using forceps after getting stuck on the last bend. She came out screaming and weighed 4lbs 3oz.

I am strong because I didn’t get to cuddle my daughter either. I was able to give her a quick kiss before she too was taken to scbu.

I am strong because their placentas became stuck when my uterus grew tired and they had to be manually extracted. I am strong because that procedure was hands down more painful than birthing twins.

I am strong because I lost 2 litres of blood during my labour and needed 3 blood transfusions to bring it up to a level that the doctors still weren’t overly happy with.

I am strong because at 28 hours old it was discovered my daughter had been born without a bottom hole and would need to be moved to a hospital 100 miles away for an operation.

I am strong because at two days old my daughter and my husband went to Bristol hospital while I had to stay with my son in our local hospital due to a lack of space for us and the fact I was still too poorly to be discharged.

I am strong because my daughter had an operation at 4 days old and now less than 4lbs to give her a life saving colostomy. I was not there for her.

I am strong because it took a week to get space for my son and I to go to the same hospital as my daughter. I am strong because being in Bristol hospital was traumatising for me and I am still unable to visit without having panic attacks.

I am strong because I learnt how to care for my daughter and her colostomy despite being terrified of it.

I am strong because I had to be for my daughter and her subsequent 2 operations, one of which was to reverse her colostomy.

I am strong because my son had to wear a helmet at 8 months to help fix his severe plagiocephaly. We all took this in our stride.

I am strong because even after nearly 3 years I have to regularly explain to people about my daughters condition and how she will never be “all better”.

I am strong because I have battled with post natal depression and post traumatic stress disorder.

I am strong because my family needs me to be.

I am strong because my children and my amazing husband help me stay strong.

Anna