This post is raw and personal. I am sharing it because I think that it may help many other pregnant women and that alone is enough of a reason for me.
My thoughts are tearing me apart and creating fears. I came to realize this in the last few years. I know what I am doing and I can not stop. My thoughts create my reality. Things happen, no doubt about that, but how I view these things that happen and what my thoughts are about them shape my reality of the situation.
Mr. BWF was at a used book store recently to get a business book. He found what he was looking for and as he stood in line to buy it, it felt wrong in his hands. It wasn’t the book he needed to buy. He walked back and put it on the shelf where he found it. Before turning around to walk away, he noticed a different book sitting right next to the one he put back. He had this feeling overcome him as he reached for it. He knew this was the book he needed to buy. It was Loving What Is by Byron Katie. Some of you may be familiar with her, but for those that are not, she created a simple 4 question process called “the Work.”
Mr. BWF started to read Loving What Is and then urged me to pick it up. I finally did and now I don’t want to put it down. This is it for me. This is how I can finally stop killing myself with my thoughts. I am starting to take time to really process my thoughts and if they are thoughts I am holding onto and don’t need, or if they are truly reality. I am finding most are not true and I am letting go of my attachment to them.
It’s an interesting process and most definitely going to effect the rest of my pregnancy and birth. I am going to give an example of one of my thoughts and how I have let it go. I have been having thoughts that this baby is not going to live. I know it is because many of my friends have lost babies recently. This breaks my heart and I have taken their grief on as my own. I start visualizing miscarrying my baby and feel the pain and heartbreak of the experience. How do I change this thought?
Using the Work, I ask myself if this is true? Is it really true that I am going to miscarry my baby? “No, I don’t think so.”
Can I absolutely know it is true this will happen and my baby will die? “No.”
How do I react when I think this thought? “In fear, scared and overwhelmed. I start to fear birth.”
Who would I be without this thought? “Trusting of this pregnancy and birth. I would know my baby and birth are going to go the way they are supposed to for me.”
Now, I turn it around. “My baby is healthy and strong. My body is perfect in growing my baby and knows how to birth.” Letting out a nice big deep breath now.
I am doing this will all the thoughts I have had this pregnancy.
Even when deep down, I know these thoughts are not true, I keep thinking them until I believe them. I am going to process them all through these simple questions and ‘love what is.’ I am looking forward to letting go of my attachments to these thoughts. Not only will I see things for what they are, but will have a sense of peace in these areas. I highly recommend ‘the Work‘ for all mamas, pregnant or not!