Supporting Women in All Birthing Choices

by Mrs. BWF on February 9, 2013

It has taken me about a year and a half of blogging to get to a place that I feel I am really doing this and that others see it too. I’ve always had this vision…to passionately share my views about childbirth and inform woman they have choices in how they birth, but not alienate anyone.

You have a few natural birthing communities that freak out at women who have interventions or cesarean sections. They exclaim the mother was not patient enough, strong enough or educated. When a mother shares a loss, they are shunned. Not always because other women want to hurt a loss mom, but because their own fears of loss in childbirth cause them to do so. Then you have ‘mainstream’ communities that say VBACing is dangerous! That if a mother cared for her child she would never birth at home and that home birth is for hippies.

There is a lack of knowledge, understanding and support on both sides. It has taken time, and a lot of criticism on all sides, but I think I am here. I think we are here. I think there is finally a true Birth Without Fear COMMUNITY coming together. A place where we all want to inform women that yes, they have choices in their births! A place that women can get support in the informed choices they do make, even if different from what we would do. A place ALL women can share their stories.

That is not becoming mainstream. That is not people pleasing. That is amazing! In our private support group, a woman announced tonight that she decided to have a repeat cesarean section and was on the way to the hospital to do so. Instead of other women asking her why or criticizing, she has received nothing but an out pour of love, understanding and support. Women share they are educated and informed and having a home birth and even if other women wouldn’t do that, they get support and understanding.

That is amazing.

I’ve had this vision since I started BWF. I have evolved. I have let my guard down. I have been open and communicated more. I have worked on finding a way to not lose my passion or my opinions, but also have more balance. To also support all women. Not every post I do will be for everyone. Not everyone will agree with every post I write or birth story I share. However, there is something for everyone.

I can and will still share different births from breech, to home twin births, to unassisted birth, to midwife assisted home or birth center birth, to hospital birth with midwives or doctors, to cesarean birth. No matter what I feel is best for me (or even you), I still think all birth should be celebrated. I believe all women should be supported.

We can share information, we can educate, we can inform women that they actually have choices. Then we support. When a woman is in labor and gives birth, why criticize? Why say, ‘How dare you share this?!’. It’s done. Having a child is a blessing. A pure and incredible blessing and no kind of birth takes that away.

A woman is beginning her motherhood and it should begin with love all around her. If a woman has a birth she sees as traumatic, no matter what kind of birth it is, give her support. If a woman chooses a different path that you would, remember it is HER journey. When you want to put a woman down, remember that if you want her to come to you with questions, be the person she wants to receive answers from.

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{ 76 comments… read them below or add one }

Kristin Gray March 14, 2012 at 11:42 pm

<3 LOVE THIS

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Linda J March 14, 2012 at 11:53 pm

So true. We all do the best we can with what we have, no matter what choice that is. I love your messages, photos and purity. I look forward to reading your posts everyday. I share all I can. Thank you for this beautiful post.

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Mrs. BWF March 14, 2012 at 11:58 pm

Thank you Linda!

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Gail Moggy March 15, 2012 at 12:00 am

I LOVE THIS “PLACE”, I love these WOMEN, the incredible Mamas that we are, the LOVING Mamas we choose to be. I LOVE IT ALL! YAY BWF!

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Lorraine Berry March 15, 2012 at 2:36 am

This blogpost says so perfectly what I believe (hope?!) is the “ethos” behind my (UK) Midwifery practice. I know I have my own personal bias as to what “type” of birth is ideal / good etc, but I also know that this vision is not what every woman sees as her “perfect” birth experience. I have to acknowledge that, support her and encourage her – empower her to have the type of birth that feels right to her / for her and her baby. We are all different, with different experiences, expectations, hopes and fears. We will all make different choices in the same / similar situations. There is no one “right” way to birth your baby – there is only what feels right for you, your baby and your family. IMO a “good” midwife informs, empowers and supports without judging to help women achieve a positive birthing experience, however, wherever that might be – its not always an easy task, but one worth striving to achieve.

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DAWN March 15, 2012 at 9:12 am

I have been a part of your community through one perfect pregnancy and since then the loss of twins and now the desire to try again. I want to support all women, but I find I have one problem. I can not get excited over upcoming births with interventions. I worry and want to see a great outcome. Once momma and baby are home safe then I get excited. I feel so guilty about this conflict of emotions.

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Robyn Welfring March 15, 2012 at 9:55 am

Your blog is helping me heal from the birth of my first baby 5 months ago. I planned a home birth with a midwife and doula and after 4 1/2 hrs of pushing I couldn’t get him out… We flew to the near by hospital I was to be transferred to in case of emergency and it was discovered by the midwives there that his head was acynclitic. He was stuck. I needed help. I needed intervention and thank God for it… It was not the gentle home birth I wanted, but he came out with suction. I felt like a failure for months. Having this loving, kind, supportive site to visit daily has helped my become joyful and proud. Keep up the loving kindness!

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SaraJM March 15, 2012 at 10:22 am

What we say or think about others is a reflection of how we speak or think about ourselves. I think it would be amazing to love myself enough to let go of all the judging I do to make myself feel better.
I think that all the passion and opinion we hold about birth is a testament to how our birth experiences transform us. We’re left with our feelings or triumph or failure, and where better to dump those feelings than on each other?
Thank you, Mrs. BWF, for this site and the opportunity it gives to everyone to hear and be heard.

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Erin March 15, 2012 at 10:48 am

You have changed/evolved and now your name no longer fits. I would suggest changing your blog name to something more appropriate. Maybe something like “Birth Support for All”.

I’ve been in the natural birth community for a decade now and finding places that truly do support women in their quest for birthing without fear is very hard. There’s so much fear everywhere. IME, nearly every community supports women who have a loss or end up with interventions/c-section/etc. Women do tend to ask why but I don’t think it’s done to criticize but to gain understanding.

Personally, I don’t care if women get epidurals, chose elective inductions, schedule c-sections, etc. I will high five them all day long — her body, her choice. And most of the world will high five them too. But when I am pregnant, I am looking for a unique type of support that is hard to find on the net or anywhere. In this society, those of us who take this narrow path, need this special support to overcome what we’ve been told our whole lives and still hear all around us. “Balance” is everywhere. You can’t birth without fear AND be “balanced”. You either birth without fear or you don’t. There’s no judgement there…there’s no right or wrong. Women choose their journey and I have no interest in judging a woman for the path she takes. I only have interest in finding support for the path less taken, that I believe gives me the best chance for a gentle unhindered birth. It’s hard to find.

I thought this was the place for support for that path but now it’s a support for all paths. That’s fine but now it’s harder for the pregnant women who need support the most, to find it. Now it’s more like any other birth page.

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Mrs. BWF March 15, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Erin, just because I am supportive and caring, does not mean I have lost my values and passion for natural, unmedicated, intervention birth (without fear). It does not mean there is not relative information or support for those of us on this narrow path. I will be keeping the same name. :)

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Demeter March 18, 2012 at 3:09 pm

I couldn’t disagree with you more, Erin. And thanks to the attitude provided in this virtual support space, it’s completely acceptable to do so.

The real issue, I think, is that I don’t understand two key points you’re making. The first being how, exactly, support for all births (or, to borrow from your lexicon, ‘balance’) is somehow mutually exclusive with supporting natural birth. The second is a bit more troubling, and maybe an unintentional implication, but nevertheless a very present one: why don’t women who will not or cannot have a natural birth experience deserve access to birthing without fear, both the philosophical movement and this virtual community?

Granted, my experience is different. I didn’t receive a lot of support initially when I decided on a natural birth, and I’d be lying if I said plain stubbornness didn’t somewhat undermine my determination to do it naturally. But I was also afraid. It took my entire pregnancy to warm up completely to what I had committed to, and I spent over half of my 28 hours in labor intervention-free at an amazing birth center which boasts a staggeringly impressive success rate, and surprisingly lower transfer rate. But the decision was made by me and the midwife to transfer to a local hospital, and to receive interventions once I arrived. And there too, I felt afraid, even with the support of my midwife. I worried.

The details beyond that don’t matter, though I’ll be glad to provide them should anyone ask. What does matter is that I felt afraid on both sides of the equation. And because of how wrong everything went with my birth (once again, on both sides of the equation) I live in fear of ever having another child.

Fear in pregnancy is natural and fear in motherhood is to be expected. But birthing should be an exception, and even as I work through my birth trauma, firmly committed to never having another child, there is a small part of me that hopes to one day be free of that. Not just for the me that wanted a birth to go a certain way and didn’t in so many different ways, but the me that has been judged by pro-intervention folks for not getting there fast enough and by anti-intervention folks for going at all. The assumption contained therein is always the same: that someone who wasn’t there knew better than I did, and it comes from a place of fear within them.

I support the movement within BWF, and the more comprehensive approach being favored here. The consequences of birthing with fear are dire regardless of whether one fears the epidural or the water tub, because the implications go so far beyond our own experiences.

Rock on, mamas. We’re all incredible.

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Rebekah August 7, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Erin,
I think you are misjudging what birthing without fear is. What ones woman’s fear is is not the same as another’s. For me, my first birth was traumatic, my 2nd pregnancy was traumatic and so I opted for a csection when it was suggested. When we were blessed withi a surprise baby #3, I probably would have opted for a rcs, except that a friend added me to the group when another momma asked a question about pregnancy with ehler danlos, or maybe lupus, of which I have both. I stuck around even though it wasn’t my cup of tea! But I listened. Then I even started commenting. Eventually I started asking questions. And despite being high risk, and not particularly minding my csection experience, I started thinking of a vbac! When I went further than expected, (my first 2 were born fairly large and pretty early) and then hospitalized with pre-e, I did not mind being induced in the LEAST. I know many of the mom as around here would find that to be absurd, but to me…. I totally birthed without fear. I was so excited to do it, even augmented, on my own with joy and excitement! And guess what? I love me some epidurals! I always joked I want them in the lobby! But when I was offered one when the induction started, I postponed it. Even maxed out on pitocin, with a foley bulb and magnesium and a catheter, I still refused it! I knew I could get it when I wanted, I just wanted to see what I could handle…. And I lasted 15 hours! (13 by choice, 2 more because the first epi didn’t take). I spent 13 hours at 4cm… Got my epi, grunted 3 times and was holding my beautiful amazing baby boy. After a birth where I pushed for 4+ hrs and had 70+ stitches and didn’t see my baby girl for hours, then a csection where they whisked my baby boy away and I didn’t hold him for 3 days, I did it. No tearing, smiling the whole time, skin to skin…. I got my beautiful, perfect birth. For me that is. But there was no fear, only elation.

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alex March 15, 2012 at 11:04 am

So beautifully written. Thank you.

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Amber March 15, 2012 at 4:31 pm

I have just come to this place, too – and it feels so good! Well written and beautiful.

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tara March 15, 2012 at 11:47 pm

I love this!

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Sheila March 18, 2012 at 6:17 pm

I came to this very revelation the other day. A friend of mine is pregnant and TERRIFIED of giving birth. Those of us who are moms in our group are all very naturally minded … so we’ve been giving her natural childbirth tips, etc. Then it finally clicked with me — she isn’t scared of interventions. She’s scared of natural childbirth. She said recently, “Why can’t they just knock me out and wake me up later to meet my baby?” So all of my “tips” are not touching her fear at all.

Though I would love her to make peace with her body and the birth process such that she WANTS a natural birth, I had to write her right away and say, “I hope you know that all of us will support you no matter what kind of birth you have. There is no such thing as ‘failure’ here. If you want every drug they have available, none of us are going to judge you!” I think, though I’m not positive, that this was the one thing she needed to hear to really be ready to give birth without being terrified.

Of course I’m hoping for the good news that she had an all-natural birth and felt empowered by it. But if she calls and says she had a c-section and felt empowered by it — then that is still good news. If she is able to birth without fear, it doesn’t matter exactly what path she took, now does it?

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Kathryn DiPalma March 18, 2012 at 8:29 pm

PERFECT! Perfect! Perfect!! This is exactly how I feel and I am constantly at odds with other doulas in the area. Thank you for confirming where my heart has always been and that it is right!
Bless you!!

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Twinkle Teacher March 20, 2012 at 2:11 pm

New to this beautiful site. I birthed both of our daughters at home, ages 5 and 2. And I still am consistently positively inspired by our decision to have them at home. It was one of those life changing decisions that lead me down one path instead of another in this and so many other wonderful ways. Cheers to you, Mrs. BWF and to all other moms as well.

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Morgaine March 20, 2012 at 11:19 pm

The most comfort Id ever recieved came from a midwife friend of mine. I was trying to tell her about how much I disliked my csection without being that person who is convinced that everyone was out to get me, and she told me that it was ok to be upset, bt that I wasnt a failure. I, in fact, made a great sacrifice as a mother by letting them cut me open while awake to give my child life.

My next birth will be a natural one, I hope. But this one counts too. It, in its own way, became a birth without fear, because as they pulled my son from my stomach and I heard his beautiful cry, I stopped being afraid that I wouldnt love him, stopped being afraid that my past and probably future with depression would affect me in such a way that I would be an unfit mother. Even with pitocin, an epidural, no food, laboring on my back for 18 hours, and a csection, I had a beautiful and enlightening moment. I realized how fully and truly I can love, and knew that for the rest of my life I will feed this little boy my soul so he can thrive.

THAT is a birth without fear.

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Sarah March 25, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Thank you for this! I stumbled across this site somehow and was really surprised when I read this. I am pregnant with our 5th child. I have had 4 planned inductions with epidurals, and 1 natural (only because she came on her own too quickly). I am NOT the natural type and am usually not a fan of “those types”…not because I think that there’s anything wrong with them, but because they usually think there’s something wrong with me! I did not enjoy the birth of my daughter (the one med free unplanned birth) nearly as much as the others. I was terrified! My fear had nothing to do with being uninformed or uneducated and everything to do with it was mind numbing painful, something I did not want to have to experience if I didn’t have to. No amount of breathing, moaning, water, or support would have changed that for me. I felt out of control and helpless as to what was happening to me. The other births still hurt, but it was just so much more controlled and calm. I hate being judged for that. I have the right to have the experience that I want just as much as the women who fight to be at home do…and I choose to be in a hospital with an IV. I don’t ever want anyone to look at me as if I’m an unfortunate example of todays society. We should all equally have the right to choose and should all be free of expectations. For the first time ever reading through a website like this, I feel relevant :)

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Shanon March 26, 2012 at 11:09 pm

I am so glad that BWF is the first and only birthing community I have been a part of. As a mother who had to have an emergency c-section I feel that I can share that without fear of ridicule or disapproval. I have seen stories that have inspired me and made me cry – with joy and sorrow! – and I will keep coming back. I look forward to being pregnant again if only to be all the more immersed in to this wonderful community. <3

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Rebecca Lee April 2, 2012 at 8:17 pm

I don’t have a problem with women who chose unnatural births because of medical reasons. However, I do have a problem who have unnatural births simply because they do not want to feel the pain. To me that is extremely selfish, especially when the benefits of natural birth are so plentiful.

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Mrs. BWF April 2, 2012 at 8:38 pm

I am 100% for natural childbirth. I fought hard for mine. However, this thinking…so black and white…is very narrow minded. I’m sure if my first birth was a wonderful natural birth, I might be judgmental like this too. For that reason, I am grateful I went through the struggles I did. I can be passionate about my beliefs, but humble enough to understand that other women are on their own journey.

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Heather April 2, 2012 at 8:22 pm

I really enjoyed reading this. I have to have a c-section next time and I have been a little worried about how people would think of me and my having done a homebirth first and then a c-section. Being able to read this made me feel more comfortable about my next child birth.

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MissKatherineA April 2, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Much love to you Mrs. BWF, I am thrilled to see you doing what you KNOW you are supposed to do. Nobody else can do it! xoxo

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Amy April 3, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Wonderful post! I am pleased to be joining you in this effort to celebrate and support every pregnancy, labor, and birth. By helping to give women and their families the knowledge to make informed decisions in birth, I hope to bridge the gaps between the medical and midwifery models of care, and between research and practice in birth care. Keep up the good work!

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My Friend the Midwife April 3, 2012 at 4:01 pm

What an incredible post. The meaning behind this post is why we started our blog “My Friend the Midwife”. To support all birth takes the biggest strength of all, so it’s quite the opposite of going mainstream. It’s going so against the norm that you have to let go of the fear of possibly being shunned by people from both sides. What you have written in this post and the stances you have taken on your site are “fearless” and show your strength and courage in loving all women for what THEY choose. Thank you Birth Without Fear for your courage and your beautiful work, never stop.

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Brandy April 3, 2012 at 9:35 pm

I am so looking forward to digging through this site. I had an awful experience with the birth of my first baby. I wanted a natural birth but I had zero support from the nurses since I came at shift change, and my husband and I were both terrified, and I felt chained to the bed with the monitor on one side and the iv on the other and my water had broken and I was having back labor and I panicked and begged for help because I just COULDN’T do it. And then, after the hurricane had died down my nurse, an amazing strong woman who might have been able to help me an hour earlier arrived. And she acted as my advocate and helped me through all those hours of labor. Then the Epi went off and I pushes for two hours. The dr (not my dr, but the one on call) gave me “three more pushes or CSection” and my baby boy was delivered with a vacuum assist. And I expected this vaginal birth to buy me that immediately bonding moment all mommies are supposed to have, but they whisked my new baby away from me with only a kiss on the cheek. I didn’t see him for 8 hrs. Not what I expected.
I wasn’t mad at the hospital or dr or nurses for this. I just hated myself for not being strong enough to do it without the Epi. If had, maybe I could have delivered without the vacuum? Or maybe he wouldn’t have needed to have his lungs checked and I would have gotten to hold him? Or maybe or maybe …
So with with my daughter I knew a little bit more. I knew I could walk around even if my water had broken (I honestly didn’t think I was allowed to make a mess the first time!). And it was going to be different! My water broke… And I walked and I tried everything the nurses suggested, but my labor never started on its own. 12 hrs later, they began to induce me and I gladly accepted the Epi again a bit later. And another 8 hrs later I had only dilated to 4cm. Baby’s heart was dropping with contractions. When my dr came to check me, he gave me more time and came back to check again. Offered to give me more time but said he thought we would end up with a CSection. Peace washed over me and I knew without a doubt it was the right choice for my baby. During the CS my dr found that my placenta had begun to tear during labor and later told me that had she dropped we likely would have been in a life or death situation. But the beauty of her birth… They swaddled her and handed her to daddy. I began to sob because I *knew* they were going to take her away from me. But they didn’t! They let me touch her and talk to be and kiss her while they stitched me up. They took her to the nursery for a few minutes but a lactation consultant brought her to me in the recovery room and helped me nurse her and snuggle her skin to skin. It was amazing.
And here I am wih my third baby due in Nov. absolutely terrified at the thought of a VBAC. But everything that I have found so far just makes me feel awful for even considering a planned CS! I’m so grateful to find this site. Hoping I can find some useful and guilt free information here.
My apologies for such a long post, but I am aching right now with the worry over this next delivery and seemed like it might be helpful to me to put my story out there. Work through it a bit.

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Jill April 13, 2012 at 12:29 am

Hi Mrs. BWF!
I love your site and miss it dearly. Will you include only birth issues not vaccines and homeschooling such where there is disagreement and even mild aggression displayed in the community? I really hope birth without fear is only about birth now.

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Mrs. BWF April 13, 2012 at 10:43 am

Hi Jill, Birth Without Fear is mostly about just that, however when I feel so inclined, I will touch on other parenting topics. :) Thank you for your support! ~January (Mrs. BWF)

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Marty April 29, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Thank you!!

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Amy April 29, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Well written and I think it need to be said. Sadly I think we judge to easy and we lay that judgement on others, often we do it for our own reasons and dont think about how it affects others. Everyone has the right to make their own choice on how the birth their child even if that means they don’t want to research options and none of us now how hard it was for that lady to make those choices. Often women judge themselves so we don’t need to add our own judgement on top of that

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Jessica April 29, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Great article, I gave birth via a c-section as my daughter and I became sick. I had a lady say to be “you dont know what it is like to have a baby” I cried and cried and cried… What right did she have to say that to me, I am scared of having number two… as i would like to have an elective C-section next time and wonder what comments I will face. I have the understanding that a baby born healthy is the most important thing in the world, does it really matter how it arrived in the world??

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Ann May 15, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Loved this article. Loved the support, because I agree, every birth is worth a celebration, no matter how the baby came to be born. The mom still became a mother. And the baby is a blessing. And every birth is unique.
I love the openness and I love that woman can come here for support. I wish I had that when I was pregnant with my first child. Keep writing.

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Brydie May 15, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Such a lovely piece. I am a doula in training and will be keeping these positive and encouraging words with me always, Thankyou!!!!!!!

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Tammy May 16, 2012 at 12:01 am

I wanted a natural, at home, water birth. Due to a heart defect, it wasn’t recommended. I was admitted to the hospital, where against all medical advice, I had a natural unmedicated birth. 59 minutes hard labor & 3 pushes and I had my youngest daughter on my chest. It wasn’t the home birth I wanted, but it was close. My doctor has even asked me to become an advocate for speaking up for what you want at the hospital. No other patient has ever said “this is what I want” & gotten it before.

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Lena July 14, 2012 at 9:56 pm

As someone who had a HBAC with my 3rd child after 41 weeks of pregnancy (it was not easy to wait!), I have a hard time supporting women in choosing an elective induction for non-medical reasons. I wish I could be open-minded & a good friend, but I just can’t stop myself from judging. I view them as selfish (“We are just so ready to meet this baby!” & “I am tired of being pregnant!” are just not good enough reasons to induce). Any tips on how I can stop being so bothered next time I hear, “I am getting induced on____”?

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Mrs. BWF July 14, 2012 at 10:11 pm

I understand your frustrations Lena, especially as a VBA2C mother myself. I just stop myself and remind myself that if I share they have choices and they still make choices I don’t agree with, that it is THEIR journey.

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Linda July 14, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Beautifully written.
Thank you for having an open heart and an open mind.
You’re blog is such a blessing to so many.
oxo

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Ashley September 19, 2012 at 8:06 pm

What a great post. Even I fell into the trap of judgement. I’m so passionate about birth. I studied and graduated from midwifery school. I fell in love with everything about natural birth. Then I gave birth to my own child, 3 1/2 weeks ago. A planned home birth that turned into a hospital birth–a choice I made after three days of intense back labor and pure exhaustion. Postpartum has been hard because I judge myself for going to the hospital. At times I feel ashamed…or that my fellow student-midwifes will think less of me. Therefore I’m caught in a loop of thinking less of myself. I believe my Son Josiah taught me a big lesson. He taught me to trust birth and respect birth…two of my mantra’s while pregnant. To trust birth is to trust that ALL women are making the right decisions for themselves. And to respect birth is to respect its unfolding to have no expectations… to follow your intuition and heart. -Ashley

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Miriam September 19, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Thank you BWF! This is perfect. I am so on board. As a doula, I will continue to share your community with my clients because I trust you to provide information without judgement. Continue your journey and thank you for being here!

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Cynthia Gabriel September 19, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Exactly! I wrote “Natural Hospital Birth” and sometimes people assume that means I am anti-homebirth. That’s ridiculous! I am pro-women-giving-birth-as-they-need-and-want-to with the best support possible. Every woman deserves FULL support. I believe that if all women were well-supported, the natural birth rate would go up dramatically, but, of course, we would still have cesareans. As a mom who has given birth to three children (two all-natural vaginal births and one very necessary c-section) I know that judging women for how they give birth only creates heartache. Support, support, educate, support!

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Mclean September 20, 2012 at 1:10 am

“…I still think all birth should be celebrated. I believe all women should be supported.” That is so powerful I love it. I feel the same way and have actually decided to become a doula because of that belief. Well and an empowered first birth of my own… :)

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Bethany October 16, 2012 at 3:04 pm

A birth of a child is a birth of a child and no matter how it’s done it’s always a beautiful and amazing thing! No woman should ever be ashamed of how they gave birth. We are all amazing no matter what!

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Stephanie Hanes October 16, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Thank you so much for this post and for this community. I only wish I had discovered it sooner. My first two births were traumatic experiences, but I knew I would never be comfortable with a home birth or even a birthing center. As much as the hospital setting brings fear to me after all I’ve experienced, it is also a place where I feel safe knowing there are resources readily available if something goes wrong. That being said, I also wanted to have a birth experience that was as much without interventions and pain medications as possible. I have a friend who is studying to be a doula and she was the biggest support to me – reminding me that I needed to trust my body and know what worked best for me – regardless of what others might say or think about my choices. In the end, while I didn’t have a completely drug free birth this time around, it was a much better experience that I have no regrets about. In fact, I am pretty proud of myself and what I accomplished this time around. :)

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Amy October 17, 2012 at 9:52 pm

How beautiful. You put my thoughts into words! We should never criticize another mother’s birthing choice. We should never call a pregnant woman “selfish” for choosing a birth that we do not agree with. Being pregnant, giving birth, and being a mother are the most self-less things a person can do. God Bless you!

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Sarah-Maria October 25, 2012 at 8:15 pm

WOW you are such an inspiration it is so nice to have someone who thinks so a a like to myself all your words are so incredible and how could one not agree with them all.

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Mrs. BWF October 25, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Thank you Sarah. :)

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Angela J January 28, 2013 at 5:12 pm

I disagree that there aren’t places out there that offer choices and do not alienate. I teach prenatal yoga, my class is part asana/pranayama and part education and discussion. The yoga path is about acceptance, love, letting go of the past, forgetting about the future and “what ifs”. In class we have discussions and there is always respect and love that override opinions. I am happy to have found your FB page and blog because I have had a difficult time finding other resources that have the same beliefs about being on your own path. We have these experiences for a reason, we are supposed to learn from them whether we consider them to be positive or negative ones.

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Miss B January 28, 2013 at 5:30 pm

I love your blog and views… I would love to say that I had a wonderful natural birth, but, the trauma caused to me after my baby was born has left me so deeply scarred that, I hate HATE anyone who tells women to go natural (even though they might not think it’s the right choice for them, as in my case) then choose’s to never have a baby naturally themselves… honestly I am so filled with hate and rage that as a woman you feel like you can’t make the right choice for you and your baby even if that means an elected C-section to which I wish no one questioned because you have obviously made the right choice for yourself…. hope it makes sense?

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Liv January 28, 2013 at 8:09 pm

Thank you so much for providing this space and supporting woman to birth without fear! I am great full!

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Supermama February 8, 2013 at 2:20 pm

You know since becoming an L&D nurse I have seen a LOT. A lot of women making decisions I don’t agree with for sure. I’ve definitely become much more understanding about these things. Childbirth is such a personal thing. I’ve seen women cry after giving birth because they are “ashamed, embarrassed and let down” that they didn’t have a baby vaginally or without drugs. That’s a really crappy way to feel after having your baby. It’s great to have a truly supportive place to go.
And I have felt that way myself…after 3 vaginal births, 2 without drugs, my plan was to have another dug free 4th birth and it ended up in CS. I was so upset for a long time, but in the end, I followed my instincts, I knew something was wrong and that’s what had to happen. All you can do is accept, move on and hopefully learn something.

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Carrie-Lynn February 8, 2013 at 7:05 pm

I am so happy you shared this, as a doula i feel all the time that women are pressured and criticized if they don’t birth the way birth attendants feel it should be. All i want to do is educate, give information so they can make informed decisions that are right for them. it isn’t my birth it is their’s, my job is to support, love, and show compassion and respect. Birth is amazing and if mom makes her own choices then she has a good experience, that is the ultimate goal

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bjb February 9, 2013 at 5:15 pm

Thank you ~ well said and I totally agree. Yes it’s about what is right for her. It’s her choice.
As a doula I hold that space for her.

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Mama To Three Little Birds February 9, 2013 at 9:17 pm

THIS, THIS, THIS!

I recently wrote a post on my blog about how I was still upset over my third son’s birth (HBA2C turned into repeat c/s), and “Dr” Amy took it upon herself to post the link in an anti-homebirth group on Facebook for everyone to bash. Needless to say, I received a lot of nasty and disrespectful comments, and was told how I should/n’t feel.

I’m glad I found BWF, because it’s helping me heal and get to a place where I can read and hear about natural birth (and birth in general!) and not feel that twinge of sadness as much.

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Mylinda Fine February 12, 2013 at 12:17 am

I think you have done an amazing job facilitating an environment where ALL women can feel supported in their birth choices while also educating and informing women about what is available to them. I have learned so much and feel much more comfortable this time around since finding your page. Thank you for all you do!

I was part of the BWF Support group on FB, but somehow I am not finding it anymore, and the link in this article does not take me to it. Is there some way I can be re-added?

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April February 20, 2013 at 11:10 pm

At first I was weary of the “support all births” idea, but after witnessing so much of the “reverse birthism” Nazi uc/crunchy “birth trusting” women totally attack women with other ideas during their birth (most recently a big ultrasound controversy). I totally support all UC women who have different ideas of what to do during their births. Yes, ultrasounds are dangerous, but if a woman wants to have ONE freaking u/s to make sure her baby is ok, and because she WANT TO KNOW THE SEX. JC – Give the chick a break! So I made a group for Facebook for UC’ers called the “Unassisted Pregnancy and Birth Safe House” for women who want to UC, and are tired of running into the alternative birth Nazis like my friends and I are. But obviously no one knows about us, so we don’t have many members, it owuld be great to be able to find more women who believe in UC’ing but aren’t ready to lose their prenatal care or still want to know the sex of their babies (not ready to commit to forgetting all technology).
Love your website!

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Scoopingitup April 10, 2013 at 11:23 pm

Thank you for this. You have created something amazing.

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