I Am Strong {Survival from an abusive relationship}

My name is Caroline, and I am strong, because at 20 I got pregnant with a man whom had physically and mentally abused me for over a year. He had hit me, kicked me and verbally abused me. The pregnancy was obviously unintended, and I didn’t find out until I was 4 months pregnant, because I kept having my period. As soon as I told the father, he responded by pushing me down the stairs and yelling at me.

I am strong because I decided to make the best of the situation, which was to keep my baby safe. I cut off all contact with my ex-boyfriend and he moved away. Even though he tried to contact me several times, begging for forgiveness, my mind was set. I am strong because I went to all scans, check-ups and tests alone or with my mom. I knew right from the start that this baby was the love of my life, and I was right.

At 16 weeks I found out I was carrying a girl – just what I had thought from the start 🙂 My mom was so supportive and she offered me to move in with her, she would even help me take care of my daughter, as if I had been in a relationship with the father.

I am strong because this pregnancy was hard for me. I gained 81 pounds, 55 of them being water. I was so swollen, my blood pressure was dangerously high, but until 41+4 weeks I got up every morning to go to university. I wanted a future for me and my child.

I am strong because the 20th of November, I visited my midwife for a check-up, because I was 41 +4 weeks pregnant. My test results showed signs of preeclampsia, and unfortunately I had to be induced. The 20th was also the birthday of my father, whom had passed away when I was 17 (he had stomach cancer).

I am strong because I got my pill at 10:30 in the morning, and when I woke up from a nap at 16:00, I heard a clicking sound, and yup- my water broke! I called the hospital, as I was told to do by my midwife, and they calmly told me, “honey, it’ll be HOURS before anything happens, come in for a check at 22:00 this evening”. So I ate dinner (which my mom made ” you need energy, trust me!”) and tried to relax as much as possible, but at 17:00, my contractions were so strong and happening every 2-3 minutes, that my mom had to call the hospital and they agreed that I should come in.

I am strong because me and my mom took a taxi and I had to hold my mom’s hand really hard during each contraction. We made it to the hospital and I was only 1-2 centimeters, so not exactly what I had hoped. I hadn’t made my mind up about epidurals at all; I wasn’t prepared for the amount of pain either.

I am strong because at 12:30 in night, I was 4 cm and they offered me an epidural. I wish I had had the courage to say no, but the pain was so unbearable that I said yes. The relief was instant. I slept for 4 hours with my mom by my side and when I woke up, I started to feel “pushy”.

I am strong because I told the midwife and she checked me; I was at 9.5 cm! I was so happy, that meant I would meet my daughter really soon! At 05:30 I began pushing actively, and unfortunately the epidural had worn off, so I could clearly feel the “ring of fire” and the pain, which was both amazing and unbearable. When her head was out, my mother and my midwife both said “woah,” because she began moving her head from side to side to get out easier. My mom held my legs and encouraged me every time I felt like giving up .

I am strong because at 05:56 my daughter was born. She was pink and so awake; simply perfect! Her Apgar score was the absolute highest. I am strong because she was placed on my chest, and she started moving her head around to start nursing, which she did, only 1 min after being born  She was 4.2 kg and 54 cm! What a big girl!

I am strong because we went home 4 hours after giving birth and today she is a happy almost 5 month old! I’m still in university doing my best to create a future and a life for me and my daughter. Here are some pictures of me and Rigmor, before she was born and up until she was 4,5 months 🙂  Love from Caroline, Rigmor and Grandma Charlotte.