Aquila’s Story

by Mrs. BWF on March 1, 2012

Liz and I ‘met’ online a year ago. Unfortunately it was not a good experience for either of us. Neither one of us understood where the other was coming from and it became heated very fast. My reactions were nothing short of ridiculous and full of hormones and emotions one might expect from a 10 month pregnant woman. I regret my actions. Over time, Liz and I finally let down our walls, started to believe each other, offered apologizes and gave forgiveness.

I share my thoughts with you first for two reasons. The first being that communication is only 30% of what is said. The rest can not be seen or heard (body language and tone). Communicating via the internet, while a wonderful tool, can go bad fast. Please be aware of this. Second, because I want to let others know that even if you feel wronged, attacked or hurt, there is always hope for healing and unity. I am regretful of my actions towards Liz and I am grateful she accepted my apologies. I am humbled by her generosity to do the same for me.  I have always believed Liz and Aquila’s story should be heard and am honored to share this brave family’s story here. ~Mrs. BWF

Aquila’s Story

My daughter died at my home birth from a combination of a severe Chorioamnionitis infection, followed by a complete placental abruption. Unfortunately my midwife, a Cpm with only 150 births under the belt, was completely unprepared and under trained for handling such severe complications. The midwife, Faith Beltz was found guilty of failing to transport by the Texas board for midwifery here, but unfortunately no lawyer would take our case, because Faith, like almost every other home birth midwife, does not carry malpractice insurance. This is Aquila’s story.

The week before: December 10th 2009

I went in the morning to the last bible study meeting of the year. About halfway through, I started getting contractions and feeling very cold. I left early, gathered kids and drove us home. I got home and could not make it past the couch, the contractions were bad and I was shivering. I called Gabe, and turned on the TV. I went up to take a hot shower. The hot water ran out after I had been in there for what seemed to be a very short time, but must have been quite long.I turned off the water, but could not stop shaking enough to get a towel. Just then Gabe came in the bathroom and wrapped me up in one. I remember my teeth were chattering like crazy.

We called Amy (best friend and doula) who came right over. This started the -fill the tub, bring labor tea, rub back labor support from both of them. Amy took my temp, which was over 102. She called the midwife – Faith Beltz, who came over soon after. By the time Faith got there the contractions had puttered out. She listened to fetal heart tones, which were 190-200. She said this was caused (probably) by the fever, and she wanted to make sure I did not have a bacterial infection. So, she drew blood for a CBC and left to take it in.

Four hours later the numbers were in. The numbers were confusing for Faith, so we went into the hospital. They decided I have a virus, not the flu, and that my Ketones were VERY high. This was caused by me getting dehydrated from the fever, and the high ketones where irritating my uterus, causing the contractions. They had me eat and drink, and the doctor offered an induction, which I said no thanks. He smiled and said it was fine with him, I should have a great home birth. I spent the next three days in bed recovering.

The Day Before: Dec 18th 2009

I was 3 days overdue and miserable, so I took Castor oil in the morning (2T). This produced it’s designed effect, but no contractions, but I was sure I would go into labor that night. I laid a water proof pad on my bed and went to sleep.

Labor: December 19th 2009

Midnight, on the dot, my eyes opened. I thought “Why am I awake?”. Then a I felt a pop, followed by a gush. I felt so relieved I had put down that pad! I waited for the gushes to subside so I could waddle to the bathroom and grab a pad. I texted Faith and Amy to tell them my water broke. I was having contractions every 5 minutes, and was very excited, so I played on the computer till about 4am. Then I decided that nothing much was happening, so I should try to sleep. surprisingly I fell right asleep and slept in till 6am.

A while after I awoke, I called Faith to check in, and went about my morning. By 11 am contractions are regular and Amy had come over, along with Yoshimi, a hair braider. I bounced on the birth ball while she braided my hair and told me about births in Japan. Amy and I joked.

11:45 am I called Faith to tell her I was getting in the tub because the contractions were too strong for me. We call the photographer Katie Jo who comes out to capture the labor and birth.

We also call my dear friend Bethany to watch the children (because they are coming in every few minutes to “check on me”).

Faith arrives at 2:15pm. Aquila’s heart tones are in the 170′s and my temp is almost 101. They all are trying to cool me off with cool cloths and tea. The pain is intense and when I check myself I cannot feel very much cervix. At around 3:45 everyone is out of the room except me and Faith. I pass three chunks into the tub. I pick them up to throw them away. They are blood clots, hard, gelatinous, and about 1-2 TB in size. (Faith records this in her notes as “bloody show”).

At this point Aquila’s hear tones are at or above 180 almost every time, but on the records it shows them as 170′s…

Faith checks me, because I am acting and feeling like I must be in transition- INTENSE, almost non-stop contractions, and “pushy” feelings, and retching from the the intensity. I am only 5-6. This is where I lost all calm and got scared. There was no way I could do this, and now Faith was wanting me to get out of the tub to try to cool me down. After getting out I notice I am dripping blood, which I show to Faith. I labor for some time out of the tub, and the contractions don’t ever stop. I remember saying, “They just don’t stop. They won’t let go!”

I start SCREAMING with every contraction. I say (at least three times), “I can’t do this. I want to go to the hospital. I want an epidural”

It is very important to note here that I said this at least ONE HOUR before we tried to transfer. An hour before she died. And in the birth records, Faith repeatedly states that I was refusing to transfer. She NEVER said “transfer” to me. She never said “emergency”, or “abruption”. This is backed up by the other 3 people at my birth.

Faith was not even in the room for me asking to go- she was gone out of the room for at least 20 minutes, on the phone.

When she gets back she check me on the bed. Still 5-6. When I get up the chux pad is stained the color of vomit. It perplexed me at the time, but later I figured out it was blood and meconium. In the birth records she states it was bloody show and clear fluid. At this point I say, “My mom had a baby die from an abruption”. Faith says nothing. Finally my husband and doula start dressing me to transfer, while Faith is packing her stuff. I realize how very far away the hospital really is…

Please pay close attention to these words…the hospital was 3 MINUTES from my house. But that means NOTHING when bad things are happening and you are in hard labor. It took at least 30 minutes to get to the car. 30 MINUTES. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you are safer than you are.

My contractions at this point were what is called Tetonic- never stopping. This is a huge red flag of an abruption. I could not take a step without a contraction. My doula at this point says to Faith, “Should we just call EMS? It will be faster than getting her dressed and downstairs?” Faith says no.

I make the most physically painful journey of my life down the hallway, downstairs, and out to the car, only to find Faith wants me to go in a different car than her. At the time this made no sense and still does not. Why would you leave the laboring woman to drive without a care provider?

As I am trying to climb into Amy’s passenger seat, I have the urge to go- you know the ‘I am about to push out this baby’ feeling? I make it back to the living room, where I yell for my son to get off the couch. Bethany herds them upstairs. I don’t even get my underwear off (those stretchy, post-birth, throw away ones). She slips out into my hands, completely limp, in a river of blood.

After birth: 5:30 pm December 19th 2009

Faith had packed up all her equipment, so she had nothing to even suction Aquila, so she was sucking blood out with her mouth. She yelled for someone to get her the bulb syringe and call 911. Her and Amy started CPR while I sat on the couch next to Aquila. I held her foot, limp and pale, and rubbed it. It took EMS 12 minutes to get there.

When they came in they took over with Aquila and Faith came and sat in front of me watching the paramedics work. I asked her if she (Aquila) could live after this long. She said, “She is not going to make it”.

I had strong pains. She asked if it was the placenta. I said yes as I pulled up a clot the size of a placenta (the birth records says it was a cup sized). Then I got pains again and passed the actual placenta. Faith’s records say I stopped bleeding after this, but I didn’t and she never checked my bleeding. She should have given me Pitocin.

Note here-they DO NOT Carry Pitocin in ambulances (at least they don’t in Austin TX). My paramedic also had NO IDEA how to do a uterus massage, so I bled all the way to hospital. I am so very lucky I did not die. A large percentage of mothers hemorrhage to death with an abruption bad enough to kill the baby.

Here is my second biggest regret of my life (second only to choosing home birth with a “hand’s off” midwife). The paramedics asked me where we should take Aquila. They suggested Dell Children’s Hospital, saying that they had a better NICU than the hospital 3 minutes away (later to find out this was not true). The said they would take me to Brakenridge, which they said would let Aquila come to me at that hospital- completely untrue..Brack and Dell were about 20 minutes from my house. Longer to bleed for me, longer to not be in a hospital for her (though I wish the would have called time of death at my house so I could have just had her with me).

We are put into separate ambulances. Gabe goes with her, Amy with me. When I get to the hospital, I end up passing out from blood loss. They do two manual extractions of clots to get my bleeding to slow. I find out after this that she has been declared dead and Gabe is coming to the hospital. Gabe ends up in the ER about an hour after getting there from a migraine (stress) that makes it hard to see. They give him a shot of morphine.

At this point I am freaking out because they are saying they cannot bring Aquila’s body from the other hospital- the only one who can pick her up is the medical examiner. Apparently, since she died at home they opened an investigation. At this point the med examiner was threatening an autopsy without our consent. I would not even be able to see my baby until days later, possibly after being cut up. This is part of my story I have never written, because it is the biggest nightmare. All I wanted was to hold my daughter, to see her and tell her goodbye. I never did. At least, not until 3 days later. She was cold and discolored from time. I spent those 3 days hyperventilating and sobbing. Not because she was dead. I could accept that,but because I could not even see her.

This is first time I saw her, at the funeral home.

We buried her 2 days before Christmas. I held my daughter in my arms during the service while she sobbed. My milk came in that day, throbbing, with no baby to feed. Every day I miss her……

Liz Paparella

Share/Bookmark

{ 91 comments… read them below or add one }

liz p March 1, 2012 at 2:01 pm

wonderful job! your intro is heartfelt and touching :)
thank you January!
liz

Reply

Shara March 1, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m crying for you & your loss.

Reply

Kelly March 1, 2012 at 2:22 pm

this is so touching, i couldn’t hold my tears. may this little angel rest in peace. my symapthy for you and your family.

Reply

Holly March 1, 2012 at 2:24 pm

She was absolutely beautiful, Liz. I am so very, very sorry for your loss. The tears are flowing……. :(

Reply

Crystal March 1, 2012 at 2:25 pm

I can’t even imagine your pain. I am so sorry for your loss and the events that followed.

Reply

claire March 1, 2012 at 2:25 pm

thank you for sharing this.

i am so so sorry for your loss.

Reply

Kit March 1, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Liz,
I have no words. I am so incredibly heartbroken for you. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I think it is one everyone should read. Not necessarily to scare them away from home birth, but to remind them to be incredibly cautious of their care providers, regardless of where and how the birth. I am so sorry this all happened to you, and devastated about your outcome.

Reply

diane March 1, 2012 at 2:27 pm

heartwrenching……..:( Im so sorry for your loss and how everything went down. I also had a placental abruption. Fortunately I was in a hospital and when they realized what was happening got in for a C-section immediately. when they got in there, they found the placenta folded over itself – 75% abrupted. It was only by God’s grace we were there. my intention was a fully unmdedicated birth, though at a hospital attended by the midwife. but I agreed for various reasons, though I believe now divinely ordained, to be induced. I went for 12 hrs with unending contractions before finally agreeing to an epidural. It was shortly after the epidural that I started bleeding heavily, and thus came the c-section. Im so thankful now that we were in the hospital on that day and not at home because we had a huge snowstorm w/ 10″ falling that evening that would have made a trip to the emergency room even more harrowing…….my baby girl and I were thankfully ok, but I realize just how close both of us were to dying. Thankyou for sharing your story, Im sorry it had to end in such devastating loss. God’s Peace upon you and your family……..

Reply

jenn March 1, 2012 at 2:28 pm

liz, thank you for sharing your birth story. there is much to be learned and felt from it. i appreciate it most because the worst fear was not losing your baby, but rather not holding her. this is a powerful acknowledgement of the neccesity for a mother to hold her child soon after birth. it isn`t a want, it is a need. i am deeply sorry for your family`s loss and send you prayers for healing and comfort.

Reply

Heather March 1, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Oh, Liz. Every time I read your story I end up sobbing. Aquila is beautiful, and I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing again, and thank you, Mrs. BWF, for being willing to put aside your differences and share Liz’s story on your site. I think it’s an important one for people to read.

Reply

Lisa March 1, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Liz I am so so sorry.. Words cant even describe.. The pain you must have felt and still feel is unimaginable. Thank you so much for sharing this with us- May God give you and your family comfort xxx

Reply

Christine J March 1, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Thank you, Liz, for sharing your story. I cannot think of words strong enough to convey my sorrow for your loss. You are a wonderfully brave woman for sharing such an event with the rest of world. I hope every woman who reads it is touched as I am. This has left a lasting impression. Again. Thank you.

Reply

Catherine S March 1, 2012 at 2:44 pm

My heart breaks for this mother, her baby, and her family. I am so, so sorry for their lack of care and this preventable death.

Reply

Maia March 1, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Liz,

Thank you for sharing your incredibly moving story. I can barely type through the tears. Your loss is overwhelming and it is the kind of story that truly makes me sit here and ask God why? Looking at the wonderfully moving pictures and seeing her perfect little head, it just doesn’t make sense. Praise God that you survived. Thank you for having the strength to share this with us – I am 25 weeks pregnant with my second child and planning a home birth. I live 3 minutes away from our nearest hospital and I had been taking that fact for granted – I am planning to talk to my midwife about these exact type of situations at our next visit. My attitude has changed, while not fearful – I’m realizing I need to be communicating more intently with my midwife. Thank you again – you are a strong woman and an inspiration.

Reply

Florence March 1, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Thank you for sharing Aquilla’s story.I am happy that the both of you were able to to find a middle ground, it will help many!

Reply

Charity Feb March 1, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Mrs. BWF and Liz, you both inspire me today. :)

Reply

Kyleen Sherwood March 1, 2012 at 2:57 pm

I sit here at my computer crying and aching for you. This is every mother’s worst nightmare. I am so so very sorry for your loss, and I commend you on your strength to be able to share your story. I pray that God continues to heal your heart and your family. <3

Reply

Erica W March 1, 2012 at 2:59 pm

I am so incredibly sorry for your devastating loss… thank you for sharing your story for others to read & learn from!! I had always said 1/2 jokingly (but admittedly, 1/2 not) I could UC if need be (if a MW didn’t make it in time & was not going to be able to get there STAT), but after having a complication w/a homebirth, I would only have a homebirth w/a fully licensed CNM. Had I been alone I would never have recognized the danger I was in. Reading your story further drives that point home & I hope that others feel the importance of having a qualified medical professional at their birth.

I prayed for you to somehow find peace with all you have been through… for your whole, beautiful family to find peace…somehow.

Aquila was a gorgeous, precious little girl! Again, I am so sorry for your pain & loss!! You are incredibly strong for sharing her story & opening your heart up for the world to read.

With much love & hugs from one mama to another!

Reply

Lisa March 1, 2012 at 3:00 pm

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious daughter. Thank you for sharing your story, hopefully we will all learn something from it.

Reply

Bevin March 1, 2012 at 3:03 pm

I am so sorry to this family for their loss. A similar thing happened to me. I went into the hospital, my water broke (a river of blood), doctors decided I had a placental abruption, and they waited (count them!) 10 hours before delivering my daughter via cesarean. She was so brain damaged she would never survive without machines. I got to spend 28 precious days with her before deciding it was time to let her go. My heart breaks hearing stories like this. Something must be done about these senseless healthcare providers!

Reply

Mrs. BWF March 1, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Bevin, I am so terribly sorry for you loss and that you went though what you did. I can not imagine doctors taking that route of action and what that must have been like for your family. (((hugs)))

Reply

Staceyjw March 1, 2012 at 6:53 pm

One of the saddest, and tragically avoidable, stories I have heard. Thanks for posting it, as painful as it is, it needs to be told. Her story is especially scary because Liz was LOW RISK, had done everything right, had other successful HBs, but still lost her dear baby due to provider negligence.

Sadly, this MW, who was found to be at fault by the MWery board in TX, was not just able to continue practicing, she even opened a birth center about a year later! If not for Liz and Gabes sharing of the story, I would never have known! I write this here simply to point out that it can be very hard to know who you are hiring! Buyer beware, as in most places, there is no way to know your HB MWs history, or their actual skill and educational level.

Reply

Mara March 1, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Im sobbing for your loss & suffering.
I will pray everyday for your healing.

Reply

Carissa March 1, 2012 at 3:28 pm

I am so sorry for your loss. This story has me in tears. This should never happen to anyone. My prayers are with you and your family. ((hugs))

Reply

Mel March 1, 2012 at 3:31 pm

I am so sorry for your loss, for so many missed opportunities (there were missed opportunities with my son too). I hope that the clear message from BWF and other places continues to encourage mummys to be to carry out their own research and ensure that they would be well cared for in an emergency. However, the worrying thing for me in your story is the point that you make about being 3 minutes from the hospital :( I am so sorry for the missed time with your baby. I passionately campaign for, and educate professionals into the importance of time in the early stages to make memories with your baby just after birth. It helped us to heal after we lost Finley.

Reply

Carrie March 1, 2012 at 3:40 pm

I had a similar experience with my 4th child, she was born to early and I held her alive for almost 4 hours till she passed, no one would attempt to save her as she was 23 weeks 2 days, just a few days shy of 24 weeks, the legal time for tyring to save a child then. My heart breaks hearing this and how you she never got to hold her baby. I held my daughter at the service also and have pictures. This is horrible and it is disheartening how this midwife did so many things worng and lied in the papers! It is just so sad, I am glad though that this word is out about this lady and I can only pray she does not have the chance to do this to anyone else after word spreads!

Reply

Fiona March 1, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Liz and January, thank you both so much for sharing this here. I have read Aquilas story many times on a few other blogs and each time I am touched by Liz sharing this and telling it so clearly. Such a deeply sad recounting of loss and gross negligence. Thank you so much Liz for being so proactive in ensuring Aquilas story is heard by as many as possible. I am so sorry for your loss, I cannot even begin to imagine the sorrow you and your family must feel. You tell her story with such truth and grace and she will never be forgotten. I think of her and you often and my heart reaches out to you across the world.

Reply

Stacy March 1, 2012 at 3:42 pm

I have no words to say, besides that I am so very sorry for your loss, and for the whole experience you had. Your daughter was beautiful.

Reply

Angela March 1, 2012 at 4:02 pm

This makes me so sad. I realize now how fortunate, how blessed I was to choose a “good” midwife. I did have a complication. Nothing like this though…..this is just horrid. I hope this midwife never practices again. To the family, may God grant you healing and forgiveness. My He give you beauty for ashes.

Reply

ethel March 1, 2012 at 4:10 pm

I am sitting here crying so hard for yiuross. I am sorry you had to go through that. I hope you have been able to heel emotionally and mentally from this tragedy. Thank u for sharing.

Reply

Lynneia March 1, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Liz I cannot stop the tears from streaming down my face. I’m so very sorry for your loss. I cannot even imagine. I do pray you get some justice. And that you and your family find peace.

Reply

Dana B. March 1, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Thank you for sharing this incredibly personal story. My prayers are with you and I hope you experience all the joy you deserve when you get to see you baby agin in the arms of Jesus. God bless!

Reply

Anita March 1, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Liz, I am so very sorry for your loss.

Reply

jodi March 1, 2012 at 5:57 pm

i too had placenta abruption, most scary thing ive ever dealt with…..my thoughts and prayers with you x0

Reply

Miriam March 1, 2012 at 5:58 pm

I am so sorry for your loss. Sitting here just stunned at what you had to go through. I hope your are healing from this tragedy and God is giving you some peace through this hard hard time.

Reply

Kristie Duren March 1, 2012 at 6:07 pm

9 years ago I was pregnate with my son, every thing was fine and going great. one day i started to bleed long story short i bled on and off for 1 month. The doctor never did anything about it. 6 weeks premature i have a placenta abruption, loss of blood no oxygen to the brain of the baby for 30 min, Doctor still does nothing. When a csection is finally done baby was pronounced dead, they told my husband they wanted to do an autopsy. When I finally come to after passing out from blood loss, I am told baby has only a 50% chance to make it over night. ( I wasnt told at this point they had pronounced him dead.) Sorten the story more My son is 9 years old and has cp we are so thankful one doector in the hospiat took over and didnt give up. We did sue the doctor everything went well. I pray for you and your family and your beautiful angel in Heaven.

Reply

Kathryn March 1, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Liz, I cannot begin to tell you how terribly sorry I am for the loss of your beautiful baby Aquila. I pray that you find the strength and courage to heal….

Reply

Jolee Burger March 1, 2012 at 9:01 pm

The words in Comments speak empathy, support and wisdom… Liz, please allow me to add to them my thanks in your sharing of this story, so heartfelt and raw. Peace be with you and your family. You honor us with the sharing of your daughter’s birth.

Reply

Ruthie March 1, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Oh Liz, my heart breaks for you. And that is *nothing* compared to your heartbreak. No mother should ever lose her child. I’m so intensely sorry for your loss.

PS I originally read your story over a year ago and think of Aquila every time I see a bird in the sky.

Reply

Sara March 1, 2012 at 11:29 pm

The picture of you holding your beautiful Aquila speaks a thousand words about the immeasurable love you have for her, and the horrible pain of losing her. You both deserved so much better and I am so sad and so sorry that your midwife’s incompetence and negligence robbed you of your baby, and stole Aquila’s life from her. She was beautiful.

Thank you BWF for sharing this story.

Reply

tara March 1, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Liz and Gabe…it’s unimaginable to me, the pain of this loss. Every time I read your story I cannot hold back the tears. It’s such a senseless tragedy and unbearable. Thank you both for being willing to share and thank you, Mrs.BWF, for posting it. God bless all of you. Tara

Reply

Cindy B March 2, 2012 at 3:25 am

Liz, I join these other women in acknowledging Aquila’s life and the loss that you and your family have experienced. *hugs* to you and the other women you represent. Blessings

Reply

Reannan Keene March 2, 2012 at 11:27 am

Oh mama, I am just sobbing here with you. I do not even have the words because there are none. I am so, so sorry for you and your family. I wish i could hug you and cry together. I am just so sorry.

Reply

Robin Baker March 2, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Nothing but love for you and your family. Thank you for sharing your story. Your sweet angel is beautiful. My deepest sympathy to you and your family…i am a fellow mama of loss. Stillborn twins on November 30, 2011. Much love and prayers for healing and peace. I am aching for you.

January, thank you. What a tremendous thing for you to do. I know how hard this all mustve been for you. You are a strong woman, i respect you greatly.

Reply

becky March 2, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m a trainee midwife and having people willing – and brave enough – to share stories like yours will help prevent this from happening in the future. I wish I could give you a big hug, but since I can’t, please know that my thoughts are with you and your family.

Reply

Allie March 2, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Thank you so much for being brave enough to share your story. I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of your sweet baby girl, and that you didnt get to hold her right away. I wish blessings and peace to your family.

Reply

Corinna March 2, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Oh Liz! I am just heartbroken for you. I can’t begin to adequately describe all the feelings of love, compassion, pain, aching, rage and sorrow I’m feeling for you. God bless you and your family in this tragedy. Your daughter is gorgeous and perfect. I know she is with God instead of here in your arms but that doesn’t make her less real. She is your baby. And I’m horrified that the treatment you received made her seem less than that. My niece, Grace, died two and a half years ago at birth and I know the struggles in a hospital with getting them to treat you decently.

Reply

Crowmama March 2, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Dar Liz,
You are brave. You are breathtaking, and you are a smart, and giving woman. Thank you for sharing your story as a lesson to all moms, doulas, and midwives. I think it is a tragedy in this country that midwives are not given the freedom to practice and not held to very high standards of practice. I believe that every midwife should have to do a rotation, (maybe up to a year,) in a hospital setting, not to drive them crazy, or change their minds about homebirth, much to the contrary, so they can see it all. Wouldn’t it change everything if the hospitals and midwives trusted each other enough to have this type of training, and then back up those midwives so they wouldn’t fear transfers?
I have been a doula for three years now, and I have been to a couple of births that went bad, the way yours did. It is scary, and the closest I have seen a healthy person get to death. When we choose an O.B,. or a midwife it must be understood that these are the people we are entrusting our lives to. You need someone touchy feely, and competent as hell.
Liz, I am so glad you are here to tell us your and Aquilla’s story, and heartbroken that she isn’t with you to assuage the grief of it.

Reply

Alisa West March 3, 2012 at 9:25 am

Crowmama, I am a little irritated with the comment about “making every midwife do a rotation (maybe up to a year) in a hospital. I don’t believe in making excuses for bad care, and it has been my experience bad care comes more from hospitals than midwives. I have been on both sides as a healthcare professional, so I know what they both look like from the inside. It is obvious that while what happened with precious Aquila should have never happened, we have heard at least 2 stories of the same on here that happened in a hospital. How many OB’s do you know that have done a round of clinicals at homebirths?? NONE. Most don’t even know what a natural birth without intervention looks like. I am not defending, only stating what needs to be considered.

Reply

M March 4, 2012 at 6:28 pm

“How many OB’s do you know that have done a round of clinicals at homebirths?? NONE. Most don’t even know what a natural birth without intervention looks like.”

Uh… Considering the multitude of patients that OBs see… I’m pretty sure they see a natural birth at least once a day.

Reply

Mrs. BWF March 5, 2012 at 1:24 pm

“Uh… Considering the multitude of patients that OBs see… I’m pretty sure they see a natural birth at least once a day.”

Not true.

Reply

Dorkusbalorkus October 13, 2012 at 4:14 pm

I know I’m late in replying, but I think maybe what crowmama was saying is that a round of clinicals in a hospital setting would help midwives see a bigger range of complications before experiencing them in the home setting. I can see how in the very least, they may learn the warning signs of some emergencies, which doesn’t seem like a bad thing to me. I have never thought bout requiring hospital experience, but I can now that might be useful. HB midwives typically see low risk women and may practice years before running into an unfortunate event like abruption. Perhaps seeing the “other side” of birth would help them better know what to look for when a situation is becoming an emergency. Book knowledge is one thing. Life experience is quite another.

Reply

Di March 3, 2012 at 1:58 am

This is so heartbreaking. I am so so so sorry what you’ve endured Liz and for the loss of your beautiful baby Aquila.
This story makes me mad that there are midwives like Faith out there practicing and putting mothers and babies in harms way as if it’s no big deal. I had my 2nd child at home with a very experienced midwife (over 1,000 births, no fatalities or injuries) and to think what if my story had ended like yours- I just can’t imagine.
I pray God will continue to heal your heart and your arms that must still ache to hold your Aquila.

Reply

Mrs. M March 3, 2012 at 9:17 am

I’m so sorry for your loss Liz and that your midwife did not transfer you at the first signs something was wrong. Although I find these types of stories so difficult to read, I’m glad you shared it. I do believe it will help women to be more cautious and careful of the care providers they choose. I can only think, from reading your story, that she did not have the knowledge of the sign/symptoms of what a PA looked like.

Reply

Andrea March 3, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Thank you!
You have opened your heart, soul and family to strangers so that others might not suffer though such a tragedy. Aquila lives on in each and every mothers heart who reads this heartbreaking loss!

Reply

Lana March 3, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Aquila is so beautiful and peaceful looking. Liz, you are one courageous mama. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope it is a small comfort to know others are weeping with you as you share the story of your baby’s short, but important life.

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: