This post is about birth and I am sharing it for all my friends who have babies or want to have babies and for their husbands who aren’t sure how to support their wife during pregnancy.
One day I will become a midwife because I want to help moms and dads bring their babies into the world just like I was able to do with Matthew. I want other moms to feel safe, educated, respected, and loved while they bring new life into their arms. In our country, we tend to keep mother’s in the dark, we tend to treat pregnancy like it is a “condition” instead of the natural process of a woman’s body. We don’t educate our mothers about how their body works and we don’t support them enough in their birthing decisions. I fell victim to this many times.
Every one of my six births was different. I was young when I had my first baby, Allison, and her birth was very traumatic for me. I had no idea what to expect or what my body was supposed to do. With my next two babies, I was coerced into major surgery for NO GOOD reason. I felt resentment and contempt for those births because I didn’t listen to my body, didn’t educate myself about what my body was capable of doing and I wasn’t supported by the medical community to birth my babies the way I wanted to.
I educated myself and found a supportive medical doctor for my next two births and was able to birth my babies the way I wanted. The problem was that I had to travel over three hours each way for all my prenatal appointments and the births. The local hospital here doesn’t support women giving birth vaginally after having a c-section, even though the data and the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecologists support the safety. Those two births were both hospital births where the medical providers supported my rights to birth my babies.
When I became pregnant with my last baby, Matthew, I knew right away I didn’t want to travel again to have him. I couldn’t have him in the local hospital without being forced into ANOTHER unnecessary surgery, so my option was to have him at home. I carefully vetted local midwives and found one I knew would support me during my pregnancy and delivery.
No, not all midwives are the same and again, you MUST educate yourself!
Matthew’s arrival was raw, beautiful and amazing. I delivered him in my own home where I felt safe, respected and loved. I had everyone I love with me supporting me and feeding me positive energy. Not one time did I ever doubt my decision because of all the absolute love I was surrounded by. I couldn’t have done this birth without the support of my incredible husband who told me from the beginning of this pregnancy we needed to do a home birth. He was more than 100% on board with delivering our baby at home. My midwife was competent and encouraged me and Matt to bring our baby into the world the way my body was meant to. She provided the knowledge and skill to ensure a safe delivery. All of my children were in the room when Matthew arrived and it warms my heart that they were part of such an incredible miracle that God blessed us with.
The kind of birth I had isn’t for everyone, and I respect that. But the message here is do what is right for you, educate yourself, surround yourself with love and support and your birth can be just as beautiful! Don’t let the medical community dictate your birth. Educate yourself about your body and know that YOU are in charge of how your baby is born!
Submitted by Tara Menza
Photography by Lauren Gross Photography.
So beautiful! And I must agree, not all midwives are the same. We are 8 weeks along on our first birth and naively we assumed that the local midwives would be of the same open, nurturing, holistic attitude, and we found two of the biggest services in town treating us like an HMO would – it was their way or no way and their choice of who would be our midwife, etc. One even started attacking me at the start of the informational meeting, demanding I defend my reasons for wanting a home birth and immediately listing off all the medical risk factors for me, an IVF mum, for having a home birth (not realizing I already had the research data, and that I knew how wrong her ‘facts’ were). It was so weird. Fortunately we found a wonderful fit in an independent midwife who we’ll be working with, but again, it was amazing to see how we were treated by some of the bigger midwiferies in town. Ugh.