Caitlyn shared this poem and picture about her stretch marks with BWF almost a year ago. It was received with love and appreciated by many. She now opens herself and writes this poem about post partum depression {PPD}. Many of you may be able to relate and feel that you are not alone.
The Hole
There’s a hole that sits within my chest
I cannot quite explain
for it’s just there and I’m not sure
exactly when it came.
Somedays it’s black and hollow
or it’s small and hard and tight
and others it’s not there at all
replaced by joy and light
I want to love each moment
as I watch you grow each day
but somedays I can’t find energy
to sit with you and play
From the moment you lift your lashes
to the time you fall asleep
I have to count each breath I take
so I don’t fall and weep
Each task becomes a struggle
and soon I fall behind
which only makes the guilt I feel
more present in my mind
But still I want the world to see
as I walk around with grace
pretending life is perfect
with a smile upon my face
when inside I might be crumbling,
tears just behind my eyes
anxious that my face might fail,
revealing my disguise.
I don’t want to feel broken
and I don’t want them to think
that just because I have this hole
I’m sitting on the brink.
“Please everyone, I’ll be alright
in time I’m sure it’s true
but for right now I need to know
that I can trust in you
to remember that this little hole,
too small and dark to see
does not take away the fact
that I am still ME
Because even with the bad days
my life is filled with joys
I get to spend each of my days
loving my two sweet boys.”
You make all of this worth it
you’re the reason for the light
which brings with it the happy days
and gets me through the night
That moment when I hold you close
and smell your sweet, soft hair
when I know I’m all you want and need
and you know that I’ll be there
when all the hurting goes away
as I hold you to my chest
to savor your sweet peacefulness
and forget all the rest.
Caitlyn Blake
November 25, 2012
Recommended Reading
Breaking Down Boxes – A Follow-up PPD Post!
Letting Women Know They Aren’t Alone
PPD, PTSD and Antenatal Depression: Nutrition and Research…What Helps?
A Mother Fights Through PPD After Induction and Cesarean Birth
Loving Everyone Else While Hating Myself {Updated}
My Story of PPD {Post Partum Depression}
BWF Inspiration for 2013
I am NOT Okay, and THAT’S Okay
Sweet Ellie-Boy- One Woman’s Successful Frank Breech Vaginal Hospital Birth
11 Comments
Audrey
This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
jane
Beautiful, bought tears to my eyes, bless you sweet mamma xx
Laurel
This is so lovely. Yesterday, and it feels like often lately, I have been feeling more like this than I care to admit. I have the best daughter in the world whom I love so so much. Some days are just harder than others.
Mama Queenly
That so beautifully summed it up. What a wonderful poem, really, thank you for sharing it with all of us. <3
Jess
Love this, so powerful. I have suffered from PPD as well which has inspired me to do extensive research on it while I’m in grad school including conducting a few studies and designing proposals to help bring PPD to light in the field of mental health and help women get through. Thanks for sharing this <3
Katie Smith
Thank you for having enough courage to share your beautiful poem. I’m battling with PPD myself, and it’s encouraging to find other women willing to talk about their stories. God bless you.
Sabrina Slonim
Thank you for sharing this poem. I suffer with moderate to sometimes severe depression in daily life. I also suffered through 2 post-partum periods in silence, for fear that my sweet joys would be taken from me and placed out of my home. With my second child I also experienced psychosis, which is when I sought professional help. If I had known that feeling so depressed was totally normal and not something that would have me locked away from my baby I feel I would have spoken out sooner. There needs to be more education about post-partum emotional issues and needs, for any health care provider and for mom.
Ashley B.
Again you wrote a poem that I wish I found right away. When you wrote/posted this poem PPD was just starting to really shows it’s ugly head. I have asked for help, but don’t get any, and there are very limited resources in my small town.
shelley
thank you so much for this blog…
finally i know after more than a year that im not crazy…
Kelsey M
This brought tears to my eyes–exactly what I needed to hear today. Where can I go for help?
Angela
This poem is beautiful! I showed this to my husband so he could better understand what I was feeling. Your words are very powerful! Thank you for being brave enough to share this.